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Kagura stirred restlessly in her sleep, the rape replaying itself in her mind, over and over. Her tears as she begged for mercy, the pain like fire between her thighs, Haru's bitter laughter at her misery. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she slept, unaware of Kyou's presence at her side. Her dreams were mixed with thoughts born of disgust and violation.

How could Kyou ever love her now? There was no hope, no hope. She could no longer be his alone. Everything she had wanted to be for only him had been stripped away. Even if he were to by some miracle decide he did have feelings for her, she could no longer allow herself to love him the way she had before, she no longer deserved him.

And how could she stand it, when one day a man would truly want to love her, even if that man were Kyou. How could she stand it if she were married, to feel again a man within her? It hurt to badly to think about it. How could she face her future husband, knowing that she truly feared anything that might breach her boundaries, and force it's way into her.

She was dirty, scarred, the stench of him clung to her, and she would never be able to remove it. She would always stink of Haru. Always. There was no being rid of him now! He was part of her, forever! And she hated it! She hated it!

She could never love Kyou, not like this. She felt like she was drowning in a sea of despair, and hatred. Her head was swimming, words running together in a steady stream of jumbled thoughts. 'Hate, love, pain, sorrow, trust, hope, death….death….'

She had died that day, and no one could bring her back. No one could touch her; she wasn't fit to be touch. How could anyone care for her, dirty thing that she was? Vile, foul creature. She should have stopped him, there must have been someway to keep him from doing those things to her. And yet she hadn't stopped it. Did that mean she had really wanted it? Had she asked for this? Was it her own fault? Her own fault….she shouldn't have provoked him, shouldn't have upset him…if she had let him be. Let him be…..could that have stopped it? Just leaving him alone?

What could she have done? How could it be helped? How could she be loved? How could she find any light to follow…the world was dark and cold, no one could be trusted, no one could be loved, no one could love her. 'Vile girl. Filthy girl. Polluted girl. Why should they care for you…disgusting, disgraceful?'

She sat up in the bed, screaming and sobbing. She buried her face in her hands and cried, tears seeping out between her fingers. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned on it's owner, slapping it away. "Don't touch me!"

She screamed, not worthy to be touched, so dirty, so foul. She didn't even look to see who it was. She didn't care. It didn't matter. She was already to far lost to the world. She could never return. Then she heard his soft concerned voice.

"Kagura….Kagura…please…." He sounded on the verge of tears…this boy who never cried. He never showed any emotion…least of all for her sake. She lifted her tearstained face, her bloodshot, red rimmed eyes focusing as best they could on his face. He looked sad…worried…why? He reached out for her again, and she pulled away, "Kagura…please…."

"Get away….just get away…leave me alone!" Kagura stared at Kyou in horror. Why should she trust him? What if he hurt her? He'd never cared before. He couldn't be sincere. She didn't deserve his concern. Filthy, vile, polluted, she was tainted now and always, and he could never love her.

"Kagura…I...please…I..."

But she wouldn't let him finish. "OUT! OUT! GET OUT! DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T COME NEAR ME GET OUT!" She broke down and sobbed again. Sitting as far from him as she could on the bed. She didn't want to be near him. Near anyone. Couldn't they smell it? The disgusting stench of what she had become. She was a piece of meat, only a piece of flesh, no longer living, but not yet dead, an empty shell whose life had been stolen.

She could feel it, burning still, grinding up inside her. Long gone, still it lingered. She could feel the poison pouring into her. Oh the awful stench of that foul poison. And how could Kyou love her now that this was what she was!

She sobbed and felt Kyou's weight on the bed beside her. He pulled her close so she could cry against his chest. And hard though she struggled, he would not release her. He held her close and placed his head on hers. "Kagura…it's ok…I'm here…I won't let anything happen…"

"Get…a…way…" She choked out between sobs, but he continued to hold her.

"I won't leave you Kagura…I won't….now please….please….calm down….it's ok…I'm with you….forever."

The full impact of Kyou's words was lost on her. But she calmed down slightly and sobbed against him, her hands grasping at the back of his shirt. She was to tired from crying to struggle anymore, and fell asleep like that, in his arms.