Ri2- How can Mido succeed where Ganondorf failed, you ask? Well first of all, Ganondorf hasn't failed just yet. I didn't really make this clear, but this is set during OoT, and right now it's still the part where Link is a kid- just after he's been through the Deku Tree, to be precise. But to answer the question directly: patience is a virtue. Read and find out.
Prince Izzy X- Yes, the long paragraph at the end. It was intended to be stupid, but I think it turned out more so than I was really going for. I'll eventually clean that up. I wrote the end of that chapter at about 12:30 AM, so please forgive its retardedness for the time being. Besides, when I write, I always find the first chapter to be the roughest. This one, I think, is better.
Oh, and the spacing errors that were in this chapter right after I posted it are fixed, but I swear it wasn't my fault. FFN's editor didn't read them, or something, but I know I put them there. I may make mistakes, but I don't make those kind of mistakes.
-Disclaimer nugget: Nothing belongs to me, got it?-
Chapter Two: Recipe for Disaster
Standing in front of his cracked old mirror, Mido stood admiring his new robes. For the fiftieth time that evening, he gathered the voluminous rich fabric in what he imagined was a striking manner and pronounced imperiously, "Off with his head!" And for the fiftieth time that evening, he giggled in delight at the thought of the executioner's axe falling inexorably, inevitably, irrevocably downward onto Link's unprotected neck. Collecting himself, he struck his pose once more. "Off with the rapscallion's head!" And he burst into yet another fit of laughter. "Ooooh, rapscallion! I like it! The perfect word- insulting, yet so very intellectual. Rapscallion! R-r-r-r-r-rapscallion! Yes, much better when one rolls the R. R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-rapscallion!"
Meanwhile, Butch was sulking on the windowsill. Mido just hadn't been the same since he became obsessed with total world domination. He never talked to Butch anymore. No more laughing together...crying together...sharing hopes and dreams...styling one another's hair... Okay, so that last one had only been a daydream, but still, it only added to his inner turmoil. Now he was nothing more than a r-r-r-rapscallion in Mido's eyes. Working up all the indignation he could muster, he decided that he wasn't going to stand for this abuse a bit longer. He would leave Mido, and that was that.
"Butch," Mido spat, just as the former opened his mouth to speak, "guess what?"
"Hmph."
"I put in for a transfer of fairies. Soon as the new one gets here, you're on your own."
"But...but...but Mido, the Deku Tree ith dead!" cried the fairy, his resolve melting away. "You can't tranthfer me!"
"Turns out he's not even involved in the process. All I had to do was send a letter over to fairy HQ. They sent me some information back, I picked a new one, and she's on her way."
"She!" Butch sputtered in disbelief. "You're leaving me for a girl!"
"Leaving you?" Mido repeated after a brief but very awkward pause. "Dear Goddesses. Maybe you'd better just get out now." He attempted to repress a rather violent shudder, but failed miserably.
"But you need me!" Butch sobbed inconsolably.
"You know, I didn't want it to come to this, Butch, but you leave me with no choice."
"You're not going to...to...to forthibly remove me, are you? You know how I abhor fithticuffth, Mido."
Mido grinned an evil grin. "I am going to forcibly remove you, Butch. Just not in the way you're thinking." And quick as a flash, he brought the flyswatter crashing down. The unfortunate Butch was no more.
With his wicked smile still in place and the flyswatter gripped tightly in his fist like a kingly scepter, Mido posed for the fifty-fifth time that evening. "Off with the r-r-r-r-rapscallion's head!" he cried with relish.
"Yes," purred an oh-so-seductive voice from the windowsill. "Off with his head!"
Always one to play it cool, Mido shrieked and threw a startled glance at the window. "When did you get here?"
"Right after Richard Simmons here got what was coming to him."
Mido's grin returned once more. "We're going to get along just fine. Your name is?"
"Domi. Domi Natrix."
"That has a nice ring to it. Plus your first name is an anagram of Mido! That is totally sweet!"
"Um...right. Anyway, we should get planning if we want to take over Hyrule. Your best bet would be to start here in the forest and slowly expand from there. You don't want to go biting off more than you can chew."
"Quite, quite." Here Mido made sure to rub his chin. Mature, intelligent people always seemed to do that a lot. "But there could be a slight problem with my plans."
"You mean the fact that Kokiri can't leave the forest?"
"Yeah, that. How can I take over the friggin world if neither I nor my future minions can get out?"
"The thing is, you can get out. The Deku Tree was lying to you all along when he said you'd die if you tried to leave."
"You're kidding."
"No, I'm not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"I said I'm not kidding, dammit! You can leave the forest and live! So just shut up!"
"Geez, you don't have to shout. I was just making sure you weren't pulling my leg. You can't be too careful when you're trying to take over the world. Even your most trusted advisors might try to betray you to seek power for themselves."
"Alright, look. I'm a fairy. A fairy. Fairies can't fight, at least not with anyone other than themselves, so there's no point in me trying to kill you. The only way for me to be powerful is to stay close to other beings who are powerful. So you'd better not fail."
"I don't plan to," replied the very suave Mido. He rubbed his chin again, just for good measure. "So...how to conquer the forest?"
"Well, how many Kokiri are there in the forest?"
"I'd say about three hundred all told. Only about fifteen or twenty are ever in the village at one time, though. The rest are in the Lost Woods, harvesting...goods."
Domi was slightly taken aback. "What kind of 'goods'?"
"Well, it's slightly complicated, but I'll try to explain. You know how outsiders who get lost in the woods turn to Stalfos?"
"Yes..."
"Well, they do that because of this drug that we put into the air in there. It slowly kills the outsiders and makes it possible for us to animate their bones. Then we put the stalfos to work. They do all the mining. But it takes a lot of effort to keep all that poison in the air, so most of us are usually in there seeing to that. Fifty crushing the powder, thirty runners to keep the stations stocked, and the other two hundred manning the vents that circulate the powder. The rest of us make sure they get food and all."
"Hang on a second, back up. Mining!"
Mido grinned. "Where do you think the silver thread came from for the lining of this robe?"
"Dear Goddesses. You mean you have a more or less unlimited supply of silver?"
"Sure thing. And we don't want anyone else honing in on it, of course, so we just kill them and then recycle their bones as slaves! Convenient, huh?"
"Ingenious. I think I see a way to extend your grasp beyond the forest...but how to take control over the forest itself?"
"I bet I know what you're thinking. What say we sleep on the forest problem and talk about it in the morning when we're refreshed?"
"Good idea. Good night, then."
"Night."
Blowing out the three candles that lit the room, Mido flopped down onto his bed. For the first time in months, he fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. He had forgotten to change out of his robe, but the heat didn't seem to bother him. Indeed, as Domi watched the mischievous smile playing on his lips in the dim moonlight, she got the impression that whatever dreams were filling Mido's head, they would be helpful in the morning...
Well, I hope you found that one to be better than chapter one. I think it is, personally. Anyway, whether you like it or not, give me feedback! Review! Now! I command you!