Living with my Fate
Summary: Girls like me didn't keep secrets like this. I could never keep a secret longer than a day so everyone might be a little more than surprised that I kept a secret like this for more than nine years.
Chapter One: Admitting it to myself
I've always loved the saying "Live everyday like it's your last" of course a sorten best friend of mine never understood that. Maybe this year and last she started to understand when her Step-dad Mr. Simpson was diagnosed with Cancer. I wanted to tell her so bad that I understood how she felt and how Mr. Simpson felt but we were at a point in our friendship where I felt like I was pushing her away because I was scared of letting her in on the secret that I'd kept for so long.
I stared out my window and watched the rain. I remember doing this when I was little because I was too sick to play with the other kids just like I am today. Emma would come by and ask for me and I'd have my mom make an excuse. Every Summer I'd go to my family doctor in the Philippines and everyone would think It was just a summer visit with my extended family. It's been a daily routine since I found out I was sick, I was seven and I thought I caught the flu. Then later that year I found out it was worst much worst. I had Hepatocellular Carcinoma, a cancer in the Liver but I didn't want to be known as Manny Santos: The Girl with cancer, I didn't want people to feel sorry for me and I didn't want to feel sorry for myself.
Maybe not telling everyone was better for me for awhile I forgot about it. I forgot that I wouldn't live long enough to see my children graduate, the doctors said it was such a miracle that I lived to fifthteen. That I was so strong to go out and not feel bad for myself and live like a normal fifthteen year old girl. I knew that I wouldn't live that long but I had to live each day like it was my last maybe that's the reason I did some of the things I did though I'm not making excuses. I knew I couldn't have that baby, my grandmother was twenty-five when she had died of Liver Cancer and my mother was only three I didn't want that to happen to my daughter or son and I couldn't do that to Craig especially since I had found out that Craig mother had died of Cancer he had lost so much. I knew having that baby would be wrong and I just couldn't and the risks that were involved were not good either.
But when Craig told me that I was basically the biggest mistake he made me felt like I would die right then and there. I know I won't have a chance to find true love that's why I felt like Craig was that even though he'd hurt me time and time again. I think I made most of my decisions on thinking that today could be my last day living, The new look, wanting to be popular and not another face in the crowd, Going after Craig, Having the Abortion , everything . I lived longer than most with a cancer like mines and I'd say It's been a good life but I know my fate and I understand and I hope when I'm gone everyone will understand why I couldn't tell them.
"Manuela sweetie are you okay" My mother said coming into my room
"Yes I'm fine" I said breaking my glance from the window and now staring at the floor
"I know the doctor said…." My mother started but I looked at her not wanting to hear anymore
"I'm fine"
"Well Gavin and Emma have called a couple of times maybe you should give them a call maybe talk to Emma" She said placing her hand on my shoulder
"I can't"
"I understand that Snake has Cancer too she's dealing"
"So Emma's dealing with a lot this isn't the right time"
"When will be the right time you've hidden this for a long time I think she'd be hurt to know you didn't tell her and maybe it would help you"
"I told you I'm fine" I said raising my voice a little
"You need to tell her Manuela and what about Gavin" She asked lifting my head up to look at her
"They'll find out sooner or later" I said in a near whisper she looked close to tears "I'm tired I'm going to go to bed" Was all I could let out
"Alright but maybe…." She started
"Goodnight Mami" I said cutting her off
"Goodnight baby" My mom said kissing me on my forehead I watched her towards the door
"Please turn…"Before I could finish she turned off the lights and I could see her smile gleaming in the dark
I looked out the window then got up and climbed into my bed. My cell phone started to vibrate and I just looked at it, Spinner was calling again. I just added it to my other ten missed call today.
This is just the first chapter so please give it a chance this story will deal with Manny and her and everyone close to her dealing with her Cancer. Please r&r.