A/N: Hmmm, over 540 people have looked at this story but only 4 have left a review. Makes it hard to want to continue the story if no one is interested, but I will persevere for my faithful, fantastic 4 despite the resounding disinterest from everyone else! Am still struggling with Rohirric Relapse, but I'm fighting it as best I can. I only have 3 more chapters ready to post after this one, so I need to get cracking. July 16th looms closer and closer!

Elwen of Lorien – thanks for the review, but I must take the 5th Amendment and refuse to answer lest I give anything away! But at least I know you're thinking about the possibilities so you must be interested! (And you get a few answers in this chapter.) I do appreciate the faithful reviews. I really must do a LOTR and dedicate it to my 3 "fans" (you, Julia and Caprice) once I get this thing done! Anything in particular you'd like to see happen in Rohan? I came up with an idea for a very young Theodwyn story when I go back to the Elfwine Chronicles.

Chapter 8

When she awoke, she washed her face and ventured forth to find the others. She heard voices from the kitchen and headed in that direction. As she drew closer, she abruptly stopped. There was no mistaking Severus Snape's voice and the last thing she wanted was for him to find her here. She edged toward an alcove in the hall that was cast in shadow and kept silent, unable to avoid overhearing their conversation.

"I made an entire cauldronful for you. It should last you the week, but if not you can let me know," Snape told Remus.

"Thank you, Severus. I do appreciate this," Remus replied.

"Don't be too grateful, Lupin. We both know I'm only doing this at Dumbledore's request. If it were up to me, I'd just as soon..."

Remus interrupted, "Yes, I'm well aware what you think of me, Severus. But do try to remember we're on the same side."

Snape gave a snort, then turned on his heel and swept from the room and up the stairs to the entry hall, not noticing Aurelia as he hurried by. Remus did not follow him out and she stood there after she heard the front door close behind Snape, wondering if it was okay to enter the kitchen. She finally decided to risk it, and backtracked a bit to make her entrance with a bit more noise to warn of her arrival. Consequently, Remus was looking at the door when she entered.

He smiled slightly and commented, "You're up. I hope you slept well." He moved to put the cauldron of potion out of the way in the pantry. She decided it was best not to inquire about it.

"Yes. I suppose the school year is catching up with me a bit." She stood awkwardly, not sure what to do or say next.

When he returned from the pantry, he suggested, "Have a seat. For some reason, I tend to prefer this room over the others. Would you like a butterbeer or some pumpkin juice?"

"Pumpkin juice would be lovely, thanks." He retrieved a large pitcher and two glasses, filling each and setting them on the table with the pitcher between them. Slowly he sat down across from her.

They didn't speak for several minutes, but at last she observed, "You look tired yourself. I think you could do with a nap."

He looked down at his drink thoughtfully, then brought his gaze up to meet hers. "Naps don't really help. I go through this every month." He knew the comment was cryptic, and he wasn't entirely sure whether it had slipped out accidentally or whether he intentionally made it, hoping she would pursue the subject.

She seemed to be weighing the matter, but apparently curiosity got the better of her. "And why is that?"

This was it. His chance to tell her, and hope... 'Hope what?' he wondered. 'What do I want to have happen?' But he was tired of not knowing. All through school he had managed to keep her a safe distance away, not revealing anything to give himself away. When he had seen her with Sirius and how accepting she was of his background, he had been tempted to disclose his secret. But he never got up the nerve to risk it. Well, now he wanted to know if that had been the right decision.

"I'm always tired, probably due to anxiety, leading up to the full moon. It's even worse afterwards." He knew she wasn't stupid; there was no way the significance of what he'd said would be lost on her.

She just sat there for a long time and he couldn't look at her, so he stared intently at the pitcher on the table. When she still said nothing, he couldn't bear it any longer – he had to see her face. To his shock, there were tears streaming down her cheeks as she stared at him in horror. But this wasn't fear – it was something else.

Suddenly she bolted up from the table, knocking over her chair, and stood clutching the table's edge. With a moan, she turned and ran from the room. In an instant, he was on his feet and following her. "Aurelia, please try to understand..." he called to her retreating figure.

He had thought she was headed to her room, but upon reaching the entry hall, she turned unexpectedly and dashed out the front door, leaving it open behind her. Remus paused in the doorway, then turned back and grabbed two cloaks from the rack by the door and dashed out after her. If nothing else, he couldn't let her wander around in the cold without a cloak. He threw his own around him and stared into the gathering darkness, trying to find which way she had gone. In the pale light from the streetlamp, he saw fresh prints in the light dusting of snow that covered the ground and followed them to the park a little way down the street.

She was sitting huddled on a bench, sobbing into her hands. He struggled for something to say, but no words would come. He settled for stepping behind the bench and putting her cloak around her. When she took no notice, he sat quietly down on the bench some distance away from her.

Eventually her sobs subsided and she struggled for control. Then turning anquished eyes on him, she murmured, "But I loved you. All that time, when you refused to notice." She turned away, wiping away more tears and added, "And I still do."

Her admission hit Remus like an incoming wave, and he couldn't get any words out. It had never occurred to him that anyone could love him, especially if he kept them at a distance like he had her. He remembered how many times at school she had attempted to draw him out, and always he had stayed aloof, never letting her get close. He had carefully restricted his friendships to keep himself from having feelings for her or any other girl; he had never dreamed anyone might fall in love with him despite all his efforts.

"But what about you and Sirius? You were always together," he commented softly.

"I would have thought you, of all people, would know we weren't in love. We were the best of friends, it's true, but you never saw us kissing or holding hands or doing the things lovers do. And I never really wanted to date anyone else when I was in love with you," she confessed.

He noticed her shiver, despite the cloak she was pulling more tightly around her, and stood, "Let's go back to the house. We can talk there where it's warm." He offered her his hand, to help her up, and after a moment she took it and rose. Slowly they moved back to number 12.

Inside, he hung up their cloaks and led the way to the parlor, where they seated themselves on the sofa. They were warmer, but still they weren't sure what to say to each other. Finally, Remus asked, "You do understand that I'm a werewolf? That I have been since I was six?"

She nodded. He continued, "And you understand that there is no cure for it. I will always be a werewolf. Nothing can change that."

"Yes, I know. It's just...that's not who you are to me, Remus. The Remus Lupin I know is intelligent, funny, adventurous, kind and, especially, gentle. Even though you may become a ravening, murderous monster each full moon, that doesn't change who you are inside."

Remus sat, at a complete loss for words. Finally, he managed, "Did Sirius know?"

She shook her head. "No. He knew I was in love with someone who didn't feel the same way about me, but he didn't know who. If he had guessed it was you, I think he would have tried to do something about it."

Remus had to admit to himself that he was feeling a certain pleasure in the knowledge that someone loved him – that a woman loved him, as a man. He had never dared allow himself to believe that was possible for someone like him. But he mentally shook himself and fought back the sensation. It was unfair to her or anyone else to encourage such a relationship. He was what he was – a monster, not a man. Monsters didn't have love and romance in their lives.

He tried to change the subject to something a little less painful. "Where did you go after James and Lily were killed? No one knew what became of you. I know Dumbledore tried unsuccessfully to find you for a long time."

Her voice was unsteady as she answered, "After they died, and Sirius went to prison for supposedly killing Peter, you left. There was no reason for me to stay when everyone I cared about was gone from my life. I wandered a long time, not staying in one place for any appreciable length of time. I used various names so no one could find me, even though I knew there was no one left to bother looking for me. I found odd jobs to keep busy, and studied magic – a lot. In that respect, I guess I am somewhat qualified to be teaching at Hogwarts."

Remus felt like he needed to explain also. "I had to leave. The pain of James and Lily's deaths, and Sirius' apparent betrayal, was too great. Later, I thought maybe I ought to have stayed and tried to help Harry, but at the time I couldn't even help myself very much. Even now, I don't know that I'm much use to him, other than be his last direct connection to his parents. Well...until you came along, that is."

"Surely you know how much Harry cares about you, Remus. Though, in some ways, I think he's a little afraid to turn you into a 'father figure' since his have all had rather short lifespans. As difficult as it may be for you, I think he does need someone he can turn to for guidance and advice. And I don't doubt for a minute that James and Lily would be happy to have you filling that role for him."

Silence fell between them again. But the longer she sat, the more determined Aurelia became to finally say everything she had been holding back. Now there was nothing left to lose and it ought to be said. "Remus, you deserve to be happy, just like any other man. Granted, your 'differences' need to be taken into account, but they aren't insurmountable. There's no reason you shouldn't have someone to love you and spend your life with you." She took a deep breath and added, "Lycanthropy isn't hereditary and it isn't spread by intimate contact, Remus. I know. I knew werewolves who were happily married and had several children. You deserve to be happy."

He had turned to her and was staring at her in disbelief. "You know someone like that? How, when?" His voice trailed off in bewilderment.

"Part of how I've spent the last few years. I stayed for awhile in a small community of werewolves. Society didn't welcome them so they formed their own little enclave. I spent several months learning about them and how they had managed to work around their affliction. Much of what is written in current literature on the subject is flat out wrong. I saw it disproved first hand." She gave a harsh laugh. "In some ways, I may know more about your condition than you do!"

More silence followed and then an exclamation. "Oh! That's what Snape brought you in the cauldron! Wolfsbane Potion!"

"You know about that too?" he asked.

"Yes. One of the things I studied while there. They taught me how to make it – a complex and tricky potion. I'm not surprised Snape can make it, but I am surprised Dumbledore was able to talk him into doing it for you."

There was a knock at the parlor door and Harry's head popped in. "Oh, here you are. Should I try and start some dinner?"

Aurelia stood and moved toward the door. "I'll fix something for us. I might as well earn my keep, if my cooking can be called 'earning' anything!"

Once she was gone, Harry looked curiously at Remus. "What happened?" He could tell something had gone on between them. "Did you tell her?"

Remus nodded, rubbing his face with his hands. "Yes, I told her."

"And?" Harry prompted, when Remus made no move to elaborate.

With a sigh, Remus tonelessly responded, "She told me she loved me. That she had been in love with me all through school, even though I didn't notice, and that she still is."

Harry's initial reaction was joy on behalf of them both, but the look on Remus' face stopped his saying so. "Is that a bad thing?" he finally asked.

"I'm not really sure anymore..." Remus murmured quietly. He became lost in his own thoughts, so Harry silently slipped from the room.

He joined Aurelia in the kitchen and helped with their meal; then she sent him to fetch Remus while she set the table.

The meal was mostly eaten in an uncomfortable silence. Harry tried to brighten things a bit by telling them that Ginny was going to ask if she and Ron could come visit during the holiday. He got lukewarm responses of pleasure and there was a brief discussion about when that might be, but then the silence enveloped them again.

When they were done, Harry excused himself to owl a letter to the Weasleys and find out when they might be coming. Aurelia rose to clear the table, while Remus stayed lost in his thoughts. Just as she finished with the chores, he stood and smiled at her, "Thank you for that lovely dinner. Your talents are greater than you led us to believe."

She stared at him a moment, thinking how that was so much the Remus she had known, ever thoughtful and hospitable. Suddenly she moved toward him, before he had time to react. Her right hand slipped up to his neck and pulled him toward her; then she firmly planted her lips on his.

Warning bells were going off in Remus' mind and he knew he should pull away from her, but his hands mutinously slid around her waist and pulled her closer. His lips hungrily returned the kiss as her hands caressed the hair at the nape of his neck, sending shivers of excitement down his spine. When finally the need for air forced them apart, she looked gently into his eyes. "Even if it isn't with me," she told him hoarsely, "don't deny yourself the happiness you deserve, Remus."

And then she pulled free from his arms and disappeared out the kitchen door, while he stood in stunned confusion.

xxxxx

Remus tried to read, but couldn't concentrate. He kept tasting her lips and remembering how she smelled...looked...and felt in his arms. He stood several times and moved toward the door of the library, then forced himself to change direction, select a new book and reseat himself on the sofa. But his effort was futile. Thoughts and images of her were on every page of every book he opened, and he finally slammed the current one shut in frustration.

He realized with surprise that it was after midnight and decided he should probably go to bed, though he doubted sleep was going to come easily, if at all. As he passed her door he stopped and raised his hand to knock, but then just stood there with it hovering in the air, unmoving. Finally, he lowered it and moved slowly on to his own room, closing the door firmly behind him.