Holding On To Letting Go Chapter 6, an one tree hill fanfic

Hey y'all! So, I have yet to recieve any reviews for chapter 5, but I did promise chapter 6 tonight and I still feel so incredibly horrible about not giving any realy naley yet :( so I'm updating. I hope you enjoy this one and there are many more updates to come tomorrow.

Chapter 6:

Jack Summers had a horrible history, a past so full of such unbelievable tragedy, to hear him tell the tale would send your mind reeling. It was a trail of broken hearts, of roads that led to nothing but destructive ends. He had boxed up all the memories of his childhood, his adolescence and had sworn never to think of them. Now, it was finally time to reopen that box, to visit the past.

Reminding himself was the only thing he knew would keep him from giving in to the sweet temptation of Haley. He could barely make out the features of her face in the shadows of the early morning and had to refrain from smiling at the events of last night. She lay, sleeping peacefully. He hadn't been able to rest. He lay next to her now, his gaze flitting around the room as he allowed the memories to consume him.

He remembered his younger days, when, different in so many ways from other children his age, he was an outcast with no friends. He was constantly made fun of; always ridiculed. He was always wishing his life were different. He couldn't understand why every possible horrid thing seemed to happen to him.

He grew up in a small town in Wisconsin, where, contrary to what others believed, the small town was full of its own problems.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

He could remember the day his younger brother died, shot on the streets by a raving lunatic. He died instantly after taking a bullet to the head, but his memories lived on still, now surfacing for Jack to explore them as he hadn't in years.

He remembered the day Robbie was born. He'd been five and not at all welcoming toward the intrusion that took the attention away from him. But, he had slowly grown to love Robbie as they shared one common bond. They were the brothers of abusive parents, their mother a druggie, their father an alcoholic.

Their childhoods weren't pretty, what with strangers constantly ringing their doorbell with more "packages for Mrs. Summers" and with their father constantly stumbling drunkenly into the house, beating them to the point their bruised faces were barely recognizable. He remembered hiding with Robbie in the room they shared after each beating, harboring various scrapes and cuts, nursing their own injuries until they were only scars. Scars that never faded.

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

One day, another strange drug dealer had come to the door, this time forcing his way inside and dragging their mother out into a waiting car, kicking and screaming the whole way. Their father had been furious to learn that the boys hadn't stopped the man when he arrived at the door. They should've known something was off about him, he argued.

No you don't know what it's likeWhen nothing feels alright
No you don't know what it's like to be like me

Their father spent months searching for their mother. They were gripped with sorrow. Though she hadn't been the most exemplary mother figure, she'd done the best she could under the circumstances, and try as they might, they couldn't stop themselves from loving her.

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Three months after the kidnapping, a woman in her forties was found dead on the side of the road. She was identified as Emily Summers, wife of John Summers and mother of Robbie and Jack Summers. When the news came through, their father was beyond devastated.

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over

He drunk himself into a stupor every day, never knowing where he was or who he was with. Robbie and Jack had done their best to care for him, but it had been so difficult. John Summers had attempted to drink away his pain, always vomiting up whatever food he'd managed to choke down, leaving his two sons to clean it up.

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big, fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

One cold, yet eerily bright morning, Jack found him dead in his chair, a half empty bottle of beer clasped loosely in his hand. His heart had just simply stopped, stressed too much by his grief and unhealthy habit of drinking.

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
No you don't know what it's like to be like me

They buried him a few weeks later and were left to fend for themselves.

Two months later, Robbie was out grocery shopping and, on his way home, was stopped by a man shouting incoherently. When Robbie tried to sidestep him, the man pulled out a gun and shot him in the head, killing him. Or, at least, that's what the investigators said.

After his brother's death, Jack had fled to New York, trying to outrun all his horrible memories in Wisconsin, trying to leave them behind. He resolved then that he would find a way to keep himself from harm, whatever it took. He would make himself numb in any way he could.

This pact was broken as he fell in love for the first time and promptly found his girlfriend (aforementioned lover) in bed with someone else. She'd come crawling back to him, begging for his forgiveness and he'd relented, only to find that she was pregnant with someone's child and was planning to make it look as though it were his. She only wanted his money. He finally kicked her to the curb, thinking he'd learned his lesson.

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be OK

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
No you don't know what it''s like
What it's like

Apparently, he hadn't for mere weeks later, he fell in love again, this time with a woman 15 years his senior, making her in her thirties. They were exposed as being in a sexual relationship and there had been a messy trial in which there had been too much evidence compiled against them to possibly win. In the end, she was carted off the jail.

After that, Jack was left alone in the world with no family, homeless, jobless, friendless. He didn't have a single person to rely on and no ideas as to what he should do next. Over the course of the next few years, he slowly pulled his life back together, or as best he could under the circumstances. He enrolled himself in high school just for kicks and it never disappointed.

He became involved in drug dealing and grew to be quite skillful at it, making a more than decent living. He could still remember the first time he'd ever gotten high himself. One of his customers had offered him some and he had agreed to it, afraid of what would happen should he not. From then on, it was an addiction. He couldn't seem to get enough of them until, finally, they consumed him.

He began preaching his lunatic ideas to others about saving yourself from being hurt and drawing people in one by one. In the short few years that followed, he had his share of heartbreaks, but, as he looked back now, he knew they'd been mistakes, ones he'd learned from, that he'd grown stronger from. And in a way, he was glad for that.

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around

The day he first saw Haley, she was in 8th grade and so was he. However, she was 13 while he was 19, having stayed back in the same grade for many years. He could still remember the night he'd taken her virginity. It was a sweet victory, to take something so precious from someone so pure, and he knew he would always remember it.

Then, came the day he was arrested. They (the Skulls) had gotten high in the gym late at night so many times before, they tossed all caution to the wind, which turned out to be their biggest mistake. Police rushed into the middle school gymnasium, surrounding and handcuffing them.

To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Those long three years in prison had been agonizing; excruciating. He was so relieved the day he was finally let out on parole. It was the greatest day of his life. He spent the next 6 years, bringing himself back together and settling once again into a life of crime, drug trafficking. He even smuggled some into the country from outside sources occasionally. He was one of the few who had managed to never be caught.

Welcome to my life

Then came the day he decided to contact Haley. He hadn't thought much about her since the day she sent him packing, but he knew he needed to win her back to his side, to convince her of what he had originally intended to convince her of. So, he tracked her down. It wasn't too difficult a job since one of his customers taught him about hacking into computers. He then sent her a letter asking her to meet up with him, saying it was very urgent.

Welcome to my life

He had somehow known she would come. He didn't know how he knew it, but he was positive she would heed his message. And she did. Now, he was being given a second chance at saving her, at making her believe. But did he really want to?

Welcome to my life

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Nathan waited impatiently as the phone rang, waiting for someone to answer. Frustrated, he almost hung up until, finally, someone picked up. "Hello?"

"Is Tim there?" Nathan asked, not bothering with formalities.

"Sure." He heard the guy yelling Tim's name.
Then, Tim's voice came over the line. "Hello?" he said uncertainly.

Nathan chuckled. 'Guess he doesn't get many callers,' he thought. "Hey, it's Nathan."

"Nate!" Nathan could hear the warmth in his voice and it gladdened him. It made him feel better to know that, after all these years, he and Tim were still best friends, or at least in Tim's eyes. Again, Nathan chuckled at the thought.

"Hey, just calling to see what's up with you."

"Nothing much. But since when am I ever up to something?" Tim tried to make a joke of it.

Nathan laughed good-naturedly.

For the next few hours, they just talked, catching up on each others lives. Nathan knew it was odd, he'd never talked to anyone who wasn't a girlfriend for this long, let alone Tim, but he just couldn't be alone right now. "Hang on," Tim said. He groaned into the phone. "Listen, Nate, I gotta go, but why don't you come visit soon? Hey! You could come down for Christmas cause knowing you, you're gonna be spending it at home alone, drunk off your ass, wondering where everybody went."

Nathan laughed. "Well, you know, Tim, I would, but you see, I have this girlfriend named Michelle and I kind of promised her I'd spend Christmas with her."

"Oh, ok." Tim sounded so disappointed and Nathan hated to think he'd made him sad when they'd just begin to re-cement their friendship.

"Hey, Tim, I can't get away the rest of this year, but if you want, I could come down next Christmas."

Tim brightened considerably. "Sure, and you know, I have to meet this girlfriend of yours, so bring her along too. Hey, who knows? Maybe I'll even have found myself a girlfriend by then."

"Doubt it," Nathan grinned.

"I'm insulted," Tim muttered back and hung up.

Nathan laughed, knowing he didn't mean anything by it.

He was glad for the chance to go meet up with Tim next year at Christmas. He knew he wouldn't be spending any more Christmas-es with his family any time soon. They weren't on very good terms. Deb and Dan's divorce had finally gone through and they both still lived in Tree Hill, though Deb had bought her own place and they had mutually agreed to give the beach house to Nathan. Dan had lost contact with both Nathan and Deb over the year and, while Nathan tried to keep in touch with his mom, their relationship was so strained, they finally gave up trying to hold it together.

So, he would go to Tim's for Christmas next year and he would bring Michelle. That is, if they were still together. He immediately reprimanded himself for the thought. Of course they would be. He would make sure of that. He couldn't lose the one substantial relationship he'd had since Haley. He refused to.

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Haley had run out of the apartment as soon as she awoke to hear the shower running, wanting to escape without any awkwardness. After their night together, she saw things from a clearer perspective.

It was almost as though she'd let go of all her childish hopes and dreams of her life magically falling back into place. She had, for the most part, come to accept the reality. She'd come to accept the reality that the people she still loved, still cared for, weren't hers anymore.

And she finally understood that they had stopped looking for her a long time ago. There would be no more searching for her, no one would try to follow her any longer. She'd given them no hope of her ever returning, knowing it was for the best that they came to terms with it, but hoping they didn't. And now they had. And she couldn't remember ever feeling so lost.

They had their own lives now; their own dreams; none of which included her. That's what she needed too. When she'd left, she'd assumed it would be a clean break; that she could just cut loose from them and be done with it. She thought if anything, they would have trouble letting her go.

But, ironically, they had forgotten her, while she was left, trying to not hold on any longer, but failing miserably. She hated that it had to be so hard. But after the night before, she knew she needed to pull it together. She had to start living again. Whether she chose to accept Jack's beliefs or not, she had to let go of them or she would allow them to control her life forever. She couldn't relinquish control over her own life. It was the only constant she had left.

And now, she was leaving, going back to college. She still had almost two weeks left of break, but she didn't know if she could handle staying here for another day, much less the rest of break. She didn't want to face Jack, she didn't want to face her past, she didn't want to face any of it. So she was leaving early and she wouldn't say goodbye to anyone. She wouldn't say goodbye to Jack, she wouldn't say goodbye to what he'd taught her, she refused to say goodbye.

The one thing she would be saying goodbye to was her past. It was something she knew she had to leave behind.

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Well, chapters 7 and 8 at least will be up tomorrow, probably 9 and maybe 10 as well. Depends on how good you guys are. So be on your best behavior and review. :) Again, I apologize for lack of any substantial naley. I promise you it is coming shortly. The meeting will finally come in chapter 8, which will be up as soon as I can post it. Still one more chapter before it, but just one. And be prepared forthe first plot twist in the next chapter... and yes, it is involving a certain relationship...

I will say no more and leave you guys thinking of every possibility and desperately wishing I had clarified. Not to worry... you will find out soon enough...