Buffy, accompanied by a nervous Andrew, strode forcefully into the lobby of the Wolfram and Hart building. Unfortunately, the dramatic effect of her entrance was ruined by the presence of Angel. It's hard to make a grand entrance when you're pushing a stroller.
She was still steamed about having to bring Angel to the Roman headquarters of Evil, Incorporated; Dawn had slipped out the door at 6:30 a.m. to spend the day with her boyfriend, Fabio. Just wait until she gets home, Buffy thought peevishly. Adding to her annoyance, the assorted Wolfram and Hart employees continued about their business, completely ignoring the intruders.
Waving away a cloud of tobacco smoke, Buffy said, "I want to speak to your CEO."
A voluptuous brunette, dressed in a micro-mini skirt, slowly descended the main staircase. "I am Ilona Bianchi," she said. "And you are?"
Buffy hated Ilona on sight. Drawing herself up to her full height of 5'2" she said, "I'm Buffy Summers."
Ilona sauntered over to Buffy, thrust out her munificent bosom and said, "I have heard much about you. You were the lover of both Angelo and Spike, such handsome men," She eyed Buffy from top to bottom, sniffed, and said, "I was expecting you to be a much more womanly woman."
Buffy glared daggers at Ilona. Ilona sneered. The two women circled each other warily for several minutes; every man present, yes, even Andrew, hoped for a catfight.
Sadly, their hopes were dashed by Angel who chose that moment to let out a loud yell. Ilona, upon seeing him, cried, "Ah, little Angelo! What a darling bambino!. I heard from Harmony that Angelo had been reborn as a human. I see it is true. Such a handsome man he was! And will be again. He will grow up to be a strong, magnificent stallone, a prince among men."
"As long as he doesn't run into any gypsies," Andrew muttered.
He was overheard. "Gypsies, bah, we will not speak of them again." Ilona spat. "What brings you here?" she asked.
Buffy felt that it was high time to assert herself. "I'm here because you're harboring a dangerous vampire," she said, a touch of steel in her voice.
Ilona refused to be intimidated. She took a step towards Buffy and said, "My employees are none of your business, little skinny one."
"I can't let Harmony wander around Rome," Buffy said. "She's a loose cannon." Several bystanders, having met Harmony, made the universal 'she's nuts' sign.
Ilona gave Buffy an incredulous look. "Harmony? Dangerous? Do you mean the same girl I hired as my receptionist? Bah! She is too weak and how do you say, idiotic, to be evil. Besides, she has given up human blood. She claims it has too much cholesterol. You Americans and your health fads," she said with a shrug.
"What's the deal with hiring Harmony? I mean, she's not exactly the brightest bulb in the chandelier," Buffy said, still ticked off that Harmony had landed a good job.
Ilona shrugged again. "She is blond and pretty. It does not matter that she is stupid. Anyway, she is not here. She is taking a vacation. She won't be back for six weeks." Amused at Buffy's chagrin, Ilona continued, "Unlike you, we are a civilized nation, we understand the value of leisure time. Now go."
Buffy briefly considered trashing the place, but decided it wouldn't be doable with Angel present. Damn, having a kid really cramps your style, she thought. And Harmony getting six weeks paid vacation! That really frosts my Wheaties. Swallowing her irritation, she gave Ilona her best false smile, she said, "Thank you very much for the information. Tell Harmony that if I see her, I'll stake her on sight."
Ilona responded with an even phonier smile and said, "Good luck to you, little flat one."
Buffy glowered but held her temper, much to the disappointment of the male bystanders.
Two days later at Buffy's apartment:
Buffy heard a knock on the door. "Get it willya, Dawnie," she said.
Dawn answered the door, had a brief conversation with the visitor, and returned with a large envelope. "It's from that law firm," she said, tossing the envelope onto a table.
Buffy picked up the envelope gingerly, as if she feared it contained a lethal virus. Finally, she ripped it open and removed the contents. Roger leaned forward, eager to see what the minion of evil had sent the Slayer.
"It's a birth certificate," Buffy said. "An Italian birth certificate for Angel. Except she's got him down as Angelo."
"Most decent of her," Roger conceded. "May I ask whom is listed as the mother?"
Buffy scanned the document, trying to decipher the Italian phrases. "I am from the looks of it." She sighed. "Oh well, just what I needed. At least will come in handy in case anyone starts asking questions about Angel." Buffy frowned. "I can't make the rest of it out."
Dawn snatched the birth certificate out of Buffy's hands. "My Italian is a lot better than yours," she said. She read a few words and started snickering.
"What's so funny?" Buffy snapped.
Dawn kept laughing. After a few moments, tears streaming down her face, she calmed down enough to say, "It says the father is 'unknown'."
Buffy turned beet red, grabbed the paper out of Dawn's hand, and yelled, "I don't believe this! That Tuscan tramp put both down 'Father Unknown' on this birth certificate. Now everyone's gonna think I'm a bimbo."
Roger manfully refrained from comment.
Dawn said helpfully, "At least they didn't put down Spike's name."
Buffy glared at her. "Don't forget who's paying your allowance," she said. Dawn had another attack of the giggles.
Deciding to ignore her sister, Buffy put the birth certificate down, picked up Angel, and said, "Well, at least everything is back to normal here."
Unbeknownst to Buffy, someone had been watching her apartment for days, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. At midnight, after using a complex series of spells to deactivate the magic shield Willow had placed over the building, a shadowy figure entered Angel's room, took him from his bassinet and disappeared into the dark Roman night.