missuniverse93 and OctoberSky - YEAH! Give Hurley some lovin'!
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Chapter 6 – Sayid
He was nervous. He realized that he was acting stupid, acting like a pathetic teenage boy. They had clarified on the phone that their meeting was not a "date". Neither of them had wanted it to be. But as he approached the café they had decided to meet at, he stuffed his hands in his pockets, something he did when he was uncomfortable. When he noticed this, he quickly pulled them out again. He inwardly scoffed at his own behavior. He was acting ridiculous.
He pushed the door open and stepped inside. He surveyed the small, dimly lit restaurant. It wasn't fancy; in fact, it looked somewhat plain. There was a performer in the corner, a girl playing the piano and singing with a soft, lilting voice. He immediately searched for Shannon, but couldn't find her, even in such a small place. He looked up at the clock on the wall, he was ten minutes late. Odd.
He stood awkwardly at the entrance for a moment, before he was slammed into. With surprise, he looked down and saw Shannon, hugging him tightly.
"Sayid I can't believe you came for me I can pay for the air fare if you want me to I just can't believe you're here and you came all this way and it's so good to see you and I've missed you and I'm sorry I never called you it's just it was so hard to after everything that happened-" She pulled back and looked up at him. "And I'm rambling on and on." She finished embarrassedly. She wiped at her eyes, trying to smile.
Sayid smiled back. "Hello, Shannon." He said simply. He examined her closely. "You look different." She had on a little mascara, as evidenced by the black smears she had made when she was crying. Other than that, she didn't have on any makeup, certainly a change from before. She had on jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. Very un-Shannon. But what made her look the most different was the expression she had on her face. It was happy, yes, but underneath, it was tired and lonely.
"I'm sorry I didn't dress up to see you." She said regretfully. "I didn't want to be late, and I lost track of time, and…"
"And here I am the late one. I apologize for that." He answered promptly. And he was sorry. She seemed so… earnest.
They sat down at a booth. Shannon ordered a salad. Sayid ordered a black coffee.
"So," he asked, trying to be polite, but wanting so badly to ask her a thousand questions at once, (How are you really? Do you feel small off the island and in a big city? Why did you suddenly call me? Why wouldn't you forgive me? Or have you, finally?) "What have you been doing?"
She shrugged, with a small, doubtful look on her face. "Nothing that merits an award." She said, a bitter emphasis on the last word. She lowered her eyes to the table, where she was drumming her now-short fingernails. She hesitated, and then looked him in the eye with defiance. "What about you?"
He looked at her curiously. She seemed slightly accusatory. Did she still hate him underneath all the loneliness? Loneliness can do terrible things. He should know. "Nothing important." He heard a song he recognized being sung by the performer, and closed his eyes. He listened for a moment. He knew the song, but couldn't figure where he had heard it.
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
"What are you doing?" It was Shannon, not rude, just inquisitive.
"I don't know where I've heard this song." He said, opening his eyes. She cocked her head slightly and listened.
I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense
And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
"It's Billy Joel." Shannon said softly. They were quiet together until the end.
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
After the song was over, they didn't speak, neither seeming to want to break the spell.
Finally Shannon laughed a little. "How do you know Billy Joel music?"
Sayid smiled. "I don't know." He took a sip of his coffee and watched her settle back; her head leaned against the booth.
A thought popped into his head. "Are you going to the wedding?"
Shannon bit her lip. "I got an invitation." She told him. "I don't know why, though. I was a bitch to everyone." A look of amusement flitted across her face. "Don't say I wasn't. I… I don't know if I want to go. I mean, seeing Claire and Charlie… seeing everyone again would be weird. Weird and hard. I don't know." she said again. "It made me kind of happy that they wanted me to come, though." She added.
"Then you should go." Sayid insisted, but when she didn't reply, he didn't press her.
"Why New York?" she asked after a moment. "You don't seem the type."
He didn't know how to answer. Why did he live in New York? He hated it. The noise, the crowds, the materialism… everything made him feel angry or lost or out of place. He would much rather be living… where? Not a place on the earth seemed right for him.
"I'm not the type." He finally said. "I don't find it agreeable at all. But…" he searched for the words. "I don't feel up to moving… again. I've gotten sick of moving." He decided. "Every bit of restlessness I've ever had is gone."
Shannon looked hesitant.
"What?"
"Um," she said. "So… you stopped looking for Nadia?" She blushed a little, looking sorry she'd brought up the subject.
He inhaled deeply. "I didn't know you knew about Nadia."
She looked embarrassed. "Apparently you weren't in on the island gossip." She twirled the straw around in her drink nerovusly, looking intently at it.
He raised his eyebrows slightly. "To answer your question, yes. I looked for her for a month or so after we were rescued. But… I…" He leaned forward, wanting so much for her to understand. "I was afraid to continue searching for her. I was afraid to discover she was dead or taken captive. Or worse, I was afraid… I was afraid I would spend my whole life looking and never finding, wasting years and years just to die and never be rewarded." He paused. "Eight years since I last saw her." He sighed heavily.
He heard Shannon sniffle. He looked up, alarmed. She was crying again, large teardrops were falling out of the corners of her eyes.
"What? What is it? I'll stop talking of Nadia, I know it's not a good subject-"
"We're the people in the song." She interrupted, and there was deep sorrow in her voice.
He looked at her, confused.
"The Billy Joel song." She explained, trying to stop her tears. She angrily rubbed at her eyes, making the mascara smudges worse. "And every time I've held a rose, it seems I only felt the thorns. And so it goes, and so it goes and so will you soon I suppose." She recited. Her voice caught halfway through, and she was really crying now.
Sayid saw the couple behind her turn to stare. He glared at them.
"We can't let go. You can't let go of Nadia. I can't let go of Boone. But here we are, and we can't pull ourselves out of… whatever we're in, and it sucks." She exclaimed loudly. Sayid knew better than to try to calm her. "And you're here, right across from me, you, you care about me, and came all this way to see me, and I can't stop thinking that I was with you when he died!" She gasped, and put her hands over her mouth in horror. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I did not mean to say that. Oh my God." She grabbed her coat from the rack beside her and left the café, tripping over her own shoes as she hurried.
"Shannon!" Sayid called after her, but remained seated. Chasing her now would do no good.
It was dark, and a light drizzle was falling. He stopped at the apartment building. He was sure this was the one. He came in throughthe entranceand walked softly down the hall. Number 309. He knocked on the door.
Shannon opened it. She was holding a beer in her hand. She was so shocked to see him that she nearly dropped the bottle.
"I didn't think you'd pursue this." She muttered, letting him in.
He stood, hands in pockets in front of her. She set the beer down on a nearby coffee table. She stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do.
"You're right." He informed her.
She stared at him.
He gave her a small, sad smile. "Neither of us can let go of what happened before. I know that. I knew that. But I also know that I love you."
She sat down on the couch. "I really didn't think you'd pursue this." She gasped. Then she interlaced her hands and rested her chin on them as if she were praying. "I love you too." She said in wonderment, still staring at him.
Sayid smiled.
"But." She said. Of course. "I… don't know what will happen." She said weakly. "I'm afraid."
He sat down next to her, and stroked her hair lovingly. "That's okay."