Little Men
"Farewell Appearance"
Chapter Three: To Enter or to Exit
Dan was jealous of Emil. It actually pained Dan to think it, because he could remember so many times, when Emil had gotten under his skin and drove him insane. But ,over the years both men had grown up and put away some of the childish acts of youth. Now Emil was leaving Dan behind, going off to do whatever life had in store for him and Dan was left alone to die.
He was only eighteen years old, it wasn't right that he was going to loose his life before it even started. Perhaps, Dan should leave Plumfield and take that train west? Have some adventures before the end and go out more alive then ever.
He loved Bess, more than anything, but how could he let her watch him die? How could he allow himself to become a burden to all who loved him? Dan needed to leave- to do the things he had planned before Bess…before Plumfield.
He was not afraid to die alone.
Jo sighed as Nick helped her down from the carriage. The past two weeks since Plumfield had learned of Dan's ailment had been plagued with sorrow. Franz, Isabelle, Johann, and Lily were planning to leave the next morning and now Emil was gone. They had just seen Emil off, as his uncle, the Captain, had taken him to Boston to enroll at Harvard and she was sad to see him go.
Jo also felt helpless, Dan had become like a son to her and now she could do nothing to help him. He was in a fit of melancholy, barley talking to anyone, staying in his room or going off to town by himself. Dr. Pierce claimed that it was natural for the boy to do such things, as he had obviously received quite a shock, but Jo didn't want Dan to push everyone away when she knew he need them most.
He seemed so sad and so angry, something she hadn't seen in Dan since he was a boy. She remember when he found out that he was Dan Madison, and how excited he had been to have some connection to his family ; only to find out that that had not been his name at all-to find out that he might never know who his parents were or who he had been before an officer found him on Madison Ave.
It was not just Dan who was affected. Nan pored over her medical textbooks, vowing to become more knowledgeable then ever, for the women's college and then medical school she would attend in the next two yearsShe was so determined to become a doctor, no matter what anyone said about it not being a lady's place. Nat sent telegraphs to every doctor he could think of off and on the continent, trying everything to save his friend. Bess simply painted, happy and peaceful things mostly, as if she was trying to paint away everything that was around her. The other players of Plumfield played their respective parts, parts that proved that time stops for no one. Life moves on wither anyone wants it too, and what Dan didn't realize was that the bit of life that he had left was slipping away.
The morning of Franz's departure arrived sooner then anyone would have liked. There was something so calming and peaceful knowing that everyone that one loved was right where they belonged-to see the innocence of little Johann and Lily, of Sam while she watched her older cousins. While burdens fell heavily on the adults, the children were in playful bliss.
"We'll see you again soon Aunt Jo, I promise." Franz stated as he hugged his aunt goodbye. He hated to leave this place, this place of his childhood, his family, and he hated to leave Dan even more. They had been at odds with each other when Dan had entered adolescence, but Franz saw a kindred spirit in the young man-his most challenging student yet. Thus, it was fitting that it was then, that the recluse emerged from the house.
"I'm coming with you." he stated.
"What on earth are you talking about?" Jo replied, turning her attention to the dark haired man.
"I bought a ticket to California weeks ago. I reckon I'd better use it. " Dan countered, just as serious as ever.
"You're in no condition to go anywhere." Jo stated, further looking to Nick for support, as he gave her a sympathetic look back. He understood Dan's frustration and his passion to take control over his own death. But, Nick also realized his wife's worry.
"I'm fine." replied Dan firmly.
"But we're engaged." Bess stated suddenly, breaking the almost silent disposition she had been in.
"No. We're not." the young man said angrily. He felt stagnated and helpless here, he wanted to continue with his plans as if nothing had ever happened. That way he could pretend that nothing had.
"You don't mean that." Bess continued. Now, she was getting angry. She had thought she had lost everything when Dr. Pierce said Dan was dying, but really she hadn't. Dan was still here, they could still be happy.
"I should leave, I don't want to hurt any of you, especially you. I don't want you to watch me die." Dan stated softening his tone and bringing Bess away from the rest of the group.
"If you do leave, you will hurt me," Bess stated. They were both so stubborn. Bess had realized that she was going to be a widow whether she actually had a ring on her finger or not. Why not get married, this way she'd have nothing to regret. "I still want to marry you, Dan."
He was dying, not in years, but in days. He had made himself give up the hope of marrying Bess, though he loved her more then anything. But, Bess still wanted the marriage as Dan had before he had gotten sick-maybe he could accomplish something in the short time he had left.
All he could hope for was nothing more now but happiness. Maybe leaving wasn't the answer at all. Heading out west was only a dream he had when he had been a boy and had had no home to call his own. A dream he would of accomplished when he known he'd be back, but now he wouldn't be.
"Yes, I will marry you, Bess."
"You still mad?" Dan asked Mrs. Jo as he put on his suit three days later. Just as before, Bess and Dan met the opposition of nearly everyone in the household. Mostly the concern was for Bess, but she was set in her ways, stating she would marry Dan with or without her parents' permission. In the end, it was Jo who convinced her sister and Laurie. They didn't know how much longer Dan would be with them and she didn't want to push the pair away.
"No," she smiled. "I just want you to be happy."
He wanted to say to her that she had been like a mother to him-the only mother he had ever really ever known- but he just couldn't seem to say it, and hoped that she knew anyway.
Bess and Dan stood before the minister hand in hand, the church decorated in fine flowers, Nan and Nat playing their respective roles as best man and maid of honor. Nick and Jo standing nearby smiling happily, Laurie beaming at his daughter as he gave her away, and Amy sullen and worried, unsure of what was in store for her Bess.