Disclaimer: I do not own Nintendo, Zelda, or FAIRYS!
Dedicated to: Blazing Fool
I took a trip back and started playing LoZ: OoT after watching Blazing Fool play it, I have a demented and perverted mind, so while watching him play I'd blurt out ridiculous things for the Gorons to say, It ended up turning out that Gorons are gay and the wanna 'hug' Link. When I started playing I remembered the bomb flowers, and this story as born…
"Special Crop"
"We join our hero today on his quest to Death Mountain." The announcer said to the crowd.
"HEY" Navi yelled. Link kept on walking to the village "HEY" Link continued paying no mind to Navi. "HEY!" Navi slammed into links face causing him to hit the floating C up button. "Ahh, finally, I think we should go to Death Mountain."
"Duh." Link said as he continued through the village to the gate.
"You are not allowed to pass" the guard said. The guard noticed the Zelda's Letter. "Hey this is the princess's hand writing, you can pass. You should get a shield" Link glared at the guard. "or, maybe not. Hey could you get a Kee-something mask, for my son? Hey are you listening?"
The little boy in green jumped up and grabbed the guard's throat. "No, you travel all over with a fairy that says HEY every five minutes, and you see if you go and get some stranger a mask." Link was foaming at the mouth and had his sword at the guard neck.
The guard pushed link off of his neck then ran as fast as he could up Death Mountain, and burned to death.
Link continued up the mountain and made it to the Gorons village. He hopped down and rolled into a giant pot with three faces. He thought nothing of it and walked onto a festive rug. "Look at this soft rug it looks so, Comfy…" Link laid down and went to sleep on the rug.
"HEY!" Navi yelled. "Damn you Serta, you lied! You said you didn't make carpets!" Navi smacked Link a few times, "Wake up. Play the song"
Link stood up and took out his Ocarina. He played Zelda's Lullaby then fell back to sleep on the rug. A few minutes later he woke up to a little Goron poking him with a stick to see if he was dead. He continued down the hallway and saw a large sad Goron. "Should I play a song?"
"Yes Play Saira's Song that one all ways makes you happy" Navi replied. Link played the song and the Goron began to dance.
He danced this way and that making disturbing noises like 'UHHH' and 'AHahAh' finally he was done. "Wow that was fun. You can't have the Spiritual Stone, unless you go to Dongadongadongadongadongadongadonago's Cavern."
"Godungungadungadungadungadundunguadongadingadungo's Cavern?" Link asked
"No, Dongadongadongadongadongadongadonago's Cavern."
"GundogadogadogadogadogadogadogadogaGOO-A's cavern?" Link said.
"No Dongadongadongadongadongadongadonago's"
"Dongadongadongadongadongadongadonagdongadongadongadongadongadongadonagdongadongadongadongadongadongadonag…." Both the big Goron and Link started to babble.
"ENOUGH!" Navi screamed turning bright red "it was the cave that we saw on the way in. What else."
"Take this" the Goron hanged a ring-ish looking thing to Link. "With this you can pick bomb flowers."
"What's this skin on the sharp points of the ring?" link asked.
"Don't you read?" The Goron raised the information box as link held the ring in the air.
You have received the Goron Circumciser! When you wear it you feel strong and grossed out at the same time! Use it to lift the Gorons' 'Special Crop'.
"Eww!" Link said throwing up.
"That skin is from my new born son, if you save us, he will be named after you."
"Uh…. I have never seen a Goron female….." Navi said in a panic.
"Oh …yeah…. Well, um…. Bye!" The Boss Goron pushed Link and Navi out the door.
Link and Navi made it out side and found a bomb flower Link threw it and blew open the entrance to the cavern. They made their way in and found a little green creature. "That must be a baby Dongadongadongadongadongadongadonago!" they continued on and found a larger creature. "That must be a Dongadongadongadongadongadongadonago!" they went on until they found a large chest. "Oh this must be a bomb bag!" Link exclaimed quickly opening the chest.
You have received the Com…
Link threw the item back in the chest a put a bomb flower on it. They walked along and found another chest. "This better not be a dungeon map, or this boss is gonna get an extra helping of ass-whup." Link opened the chest.
You have received the Bomb Sack! It is a sack from a Dongadongadongadongadongadongadonago. Put bombs in the sack.
"Well I got the bombs I better go and defeat the boss." He made his way to the boss's lair. "That's a big Dongadongadongadongadongadongadonago." Link defeated the beast and the heart and teleport appeared. Link started walking towards the teleport.
"You better not be leaving without that heart." Navi said. Link kept walking towards the light. "Don't you dare, I will kill you if you go into the teleport." Link stepped into the teleport andteleported to the entrance. "I can't believe you didn't get the heart!" Navi screamed.
"Don't worry we can get it later." Link said cheerfully
"Here ya go," the big Goron threw the spiritual stone at Link. "Now you and I are sworn butt-budd... I mean sworn brothers, every body let's give Link a big Goron hum… hug"
Link ran away, far far away. Seven years later… "I guess I should go get that heart." Link headed off to the temple of time. The put the master word back in the holster and went back in time. They went back and got the heart.
"Finally," Navi said, "I still can't believe you did that." They headed back to the temple and went back to the mountain, seven years later.
"Hey look at that little ball." Link pointed to the little Goron rolling around. He started throwing bombs at it but they all missed and blew up. Then he started shooting arrows at it but they all missed. He then out of pure rage started throwing deku nuts all over the place. Out of items and out of Magic, he picked up a bomb flower and threw it at the Goron. The Goron stopped and started throwing rocks at Link. "Hey, hey, stop it. Where are all the Gorons?"
"I'm Link." The little Goron said.
"You must be that one dude's son." Link said uneasily.
"You must be Link! I was named after you. My dad and the others are playing in the volcano."
"Um… ok, thanks." Link said running into Death Mountain. He ran past Sheik and found some Gorons talking about a 'special crop'. "Hey I have seen you special crop all over this place."
A Goron with a big hat was stunned then took Link aside. "Boy… you know… you shouldn't be messing in other peoples… business. Now if you see any of our crop, yous forget about it."
"But your bomb flowers are very useful it saves bombs, I need them."
"Ok, yous need to specify what crop you is talking about. If you see any crop that doesn't look like a bomb flower, forget about it." The hat wearing Goron handed Link a rolled up piece of paper. "This is for yous to keep your mouth shut."
"Um ok." Link took it and ran to a chest "this must be a new bomb." Link said happily. He opened the chest.
You have received the Dun…
Link lit the rolled up paper and threw it into the chest. "Ha-ha! Another map ruined!" He didn't hear an explosion so he opened the chest. "Woo that is one rank smell." He shut the chest and threw it into the lava. "That special crop smells like…" Link gasped and ran back to the Hat wearing Goron. "You drug dealer!" Link drew his sword.
"Well duh, what did yous think I gave you?" The Goron chuckled
"A new bomb…" Link said feeling stupid.
"Well it was a bong, not a bomb."
"There are now drugs allowed in Hyrule!" Link stabbed the drug dealing hat wearing Goron.
Link Continued on and Never for got to get his hearts ever again…
The End.
Yes I know that was weird, the only person that would really understand would be Blazing Fool because he was there. I was the one that was playing his file and didn't get the heart! Ha-ha, I am quite evil…
Well please C&C. Peace Out.