BEAUTY AND MADNESS
Fear…. It makes slaves of masters…….
That is why generating fear is my specialty… Anbus and Saanins alike trembles in my presence… even a Hokage shivers when met face to face…
Yes I have wiped my entire clan… destroyed the foundations of my blood, betrayed my sworn duty and scorned my village…
If id be given another chance to turn back time, id do it all over again… and again and again… without hesitation, without mercy…
I don't regret what I did… by I do regret breaking the only person who has loved me beyond reason… and I him… my little brother…
I wanted to spare him the pain of my actions… but what could mere words do to save him form the heartbreak I have caused? There couldn't have been anything I could do to protect him from the consequences of my actions… nothing…
I want him to hate me… I want him to kill me… I want him to punish me… it is his right… as the sole victim of my crimes and as the object of my being… I don't want his compassion, don't need his understanding… I have no excuse for what I have done… I am prepared to face the consequences of my actions… I want him to be a man of honor, I want him to be someone I am not… had I taken the initiative to reason with him, had I decided not to engrave hatred in him, no doubt he will still love me… still strive to follow in my footsteps… because he has loved me unconditionally, he still does… no matter how hard he denies… he still does love me… if I am to make even the slightest effort to win his forgiveness, he will definitely forgive me… I don't why he loves me so much… but he does… the way he tries so hard to hate me… the way he desperately convinces himself to despise me only proves how much he really loves me… But that is why I will never try to ask for remorse… because I don't want it… if he stops hating me he will loose his integrity… because I am not worth his forgiveness, I am not deserving of his love… I have chosen this path knowing full well what will happen in return…
I didn't do all this for power as most assumes… I never was greedy… I committed the massacre because my clan didn't deserve to live… they were fools… power hungry fools who like all other superior bloodlines feels they were the best… not that im a moralist… Don't get me wrong I don't hate my family… they did try to kill me but I don't hate them… don't love them either though… I just wanted them gone… I wanted to free myself from the responsibilities… I don't care if everyone hates me… they never loved me… respected me yes, admired me yes, but never love… I was never offered love in any form… not even the love of friendship… they wanted to be with the prodigy… to be an ally, to be protected, they all love the title… but nobody cared for with the boy inside the facade… To them I am a symbol of power, a living proof of the clan's invincibility, a shield, a soldier… I didn't want to be seen that way… I didn't want to be remembered as a hero… I just want to be normal… but I know I never could be so I destroyed the image I portrayed, and I did it very effectively… not out of hate… but desire… my yearning to be free of the stereotype… by eliminating my clan I erased my history… diminished all trace of my being… removed my purpose…
There had been so much pain in the past… too much… I wanted to just die but damn faith for not letting me…
I feel nothing… so empty… I am doomed yet it seems that I am already dead…
Im probably dead… perhaps I died the day they killed my emotions to make me a perfect weapon… Father should be proud… I am everything he wanted me to be … cold and lifeless… the perfect killing machine… all their efforts to remove my humanity has bared fruits…
In my world there is only darkness… cold indifferent darkness… will light ever penetrate? I don't know… I don't even care anymore… I no longer crave for love… infact I just want to die… an escape to all this coldness...
I feel nothing… no hate… no despair… no excitement… no yearning… why am I still here? I don't know… maybe id find out maybe I wont… I don't care anymore…