Disclaimer: Still hers not mine.

Thanks to reviewers but please can I have some more? Apologies to those who don't like Harry having such a hard time but that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Trying to Live

by Willowcharm

Chapter 9: Christmas Day

Harry felt the arm around his shoulder tense. Professor Snape's eyebrows rose slightly on seeing the two older boys as well as Harry but he wasted no time in commenting on them.

'The headmaster wishes to speak with you in his study, Potter. Come.'

'I don't want to see him.' Harry's resentment toward the old man which had been smouldering for much of his young life was quickly growing into hate. He could not believe how he had chatted so cheerily about Quirrrel and Voldemort when he had known that Harry's world was about to be shattered. Snape might be horrible and unfair but at least he wasn't like Dumbledore.

'Mr Potter, the matter is not up for negotiation. Follow me.' Snape turned toward the door, totally ignoring the presence of the twins and after a last brief hug from Fred, Harry followed. After a few minutes they arrived at a stone gargoyle which stepped aside when Snape snapped 'Sherbert Lemon' at it. A quick trip up a moving Spiral staircase and they were at a heavy wooden door. The potions master rapped sharply and pushed the door open , motioning for Harry to enter.

'Ah, thank you Severus. Now, Harry, I believe we need to discuss a few things, including your guardianship, for one. Yes, Severus, you may go.' Dumbledore gave Snape permission for the thing he was in the very process of doing anyway.

'No! Please don't leave me alone with him!' Harry went red at the thought of whining like a five year old to Snape, but much as he hated him, he couldn't bear the thought of being alone with the headmaster. Although he doubted that Snape would want to stay. But Dumbledore settled the matter.

'Actually, Severus, perhaps as Harry's head of house you should stay to support him in his time of trouble. Do take a seat. You too, Harry.'

Harry sat in the nearest chair. He felt like cringing. He could not imagine Snape wanting to 'support' the one student in his house whom he hated. And from his expression, Snape was thinking along the same lines as he reluctantly turned away from the door and took a seat. But now the headmaster's first words were beginning to penetrate Harry's brain.

'Professor, Sirius and Remus are my guardians now. Dad told me that if anything ever happened to him then they would take care of me.'

'Harry,' began the headmaster sadly. 'I'm afraid things are not a simple as that. You see, Sirius was not as good as friend of your father's as we had all thought. Other than myself he was the only person who knew of your father's mission for me. Only he could have betrayed his whereabouts to Voldemort's supporters. He has been arrested and sentenced to life in Azkaban. As a werewolf, Remus is not a suitable guardian for you. So I have contacted your late mother's sister, and she and her family have agreed to have custody of you and you will go to them when the summer holidays come.'

' Your lying!' Harry stood up so quickly that the chair shot backwards behind him. 'Sirius would never do that! And there's nothing wrong with Remus! I can't go to the Dursleys. Dad told me they hate magic and told Mum they never wanted anything to do with her ever again when she married Dad. Please, I need to stay with Sirius and Remus.'

Harry was getting increasingly hysterical as he spoke and at a glance from the headmaster Professor Snape withdrew a vial from his robes and grabbed Harry, forcing the contents down his throat in an expert manner. Harry instantly calmed down, though tears were now falling down his cheeks and Snape pushed him back down into his chair.

'Harry,' continued Dumbledore. 'There is no doubt that Sirius is to blame for your father's death. The Ministry of magic is not prepared to allow a werewolf to have guardianship of you, and indeed, they have banned Remus from so much as contacting you. Your Aunt Petunia and her husband have agreed to take you into their own family. I'm sure that they will treat you just as if you were their own. Now, you may not have realised it yet, but this is Christmas Day and Dinner is just about to be served in the Great Hall. Why don't you allow Professor Snape to escort you down there?'

In his slightly drugged state Harry could not find the strength to protest, although the last thing he wanted was to celebrate. So he allowed himself to be propelled through the castle by his head of house and soon found himself seated in his usual place at the bottom of the Slytherin table. He barely registered the entrance of Dumbledore and his cheery remarks, and when the food appeared he listlessly put a few random items on his plate. All around the hall people were pulling Wizards' Crackers put even if someone had offered to pull one with him Harry had no heart for it. The calming potion was beginning to wear off and when Harry picked at his food it seemed to choke him. The thought that he wasn't even going to be able to owl Remus seemed to be all he could think about- that, and the thought that his beloved godfather was in prison for a crime he hadn't committed. In spite of Dumbledore's insistence, Harry would not believe that Sirius had betrayed his dad.

Eventually Harry couldn't take any more. He pushed his plate away , left the table and ran from the Great Hall. He headed straight for the front doors and once outside in the snow he continued running, not paying much attention to where he was actually going until he ran into some sort of building. Brought up short, he realised that it was the shed where all the school brooms were stored. HE yanked the door open, grabbed the nearest broomstick, and was soon flying round the quidditch pitch as fast as the old thing would allow . He flew for ages, the icy wind stinging his tear stained face, wishing that he would wake up and find himself back home with his dad and Sirius and Remus. But it wasn't a dream, and his flight was interrupted not by Harry waking up, but by some spell which seemed to reach out and pull his broomstick back down to the ground. Dismounting, Harry discovered that his captor was none other than Professor Snape.

Only then did Harry realise that he had broken the ban imposed by Snape after the first flying lesson. Not that he really cared. A few detentions were nothing compared with the loss of his father and friends.

Snape said nothing just then, but took the broom and flung it into the shed. After closing the door he put a hand on Harry's collar and pushed him back towards the castle. Harry's tears returned as he remembered his father treating him in a similar fashion on his birthday. Harry was expecting to be taken to Snape's office, or perhaps back to the headmaster, but to his surprise the Slytherin head led him to the hospital wing. He said nothing at all to Harry, but pushed him to a bed.

'Goodness me! ' Madam Pomfrey sounded horrified. 'The boy's half frozen! Well, we'll have to do something about that. It's all right, thank you Professor Snape. I can manage fine myself. And before Harry knew it, Snape had left and the nurse was pouring potions down Harry's throat and tucking him in to a warm bed. She said little, but did make a comment about Harry's stupidity in flying on such a cold day, and without even a cloak. Once Harry was securely tucked in, she produced a final potion, and when that was swallowed it sent Harry into a deep sleep.