Hello all! Thank you so much to the two people who reviewed for chapter 4. Really made my day. :)

JLsNaley: Your welcome. Least I could do. I love your reviews! I would hate to be in Michelle's shoes. Well, really, I would hate to be in any of their shoes (lol), but that's life. So happy you're enjoying the story.

Sw33t Lavender: Yes, I'm glad Haley walking away from Jack made you happy. While he will play an important role in this story, he'll sort of fade a little as the story progresses. ;) Yes, naley coming up tomorrow.

Chapter 5:

Nathan knew he needed closure. He needed all the closure he could get. He had to learn to let go of Haley and his life in Tree Hill. He finally knew he was never getting it back. All his dreams, his wishes, his hopes, that somehow, their little group of friends would find their way back to each other and live happily ever after with fairytale lives that were too good to be true, were gone. Or, he knew they should be.

He just couldn't help clinging to the hope that somehow, it would all come together in the end. He knew he didn't deserve Haley, he didn't deserve any of them, but he especially didn't deserve Haley. Despite this, he couldn't help being angry that she was gone.

He knew he should focus on the life he had now, the one he'd made in California with a beautiful, sweet, wonderful girlfriend. But he just couldn't do it. Haley had let go. Why couldn't he?

He knew it wasn't as simple as he wanted it to be. To let go of something that had been such a big part of his life, of who he'd become, wasn't just a matter of wiping it from his hands. It would take time and it would take effort. It would take all he had just to keep from collapsing under the stress of trying to forget. But he had to do it, he knew, for himself and for everyone who'd grown to love him in spite of his faults and his unrelenting past.

As he stared out at the water from his perch on that infamous bench at the docks where he and Haley had congregated for many a study session, he could feel part of his past ebb away with the tide and knew that he was beginning the long process of putting the past behind him. It would be a long and difficult road. He could only hope the results would be worth it.

Part of him felt that they wouldn't be. He could never completely let go of the people and experiences burned in his memory, stored in his heart, but he had to try.

He decided that he wouldn't let what Haley had done to him ruin what he was doing now. He would fix his relationship with Michelle. For, even if he couldn't love her, he could at least show her half the affection she showed him. He could keep her close and not let her go as he'd made the mistake of doing with Haley. Because he knew this was the closest he'd get to the form of heaven he'd found in Haley.

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Her tears wouldn't be stopped. After everything she'd been through, she never thought she'd find a release in her tears. But crying had a sort of surreal calming effect on her; everything seemed to fall into perspective every time she finished another of her weepy episodes.

She'd known for some time now that her life was broken; that she was broken. What she was starting to understand, though she desperately didn't want to, was that no one could fix it now. She'd put herself back in a lonely position when she'd decided to walk out on the one true love of her life. The only person who could piece her back together was the one whose love she'd thrown away.

I wanted you to know
That I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain…… away
I keep your photographAnd I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

She wished, for the thousandth time since that fateful day three years ago, that she could take back her actions, that she could be back in Nathan's arms where she felt safe and warm and loved. He had made her feel so protected.

Now, the only one left to protect her in these, her weakest moments, was herself. She was broken and there was no one left to help her. She'd turned down the help of so many who'd been willing to do anything for her simply by walking out a door.

Now, she was completely alone. For the first time in her life, she didn't even have the comfort of knowing the people who cared about her were just a phone call away. She knew that, should she choose to call them now, after her three year absence, she would only be greeted with hostility.

And honestly, she didn't blame them. She only wished there were someone, anyone, to take the pain away.

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away
You don't feel me here…… anymore

They had undoubtedly forgotten her, buried the memories of her beneath a collection of more recent, happier ones. She was still there, but she'd been replaced. And the thought killed her. But she knew that after what she'd done, she had no right to ask for anything more. It was easier for them to just forget.

She wished she could do the same. But they were still surrounded by people who loved them, who cared for them, while she was left with no one to comfort her; the one who needed their loving arms the most was the one out of their reach; the untouchable one.

She knew it was of her own doing. If she hadn't tried to be so noble; so righteous, she could be there with them now, having a whole support group, a safety net if you will, to catch her when she fell.

Looking back now, she couldn't even begin to fathom how she could've been so careless with their feelings. She knew how she must've looked to them; callused, cool, insensitive. But there was nothing she could do to sway their opinions now. And if she returned, she would only bring to the surface their painful memories of her, making them resent her all the more for everything she'd inflicted on them.

She'd chosen them, only to leave them a few years later. She knew they could never forgive her. She could only long for their loving embrace again, knowing she could never succeed in wishing it into existence, but nevertheless trying.

The worst is over now
And we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn
And no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

She understood that Jack couldn't offer the same kind of solace they could, he couldn't take away her pain, he couldn't make her believe it would all be OK when it wouldn't, but he could at least make her forget it all for awhile.

Hoping she remembered how to get to his house and praying that he hadn't moved, she caught a cab and gave the address. Staring out at the sights passing her by, the lights and the busy streets that were New York, she remembered how she'd felt when she'd left to go back to Tree Hill.

Though she hadn't wanted to go and though she'd felt a pang of sorrow at leaving her home of the last three years behind, she had also been unable to help feeling a little relieved, as though she was finally free of the life that had trapped her here. She wanted to remember that feeling forever, but the memory of it was quickly fading. She caught a fleeting glimpse of it sometimes, a shadow of it, but it was slipping from her grasp.

It was slowly being replaced by something which was hard for her to describe. It was a feeling of dread, a premonition, perhaps. She wasn't quite sure what it was, but it was telling her she shouldn't be back here, that nothing good could come of it. But there was nothing she could do about it now.

She could only watch her life slip from her hands back into Jack's, where she knew it would be treated as a toy, a puppet. He wouldn't take her feelings into consideration. She wasn't supposed to have any. Her heart broke a little more at the thought.

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

She couldn't even begin to count the number of times she died a little each day. The number of times she broke a little more. The cracks were too numerous to count.

This was all she could think about as the cab carried her closer and closer to Jack and, she had a feeling, impending doom. When she was younger, her parents had always trained her to believe that guys like Jack were trouble, that they would only bring misery to her life. She supposed they had been right.

It didn't change their appeal though. She couldn't help feeling attracted to guys like him. He was different from anything she'd ever known. She'd associated with too many men to count and not one of them had been remotely similar to Jack.

He was quite a character, not afraid to share his radical ideas with anyone who would listen, letting rejection roll right off his back, pretending it had never happened. He'd seen so much, was so more experienced than her, she'd let him convince her she was safer under his wing. There was so much he could offer her. But there was one thing he couldn't.

He could never take away her pain, he could never comfort her. He could never love her. She could feel tears welling up. She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to suppress them.

Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

The cab stopped in front of Jack''s house and she waited a minute before getting out. She didn't know how long she stood in front of the door, debating her next move, before she knocked loudly. When there was no response, she knocked harder and rang the doorbell at the same time.

Finally, the door flew open, revealing a disheveled, groggy, sleepy Jack. "It's 2am. Who are you and what the hell do you want?" He asked grumpily.

"Jack?" she whispered uncertainly.

He was awake instantly, rubbing his eyes and ushering her inside. He laughed lightly. "I didn't expect you to show up here so soon."

She rolled her eyes. "You can stop now. Just admit you knew I would be here and be done with it."

He grinned smugly. "Well, if you insist……"

She laughed. "Jackass." She slugged his arm playfully.

They just stood in awkward silence for a few seconds before he cleared his throat. "So, why'd you come?"

She sighed, looking anywhere but at him. "Well, I did a lot of thinking and I still haven't decided whether I like all these ideas of yours, but I need something to take my mind off everything."

He backed her against the wall. "Any way I can help?"

She smiled. "There might be one thing."

He lowered his lips to hers, helping her forget, for just a night, about everything she couldn't escape from.

Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone…… away

You're gone away
You don't feel me here…… anymore

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So, if I get a couple reviews, I'll post chapter 6 tonight. And I will do my best to get an earlier start tomorrow in order to get more updates out. Hope you guys liked and it has been definitely decided, the actual Nathan/Haley meeting will be in chapter 8. I know it's hard, but just three more chapters to go. And trust me, it's worth waiting for...