Bleeding Soul and Silent Screams

Chapter 20 Always a Next Time

"Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
I can't go on like this
I loathe all I've become

Won't you take me away from me"

-Evanescence

Ginny ran up to her dorm room and slammed the door shut. Any emotions of sadness were gone and replaced by anger. She had never experienced anger so deep against Hermione and Harry. "How am I going to fix this?" she thought.

Her mind immediately ran to her knife as she paced back and forth across the floor. She stood still for a moment and stared at her pillow. Just a few quick slashes and she would be okay again, she would be calm. But Ginny shook her head furiously and began to pace again. She wasn't going to take the easy way out this time, she was going to be strong and figure her problem out.

Ginny grabbed a piece of parchment writing a quick letter to Draco and sent her owl off.

Harry walked into the great hall with a look of defeat on his face. Hermione quickly walked up to him with a smile.

"So, did everything go okay?" she asked.

"What do you think?" Harry replied with sarcasm dripping from his voice, "she hates me now and it's all because of you. I was okay with her hating you, but I can't have my best friend's sister hating me."

"Oh gee, Harry, I feel so loved, thanks," she snapped, "could you just tell me what happened?"

"Well, I pulled her over to the side and she seemed all nervous. Then when I told her I fancied her she went crazy and started accusing me," Harry started.

"Well why didn't you kiss her or something?" Hermione asked urgently.

"I did," he said slowly, "But that just made her even more angry. Now she really hates me."

"Who hates you?" said a voice behind Harry and Hermione. They both jumped and turned around to see Ron and Luna.

"Oh, no one," Harry said quickly.

"Come one Harry, I'm not that stupid. Just tell me," Ron said rolling his eyes.

But when neither responded after a few moments Ron's eyes widened.

"You're not still going on about Ginny, are you?" he asked suspiciously, but his suspicion was confirmed when they both lowered their heads.

"What has she done this time?" he asked.

"Well she-" Harry began but stopped when Hermione elbowed him in the side.

"We're just worried about her is all. She's been so distant lately," Hermione finished trying to sound believable.

"Gin is always distant. It's just the way she is. I'm telling you, just leave her alone and she'll stop trying to get all the attention," he said, "But both of you better tell me if she starts hanging around the ferret again."

"Oh that's real nice Ron," Hermione replied sarcastically, "You only care what happens to her when someone else notices her."

"I'm just looking out for-" He began but stopped when Hermione threw him a dirty look.

"If you guys want, I could talk to Ginny. We're not too close but maybe I could get something out of her," Luna piped up.

"Would you?" Hermione asked eagerly.

"Yea, I'll see if I can talk to her in the next couple of days," she replied.

"Thanks," Hermione said with a smile.

Draco gripped the parchment furiously as he read it.

Do you think you could meet me in the astronomy tower tonight? I really need to talk.

Love,

Ginny

"I need to talk to you about something? I wonder what that could mean?" he thought sarcastically.

How could she just pretend that nothing happened? Why did she need him anymore when she had her precious Potter to watch over her? Draco was never important to her. Just a toy to get what she ultimately wanted. As each thought passed through his mind he grew angrier.

How could she betray him like that? She had now left a hole in his heart, a place that she was meant to stay in. Draco gripped his head as his temples throbbed.

"That's not true Draco," Ginny whispered, "I care about you and I love you."

He could here her words echoing in his head. Love? She didn't love him and she never would.

"Its because no one cares and no one has ever shown love towards me therefore I don't know how to love." Draco ended.

He felt the anger well up in him stronger than before. How could he have been so open with her? How could he tell her his deepest secrets? "Love is something I will never know," he thought furiously.

Then an idea came to mind as a sly smile drew across Draco's face. A Malfoy didn't love. A Malfoy only showed love for himself. Surely Ginny Weasley would know that. And even if she didn't he would prove it.

Draco walked into his private room with a smile and thinking, "Two can play at this game."

Ginny sat in the astronomy tower trying to huddle from the cold. It had been an hour since they usually met and Draco had yet to come. Her patience grew weary with each passing minute and before long she left the tower knowing he wouldn't show.

"I suppose that I'll just talk to him tomorrow," Ginny thought as she walked into the common room.

She awoke at seven-thirty and quickly proceeded to the great hall in hopes of talking to Draco before they ate breakfast. Ginny tied her hair in a loose ponytail and ran down the stairs only to stop dead when she saw a blonde with a brunette attached to his side.

"No, it can't be him," she thought quickly. "How many other blondes do you know in this school?" her mind retorted.

She ran over to the blonde and quickly called out his name.

"What do you want Weasley?" Draco said with a cold tone that made Ginny flinch.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," she began.

"No need to tell me anything, weasel. I saw everything that happened between you and Potter," he spat.

That's what I wanted to talk-" Ginny began but was cut off.

"Do you think I care about that Weasel?" he said with a harsh tone, "Why would I give a damn if you're fucking Potter?"

"Draco, why are you acting like this?" she asked with tears in her eyes, "I thought- I thought you loved me."

"Love you? A filthy, poor, little rodent? How could I love anything as disgusting as you?" he spat, "Draco Malfoy loves no one but himself."

"And maybe his bitches," he added with a smirk as Pansy gave a small giggle.

Ginny ran up the stairs, tears streaming down her face, as Draco pulled Pansy into a rough kiss. But when he caught a short glance at her face, he couldn't help but feel guilt.

What if he was wrong about Ginny and Potter? "It won't matter now. She won't forgive me after this," he thought sadly.

He swung his arm around Pansy's waist as they continued into the great hall.

Ginny bolted into her dorm room and dove for her pillow. She had never felt pain this deep, this horrible before. Her world was crumbling, and if she didn't stop it, it would be gone forever.

"Cut it all out. Cut out all the bad. Cut until you're clean," was all she could think.

Ginny took the knife and ran it across her arm. Cut after cut after cut. She hardly paid attention to where or how deep she cut, all she could think of was getting rid of the pain.

When she finally felt the ache lessen, even though it was only a little, she dropped the knife on the floor and watched the blood flow gently out of her arms. She slid down the wall and bore her arms for the world to see and tears streamed down her face.

That's when she noticed it. Too much blood was coming from her right arm. Her right wrist to be precise. She must have not looked carefully enough when she cut.

Ginny felt herself grow pale, as the blood coming from her wrist seemed to thicken and grow deeper in color. She ran to the bathroom and grabbed a towel. She had cut too deep. She wrapped the towel around her wrist as tight as she could and prayed the blood flow would stop.

"I'll be more careful next time," she thought but instantly became sickened. Was this how her life was going to be forever? Would there always be a next time? "Always a next time, always a next time," she thought sadly as the tears poured from her eyes.

She walked over to the mirror and felt sick. Was this how she would always be? Would she always be the girl who depended on her knife to get her through the day? Ginny slid down to the floor. She didn't know anymore. Everything was too confusing, too big to deal with. She wanted it to be over with; she wanted to go back to the days when life was simple and a skinned elbow was the only thing that made her cry. Ginny Weasley wanted her life back.

A/N: sorry for making you wait so long for my next chapter. I've been busy with school and all that stuff. I know Draco was a bit of an asshole in this chapter but everything will fall into place in the end. I hope you liked this chapter.