As Connie pulled out on the main road, she knew there was only one place she wanted to go. She couldn't go to the hospital when she was this close to losing it – the idea of any more of her staff seeing her crying terrified her. She saw no point in going back to a big empty house and drinking her way through Michael's scotch. She needed to talk to someone who would listen to her without judging her. She needed to tell someone the whole truth and undoubtedly, it would be easiest to tell the person who already had ninety per cent of the story. She needed to see Ric.

Stepping out of the car she broke into a run, desperate to be in his arms, almost forgetting to lock the car in her hurry. He had the door open before she needed to ring the bell and she threw herself against him, feeling herself trembling as he wrapped his arms around her and gently led her inside.

'Calm down' she heard him whisper and she realised that there were tears streaming down her face 'it can't have been that bad'

'I… he… he tried to kiss me. He told me that he loved me. He told me he went back for me' she stammered, leaning hopelessly against Ric's chest as they sat on the uncomfortable sofa

'He went back for you?' Ric repeated softly, choosing to ignore the more complex question of the present until he had the past straight in his mind

'Rosie was using him' Connie sniffed 'he got to London and realised his mistake apparently. By the time he returned several months later, I had gone'

'Do you believe him?' Ric asked and she realised it had never even occurred to her that he might not be telling the truth about going back for her. That despite everything, he still had her trust.

'I don't know' she replied eventually 'I want to believe him but he's hardly got a great track record for being truthful'

'No…' Ric murmured softly, weaving his hand through her hair in a vain attempt to comfort her 'did he say why he came to Holby?'

'I didn't ask' Connie wiped her face leaving deep grey trails of mascara across her face 'but he can't possibly have known I was here'

'I suppose not' Ric agreed doubtfully 'but you must see that it's a fairly massive coincidence that after all these years you should end up in the same bar, hundreds of miles from where you grew up…'

'What are you saying?' Connie asked with a vague note of panic in her voice 'He came to Holby because he knew I was here? But how could he…'

'You haven't exactly kept a low profile since you arrived. The explosion made the front page of several nationals and Will's death popped up in a few as well' he paused 'it wouldn't be hard for him to spot you and track you down to the hospital'

'You're right' she sighed heavily 'he came back to mess it up for me'

'So don't let him' Ric whispered softly 'nobody can wreck your life without your permission'

'That is, without a doubt, the most pathetically pointless piece of sentiment you've ever come out with' Connie replied scornfully

'No it isn't' Ric protested 'he can try and make things difficult for you but he can't ruin anything unless you let him. Something is only ruined when you give up on it'

'When did you start being so maddeningly sensible?' Connie looked at him and blinked sadly

'I checked in my reckless streak on the flight to Ghana and forgot to pick it up again. Being far away from home, my family and any bookmakers was quite a wake up call' Ric smiled slowly 'What is it that frightens you so much Connie?'

'What do you mean?' she inhaled sharply 'I'm not frightened…'

'You're absolutely terrified' Ric told her 'is it of Michael finding out about the lies you've told?'

'Sort of' she took a deep breath 'I wasn't entirely honest with you…'

'In what way?' Ric's face remained impassive as he waited for her to continue but she didn't, instead burying her head in his chest, sure that when she told him, he would hate her

'When he left… before he left' she let out another sob 'something happened'

'What?' he encouraged her gently as another tide of tears overcame her leaving her trembling hopelessly in his arms 'Did he hurt you?'

'No' Connie almost laughed 'not in the way you're thinking. About two months after we split up, I discovered I was pregnant'

'It was his?' Ric confirmed quietly

'I wasn't always such a tart' she retorted but her voice lacked its usual force. She just sounded tired 'of course it was his. I told him the night before he went to London. He was livid. Said he didn't want to know. Told me to get rid of it. Said he wouldn't have put it past me to get pregnant on purpose to trap him in our miserable little town until the day he died'

'And did you?'

'Do it on purpose?' she stood up furiously, and looked down at him with contempt 'of course not. How can you even ask me that? It was my worst nightmare – I was seventeen and had my sights set a little higher than motherhood in a godforsaken backwater of Scotland'

'Connie' he stood up and pushed her back to the sofa 'I meant did you get rid of the baby. I know you wouldn't do something like that on purpose'

'The day after he left I went into town… back street place. How I came out of it without septicaemia I'll never know but it was all I could afford' she paused for a moment and then shuddered at the memory 'their anaesthetic procedures weren't what they might have been. At least I wasn't pregnant any more. What I went through at that clinic was nothing compared to what my father would have done if he had found out'

'Does Michael know?' Ric asked softly, suspecting the answer was no. With a barely perceptible shake of her head, she confirmed his suspicions.

'I said…' she trailed off and tears started to roll down her cheeks again as she prepared to tell Ric the most terrible thing she'd ever done. The thing she was most ashamed of. The lie she most wished she'd never told 'when we met, I told him I couldn't have kids'

'You got an infection after the abortion?' Ric enquired as she shook her head tearfully

'I lied' she whispered 'I knew I didn't ever want children. Lying seemed a lot easier than telling him I didn't have a maternal bone in my body and that all I cared about was my career. He took it all in his stride but now…'

'What?' Ric asked, his face bearing no expression that might give away his reaction to her latest revelation

'Somehow he's convinced himself that my supposed infertility is something that affects me deeply. He's terrified of upsetting me – the mere mention of the word baby and he changes the subject' she took a deep breath 'that's what he thinks all this has been about'

'Have you considered telling him?' Ric asked slowly

'Oh that will be a fun conversation' she laughed out loud at the suggestion 'Sweetheart, you know I said I could never have your child because my tubes are blocked? I lied; I just don't want to have your babies. I don't think he'd take it well'

'No, you're probably right' Ric agreed 'Do you even know that Michael wants children?'

'No' she shook her head 'as conversations go, that would be a spectacularly pointless one. I don't want children and as far as he's concerned, I can't have them. What on earth would be achieved by discussing it further?'

'Michael might start to understand you a little bit better' Ric suggested 'you never know, he might surprise you'

'He won't' Connie replied dully 'Michael is as transparent as a window. He cares about two things in life; sex and money. I'm not essential for either, I'm just there in an attempt to add an air of respectability to his affairs with everything that's female and has a pulse'

'Well at least if you spoke to him, you'd both be starting on the same page. As it is, you're in different novels. Your marriage would stand more of a chance if you talked occasionally'

'Ric, you are the last person I would come to for advice on how to save my marriage' she laughed quietly 'although I admit, you're experienced'

'I asked for that' he laughed along with her as she leaned her head against him

'My marriage would stand more of a chance if we loved each other' she whispered 'if there was even a little passion left between us'

'You don't love Michael?' Ric repeated in surprise having spent the better part of five hours a few nights previously listening to her talk about how terrified she was that her past was going to destroy her present, in particular, her marriage to Michael.

'Not really' she glanced up at him 'I'm quite fond of him but more in a sort of sisterly way than anything. There's no passion there. There was a time when I burned with desire for him – it was a struggle to be in the same room as him without jumping him, a less than ideal state of affairs when you work together. Now we have perfunctory sex when I can't think of a good excuse not to and he isn't getting any from his secretary'

'Is that why you have the affairs?' Ric glanced down at her and she nodded slowly, shuffling up the sofa, diminishing the already tiny space between them

'I wouldn't call them affairs. Meaningless one-night-stands would be more accurate' she sighed and looked guiltily up at him 'I treated you like dirt didn't I'

'A little' he agreed slowly 'but I think I'm starting to understand why you do the things you do'

'You're one up on me then' she smiled self-deprecatingly 'because the workings of my mind are a mystery to me'

'You're not so complex' he whispered 'you need the basic things that everyone requires and once you know about your childhood, the way you go about getting them suddenly makes a lot of sense'

'Stop psychoanalysing me' she muttered softly 'it makes me a little uncomfortable and you're getting entirely too close to the mark'

'Does the mask ever slip?' Ric asked, more intrigued than anything 'when you're with Michael does your accent never drop? Haven't you ever mentioned your brother or your parents to Michael? Your real parents, I mean, not the fantasy. Hasn't he ever wondered why he's never met your family?'

'I ditched my accent so long ago, I'm not sure I could pick it up again if I tried' she began slowly 'It doesn't occur to me to mention my family in every day conversation. Up until the past week, I've barely given them a thought for twenty years. As for wondering why he's never met my parents, I think he's just glad not to have the in-laws breathing down his neck'

'I don't know how you do it' Ric said with a hint of admiration

'What?' she frowned slightly

'Become someone else because it suits you' he sighed 'a lot of the time I don't like who I am but I'm pretty sure if I tried to become someone else I'd fail miserably'

'It was hard at first' she said slowly 'remembering which lies I'd told. It gets easier though… after a while, I'd almost convinced myself that what I was saying was true'

'Do you never feel the need to release the real Connie?'

'Sometimes' she admitted 'mostly when I'm in bed'

'What do you mean?' he enquired, suddenly overcome by curiosity

'When I sleep with people' she elaborated 'Connie Beauchamp likes it hard and fast with no strings attached, even when it's Michael'

'And the real Connie?'

'The real Connie likes to be held sometimes' she told him sadly 'she likes it when a man takes his time over her and worships every inch of her body'

'Does the real Connie ever get what she wants?' Ric asked, feeling his right hand move towards her left breast, almost of its own accord

'Once' Connie said, her voice barely more than a whisper as it became clear to them both just how much she wanted him 'only once' she added, stifling a gasp as he slowly circled her nipple with his thumb through the flimsy material of her shirt.

'Do you want this?' he asked softly and she nodded, the power of speech stolen from her as he pushed her gently back onto the sofa

'Can we do this somewhere else?' she whispered as he lifted her top and gently bought his lips into contact with the soft skin of her stomach

'Bedroom' he stated, gently helping her to her feet and leading her into the bedroom, pulling her gently to the bed before continuing his ministrations, his tongue gently sweeping her abdomen, making sure he attended to every inch of the exposed skin before he gently reached up and undid her top, breaking a couple of buttons as they refused to yield to him

'That top was bloody expensive' she whispered in a voice husky with anticipation as he returned to exploring her breasts, first with his hands as he battled with her bra clasp for a moment before it surrendered, then with his tongue, gently circling each nipple in turn and smiling as she groaned with pleasure

'I'll by you a new one' he laughed, gently nibbling her right nipple, attending to her left with his thumb and forefinger, and alternating his attention between the two sides occasionally

'You couldn't afford it' she muttered, gasping as he made every inch of her upper body feel loved and appreciated, just as she said she liked it

'I'll sell my body' he laughed, knowing that the banter had to stop, purely because his mouth was occupied elsewhere

'Sold' was the last thing she said, a small laugh in her voice as he begun to kiss her neck, working his way painstakingly back down her body, pausing over every erogenous zone he knew of and discovering a few new ones along the way. Finally, after what felt to Connie like hours, he reached the waistband of her trousers and fumbled with button, his normally nimble fingers rendered useless by anticipation of what would surely be some of the best sex either of them had enjoyed in a long time. 'Let me' she whispered, pushing his hands out of her way and deftly unclasping the trousers, pushing them from her and watching as they fell in a heap at the foot of the bed revealing the smallest, most pointless knickers he had ever seen. Wordlessly, he removed them and flicked them carelessly to the side of the room, relishing the small gasp she released as he slid his hand between her legs, smiling as he realised she wanted him so much that she was virtually dripping. There was no doubt about it; this was how she liked it. Finally, having ascertained that she was ready for him, he bought his mouth between her toned thighs, using his tongue to gently tease her clitoris. He heard her breathing quicken and stifled a small smile that she was, despite her demanding exterior, extremely easily pleased. Bringing his head up, he replaced it with his hand, gently sliding three fingers into her, knowing he had hit the spot when he heard her release a small cry of pleasure. Feeling that she was nearing her climax, he moved his fingers in and out of her with languorous strokes, listening as her small moans grew to a cry of utter abandon as she came, the intensity of the sensation bringing tears to her eyes.

For a long time she lay in his arms, tears falling sporadically down her cheeks, her whole body twitching from aftershocks of her orgasm. Eventually, she started to return to the land of the living, turning to him with a small smile on her face.

'Thank you' she said and in her voice he heard the faint ghost of a long abandoned accent. Looking into her eyes, she seemed utterly changed; softer, calmer and far better for it.

'Any time' he grinned, kissing her shoulder tenderly as she turned to him, gently moving her hand towards his crotch, smiling as he groaned with anticipation 'don't feel you have to'

'I want to' she replied, a devilish smile on her face as she undid his trousers and pushed them aside leaving him in just his boxers 'these I remember' she laughed, twanging the waistband teasingly

'They need to go' Ric told her, pulling them off, wanting to remove the few remaining barriers that lay between them, even if it was as simple as a layer of elasticated material

'Mmm' she gave a murmur of agreement as she gently lowered her mouth onto him, expertly working her way up and down his length, her tongue moving in such a way that he was feeling surges of pleasure the like of which he had never experienced before. Quickly, he felt he was nearing the point of no return and he tapped her lightly on the shoulder, wondering briefly when she didn't respond whether she was going to take him all the way like this but with a final squeeze of her full lips she moved her mouth away and pulled herself up the length of his body until she was sitting astride him, her moans of pleasuring joining his as they moved together towards their climax. He kissed her hard as they came simultaneously and she crumpled into his arms, the tears rolling down both their cheeks.

'What are you thinking?' Ric asked gently as she lay in his arms, gazing into space, lost in her own world

'I'd forgotten how good that felt' she told him, rolling over to face him and wrapping her arms around him, her legs becoming entwined with his as she kissed him softly

'Sex?' he asked when she eventually released his mouth from hers

'Being made to feel loved' she told him softly, leaning her head against him 'being held afterwards. Making love'

'But surely Michael…' Ric trailed off as she winced at the mention of her husbands name from the lips of the man she had just slept with. Despite the blatant flouting of her marriage vows she didn't indulge in her flings as lightly as it would appear.

'Michael thinks that speed is a virtue' she told him with a sigh 'we go through the motions and then he rolls over and goes to sleep'

'That's not what you need?' Ric supplied and she nodded sadly, clinging more tightly to him 'Why don't you try talking to him?'

'It would achieve nothing' she sighed 'talking is only a worthwhile pastime if the other person has the ability to listen'

'Have you ever tried talking to Michael?' he asked and to his immense surprise, she nodded sadly, her hair rubbing gently against his chest with the movement of her head

'At the beginning I was always trying to make him talk' she took a deep breath 'he never listened and even I can't make someone hear what I'm saying when they don't want to'

'He listened when you told him…' Ric trailed off as she interrupted, not wanting to hear her terrible lie on his lips

'Typical; the one time I tell a particularly shameful lie and he listens to every word I'm saying' she shut her eyes tiredly 'hasn't heard a word I've said since'

'I'm sure that's not true' Ric attempted, suspecting that in fact, it was an entirely fair assessment of the situation. Michael seemed like the sort of man to only listen when he was hearing something he wanted to.

'It's true' she sat up, pulling the covers around her, her undressed state suddenly making her feel desperately uncomfortable, despite the fact that there was nothing Ric hadn't seen a least once before 'but I should go back to him. He's already livid with me about not going home on Tuesday; a repeat performance would not go down at all well'

'Okay' Ric nodded 'if that's what you want'

'It's not what I want' she kissed him lightly on the lips 'I could lie here next to you forever but the trouble it would cause' she shuddered 'my husband could make life very difficult for me, and for you, if he so wished'

'Well you know where I am if you want me' he told her, giving her arm a comforting squeeze as she leaned over to give him one last cuddle 'you only have to call'

'I know, I'll be fine' she stated without much confidence 'I'll see myself out'

'Goodbye Connie' he whispered softly as he heard the front door slam and she was gone