Disclaimer: This is an AU, meaning Alternate Universe. I am not JRR, do
not pretend to be JRR, or want to be JRR. I am simply writing in his
world, borrowing a few (not all) of his characters for a completely non
canon romp. I make no money off of this, have no wish to make money off
of this, and am writing for my own enjoyment and for groupies that I may
some day have. Heh.
More to follow, am setting up for .. stuff. classified stuff. yeah. bad stuff. That's it. That's the ticket.
Legolas shifted in his seat and turned his attention back to the sullen girl in front of him.
Disa was quite pretty in her own way. Dark brown eyes contrasted with pale skin, and rich brown hair fell in thick waves to her waist. Her figure was still childishly slim but there was the indication that she would be a buxom woman based upon the slight curve of her hips in her tightly laced burgundy gown.
The negotiations with Synan had been intense and tiring but incredibly fruitful for both the kingdom and for the merchants. It had also been incredibly enjoyable on his part. He had still worn the vestiges of a smile when he returned to his rooms and settled tiredly into a chair in front of the fire. His mood of elation and satisfaction had drained away instantaneously, and the pain in his back had returned just as quickly when he found the girl waiting for him, eyes blazing with dislike. The smile was gone as he considered the girl in front of him.
The girl shifted from one foot to another, her pout deepening. Lanelese bustled in the corner of the room, preparing a bath while Clotild waited patiently to help him out of his gown.
He looked down at the rich silk and then rubbed the fabric against his arm as he thought. ::I hate to admit it to myself, but this is far more comfortable than Arnlaug's leggings ever were. I simply do not like things at my waist right now.:: An impatient sigh drew his attention again and his eyes returned to the girl waiting expectantly before him. He unconsciously continued stroking the sleeve while he studied the girl again.
They had gotten off to a poor start, it seemed. Disa had been insulted that she had not been immediately recognized, received and ushered up to the high table for a seat that fit her rank as Lord Kelsig's daughter. Being seated with the servants, even noble ones, had rankled her beyond belief. Valda's gentle introduction and escort to the Queen's chambers and explanation of her duties as a Maid of Honor had not eased the transition.
"I apologize that I was unable to receive you immediately upon your arrival, Disa. I trust that Valda was able to answer any questions you might have?" He smiled in what he hoped was a comforting manner.
The girl frowned. "You were unable to receive me because you were in deep discussion with a man. A man not your husband or of your family." The girl's voice dripped with rebuke.
Legolas felt his left eyebrow climb to the middle of his forehead at this show of disrespect. "And this is wrong?"
Pulling her frame even straighter, Disa answered. "My father says that a woman should not involve herself in discourse with any man except her husband and family. And even then, only at her husband's bidding."
"I was involved in some rather important negotiations at the time. Again, I apologize for any insult you took from that." He shook his head. Why should he explain himself to her? "I hope you understand that my household runs on the customs of my people, which appear to be vastly different than the customs of your father's home." He noticed that Lanelese had finished with preparing the bath and was now listening intently with an air of not listening at all.
"So you run a household of loose women who involve themselves in things that do not concern them, such as negotiations and politics?" The girl's stance was still aggressively straight.
"In short, yes. If you do not approve, I'm sure that we can find someone to take you home to your father." Legolas sighed and slowly stood, stretching and bending, trying to get the pain in his back to subside. He then gestured to Clotild so that she could help him remove the gown. The thought of a warm bath was a welcome distraction from the girl who still looked at him with a cross of disgust and anger.
Clotild's clever fingers unlaced the back of the gown and then found the area that had been paining him. Her voice was low with concern. "Your back again?"
"My back still." He responded, wincing as she tried to massage the pain from the offending area. "It hasn't stopped hurting for weeks, it seems." After a moment, he shook his head and she stopped. Her attempts, no matter how well intentioned, never seemed to help.
He stepped from the gown and Clotild deftly pulled it up and then tossed it to Disa. The girl staggered under the weight of the heavy material, mouth opening and closing in rage like a fish. It was obvious she hadn't expected to have to work.
He stepped into the tub and sank down with another sigh, this one of relief. Lanelese knelt by his side and began to undo his intricate braids while he allowed himself to relax into the warm water.
When he had first arrived, the thought of these women helping him with even the simplest actions of dressing had been embarrassing and unwanted. Now he enjoyed their attentions. He closed his eyes as Lanelese finished unbraiding and began washing his hair.
The quiet was broken by Disa's next words. "What do you want me to do with THIS? I am no servant. My father would never allow this if he knew what was going on here!"
Legolas opened one eye and watched as the girl threw the gown that had still been in her arms at Clotild. He closed his eye again and wished he could simply put his head under the water and hide from the entire world. Or at least the girl. "I would suggest you treat everyone here with respect, child. You may end up with them serving you when I leave in a few months." He tried to make his voice mild, but knew that he was failing miserably when he heard the sharp tone echo in the room.
Disa turned and scowled down at the elf in the tub. "What kind of woman can leave behind her husband and newborn babe? My father says that a woman's duty is to serve her husband and raise his children. To leave them behind is outside of what nature intended. You are an unnatural woman to even consider such a thing!"
It was a harsh and painful bark of laughter that escaped his lips. "Yes, I am an unnatural woman." His enjoyment of the bath had been ruined so he stood and allowed Lanelese to wrap him in a bath sheet. "I am the most unnatural woman you will ever know. And while you may feel free to insult me as you wish, you will not abuse the women in my household. While you were born to your nobility, they earned it at great risk to themselves. To my eyes, they are much nobler in bearing and behavior than you." As he spoke, he drew himself to his full height and coolly looked down his nose at the girl. After a moment, she shrank upon herself and looked away, cheeks red with shame.
Clotild silently came forward with a nightshift, and helped pull it gently over his head while Lanelese combed his hair. After a moment, he tried again. "I go down each morning to the stables to care for my horse and to ride. If you like to ride, you may accompany me at that time. I go later to the archery fields, but I am quite sure you would not want to join me there."
The girl's response was eerily quiet, her voice sad. "You do not behave as a proper woman should. Perhaps if you did the King would not make you leave him and your child behind, for that is the only reason I can see that he would let someone as beautiful as you go. If you were a proper woman, perhaps he would let you stay." There was a slight pause as if the girl was thinking. "And then I could go home to my father and mother."
The elf looked around to the girl to see the anger gone from her eyes, replaced by loneliness and tears. ::I keep forgetting that I am not the only person who has had their life torn away from them.:: He reached out a hand as if to touch her when another voice, equally sad, cut through the room.
"I am not making Legolas leave. If I thought she would, I would ask her to stay. But I will not stop her from leaving when she wishes, how she wishes." Aragorn stood in the doorway, a small blue jar in his hand. He shook his head at the girl and then continued. "Whether or not she is a "proper woman" is for me to determine, not for you or your father, and I will not hear you speak to her cruelly again, Disa."
The change in the girl's demeanor was immediate. She curtseyed deeply and then stood still, head bowed. She would not meet the King's eyes, but instead stared at the floor near his feet. "Yes, Majesty."
Aragorn surveyed the women in the room, his grey eyes taking in each one in turn. With a nod of permission from Legolas, he stepped into the room. "Please continue with your duties, Ladies. I just wish to speak to your Lady. Leave us when you have finished."
He walked to the fire and inspected it for a moment. Bending down to add another log, he used the poker to prod it into what he considered perfect placement. He then turned and sat in one of the chairs before the fire, stretching his long legs and yawning. He placed the jar on the table with a soft clink.
Legolas quietly came and stood behind the other chair, resting his arms across the high back. He raised his eyebrows and waited for Aragorn to speak. While he waited, he watched Lanelese showing Disa how to turn down the bed that he would once again refuse to sleep in, and summon the menservants to take the tub of water from the room. Clotild glided silently behind him and placed on the empty chair a blanket and pillow, perhaps hoping that he would take rest in front of the fire.
All but a few candles and lamps were blown out. The room was shrouded in near darkness, and then the women bowed as one and led Disa from the room. Legolas could feel the corners of his lips twitching into a sad smile. The reeducation of Disa would begin as soon as the door closed. He almost felt sorry for the girl. Almost.
A soft cough brought his attention back to the king, and he turned his cool gaze upon the man who sat in the chair. He attempted to make his posture relaxed but knew that there was tightness in his shoulders and neck that would be visible to knowledgeable watcher. "Well?" he prompted.
Aragorn studied the elf before him. The firelight made the dark circles under his eyes even more obvious than they had been earlier. The fair face was drawn and pale, and fatigue seemed to etch small lines around the overly bright eyes. His initial intention to speak about treaties and trade faded as his concern grew. He shifted forward. "Why do you not sleep? I can understand why you would not wish to sleep in the bed. The memories must be painful for you. But why do you not sleep at all? Even elves must rest occasionally."
Legolas blinked. This question was completely unforeseen on his part. He straightened and turned his attention to the logs in the fireplace. "I cannot say, Aragorn. Rest of any sort simply eludes me." He turned back to the man and shrugged in what he hoped was a casual manner.
The king's brow furrowed. "I know that you do not speak the truth, my friend. You were never a good liar." The man stood slowly and then walked so that he stood face to face with the elf. The thinness of the wrists was emphasized by the cuffs of the nightshift. Unconsciously, he grasped one of the small hands and wrapped it in his own larger ones. The hand was cold and bloodless and he chafed it between his own, warming it with his own heat.
Legolas made a sound of protest in the back of his throat and yanked his hand free. "Do not touch me."
The man drew his own hand back as if he had been burned. "There is no shame in accepting help when offered or comfort when given, Legolas." Aragorn's voice was soft in the dark room. "I don't understand why you won't let me help you."
"I know what comfort you would offer, and I want none of it." The words were harsh, bitten off, filled with deep anger. "Everything that has been done to me is unnatural. I exist in a state that I cannot bring my mind to accept except in the vaguest terms. My sole purpose for survival is returning to my true self and leaving this place forever. There is little that you could ever do to change that."
The king drew himself up, eyes flashing in anger. "What is unnatural is the fact that you won't let anyone console you or aid you. You refuse to feel anything that could be good or pleasurable. Your unwillingness to accept what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen is causing you to fade and grow distant. Surely there is some way that I can help or comfort you if you will just unbend enough to accept what I offer."
The elf narrowed his eyes, and they flashed brightly in the gloom. "Do you remember what you did to me? How you shamed me? How you made me enjoy what you did to me despite my struggles and pleas?" He turned to the fire again so that the king could not see the expression on his face. "You were a skilled rapist. You made this body want you, made it crave your touch, even when I knew in my mind that what you did was wrong and disgusting. And even though you are yourself again, I do not know if I could ever find it in me trust you again, or anyone for that matter."
"You are going to have to trust someone again at some time. Whether it is me or another, you are going to have to allow yourself to have faith again." The king took his hand and raised it to rest a hairs breadth away from the thin shoulder, not touching but allowing the heat of his skin to make its presence known. "I swear I will never hurt you again. You may not believe me yet, but I will prove it for as long as you remain here."
The blonde head did not turn to face him, and there was no response except for the slight cock of the head, as if in thought.
The man sighed and tried again. "I know that your back pains you. I have brought a salve that might help. It is something that the elders use for joint ache." There was still silence and he cleared his throat and continued. "I thought I should try help you. After all, I am partially responsible for what has happened."
A small snort emerged from the blonde head in front of him. The man tried to shift slightly so that he could see the face on the other side of the hair, and was rewarded when Legolas turned to look at him. "I would say that you are completely responsible for what has happened." The lips were turned up slightly in a wry smile. "Thank you. Leave it here and I will ask Clotild to apply it."
Aragorn shook his head. "It must be massaged in a certain way. I would do that for you, if you allow." At Legolas' look of refusal, he continued. "Remember that I was trained in such things by my foster father, and was trained as a healer long before I ever became a king." He paused again. "Allow me to do this. It is little enough to make up for what I have done."
After what seemed an eternity, Legolas nodded and then turned to sit on the floor before the fire at Aragorn's gesture of instruction.
The king knelt behind the elf, grabbing the blue jar from the table as he sat. He scooped a finger through the aromatic salve and waited. After a moment, he spoke. "Legolas, this works much better when applied to your skin."
The blonde head turned and a pair of blue eyes looked to him for a moment. He could see a full lip caught between white teeth and realized what this simple gesture of trust was costing his friend. A taciturn nod and then slender hands pulled the hem of the shift up to rest high on the back in front of him.
The skin was pale and seemed to shine with an inner light. Aragorn smiled slightly at the sight. Goosebumps seemed to rise just from the force of his gaze. With reverent hands, he began to slowly rub the salve into the area around the spine. His smile faded into a frown when he found each vertebra prominent, each rib defined. Too thin, entirely too thin. He began to rub harder, applying pressure to the individual muscles that were in spasm. A gasp of pain was all he heard from the elf.
He allowed his hands to trace the muscles and followed them to the all too slender hips. After a moments hesitation he then allowed his fingers to gently brush forward, touching where his child was. The body beneath his hands stiffened, and a soft voice called him back to his purpose. "Aragorn, that is not my back."
He jumped slightly and then withdrew his hands. "No. No, it is not. But it is the cause of your pain." He then turned and drew down the pillow from the empty chair next to him. "This position is awkward for you. Lay on your side so that you're more comfortable."
There was a long, deliberate pause while the elf considered this request. Then Legolas grasped the pillow and did as he was told. Aragorn could now see the profile in the light from the fire, and could see the eyes go half lidded with a combination of pain and pleasure when he started rubbing again.
Legolas closed his eyes and breathed deeply of the pungent odor of the salve. The smell was green and earthy and brought to mind his home after a hard rain in spring. The feeling of sadness and yearning for home became almost overwhelming for a moment, and he felt something twist in his chest.
"I am afraid." He spoke softly, barely a whisper, but Aragorn still heard him.
"What?" The man was confused.
"I do not sleep because I am afraid." The elf took a deep breath and continued, never taking his eyes from the glowing embers in the fireplace. "I am afraid that I will wake up and find that Davyn will have figured how to escape his prison. That he'll be gone, and I'll be trapped like this forever. Or that he'll take control of your mind again and make you into the cruel creature that you were. Or even that this is all a dream, and when I wake the bars will be on the windows and the locks on the doors. I am afraid to lose control of my reality. I am afraid to sleep."
The king sat back and shook his head sadly. "You have confirmed for yourself countless times that Davyn cannot escape. I have confirmed the same thing for myself." He reached inside his tunic and brought out a leather thong with the last of Davyn's crystals. "And even if he did get away, all I would have to do is smash this and he would die instantly. There is nothing to fear from him anymore." He tried to sound soothing.
"I know this in my mind, but my heart tells me something different." The blue eyes still stared blankly at the fire.
Aragorn nodded slowly. "I understand." He leaned forward and put his hand firmly on the elf's swollen stomach. "After this, how can you not feel that way?" His hand remained where it was when Legolas did not protest, and a smile came to his lips when he felt a strong kick. "Have you chosen a name for the babe yet?"
Legolas pushed his head deeper into the pillow. "No. The child is yours and yours to name. I would not take that from you."
"The child is also yours. I would not take that from you." Reproof colored the king's tone.
"I know all too well, Aragorn. I also know I will have to leave this child with you, which goes against everything that my people feel about our children. It is better that I distance myself now." The voice was telling in its flatness.
"Does distancing yourself include starving the child within you?" Aragorn felt the sharp intake of breath and continued sternly. "You thought of more than yourself when you chose to bear this child, but you've forgotten that you have another to care for." He traced his hands to the ribs in explanation. "You've allowed yourself to grow distant to your own needs, but someone else relies on you. You cannot neglect yourself without neglecting him. And I cannot allow you to neglect either yourself or the little one."
The elf was silent and unmoving for a long period and the man was equally silent. Finally Legolas broke the silence. "I do not like your tone, but I understand your meaning. I will consider your words carefully."
With a nod Aragorn returned his hands to the back and gently stroked the sore area. He could feel the muscles relax slowly under his hands, and heard Legolas breathe a sigh of relief. He continued with gentle touches, dispelling as much pain as he could and felt the body slowly go limp under his hands. Long lashes almost to cheekbones, Legolas slept, eyes shut in exhaustion.
The King of Gondor sat in the slowly dimming firelight and watched the elf sleep with an expression that reflected the conflict in his own soul. His lips barely moved as he whispered perhaps to himself, perhaps to Legolas who slumbered deeply. "I know what this takes from you, my friend. And I know that you fear what is to come." He fingered a lock of blonde hair. "I know that it will near kill you to leave the child, even if you do not realize this yourself yet. I'm sorry this happened, and yet I do not regret it near enough to not want you to stay." His face darkened. "It would be so much easier if you stayed, and I hate myself for even considering keeping you here when I know that all you want to do is leave." He shook his head again and sighed. "And I will have to force myself to let you go."
The fire was dying as he pulled the blanket down from the adjacent chair and pulled it over the sleeping elf. After a moment, he lay down next to the still body and put his hand very carefully onto the pregnant stomach of his friend. The child moved under his hand and the man smiled softly into the sweet smelling blonde hair.
Legolas opened his eyes slightly at the touch. The warmth of the man's body on his back eased the ache even more, and the presence of the hand did not disturb him overmuch. He closed his eyes again and slept, for once unafraid of what he would find when he woke.
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When Legolas woke, he was alone and the sun was high in the sky. He lifted his head from the pillow and blinked slowly in the sunlight. His first thought was that the night before had been a dream but the scent of the man clung to his skin, subtle but still present.
He frowned, pulling the blanket tightly around his shoulders. ::THAT was not supposed to happen. Even if he took no liberties, I still do not want his touch::
There was a sharp knock on the door, followed by Valda's face peering into the room. "Are you awake now?" Her voice had become light and cheerful since her wedding, and today was no different. At Legolas' diffident nod, she opened the door wider to allow Disa to walk into the room. The girl balanced a tray of food and tried to walk smoothly to the small table next to Legolas. Her expression still looked as though she'd been sucking on sour fruit but he was unsure if that was because of her dislike of him or because she had to do servant's work.
"My Lady," Valda began formally, "His Majesty has ordered me to inform you that you are to eat everything on this tray. I am to report back to him immediately about this. He says if you do not eat everything, he will consider that you are heartbroken from his absence and will make every effort to join you for every meal to watch you eat." The Countess smiled at Legolas' wince.
"I do not like being blackmailed, Valda." Legolas tried to keep a petulant note from his voice. "I dislike you receiving so much amusement from my being blackmailed even more."
Valda dimpled. "Should I prepare for his visit then?"
"No!" With a furious glare, Legolas reached over and grabbed a glazed roll from the tray, tore a hunk of it off, and shoved it into his mouth. His cheeks bulged as he worked his jaws over the large piece of sweet bread in his mouth. His eyes glittered angrily as he forced the lump in his mouth to one side. "Happy?" The word was mangled and crumbs flew past his lips.
Valda simply smiled as the elf paused, raised his eyebrow, looked at the roll in his hand and then chewed with more enjoyment, obviously just discovering the roll was stuffed with dried fruits and honey. She allowed herself the smile even more when Legolas began to tear off small bits and eat with real appetite.
After a moment Legolas glared up at her. "Don't think this means I'm happy about this." He then picked up a wedge of cheese, brandished it at her, and then began to nibble on a corner.
Valda moved to the chair and sat smoothly. "I am also to relay two requests. One is to please remain 'in character' while our foreign guests are still here." The woman then turned her head to girl who now sat at the window and looked out at the gardens below. "The other is to keep Disa with you and under your protection despite her behavior last night."
Legolas unconsciously picked up a handful of plump berries and began to eat them one by one. "I don't know which request I find more offensive." He glanced to the girl and then back to Valda. "I will admit that I'm finding dresses much more comfortable right now. I cannot say the same for her presence."
The Countess leaned in and spoke quietly. "Gilby will be meeting with the King this morning about her." She frowned as she spoke counselor's name but continued. "He has uncovered some disturbing information regarding a well drawn plot to remove her."
Legolas sat back. "I see. And as little as I care to have her here to glare at me, I certainly do not wish her ill. Very well."
Valda lifted the now empty tray. "I think you will find she is much more afraid of you than you are of her." The woman looked down at the tray and rearranged the plates there absently. "She is far from home, has been taken away from everything she knows against her will, and is unable to leave. Much like you." Valda swept from the room with a pointed look.
Legolas sighed deeply and looked to the ceiling. After a long moment of contemplation he levered himself up from the floor and stretched. It was with a guilty conscience that he realized his back felt much better.
He walked slowly across the room and found himself in front of the mirror. Out of long established habit, he touched fingers with the woman in the mirror and smiled in greeting.
She looked thin and drawn, he decided. Aragorn was right, at least in that respect. She had not been taking care of herself. Guilt telegraphed across her features at the thought that she might have unknowingly caused harm to the child while being so absorbed in her own world. That would be unforgivable.
He felt the pressure of eyes upon him and looked up to find Disa staring at him from the window seat. She surreptitiously wiped a tear from her cheek and then narrowed her eyes.
They stared at each other until Legolas spoke. "When I first came here I was completely alone. She was the only person I could talk to, the only person I could trust." He indicated the mirror.
Disa looked at the mirror and then back to him. "She is you, nothing more."
"No." Legolas smiled. "She is the me that you see, but not the me that I am. I am much more than the woman you see in the glass." He turned back to the mirror and spoke again, this time sadly. "But I have come to accept that she is also a part of me."
The girl slowly stood and then peered in the mirror from behind the elf. Her expression was one of confusion. "I don't understand."
"I wouldn't expect you to. It's a long story." Legolas turned to Disa. "I need you to deliver a message for me down to the stables. Please tell them that I will not be there until later today and ask that they let Arod out into the pasture so that he will not miss me overmuch."
With another lingering look into the mirror, Disa nodded and then left the room. Legolas watched her leave and then turned back to the woman. His fingertips traced on the smooth glass as he considered her there.
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Aragorn looked across the pile of papers in front of him and then back up to Gilby. "You want me to do what?", he asked, incredulous. His office looked out onto the main walls of the palace and was cluttered with the detritus of his life.
The pale man cleared his throat. "The complexity and number of participants in the plot that I have uncovered is staggering, My Liege. My main fear is this, and this alone. Once they eliminate this girl, another one will be chosen. Some other faction will object to the new choice and she will be eliminated as well. The only female that is currently here that would be acceptable to all involved would be the one that you currently have."
"You would not be endeared to Legolas if he heard you refer to him as female." Aragorn quirked an eyebrow in amusement. That was probably an understatement, actually. "Nor would I say that I 'have' him in any definition of the word."
"I am not here to endear myself to anyone, My Lord. I am here only to serve you and my kingdom." Gilby lowered his eyes in an overt gesture of respect. "And you have the elf simply by merit of her presence here."
Aragorn leaned back in his chair and thought. "So you think that I have some way of convincing Legolas to stay after the child is born? I think you are sadly mistaken."
Gilby walked across the room and stood at the window for a moment. He then turned back to the king who waited somewhat patiently for his next words. "She is a woman now. And women have weaknesses. Her ability to bring life into the world is her glory, but also her downfall." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and then continued at a gesture from his king. "The best way to control a woman is to get her with child and keep her with child. A child at her breast, several at her feet and one in her belly will keep her busy and satisfied with her lot in life. I have done this myself with my wife and have found it most effective in quelling any untoward impulses towards freedom."
The king steepled his fingers his fingers and looked at his councilor. "I sincerely doubt that "she" will let me within touching distance of her, much less assent to anything else. Nor do I think it would be a right or fitting thing to do to one who has been so wronged already."
With a impatient hand gesture, Gilby brushed aside the objection. "Have you given thought to courtship? To flowery words and gifts?" He leaned forward and spoke quietly. "Or even to just coming to an agreement with her?"
Aragorn laughed hoarsely. "Such things may work on the mind of a woman, but not on the mind of a male, and a warrior at that. I see no profit in expending such efforts. He will never stay after the way he has been treated, and I cannot blame him for this." He then fixed a sharp gaze on his councilor. "I know also of the quarrel you have with Kelsig. I would not like to think that one of the knives aimed at his daughter might be yours."
The colorless man laughed tonelessly. "How well My Lord knows me." After a pause he continued. "I have no love for the father, but would not have anything to do with the death of the child unless I felt it would have some great impact. Even I have my standards." He bowed deeply. "I have said all I can on this issue to you. I will take my leave, but ask that you ponder my words." At the King's nod, he walked backwards and left the room.
His face was grim as he walked through the halls, and few would have heard his voice if they had been close enough to hear him whisper to himself, "There are always other ways. Always." His face was creased in concentration. One avenue was blocked, but another would always be open.
He paused in the hall and then found his steps turning towards the garden and the small prison that had been built there. "There are always other ways", he said again.
.
More to follow, am setting up for .. stuff. classified stuff. yeah. bad stuff. That's it. That's the ticket.
Legolas shifted in his seat and turned his attention back to the sullen girl in front of him.
Disa was quite pretty in her own way. Dark brown eyes contrasted with pale skin, and rich brown hair fell in thick waves to her waist. Her figure was still childishly slim but there was the indication that she would be a buxom woman based upon the slight curve of her hips in her tightly laced burgundy gown.
The negotiations with Synan had been intense and tiring but incredibly fruitful for both the kingdom and for the merchants. It had also been incredibly enjoyable on his part. He had still worn the vestiges of a smile when he returned to his rooms and settled tiredly into a chair in front of the fire. His mood of elation and satisfaction had drained away instantaneously, and the pain in his back had returned just as quickly when he found the girl waiting for him, eyes blazing with dislike. The smile was gone as he considered the girl in front of him.
The girl shifted from one foot to another, her pout deepening. Lanelese bustled in the corner of the room, preparing a bath while Clotild waited patiently to help him out of his gown.
He looked down at the rich silk and then rubbed the fabric against his arm as he thought. ::I hate to admit it to myself, but this is far more comfortable than Arnlaug's leggings ever were. I simply do not like things at my waist right now.:: An impatient sigh drew his attention again and his eyes returned to the girl waiting expectantly before him. He unconsciously continued stroking the sleeve while he studied the girl again.
They had gotten off to a poor start, it seemed. Disa had been insulted that she had not been immediately recognized, received and ushered up to the high table for a seat that fit her rank as Lord Kelsig's daughter. Being seated with the servants, even noble ones, had rankled her beyond belief. Valda's gentle introduction and escort to the Queen's chambers and explanation of her duties as a Maid of Honor had not eased the transition.
"I apologize that I was unable to receive you immediately upon your arrival, Disa. I trust that Valda was able to answer any questions you might have?" He smiled in what he hoped was a comforting manner.
The girl frowned. "You were unable to receive me because you were in deep discussion with a man. A man not your husband or of your family." The girl's voice dripped with rebuke.
Legolas felt his left eyebrow climb to the middle of his forehead at this show of disrespect. "And this is wrong?"
Pulling her frame even straighter, Disa answered. "My father says that a woman should not involve herself in discourse with any man except her husband and family. And even then, only at her husband's bidding."
"I was involved in some rather important negotiations at the time. Again, I apologize for any insult you took from that." He shook his head. Why should he explain himself to her? "I hope you understand that my household runs on the customs of my people, which appear to be vastly different than the customs of your father's home." He noticed that Lanelese had finished with preparing the bath and was now listening intently with an air of not listening at all.
"So you run a household of loose women who involve themselves in things that do not concern them, such as negotiations and politics?" The girl's stance was still aggressively straight.
"In short, yes. If you do not approve, I'm sure that we can find someone to take you home to your father." Legolas sighed and slowly stood, stretching and bending, trying to get the pain in his back to subside. He then gestured to Clotild so that she could help him remove the gown. The thought of a warm bath was a welcome distraction from the girl who still looked at him with a cross of disgust and anger.
Clotild's clever fingers unlaced the back of the gown and then found the area that had been paining him. Her voice was low with concern. "Your back again?"
"My back still." He responded, wincing as she tried to massage the pain from the offending area. "It hasn't stopped hurting for weeks, it seems." After a moment, he shook his head and she stopped. Her attempts, no matter how well intentioned, never seemed to help.
He stepped from the gown and Clotild deftly pulled it up and then tossed it to Disa. The girl staggered under the weight of the heavy material, mouth opening and closing in rage like a fish. It was obvious she hadn't expected to have to work.
He stepped into the tub and sank down with another sigh, this one of relief. Lanelese knelt by his side and began to undo his intricate braids while he allowed himself to relax into the warm water.
When he had first arrived, the thought of these women helping him with even the simplest actions of dressing had been embarrassing and unwanted. Now he enjoyed their attentions. He closed his eyes as Lanelese finished unbraiding and began washing his hair.
The quiet was broken by Disa's next words. "What do you want me to do with THIS? I am no servant. My father would never allow this if he knew what was going on here!"
Legolas opened one eye and watched as the girl threw the gown that had still been in her arms at Clotild. He closed his eye again and wished he could simply put his head under the water and hide from the entire world. Or at least the girl. "I would suggest you treat everyone here with respect, child. You may end up with them serving you when I leave in a few months." He tried to make his voice mild, but knew that he was failing miserably when he heard the sharp tone echo in the room.
Disa turned and scowled down at the elf in the tub. "What kind of woman can leave behind her husband and newborn babe? My father says that a woman's duty is to serve her husband and raise his children. To leave them behind is outside of what nature intended. You are an unnatural woman to even consider such a thing!"
It was a harsh and painful bark of laughter that escaped his lips. "Yes, I am an unnatural woman." His enjoyment of the bath had been ruined so he stood and allowed Lanelese to wrap him in a bath sheet. "I am the most unnatural woman you will ever know. And while you may feel free to insult me as you wish, you will not abuse the women in my household. While you were born to your nobility, they earned it at great risk to themselves. To my eyes, they are much nobler in bearing and behavior than you." As he spoke, he drew himself to his full height and coolly looked down his nose at the girl. After a moment, she shrank upon herself and looked away, cheeks red with shame.
Clotild silently came forward with a nightshift, and helped pull it gently over his head while Lanelese combed his hair. After a moment, he tried again. "I go down each morning to the stables to care for my horse and to ride. If you like to ride, you may accompany me at that time. I go later to the archery fields, but I am quite sure you would not want to join me there."
The girl's response was eerily quiet, her voice sad. "You do not behave as a proper woman should. Perhaps if you did the King would not make you leave him and your child behind, for that is the only reason I can see that he would let someone as beautiful as you go. If you were a proper woman, perhaps he would let you stay." There was a slight pause as if the girl was thinking. "And then I could go home to my father and mother."
The elf looked around to the girl to see the anger gone from her eyes, replaced by loneliness and tears. ::I keep forgetting that I am not the only person who has had their life torn away from them.:: He reached out a hand as if to touch her when another voice, equally sad, cut through the room.
"I am not making Legolas leave. If I thought she would, I would ask her to stay. But I will not stop her from leaving when she wishes, how she wishes." Aragorn stood in the doorway, a small blue jar in his hand. He shook his head at the girl and then continued. "Whether or not she is a "proper woman" is for me to determine, not for you or your father, and I will not hear you speak to her cruelly again, Disa."
The change in the girl's demeanor was immediate. She curtseyed deeply and then stood still, head bowed. She would not meet the King's eyes, but instead stared at the floor near his feet. "Yes, Majesty."
Aragorn surveyed the women in the room, his grey eyes taking in each one in turn. With a nod of permission from Legolas, he stepped into the room. "Please continue with your duties, Ladies. I just wish to speak to your Lady. Leave us when you have finished."
He walked to the fire and inspected it for a moment. Bending down to add another log, he used the poker to prod it into what he considered perfect placement. He then turned and sat in one of the chairs before the fire, stretching his long legs and yawning. He placed the jar on the table with a soft clink.
Legolas quietly came and stood behind the other chair, resting his arms across the high back. He raised his eyebrows and waited for Aragorn to speak. While he waited, he watched Lanelese showing Disa how to turn down the bed that he would once again refuse to sleep in, and summon the menservants to take the tub of water from the room. Clotild glided silently behind him and placed on the empty chair a blanket and pillow, perhaps hoping that he would take rest in front of the fire.
All but a few candles and lamps were blown out. The room was shrouded in near darkness, and then the women bowed as one and led Disa from the room. Legolas could feel the corners of his lips twitching into a sad smile. The reeducation of Disa would begin as soon as the door closed. He almost felt sorry for the girl. Almost.
A soft cough brought his attention back to the king, and he turned his cool gaze upon the man who sat in the chair. He attempted to make his posture relaxed but knew that there was tightness in his shoulders and neck that would be visible to knowledgeable watcher. "Well?" he prompted.
Aragorn studied the elf before him. The firelight made the dark circles under his eyes even more obvious than they had been earlier. The fair face was drawn and pale, and fatigue seemed to etch small lines around the overly bright eyes. His initial intention to speak about treaties and trade faded as his concern grew. He shifted forward. "Why do you not sleep? I can understand why you would not wish to sleep in the bed. The memories must be painful for you. But why do you not sleep at all? Even elves must rest occasionally."
Legolas blinked. This question was completely unforeseen on his part. He straightened and turned his attention to the logs in the fireplace. "I cannot say, Aragorn. Rest of any sort simply eludes me." He turned back to the man and shrugged in what he hoped was a casual manner.
The king's brow furrowed. "I know that you do not speak the truth, my friend. You were never a good liar." The man stood slowly and then walked so that he stood face to face with the elf. The thinness of the wrists was emphasized by the cuffs of the nightshift. Unconsciously, he grasped one of the small hands and wrapped it in his own larger ones. The hand was cold and bloodless and he chafed it between his own, warming it with his own heat.
Legolas made a sound of protest in the back of his throat and yanked his hand free. "Do not touch me."
The man drew his own hand back as if he had been burned. "There is no shame in accepting help when offered or comfort when given, Legolas." Aragorn's voice was soft in the dark room. "I don't understand why you won't let me help you."
"I know what comfort you would offer, and I want none of it." The words were harsh, bitten off, filled with deep anger. "Everything that has been done to me is unnatural. I exist in a state that I cannot bring my mind to accept except in the vaguest terms. My sole purpose for survival is returning to my true self and leaving this place forever. There is little that you could ever do to change that."
The king drew himself up, eyes flashing in anger. "What is unnatural is the fact that you won't let anyone console you or aid you. You refuse to feel anything that could be good or pleasurable. Your unwillingness to accept what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen is causing you to fade and grow distant. Surely there is some way that I can help or comfort you if you will just unbend enough to accept what I offer."
The elf narrowed his eyes, and they flashed brightly in the gloom. "Do you remember what you did to me? How you shamed me? How you made me enjoy what you did to me despite my struggles and pleas?" He turned to the fire again so that the king could not see the expression on his face. "You were a skilled rapist. You made this body want you, made it crave your touch, even when I knew in my mind that what you did was wrong and disgusting. And even though you are yourself again, I do not know if I could ever find it in me trust you again, or anyone for that matter."
"You are going to have to trust someone again at some time. Whether it is me or another, you are going to have to allow yourself to have faith again." The king took his hand and raised it to rest a hairs breadth away from the thin shoulder, not touching but allowing the heat of his skin to make its presence known. "I swear I will never hurt you again. You may not believe me yet, but I will prove it for as long as you remain here."
The blonde head did not turn to face him, and there was no response except for the slight cock of the head, as if in thought.
The man sighed and tried again. "I know that your back pains you. I have brought a salve that might help. It is something that the elders use for joint ache." There was still silence and he cleared his throat and continued. "I thought I should try help you. After all, I am partially responsible for what has happened."
A small snort emerged from the blonde head in front of him. The man tried to shift slightly so that he could see the face on the other side of the hair, and was rewarded when Legolas turned to look at him. "I would say that you are completely responsible for what has happened." The lips were turned up slightly in a wry smile. "Thank you. Leave it here and I will ask Clotild to apply it."
Aragorn shook his head. "It must be massaged in a certain way. I would do that for you, if you allow." At Legolas' look of refusal, he continued. "Remember that I was trained in such things by my foster father, and was trained as a healer long before I ever became a king." He paused again. "Allow me to do this. It is little enough to make up for what I have done."
After what seemed an eternity, Legolas nodded and then turned to sit on the floor before the fire at Aragorn's gesture of instruction.
The king knelt behind the elf, grabbing the blue jar from the table as he sat. He scooped a finger through the aromatic salve and waited. After a moment, he spoke. "Legolas, this works much better when applied to your skin."
The blonde head turned and a pair of blue eyes looked to him for a moment. He could see a full lip caught between white teeth and realized what this simple gesture of trust was costing his friend. A taciturn nod and then slender hands pulled the hem of the shift up to rest high on the back in front of him.
The skin was pale and seemed to shine with an inner light. Aragorn smiled slightly at the sight. Goosebumps seemed to rise just from the force of his gaze. With reverent hands, he began to slowly rub the salve into the area around the spine. His smile faded into a frown when he found each vertebra prominent, each rib defined. Too thin, entirely too thin. He began to rub harder, applying pressure to the individual muscles that were in spasm. A gasp of pain was all he heard from the elf.
He allowed his hands to trace the muscles and followed them to the all too slender hips. After a moments hesitation he then allowed his fingers to gently brush forward, touching where his child was. The body beneath his hands stiffened, and a soft voice called him back to his purpose. "Aragorn, that is not my back."
He jumped slightly and then withdrew his hands. "No. No, it is not. But it is the cause of your pain." He then turned and drew down the pillow from the empty chair next to him. "This position is awkward for you. Lay on your side so that you're more comfortable."
There was a long, deliberate pause while the elf considered this request. Then Legolas grasped the pillow and did as he was told. Aragorn could now see the profile in the light from the fire, and could see the eyes go half lidded with a combination of pain and pleasure when he started rubbing again.
Legolas closed his eyes and breathed deeply of the pungent odor of the salve. The smell was green and earthy and brought to mind his home after a hard rain in spring. The feeling of sadness and yearning for home became almost overwhelming for a moment, and he felt something twist in his chest.
"I am afraid." He spoke softly, barely a whisper, but Aragorn still heard him.
"What?" The man was confused.
"I do not sleep because I am afraid." The elf took a deep breath and continued, never taking his eyes from the glowing embers in the fireplace. "I am afraid that I will wake up and find that Davyn will have figured how to escape his prison. That he'll be gone, and I'll be trapped like this forever. Or that he'll take control of your mind again and make you into the cruel creature that you were. Or even that this is all a dream, and when I wake the bars will be on the windows and the locks on the doors. I am afraid to lose control of my reality. I am afraid to sleep."
The king sat back and shook his head sadly. "You have confirmed for yourself countless times that Davyn cannot escape. I have confirmed the same thing for myself." He reached inside his tunic and brought out a leather thong with the last of Davyn's crystals. "And even if he did get away, all I would have to do is smash this and he would die instantly. There is nothing to fear from him anymore." He tried to sound soothing.
"I know this in my mind, but my heart tells me something different." The blue eyes still stared blankly at the fire.
Aragorn nodded slowly. "I understand." He leaned forward and put his hand firmly on the elf's swollen stomach. "After this, how can you not feel that way?" His hand remained where it was when Legolas did not protest, and a smile came to his lips when he felt a strong kick. "Have you chosen a name for the babe yet?"
Legolas pushed his head deeper into the pillow. "No. The child is yours and yours to name. I would not take that from you."
"The child is also yours. I would not take that from you." Reproof colored the king's tone.
"I know all too well, Aragorn. I also know I will have to leave this child with you, which goes against everything that my people feel about our children. It is better that I distance myself now." The voice was telling in its flatness.
"Does distancing yourself include starving the child within you?" Aragorn felt the sharp intake of breath and continued sternly. "You thought of more than yourself when you chose to bear this child, but you've forgotten that you have another to care for." He traced his hands to the ribs in explanation. "You've allowed yourself to grow distant to your own needs, but someone else relies on you. You cannot neglect yourself without neglecting him. And I cannot allow you to neglect either yourself or the little one."
The elf was silent and unmoving for a long period and the man was equally silent. Finally Legolas broke the silence. "I do not like your tone, but I understand your meaning. I will consider your words carefully."
With a nod Aragorn returned his hands to the back and gently stroked the sore area. He could feel the muscles relax slowly under his hands, and heard Legolas breathe a sigh of relief. He continued with gentle touches, dispelling as much pain as he could and felt the body slowly go limp under his hands. Long lashes almost to cheekbones, Legolas slept, eyes shut in exhaustion.
The King of Gondor sat in the slowly dimming firelight and watched the elf sleep with an expression that reflected the conflict in his own soul. His lips barely moved as he whispered perhaps to himself, perhaps to Legolas who slumbered deeply. "I know what this takes from you, my friend. And I know that you fear what is to come." He fingered a lock of blonde hair. "I know that it will near kill you to leave the child, even if you do not realize this yourself yet. I'm sorry this happened, and yet I do not regret it near enough to not want you to stay." His face darkened. "It would be so much easier if you stayed, and I hate myself for even considering keeping you here when I know that all you want to do is leave." He shook his head again and sighed. "And I will have to force myself to let you go."
The fire was dying as he pulled the blanket down from the adjacent chair and pulled it over the sleeping elf. After a moment, he lay down next to the still body and put his hand very carefully onto the pregnant stomach of his friend. The child moved under his hand and the man smiled softly into the sweet smelling blonde hair.
Legolas opened his eyes slightly at the touch. The warmth of the man's body on his back eased the ache even more, and the presence of the hand did not disturb him overmuch. He closed his eyes again and slept, for once unafraid of what he would find when he woke.
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When Legolas woke, he was alone and the sun was high in the sky. He lifted his head from the pillow and blinked slowly in the sunlight. His first thought was that the night before had been a dream but the scent of the man clung to his skin, subtle but still present.
He frowned, pulling the blanket tightly around his shoulders. ::THAT was not supposed to happen. Even if he took no liberties, I still do not want his touch::
There was a sharp knock on the door, followed by Valda's face peering into the room. "Are you awake now?" Her voice had become light and cheerful since her wedding, and today was no different. At Legolas' diffident nod, she opened the door wider to allow Disa to walk into the room. The girl balanced a tray of food and tried to walk smoothly to the small table next to Legolas. Her expression still looked as though she'd been sucking on sour fruit but he was unsure if that was because of her dislike of him or because she had to do servant's work.
"My Lady," Valda began formally, "His Majesty has ordered me to inform you that you are to eat everything on this tray. I am to report back to him immediately about this. He says if you do not eat everything, he will consider that you are heartbroken from his absence and will make every effort to join you for every meal to watch you eat." The Countess smiled at Legolas' wince.
"I do not like being blackmailed, Valda." Legolas tried to keep a petulant note from his voice. "I dislike you receiving so much amusement from my being blackmailed even more."
Valda dimpled. "Should I prepare for his visit then?"
"No!" With a furious glare, Legolas reached over and grabbed a glazed roll from the tray, tore a hunk of it off, and shoved it into his mouth. His cheeks bulged as he worked his jaws over the large piece of sweet bread in his mouth. His eyes glittered angrily as he forced the lump in his mouth to one side. "Happy?" The word was mangled and crumbs flew past his lips.
Valda simply smiled as the elf paused, raised his eyebrow, looked at the roll in his hand and then chewed with more enjoyment, obviously just discovering the roll was stuffed with dried fruits and honey. She allowed herself the smile even more when Legolas began to tear off small bits and eat with real appetite.
After a moment Legolas glared up at her. "Don't think this means I'm happy about this." He then picked up a wedge of cheese, brandished it at her, and then began to nibble on a corner.
Valda moved to the chair and sat smoothly. "I am also to relay two requests. One is to please remain 'in character' while our foreign guests are still here." The woman then turned her head to girl who now sat at the window and looked out at the gardens below. "The other is to keep Disa with you and under your protection despite her behavior last night."
Legolas unconsciously picked up a handful of plump berries and began to eat them one by one. "I don't know which request I find more offensive." He glanced to the girl and then back to Valda. "I will admit that I'm finding dresses much more comfortable right now. I cannot say the same for her presence."
The Countess leaned in and spoke quietly. "Gilby will be meeting with the King this morning about her." She frowned as she spoke counselor's name but continued. "He has uncovered some disturbing information regarding a well drawn plot to remove her."
Legolas sat back. "I see. And as little as I care to have her here to glare at me, I certainly do not wish her ill. Very well."
Valda lifted the now empty tray. "I think you will find she is much more afraid of you than you are of her." The woman looked down at the tray and rearranged the plates there absently. "She is far from home, has been taken away from everything she knows against her will, and is unable to leave. Much like you." Valda swept from the room with a pointed look.
Legolas sighed deeply and looked to the ceiling. After a long moment of contemplation he levered himself up from the floor and stretched. It was with a guilty conscience that he realized his back felt much better.
He walked slowly across the room and found himself in front of the mirror. Out of long established habit, he touched fingers with the woman in the mirror and smiled in greeting.
She looked thin and drawn, he decided. Aragorn was right, at least in that respect. She had not been taking care of herself. Guilt telegraphed across her features at the thought that she might have unknowingly caused harm to the child while being so absorbed in her own world. That would be unforgivable.
He felt the pressure of eyes upon him and looked up to find Disa staring at him from the window seat. She surreptitiously wiped a tear from her cheek and then narrowed her eyes.
They stared at each other until Legolas spoke. "When I first came here I was completely alone. She was the only person I could talk to, the only person I could trust." He indicated the mirror.
Disa looked at the mirror and then back to him. "She is you, nothing more."
"No." Legolas smiled. "She is the me that you see, but not the me that I am. I am much more than the woman you see in the glass." He turned back to the mirror and spoke again, this time sadly. "But I have come to accept that she is also a part of me."
The girl slowly stood and then peered in the mirror from behind the elf. Her expression was one of confusion. "I don't understand."
"I wouldn't expect you to. It's a long story." Legolas turned to Disa. "I need you to deliver a message for me down to the stables. Please tell them that I will not be there until later today and ask that they let Arod out into the pasture so that he will not miss me overmuch."
With another lingering look into the mirror, Disa nodded and then left the room. Legolas watched her leave and then turned back to the woman. His fingertips traced on the smooth glass as he considered her there.
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Aragorn looked across the pile of papers in front of him and then back up to Gilby. "You want me to do what?", he asked, incredulous. His office looked out onto the main walls of the palace and was cluttered with the detritus of his life.
The pale man cleared his throat. "The complexity and number of participants in the plot that I have uncovered is staggering, My Liege. My main fear is this, and this alone. Once they eliminate this girl, another one will be chosen. Some other faction will object to the new choice and she will be eliminated as well. The only female that is currently here that would be acceptable to all involved would be the one that you currently have."
"You would not be endeared to Legolas if he heard you refer to him as female." Aragorn quirked an eyebrow in amusement. That was probably an understatement, actually. "Nor would I say that I 'have' him in any definition of the word."
"I am not here to endear myself to anyone, My Lord. I am here only to serve you and my kingdom." Gilby lowered his eyes in an overt gesture of respect. "And you have the elf simply by merit of her presence here."
Aragorn leaned back in his chair and thought. "So you think that I have some way of convincing Legolas to stay after the child is born? I think you are sadly mistaken."
Gilby walked across the room and stood at the window for a moment. He then turned back to the king who waited somewhat patiently for his next words. "She is a woman now. And women have weaknesses. Her ability to bring life into the world is her glory, but also her downfall." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and then continued at a gesture from his king. "The best way to control a woman is to get her with child and keep her with child. A child at her breast, several at her feet and one in her belly will keep her busy and satisfied with her lot in life. I have done this myself with my wife and have found it most effective in quelling any untoward impulses towards freedom."
The king steepled his fingers his fingers and looked at his councilor. "I sincerely doubt that "she" will let me within touching distance of her, much less assent to anything else. Nor do I think it would be a right or fitting thing to do to one who has been so wronged already."
With a impatient hand gesture, Gilby brushed aside the objection. "Have you given thought to courtship? To flowery words and gifts?" He leaned forward and spoke quietly. "Or even to just coming to an agreement with her?"
Aragorn laughed hoarsely. "Such things may work on the mind of a woman, but not on the mind of a male, and a warrior at that. I see no profit in expending such efforts. He will never stay after the way he has been treated, and I cannot blame him for this." He then fixed a sharp gaze on his councilor. "I know also of the quarrel you have with Kelsig. I would not like to think that one of the knives aimed at his daughter might be yours."
The colorless man laughed tonelessly. "How well My Lord knows me." After a pause he continued. "I have no love for the father, but would not have anything to do with the death of the child unless I felt it would have some great impact. Even I have my standards." He bowed deeply. "I have said all I can on this issue to you. I will take my leave, but ask that you ponder my words." At the King's nod, he walked backwards and left the room.
His face was grim as he walked through the halls, and few would have heard his voice if they had been close enough to hear him whisper to himself, "There are always other ways. Always." His face was creased in concentration. One avenue was blocked, but another would always be open.
He paused in the hall and then found his steps turning towards the garden and the small prison that had been built there. "There are always other ways", he said again.
.