Disclaimer: I do not own the Beverly Hillbillies or the Dukes of Hazard.
Somebody mentioned Beverly Hillbillies and Buffy, I wanted to write but nothing was coming to me on the other stories…so you're the victims of choice.
Xander had luckily been protected by his girlfriend from the excessive kindness of the Cordettes for a couple of weeks now. Willow and Buffy had seemed to adjust to the new couple, and had gone out to dinner a few times with the twosome. Willow had confided in Buffy that she was finally giving up on Xander, that it wasn't meant to be.
The Clampetts became known for walking their dogs around Sunnydale at around sunset, and the undead preferred to wait until later before considering a dine-out option, as several times many of their kind just didn't survive long.
School was going well, and at the dojo the two young people were making excellent progress in the Karate and Aikido lessons. Weekends found the young people at the country club, the Chases having made sure to offer the invitation to join as soon as Cordelia revealed she knew Alexander. So Cordelia at her parents' urging found herself shooting and riding horseback with them, but surprisingly getting along fine. Daisy ignored her or told her she was acting bitchy, and Xander told her that since no one was around she should be herself and just tell everybody else it's all a show for getting along with the people who could buy Sunnydale. Her mood changed completely to their side when 'hound dogs and hillbillies' once again rescued her, this time from Eric, Chris and being turned into a zombie.
The three of them were walking by the school office when Daisy all of a sudden shrieked in joy and ran over to a poorly dressed student.
"Sheila!" Daisy cried out, "You go to school here! Ohmigod! I do too!" Cordelia, Xander and Buffy all shrugged at each other as Snyder came out of his office and was about to say something until he saw Xander and went back into his office.
"Everybody! This is Sheila! Xander, she's like our fourth cousin or something from back home! Her mother's aunt's step-niece's brother is Uncle Jesse's first cousin, and her father is Jethro's niece's husband."
"Did that make any sense to you?" Buffy asked Cordelia through the teeth of a fake smile plastered on her face, receiving a similar façade and head-shake in return as Xander simply nodded, smiled and gave Sheila a 'howdy, cuz!'
"So Sheila, what're you up to?" Daisy asked with genuine enthusiasm.
"Nothing now, I was going off with a guy on a bike for now, meet ya later somewhere?"
"Yeah, there's that Bronze place some of the others go to, how 'bout there at seven?"
"Great, Daze, see ya there!"
"Wow!" the girl enthused, "We went to school together back home until the third grade, then she moved out here, wow."
Spike had thought the rants and raves about dogs and hunters in the night were just an excuse to not act as real vampires, and he'd run into no trouble the last coupla days when he'd go out at eleven for a bite to eat. Sure there was a slayer, a petite little blonde with some good moves, but nothing special.
Getting in with the locals had been easy, as the among the oldest of Aurelians he'd managed quite nicely, and now to hold their allegiance he was leading them on a little raid on the school before the main event on Saturday.
Xander missed having his family around, they'd left on Monday to get back to business and such, but knew he and Daisy were doing well enough in school that it wouldn't matter.
Daisy had insisted on helping Buffy and Sheila out with banners and school prep, Xander walking the dogs himself a couple hours later than usual, having completed his term papers early, as he approached the building to escort his girlfriend to their large and comparatively empty home.
Instead he found vampires, a bunch of them, about to hunt down and kill everyone in the school. Opening his coat, he pulled out his super soaker and cane, unleashing the hounds that scented the undead bodies.
The vampires charge in, but Xander's hounds are quickly on their heals, bringing down several before they can do great harm. Spike as he was about to go monologuing, was interrupted, allowing Buffy to help save Cordelia as Willow and Daisy started throwing heavy objects and a bowl of unsugared lemonade at the undead as people screamed (no doubt that lemonade without sugar was evil and would have no effect). Spike bugged out as the much talked about Hounds of Sunnydale came for him, he instead throwing Snyder in the way to confuse the beasts.
Joyce Summers had a moment ago been angry at her daughter, who now seemed to be fending off the aggressive individuals the Principal called gang members, when she saw a well-dressed young man that looked like Xander Harris charge into the room after the dos, stabbing people and causing a couple of them to burst into dust. Two such offenders charged over her, knocking her to the ground, one entangling legs as it tried to escape a cross Alexander. Joyce fell to the ground, wincing in pain and verged on passing out as suddenly dust was all over her and her daughter's young friend stop protectively over her, passionately but briefly kissing Buffy's new friend Daisy before Daisy began recalling the dogs with a whistle.
"Wha, What happened?" Joyce asked as the lights came back on and Snyder was charging over.
"Good thing Buffy Summers was here, Mr. Snyder, to once more scare off the gang members," Xander calmly directed at the man before he could start up, "If my Daisy had been harmed because of your lack of security, you'd never work in this State again and my lawyers would just be getting warmed up." Snyder stopped cold and went elsewhere to compensate.
"Ms. Summers, I don't know if you remember me—"
"Xander Harris, Buffy's friend right? Thank you for saving me from those…people."
"It's actually Xander Clampett now, ma'am," he said with a small smile, which grew wider as she made the connection, "And while I have you at a disadvantage, I have two things for you to consider, that your daughter is brave and really trying at school despite the personal obsession the Principal has for her, and I'm expecting you to give me a very favorable deal when Daisy and I ask you to help Cordelia, here, compromise on items that will decorate our place." He placed Joyce's arm on his crooked elbow, escorting out, "You see, we're country folk, but we're not all hound dogs and lawn dwarves, and we're going to ask Cordelia to keep things young enough, but Buffy's been talking up your gallery and we'd like to see what you have that might add a sense of appreciation of the arts at the same time."
Sheila, Buffy, Daisy, Cordelia, and Willow watched Xander maneuver Joyce out the door, calling back for Buffy to follow.
"Well," Sheila turned to Daisy, helping her with the dogs, snickering, "He may not have been born country, but he's sure something when it comes to shoveling it…"