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The next morning Loki looked a little haggard. He hadn't slept well. Somehow seeing Taulin and Hajatu together like that had worsened his present ordeal. He was unsure as to what to think, he felt something odd in him that he hadn't ever felt before. Wistfulness, anger, longing, other things he could not name, all wrapped up into one complex emotion leading back to the nucleus of all his recent problems, Fenris. He didn't know what to call it, but it was definitely a negative feeling. He didn't speak to anyone during breakfast and normally would have excused himself right after he had finished eating, but he needed to speak with Taulin. So Loki had to endure loud, unwanted company while he waited.
Finally he saw Taulin leave the hall, he got up and followed her. He strode up behind her and addressed her once in the hallway outside the dining refractory. "Blood Rose." She stiffened and turned around, barley masking her surprise.
"Y-yes Master Loki?" He shook his head,
"You are a council member. You are the ones in charge now, not I." Taulin smiled a little,
"I don't know if I'll ever get used to that...Did you need something?" She peered up at him curiously. Loki gave a short nod.
"You still have the gift of farsight...do you not?" Taulin nodded hesitantly,
"Yes...did you need to see something?" The man was silent staring at the floor. Taulin tried to read his face, but found nothing there to indicate an answer.
"Loki?" She asked timidly, "What is all this about?" He muttered something unintelligible. She shook her head leaning in so she could hear him better. "What? I didn't quite--" Loki's head snapped up and he half-shouted at her,
"Fenris!" She took a step back, surprised at his sudden rancor. She composed herself and tried to sound non-accusing,
"You would like me to use my gifts to show you Fenris.. is that it?" The man nodded again. "I see...may I inquire why?" Loki gave her a frosty glare,
"That reason is my business." She shivered inwardly at his tone, and turned, beckoning him to follow her. She murmured to herself,
"You could have simply said no..."
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A few minutes later they were in a small, dark room with an extremely high ceiling. The only source of light was the shaft of sunlight that came down through a round opening in the roof. There were slits all along the walls in a primitive attempt for a ventilation system. Taulin indicated a place in the middle of the room. "Light a fire there." Loki obediently did as he was told. Taulin knelt down in front of the fire and procured forth some herbs and a small chunk of incense. of the fire and procured forth some herbs and a small chunk of insence. She tossed in the herbs one at a time, murrmuring an incantation. After she took a long, thin splinter of wood and used it to light the incense. An earthy smell filled the room, one of old plants and the dust of ages. The woman went into a trance-like state, murmurring over and over her incantation. Loki felt a bead of sweat trickle down his neck, he peered closley at the fire, nothing seemed to be changing.
He vaugley wondered if the spell absolutley had to be preformed in this tiny room, though the openings for the smoke at least kept them from suffocating, they did nothing for the heat. Almost before his thought finished, Taulin rised her arms to the heavens, a great gust of wind whipped throughout the chamber. For a breif moment, the fire had almost died, but then sprang back up again with just as much vigor as before only.. the flames were blue. Loki sudddenly realized that there had been a sudden decrease in temperature. Taulin wiped her brow and crushed some herbs between her hands,
"Good... now.. Loki, you must focus all your thoughts on Fenris after I start the next spell, if your thoughts stray for even a moment, the spell will fail. The more you are able to remember, the stronger the memories are, it will increase the strength of the spell. Are you ready?" He stared unblinkingly at the uncanny fire,
"Just do it." Taulin nodded and sketched a design in the air, almost reminicant of a complicated Rune. Loki could hear Taulin's voice, but it didn't register. He was too busy thinking of another's voice, her eyes, her mannerisims, her likes, dislikes, the way she looked so calm as she slept under the stars, everything he could remember about her. He was lost in a world of dreams and memories, countless thoughts of Fenris flew by. The fire grew even brighter, and then the flames parted. He blinked a few times as he heard Taulin's voice, strangley deep, ring out in a command,
"Behold! Look into the fire, and you shall see your heart's desire."
Loki leaned in closer to the flames, peering intently through the blue, lashing whips of fire. He could have cried out for joy. He saw her, more entrancing than he remembered. Her eyes shone out amidst the flames, darker, almost a purple hue, rather than a true blue. Her hair swept about her face in a casual manner, not pulled back as she normally wore it. Loki unconsiously clenched his fists as he gazed desperatley into the fire. Despite himself, his lips moved to form her name, his voice barley more than a whisper. His joy was suddenly washed away, his heart hurt again, he wanted to reach out and touch her face, fall through the fire and come out next to her. He was surprised as he heard a voice. Fenris! He blinked remembering the voices' owner after a moment, Iris. Fenris looked over preumabley where Iris was. The image drew back some, showing more of Fenris and her surrounding area. She half smiled. Yes Iris? He closed his eyes, That voice... he quickly snapped his eyes open, 'lest the image suddenly dissapear on him. He'd missed Iris' response. Fenris was nodding. Allright, I am ready to go then. He saw a bit of the cleric's pigtails bounce near the fringes of the image. Fenris ran a hand through her hair as she started after Iris. She paused curiously, and turned her head around. Something...? He could see her eyes trying to find something there that should not have been. Iris called her name again. She shook her head and continued walking. Her figure wavered, there were some green splotches amidst the blue, before the fire started to turn a pale yellow-green, then all of a sudden it sprang back to life as a normal red-hot fire. Loki jumped back in the nick of time with a minimal amount of grace.
He turned to Taulin, his eyes desperate he was about to ask if she could bring Fenris back, but the lady assasin looked so exhausted he felt a twinge of regret. He got up and walked over to her, which took about one and a half steps, and knelt beside her. "Are you allright? Is the spell that taxing?" Taulin nodded meekly,
"I shall be fine, I.. wasn't quite as ready to compensate for your strong memories and emotions as I thought.." He helped her stand up. She closed her eyes, "There is something you wish to ask me Loki?" He nodded,
"...Yes. Taulin, do you think perhaps you could show me her again? Tomorrow? Or even...every day?" He sounded so desperate, so pained, she didn't know what to do. Even though Taulin had long since forgotten and given up her feelings for Loki, especaially now that she had Hajatu, she couldn't help but feel a bit of pain within her chest. The way he looked at her, the way he wants her.. needs her now..Loki, we were never to be. I accepted this fact long ago, must it still hurt though? She opened her eyes and nodded,
"Yes Loki, I could. After I break my fast each morning, you shall find me here." It's all I can do for you now. A tangled, knotted, broken thread of love is all that remains between us, though you'll never know that. I couldn't ask for more from Hajatu, yet somehow.. Loki mutterd his thanks and walked out the door, lost within his own thoughts, leaving the Blood Rose alone. She sighed taking off her headress for a moment, her hair falling down around her shoulders. She turned to the wall and thought to herself, It doesn't matter now, it's in the past. Ancient history now. A new age is at hand...the age of change. The age of Ragnarok.
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True to her word, ever morning after dining in the refactory, Taulin would go and find Loki in the room, waiting, usually with a fire lit. His eyes slowly turned more and more vacant as the blue fires consumed him. He did not know what else to do. He couldn't look away, yet it pained him to see her when he could not be with her. He wondered if it made everything worse, but he wanted to wanted her so much, he was willing to face further pain. And all the while, Taulin watched as his glass-green eyes became emptier and emptier, she felt as trapped as he. She could see his desire, but she could also see his pain. Worst of all she could see how empty his life had become. Fenris had touched him in a way no one else could, a way none of them could ever hope to recreate. She was disconcerted by the change his eyes had undergone, they seemed flat, as though a wall were behind them at times. More and more after the viewing, he would just sit there, still gazing at the fire, as though he could still see her.
Loki sat in a secluded part of the gardens. It had been exactly one month, two weeks, three days, and about four hours since he had said goodbye to her. If ever he was human to begin with, he showed no vestiges of it now. He had become more of a machine, than a man, going though the motions of life without actually living it. The only times he felt alive now, were as he watched Fenris. His mind was blank at all other times, so he was startled when he had a sudden, self-reflective thought out of nowhere.
I'm obsessed.
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Far away from the desert in Morroc, another soul was having a similar thought. I'm paranoid. Fenris shook her head, I can't be paranoid...but I can't help but feel someone is watching me... someone who is not Freya.. or Sara Irine...but someone else. The warlock frowned voicing her thoughts out loud, "Who though? Who is it that keeps watching me?" Me? Don't you mean 'us' Fenris? Fenris sbit her lip, "No.. it's only me...like a pair of eyes are transfixed on me not Chaos, not Iris. Me." She sighed and looked up at the sky, "I wish you were here Loki, I'd sleep easier knowing you were here to take care of this mysterious force.. whatever..whoever it is..."
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Ta daaaaa! End chapter four! Meant to have more of Fenris' pov but oh well ::shrugs:: off to the next chapter!