Mother it is good that you are here

His mother had been reading a book, with an amused smile she lowered the book and looked at him.

"Oh"

I wanted to talk to you about someone.

"Who?"

"This woman I met."

Mother's smile lit up the room.

"Really who is she?"

Her name is Kathryn and mother, I love her.

Mother what's wrong?

His mother had cried out and dropped her book. The look of alarm that was on her face frightened him, he ran by her side.

Mother, what's wrong?

"Nothing." She had said it firmly as if trying to hold some ghosts at bay. "Maybe you shouldn't be telling me this. Perhaps this is something that should stay between the two of you"

No I want to tell you mother, I must tell you…she's one of the most extraordinary people I have ever met.

"What's so special about her?" His mother asked with a sad smile.

She has helped me find myself when I was most lost. Mother, I wish you could meet her and get to know her. She's a scientist and an explorer. She's a lady and a bully. Sometimes she all motion, sometimes she most commanding when she's sitting still. She's a mother and a captain, she's a friend and sometimes she's an enemy. But she is a formidable woman and she is my best friend.

Chakotay sat at his mother's feet holding her hands and looking up at her doubtful eyes.

"And you love her?"

With all my heart.

I never told you this before mother, but I know that you could see this in me. I don't give my all to someone, only to things, to endeavours. But I gave my all to her. We were both lost a while ago and in order to get back we decided to pool our resources. During that journey I committed myself to her by committing myself to stand by her side for as long as it takes,; to do what our ancient marriage ceremony states "that from now on her needs would come first" I didn't know at the time that doing that would really 'wed' her to me. Over the years, we've done what our vows have said that a husband and wife are to do when they begin to journey together; I have found myself by loving her. With her supporting me and guiding me, I have become the Messenger of our little Tribe mother. Me! When I left home I wanted nothing to do with our Tribe. Now I have seen the Sky Spirits conversed with them, integrated the parts of me that were always distant and opposing. I found peace and lost it and understood the true nature and manifestation of peace and I am now becoming, listening to my spirit and being what I am destined to be.

"But no one is that perfect son." Why was his mother crying? He thought as he watched the silent tears running down her cheeks.

She's far from perfect mother, in fact she has more blind spots than a lot of other people I know, but her will is a force that few people can match. It's her stubbornness that is at the root of all her blind spots, her inability at times to see beyond what she desires that had led her to our greatest defeats at times.

"And you're OK with that?"

Yes because it is the source of her strength that has lead to our greatest triumphs.

"So will I get to meet her before the wedding?" There was a funny sort of smile on his mother's face

Oh we're not getting married to each other.

"You're not!." Mother looked so shocked and taken aback that Chakotay was puzzled

I love her, but I'm not in love with her.

"Why on earth not?"

Because she's not in love with me.

His mother's face was solemn as he continued.

We have other priorities before us, things that will not allow us to fall in love right now. And in fact we may never be married even when our priorities are a memory. I think we had a chance to go that way once, but we didn't take it and time's funny like that, sometimes we may never get the opportunity to walk the same path twice.

"Do you regret not going down that path my son?"

In a way, because of our journey together, we will always be a part of each other no matter what happens. I will never regret anything where my relationship with Captain Kathryn Janeway is concerned.

"Not even your greatest defeats"

Not even those.

Mother!

Chakotay was surprised to see her openly begin weeping.

"I'm alright son. I am….pleased that the Spirits granted you this awesome gift of loving someone. Treasure it, you may never love like this again, even with the woman who is destined to share your path until death. And I know that Kathryn Janeway will too. Do her a favour, remind her of that sometimes…..remind her that the journey at times is what is most important."

I will.

"Captain, are you alright?"

"I'm perfectly fine lieutenant. It just got a little emotional in there, that's all. He's asleep now."

Moving swiftly past her, Kathryn headed for the turbo lift.

B'Elanna? Chakotay was shaking her awake.

"Chakotay" Her hopes soared as she came out of sleep and looked at her friend leaning over her. She had fallen asleep on the couch in his quarters while she was watching him. Maybe he was over the worst part and was coming out of the hallucinations now.

Oh good you're up. Listen, Le-Paz and Seska have gone on a supply run and Sahreen is working on a generator outside. I wanted to talk to you in private before they got back.

He hopes sank when she heard these words from him. He was still having hallucinations.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" She found that she was having an easier time entering into his hallucinations that when she first started.

I know what happened today between you and Seska

"Oh" That was the best response she could give when she was unsure of he was talking about.

She's trying to intimidate you. She wants to be intimate with me again, but I've already decided that it's not best for the cell if we are. So she's making sure that if she can't have me, then no one can. Don't let her drive you away

"Trust me she couldn't even if she wanted to, but why me?"

She knows, as I know. I have always known B'Elanna how you've felt about me, even before we were captured by the Subu.

"Really, so why didn't you say something?"

I didn't want you to hurt your self anymore than you already were.

"I wasn't hurting myself back then Chakotay." B'Elanna said softly, yet as she said it she had the feeling that she was lying. Chakotay also picked up on it.

Yes you are, not physically but with words. You are so fragile B'Elanna, and no one knows how much just by looking at you. But I know. What I'm offering you now is not only a cause, but a family and a place to belong to. Relationships are hard now, and not knowing what will befall us, risking our lives the way that we are, I cannot being involved with you.. I will not hurt you any more than you are already B'Elanna. Being involved with me now, as I am, as we are, will only bring you pain.

"Why didn't you let me the judge of that?" B'Elanna demanded, the tears threatening to fall

If I had, would you have had a safe place to learn to trust again, to bring you to this point, to bring you to who you are now on Voyager?

Chakotay had shifted again

"No, I wouldn't have." And B'Elanna marvelled that even in a delusional state, Chakotay was still wiser than any man she had ever met.

"Chakotay," she exclaimed.

"I'm alright B'Elanna, I'm myself again," He winced as he heard his grandfather's voice calling out to him in his mind. He ignored it. It was a lot softer than it used to be.

"B'Elanna. Good you're here. I'm going to my quarters to grab a shower and change of uniform. Deliver him to sickbay for me. I think we're over the worst of it." Kathryn came breezing out of the bedroom. B'Elanna gave a surprised look, but Kathryn ignored it.

"Yes Captain."

"I'll meet you in sickbay after I get to the bridge and check on ship's status."

She gave a quick nod and with that Kathryn left.

"What's that?"

B'Elanna was holding a crate which she had left at the side of the door when she rung the chime. As the Captain exited, she had collected it and brought it into his quarters.

"Gifts." She said with a triumphant look.

"This one is from Naomi." She held up a painting of what looked like….

"I think this is the bridge and there's the Captain" B'Elanna was pointing to a stick figure sitting on a chair with tears falling from her eyes. The chair next to hers was empty and the rest of the bridge crew were standing watching the empty chair. There were three other people on the bridge, he guessed they were Ensign Wildman, Neelix and Neomi. The caption read, we miss you, get well soon in child script.

"I'll have to remember to tell her thank you." His smile was large. Somehow the picture touched him more than he could have imagined.

B'Elanna took out a PADD. "All the senior officers donated one replicator ration and one half hour of Holodeck time."

"This one is from me and Tom." She took out some packets of incense and a Klingon shaped burner. "It's an old Klingon remedy, a mixture of a mental relaxant and an expeller of demons." She gave a far away look as she explained what it was to him. It was as if she was remembering something. "I figured with everything you've been through, it would help."

"Thanks, I'll tell everyone thanks when I see them."

Chakotay took the items and went to put them away.

"I want to grab a shower, before we go to sickbay do you mind waiting?"

"No"

"So how did Tom take the news that you had to baby sit me one night?" He called from the bathroom. B'Elanna got up and moved to the edge of the room so that she could talk to him a little easier.

"Once I told him that you were hallucinating all the time and that he had little to worry about, he was alright."

"Tom is jealous…of me!" Chakotay asked incredulously.

"Tom pretends that nothing bothers him, but some things still do."

Chakotay could not see her sweet smile but given the timber of her voice he could imagine it.

"But to be jealous of me, that's ridiculous. B'Elanna you and I have always been friends."

"And he respects that, but Tom's still a little envious of you Chakotay, because sometimes he wishes that he were a little more like you, although he would never admit it to himself. He knows that I used to have a crush on you, and he knows you wouldn't act on that, but sometimes instincts are not always reasonable."

"I'll say" Chakotay said as he moved passed her clad with only a towel to get to the bedroom.

B'Elanna had to remind herself, 'I'm taken, not dead'

She waited a while in silence while he changed his clothes.

When he came out, B'Elanna was studying his medicine wheel intently, lost in thought. He took the opportunity to study her a little more also and she caught him.

'What?"

"I was just thinking about how you were when we first met, you've changed you know; a lot and for the better."

"I know." B'Elanna gave him a small smile. She added by way of explanation. "You told me that yesterday."

Chakotay looked at her blankly at first and as he realized what she was saying, he said to her, "I hope that the last couple of days weren't too hard on you." He said simply.

"No they weren't and if I had to, I would do it over again. Thank you Chakotay."

She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek and a fierce short hug.

"You've are one of the best friends that I've ever had."

"Come on," she said moving towards the door. "Let's get you to sickbay,"

He joined her. "So what's been happening on this ship while I was otherwise occupied?"

"Well Tom told me….."

Together they made their way to sickbay.

"So you've gotten a clean bill of health and a mini vacation and this is what you're going to do with it?" Kathryn was eyeing his clothes and she changed the topic quickly as a thought came to mind. "How do you feel?"

"I'm ecstatic, for the first time in a week there are no voices, no hallucinations. I'm me again. Thank you Captain, I don't think I would have made it trough without you, the Doctor and B'Elanna."

"You're welcome, Chakotay anytime and please remember that as your Captain and your best friend I am always there for you."

The intensity that Kathryn had in her eyes had Chakotay puzzled. It matched the intensity in B'Elanna's eyes. Suddenly he was a little nervous, but he had to ask.

"Captain what did I say when I was hallucinating? You and B'Elanna both act as if I was the one sat with you not the other way around."

"Chakotay do you trust me?"

"With my life"

"Do you trust B'Elanna?"

"Implicitly."

"You revealed a lot of yourself to us and we had a chance to look at ourselves through your eyes and your past experiences, our past experiences. In your hour of greatest need, you gave us a great gift and it is one we will always treasure."

"Did B'Elanna tell you that?"

"She didn't have too I could see it in her face as we relieved each other after watching you."

"You want to tell me specifics?"

"Now, who's too curious?" Kathryn's eyes danced. "I don't want to tell you because you will be too embarrassed, so lets just leave it at that and…..trust me."

"When I said you should take the next day or two off, I thought you'd want to stay in your quarters with a good book"

"Boxing helps me unwind."

"Well, in that case, report for duty first thing in the morning,"

"See you then,"

In front of the Holodeck, Chakotay gave the command.. "Computer, run Chakotay training program 15-beta."

"Ah, come for a little more punishment?" Chakotay smiled as he saw Boothby coming towards him. "I thought I'd spar for a few rounds."

"Uh-huh. After that last bout? Did you talk to the Doc?"

"I've got a clean bill of health," Chakotay assured him.

"Good enough for me," Boothby said and as Chakotay listened to the report and the advise, he realized how different this one was to the other match was. He was now willing to take as much as he was given. It hadn't been that way before.

"You sure you're ready for this?" Boothby asked him.

"I'm ready,"

The ease and the confidence with which Chakotay answered amazed him. Facing his deepest fear had done that for him. Knowing that the people who loved him and depended on him the most were behind him supporting him helped chased away his fears completely. Knowing that his best friends had seen his madness and the depths of his brokenness and had not run away had made him look at him self in a new light and he had to admit, he liked what he saw.

He had accepted the man he was, liked the man he is and accepted and had faith in the man he would become.

Do you have the heart for this?

'Yes I do'

Begin Round One

And Chakotay gave it as good as he had gotten.

The End

Part 15: Dark Mirror