Little Men

"Farewell Appearance"

Chapter Four: Farewell Appearance

Summer creped into Concord and soon June turned into August. It seemed for awhile at least, that Dan had never been sick at all, that it all had been a mistake, as the pair enjoyed a holiday in New York and then moved into Franz's old room. Samantha was now talking and running a mock around Plumfield. Nan's guilt was subsiding and Nat digested the returned telegraphs detailing what he already knew. However, all good things could not last. Before long, Dan was back to hiding nosebleeds, fatigue and shortness of breath. Ordinary tasks were getting too hard for him to do yet, Dan protested as hard as he could. Now that he had a new wife he vowed to slow down his prognosis as best he could.

Besides Bess was hiding a secret of her own.

Dan looked up at Bess as he blinked back sleep. He swung his legs to the floor and used the mattress beneath him, as support, to made himself stand. "What time is it?"

"Nearly past one." Bess replied setting down a cup of coffee by the bedside and reaching up to kiss her husband.

"I need to get up. Help with the chores. I know, Nat and Nick will need some help, breaking in that new horse." stated the ever determined Dan.

"No one hardly expects you to-"Bess countered trying to ease Dan back into bed. She was not oblivious to the un-restful nights of chills, fever, sweats, cough, and abdominal pain that were there one night and gone the next. Times when he could barely get out of bed and the other times when was as fit and able as ever. These days that left a glimmer of hope, that were then snatched away as quickly as they came.

"No one hardly expects me to do anything." the husband replied ignoring Bess' protests and wandering the room for the rest of his clothes.

"Dr. Pierce said, if you work and exhaust yourself you'll di-"she stopped.

"Faster or longer, what does it matter, the outcomes the same," Dan was tired of having the same argument with his wife. He was a vibrant, tempestuous, young adult trapped in the shell of an old man. This body, sick and fading, was failing him faster then any could realize. The fire in him had burned out and seized forever.

Dan was trying his best to live in the present, to avoid thinking about what and whom he would be leaving behind, that would only make things that much harder. Unfortunately, Bess was not ready to let him go. "I'll be outside."

In their nearly three months of marriage, a wall had grown between the pair, ever since they had returned from New York, in July, and Dan had gotten worse. Dan seemed to have become so calm and unbothered by all that was around him. To Bess, it seemed like he was letting go of them all, including her. How could he do that if he loved them? How could he not feel the same fear and sadness that swept through her?

Still, Bess was also keeping certain things from her husband as well. Like the fact that her monthly hadn't arrived in a month or so and nausea and back pain had begun to develop. That finally Dr. Pierce had confirmed her fears that she was in fact with child. Now, she was scared and confused, not telling anyone about her condition. What would she do now? What would she do when Dan was gone?

Bess remembered what her parents had said to her when she wanted to marry Dan, how she fought with them to be allowed to do so.

"Sweetheart, this is not a good idea," Jo replied in the parlor with Amy, Laurie, Nick, Dan and Bess. "You don't want to be left a widow."

"I agree. This is absurd." Amy had stated.

"Bess honey, I know how much you and Dan care for each other, but think about what you are doing." Laurie argued. "You're still young and still have school to finish. What if you were to have a child. Would you want to raise it by yourself?"

Though, Aunt Jo and her father had come around, perhaps they had been right all along. Their fear and concern that Bess had resented before had proved founded after all.

"Do you miss being unattached, Nick-your ships?" Dan replied as he raked the hay into the stable and brushing away his growing urge to sit down.

"Nah, that was a whole other life. Jo, Sam, Rob, you boys and the others they mean more to me then the seas," Nick stated looking towards the house. "Why so quiet Nat?" the elder continued as Nat stared off into the distance.

"You know, Nat. He's always quiet. Ain't ya, Nat?" Dan joked lightly shoving his friend.

Nat laughed back uneasily. As usual, Nat's mind was always going, and he saw behind any façade that Dan put in front of him. Nat had excepted that there was nothing he could do to save his friend, but he could not except the fact that Dan was dying. Sure, they had all been in terrible, dangerous situations before, half of them had been with Dan. But, nothing could compare to this. Dead was dead and nothing could change it.

"Are you alright there, Dan?" Nick questioned as he noticed Dan was now leaning against the wall, carefully pacing his breaths, a handkerchief covering the blood seeping from his nose. Through out this whole ordeal, Nick had believed that Dr. Pierce had been giving up on Dan too soon, just as they had all given up on Penny, but now, as he saw just how sick he was, Nick knew that Dan's time truly was coming to an end.

"I think I'd better rest awhile." Dan replied heading towards the door, but before he could catch himself, his body collapsed towards the ground.

Dr. Pierce came out of the bedroom not long there after, proclaiming what they all had avoided to hear before. "He's exhausted his body. I'd say he has hours maybe days left. Keep him as comfortable as possible. Let me know if anything changes." the doctor stated placing a hand on Bess' shoulder and then leaving the room.

Nat was among the first to see Dan. It was strange to see his friend, his brother, his hero really, looking so pale and weak; when only hours before had been making jokes with him.

"I want to you do something for me." Dan replied bluntly.

"What? Anything?" Nat said taking a seat next to the bed.

"Take care of Bess for me. Don't go marrying her or anythin', just make sure she's alright." the ailing man joked.

"I will." Nat nodded he had already promised that to himself-he would take care of Bess for Dan.

"Take care of yourself too-you won't have me to protect ya anymore," Dan started smiling. "And don't take so long to go after Nan." There were other things that he wished to tell his friend, like how Nat had always looked after Dan and had been his family when he had had none, but like always he wasn't very good with words. Still, Dan found contentment, in his small parting bit of advise, for the young, Nathaniel Blake.

"Are you going to tell him or should I?" Nan questioned pulling her blonde haired companion away from the sadden crowd, while Nat and Dan talked inside.

"What on earth are you talking about Nan?" Bess stated angrily staring down Nan's judging eyes.

"About the baby. I know you haven't told Dan. He has a right to know."

Bess softened. "Don't tell him, please Nan. He's already excepted dying. I don't want to make it harder for him." It would just be too cruel to do to him, to make him want to linger when he couldn't-as much as Bess wanted Dan to. "He's my husband and it's our child, I know how to handle this."

All of Plumfield had made its way to Dan's bedchamber to say whatever they felt had to be said before it was too late. Dan stayed as cheerful and vibrant as he could possibly be, but soon his symptoms overcame him and sleep came. Jo watched this young man whom she had watched grow, and remembered her own sister Beth's death not so long ago. It was then, like now, that she had watched the youth and life stolen from a once so alive body. She was loosing Beth all over again, she was loosing Dan, she was loosing a son.

Bess stayed with Dan throughout the night keeping a watchful vigilance until finally sleep overcame her too. It was then that Daniel Madison finally let go.

"All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts,

…Last scene of all,

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness and mere oblivion,

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything."

-As You Like It by William Shakespeare

A/N: More to come it doesn't end here!

Info Credit: Google search on Leukemia and the 5 Stages of Death and Grieving & also my Psychology notes.