Chapter 6- A Molly Monologue

I suppose I should be over it by now, I mean it has been nearly two decades. They were my brothers, though. Fabian and Gideon were great guys. Really annoying at times, but all big brothers are supposed to be right? They were great uncles too, and I only wish that Fred and George had gotten to know them. Four peas in a pod, they would have been.

They used to come over and spoil Bill and Charlie. I had call our mum when they made a mess of my house letting the boys play with their wand. My boys think I'm bad, but I will never compare to my own mum. Fabian and Gideon tread lightly in my house from then on, though they still came over for food since mum had taken to making them prepare and clean up after themselves. Funny, really, how you never really appreciate those times until it's too late.

They had come over and told Arthur and I about the Order, when it was first formed. Told us we could help a lot, and that they needed every person they could to defeat You-Know-Who. Arthur had just been hired with the Ministry, and I told my brothers that we had to be careful about finding loyalties outside of that for the time being. The truth was that I was terrified. I had three little boys at the time; Bill, Charlie, and Percy, who was just starting to learn how to walk. I had heard about You-Know-Who going after whole families, and some of them were mentioned as being in the Order by Fabian and Gideon.

Sorry, I don't mean to get so emotional wipes tear… but I just wonder if they would still be here had I joined, had there been just a few more people, would it have made a difference?

I had never met Lily and James Potter, and many people hadn't heard who they were until they were murdered. It wasn't until ten years, or so, later that the guilt for the Potters rushed through me. "Mum, Harry never gets anything for Christmas," Ron had written. Never… a child who had never had a descent Christmas. By no means have we had elaborate Christmas gifts or celebrations for our children, but I made sure my children cherished those times growing up. Harry's parents were gone, though. I took special care with a sweater for him that year. I had Arthur send Ron a few extra sickles so he could get Harry something special as well.

If we had joined would Harry have had Christmas for all those years?

Harry's become a part of our lives and family, but then what about Neville? I only found out about his situation one night when Kingsley was talking with Moody in the kitchen at Grimauld Place. He never really knew his parents, but they've been around all this time. I remember being there when my own parents grew older and passed away, and I don't think anyone should have to do that, especially as a young child. Perhaps what he saw with his parents scared the magic out of him in a way. Maybe it was the pressure of living up to his father, who had been top Auror, was too much for him to handle at first.

I remember Alice fairly well. I was in my sixth year when she came in. I was a Prefect and got to help direct the group of first years make it back to the common room. Alice had a small kitten, one that kept getting away from her and that I finally had to get back with a summoning charm. She was a sweet girl, always including the least likely of people. Didn't like anyone to feel left out or anything of the sorts. I don't know how she met Frank, and I didn't really get to meet him myself, not that I remember at least. Arthur mentioned once that he had to talk to Frank about his constant attempts to go up the girl's staircase.

Neville's grandmother is a good woman, and I have met her on a few small occasions, but I don't think she was ready to start raising another child after dealing with what can basically be considered a loss. She still talks fondly of her son, and I don't think Neville feels very adequate because of that. Ron told me he's been catching on and doing better lately, but I don't think the way he has to see his parents helps any.

Would Neville have had such a hard time with things if Arthur and I had answered the call for help?

Perhaps I was being silly with the Boggart, but maybe not. We've answered the call this time, and we know what we're risking. "They're no hiding from them," Arthur told me when I considered backing out and helping in a lesser way. He's right. Look what happened to Ginny, my baby girl. I don't know what I would have done had You-Know-Who succeeded that year. What if she were hurt or…or…

Would I have been able to prevent Ginny's pain that year if I had joined?

What about Percy? The rest of us are protected with the Order, but he still hasn't come home. I pray everyday for him to be safe and to pay attention to what's going on around him. What if that's not enough though? Could I have taught him better? Or maybe I didn't approach the situation correctly.

Maybe if I had joined he would understand what the Order is trying to do, and how things were going to be handled.

I've tried hard not to worry, but what if something happens to Arthur and I? I know Dumbledore has said they'll be taken care of, but who can they turn to the way they do with me? I know that they don't discuss everything with me, but I'm their mother, and who can give them the love I would. I don't think anyone could give them the same kind of hug, or nurse them the same way I would when they're sick. I know Bill and Charlie wouldn't let them starve or go without, but what about teaching Ginny to cook like she's been asking? Or teaching Ron how to dance? He asked me a few weeks ago and was blushing in front of me, and I know he would be too embarrassed to ask his brothers for that.

I found out about my pregnancy with Fred and George a month before Fabian and Gideon were killed. It took five Death Eaters, I heard, five. Every time I see Fred and George it makes me wonder what they'll have to do. They never understood that my nagging was concern for what they would have to face. If they had only worked more on Counter Jinxes and Defense spells then on their silly fake wands and Skiving Snackboxes. They thought I didn't think a business was proper, but it wasn't that. It wasn't that at all. A different time and situation I might have encouraged it a bit, or at least not been so forceful with the idea of stopping it.

They were great brothers, Fabian and Gideon; and I wish I would have helped, because then maybe they would still be here today.

A/N: Okay, drying my eyes! These just get harder to write! (well the Tom one wasn't too difficult, but that's because I wasn't trying to make people feel sad, only to make them look from another angle…) This one's hard because she resents herself (at least in this version) and I just picture her saying all of this and sobbing the entire way through (which I tried to give hint to happening by showing when she starts to cry, so if you didn't get that, now you do). If you like this PLEASE REVIEW! And tell other people about it as well =) Thank you!

Thanks:

Mell Minamoto: I like your ideas, but they're just too common for what I'm trying to go from here, and I hope that doesn't offend you, though I like the Sirius idea, and might use it, but still there are a lot out there that do the same thing. I'm really trying to go for characters that you read between the lines with, a little flatter in development. I know I'm weird but that's just how I like to work with these: characters that have just enough development that I can have fun changing things to being how I see them… if that makes sense. I did that in English my Sophmore year in HS. We had just finished Shakespeare's Julius Caesar and the teacher wanted us to do a diary on any one of the characters big or small. Most people did Caesar or Mark Antony or any one of the big characters, and I chose to do Calpurnia (Caesar's wife) because she has a total of like 3 lines. Every time I see her (even years later) my teacher mentions that she remembers that project because no one ever does that character.

Angel718: Would you like me to send it to you via e-mail or does it not really phase you either way? That one definitely wasn't supposed to endear Tom by ANY means. I might be writing one with Peter, and it'll be the same deal… not to make you feel sorry for him, just because it's interesting to see it from another view.

Daisaigai697832: I like the DADA teacher idea, and I might have to use it =) I guess I always assumed that Voldermort created the unforgivables, so I'm sort of surprised that people found that bit interesting, but I guess it never does say who came up with them, so what do I know right? Thanks for reviewing and I hope you like this chapter.

JamieBell: Thank you! I'm glad you figured out who I was talking about. Hope you like this chapter. I'm so flattered that you think this is the best…. Or is that a bad thing…. Jk thanks for always reviewing!