Hating Halloween
Summary: It's Halloween,Hiei and Kuramafind out that Karasu has evidence of them being together and decides to blackmail them. Will Hiei get the guts to spill it to the gang himself? Or will there be wedding bells for Karasu and Kurama?
Genre: Humor, romance, parody,
Rated: M (rated just in case)
Warnings: yaoi, fluffy-ness, language, drug use, suggestive themes, OOC-ness (On Hiei's part), fantasies of Kurama O.o;
Parings: HxK (of course!), YoukoxHiei, YusukexKeiko, BotanxKuwabara, KuramaxKarasu (By force)
Spoilers: The fight between Kurama and Karasu in the Dark Tournament.
Disclaimer: I do not own YYH! So just drop it! (goes away to pout)
Chapter: 1. Botan and Hiei, sharing thoughts.
Once upon a time (I've always wanted to use this beginning in a YYH fic!) up in a tree in the Makai, a sleeping fire/ice demon was, well, sleeping. He was dreaming of a redheaded wonder boy that always filled his heart with such warm joy everytime he thought about his smiling face! But currently, the image of this redhead was filling his body with heat. He was having a wet dream about Kurama's body, which, (if you know anything about wet dreams) shouldnt take place in a tree!
Hiei, for the first time since he was 5 years old, fell off a tree. But luckily, his face broke his fall. (Oh...that HAD to hurt!) Murkuro's laugh came from beside him. Hiei turned his eyes toward her in a cold glare, "Why are you out here?"
Still laughing at her heir, she helped him up, "Well, it was kinda hard to keep my curiosity at bay when I hear 'Oh Kurama!' outside my castle...especially when it's my heir's voice.." she snickered.
Hiei looked down at his buldging pants, and snorted, "Mind your own, will ya?"
"What's wrong? I'm sure Kurama will apreciate the fact that you had a nice dream about him..." she sneered. "And besides, your whole life is my bussniess! You're my heir!"
"Yeah, yeah, you remind me everyday!" Hiei jumped back up into the tree, but it's bark was wet from his sweat so he jumped back down, "You act like you're proud to have a fag as your heir."
Murkuro frowned, "Hiei, you're not a fag...you just fell inlove, that's all. I mean, damn! If every guy in the world new about Kurama, they'd like guys too!" she smirked.
"Hey hey hey!" Hiei growled, "Back off! You're talking about my kitsune"
"Exactly, you're overprotective and you love him. Nothin' wrong with that!"
Hiei blinked in defense, "I am not overprotective!"
"Oh, yes you are!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Not!"
"Too!"
"Am not!"
"Are so!"
"Nuh uh!"
Murkuro turned to one of her guards, "Hey, dude, aint Kurama the hottest thing you ever seen in a thong?" she asked the guy who was now blushing.
"WHAT?" Hiei looked at the guard and growled, "You bastard!" Hiei screamed as he unsheathed his sword and ran after the crying guard.
Murkuro tripped him as he ran by, "Told ya so..."
Hiei got up pissed off, "Yeah, so?" Hiei huffed, "I'm going to the ningenkai, see ya later..." He ran to the reikai portal, fumming about Murkuro's words. I am not overprotective! She doesn't know what she's even talking about! Anyone would have lost it if they thought that someone had seen their mate in a thong, right? Of course! I'll ask Kurama! He'll agree that I'm not overprotective! But, I'll also ask Kurama to make some of my dream come true. Hiei had to stifle an excited laugh as he though about Kurama agreeing.
Hiei arrived at Shori's house a little while later, as he rang the doorbell. Shori answered gleefully in a weird attire. Hiei noticed the bowl of candy in he arms and asked (Abnormally politely he might add) the normally kind lady if he could have some. But she kept insisting that he say some rhyme to receive his candy. He finally got fed up with her and snorted. "Where's Shuiichi-kun?"
"Hiei-chan, arent you going to say 'trick or treat'?" Shori asked with a bright smile on her face.
Hiei winced at being called Hiei-chan, but let it slide, this time. "No. Now, would you please tell me where he is, Minamino-san?"
"Please, call me Shori...and he's out supervising his little brother in trick-or-treating..."
"Hn?"
"Uh...you're friends are right ahead of you, the tall one and the other one and their girlfriends...why don't you go ask them? I'm sure they'd be happy to tell you about Halloween, or maybe where Shuiichi is. But, right now, I am very busy. I'm sorry."
Hiei bowed respectfully, "Thank you, Minamino-sa...I mean, Shori." But he gave her one last glance, and snatched a piece of candy from the bowl and took off running (Like normal of course, he wasn't allowed to show any powers in front of Shori)
He heard Shori's laugh from behind him, "You silly sneak! I'll have Shu-kun get you for that one later!" He heard Shori tease at him as he ran to catch up with the idiots (of course, not refering to the girls).
Hiei had to admit, Shori made him laugh. She was so laid back, but she always teased like she wasn't, just like Kurama. He knew that one day he would be proud to call her 'mother'
Hiei finally caught up to the two morons and the two girls as he appeared in front of them. "Where's Kurama?"
Yusuke blinked in surprise, "hey Hiei."
Kuwabara looked even more stupid than Hiei had remembered, he looked like those guys off Dragon Ball Z after they looked at the moon, what did the ningen call it...an ape? Yeah, more like an ape than before. "Hiei! What are you doing here?"
"What daya think? I came here to look at your ugly mug? Well, don't flatter yourself, because your're wrong. I'm looking for Kurama." Hiei spat at the orange-haired giant. Hiei blinked, as if getting out of a trance as he looked over at Yusuke, "Oh, Hi Yusuke."
Yusuke smirked as Kuwabara fumed, thinking for a good comeback. "Why you lookin' fer Kurama, shrimp?"
"Where is Kurama! I'm NOT asking nicely anymore!" Hiei growled.
"Shori said he's Trick or treating." Yusuke said.
"I already know what Shori said. But that dosen't tell me what that is!"
Botan gasped, "Oh my gosh! You don't know what Halloween is!"
Hiei rolled his eyes at her over zealous tone, "Nope."
Keiko motioned for him to come over like it was story time, he refused. She motioned again, he refused. She forcedly picked him up and sat down on a kid walking by that was dressed as a chair; sitting Hiei on her lap like a child.
Hiei tried to thrash and get up but no avail. Keiko then turned on her best 'nice librarian lady' tone. "Halloween is a time when human children of all ages dress up and pretend they're something that they're not. It can be something scary, or weird, or pretty. Something that you always wanted to be. Anyway, the children dress up and go to people's houses, saying 'trick or treat' and receiving candy for their efforts in dressing up. Some people have Halloween parties-"
From that point, all Hiei heard was BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! He imagined Kurama dressing up as a hooker with a whip and chains, and tight pants that made Hiei wince with every glance. And Kurama saying 'trick or treat' in a really husky tone, holding out his pants for Hiei to see his boner. Kurama leaning down, moaning, 'Give me something good to eat...'
Hiei snapped out of his dream world as he realized he couldn't walk because he was hard. "Lemme up!" Hiei screamed, accedentally letting out a girly screech as he fell on the ground. "Dammit!"
Botan's eyes widened, because she had just been taught by Genkai how to read minds. She had seen Hiei's whole fantasy by accedent. A large blush spread over Botan's face as she realized that Hiei had caught her, that's why he quickly stopped. Hiei looked up at her with a cold glare and blood trickeling down his nose. "Uh...I'm SO sorry Hiei! I can't really control my mind powers yet and I just happened to stumble on you, and-"
Hiei growled wiping the blood from under his nose, "Save it. Just stay the fuck out of my mind!" Hiei blushed madly, "it's none of your busniess!" Hiei stood up after he was calmed down a bit. "And keep what you saw to yourself!"
"Yessir! Will do!" Botan saluted.
Hiei ground his teeth subconciously, "good..." Hiei's face was red hot, and Botan's face was too. They had both had enough of sharing each other's thoughts, for a lifetime. Hiei walked off, "I'm going to go find Kurama now." He stopped. "By the way...what are you guys doing out here?"
"Well, we really didn't want to go out here, but KUWABARA INSISTED that we weren't too old. He's dressed like King Kong. And so he won't get himself killed, we came to chapperone him." Yusuke stated, clearly still annoyed at Kuwabara. "We should be at parties right now..." Yusuke finished bitterly.
About five minutes of scaling the trees, Hiei decided that he would NEVER find Kurama. He sat on a tree to rest and regather his thoughts.
After Hiei had flittered off into the distance, instantly everyone's eyes turned to Botan.
"What was it?" Yusuke grinned, knowing it was dirt on Hiei.
"Yeah! Spill it girly!" Kuwabara shook her shoulders.
"Didn't you guys hear! I'm NOT allowed to tell anyone!" Botan cried desprately.
"Yeah, but he didn't threaten you...so obviously, he doesn't really care..." Yusuke protested.
"Oh, belieive you me, I'm SURE he cares." Botan blinked.
Yusuke and Kuwabara's grins got even larger as they stared back and fourth at each other. "I think he's right, baby, I'm sure he wouldn't care." Kuwabara said, putting on his biggest and best innocent smile.
"You should respect Hiei's privaicy, Yusuke! You too Kuwabara!" Keiko preached.
"The guy doesn't even respect his own privaicy" Yusuke sneered. "Come on, Botan. He'll never bother you again if you have blackmail on him. And, if he gets what he deserves, maybe he'll learn from it and become a better and nicer person." Yusuke tossed out his most cheesy line yet.
"Yeah, just give us a hint of what it's about..." Kuwabara smiled.
"uh...ok..." Botan inhaled slowly, "It's about who he likes..."
"Likes?" Yusuke grinned. "Be more specific"
"uh...ya know...who he um...has a crush on..." Botan stammered.
"Hiei HAS A CRUSH?" Yusuke raised his voice excitedly.
"SHHHHHH! Shush!" Botan quickly covered his mouth and looked around to make sure Hiei wasn't anywhere nearby. Yusuke bit her hand as she screamed in pain and let go.
"Tell me!" Yusuke whispered.
"NO!" Botan turned pale.
"Please?"
"NO!"
"Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please!"
Botan covered her ears and took off running from the two baffoons following her.
"PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!"
Hiei decided to remove the wrap from his jagan to find Kurama, although his fox had countlessly told him not to ever do that in the ningenkai unless absolutely needed. But, come on! This was all too needed; he needed his fox and needed him NOW! He removed his jagan with a trademark smirk on his face, as he searched for Kurama's spirit energy amoung the ningen on the street. Hiei got what he never expected; Youko's unmistakable spirit energy. He raced to it, landing infront of a pair of beautiful golden orbs. Youko Kurama, infamous demon theif of the Makai stared down at Hiei's widened ruby eyes.
Youko smirked, "Hello, Hiei..."
"What are y-you doing here!" Hiei stammered.
"Didn't Shori tell you? I'm taking my little brother out trick-or-treating." Youko chuckled at Hiei's appaled face.
"B-but-"
"Don't you just love my costume? It's so real..." Youko smirked, Hiei looked absoultely scared. Not exactly what he was expecting to drag into the forest, Youko thought happily. Poor youkai...heh.
Hiei was sort of disapointed to find Youko, he was expecting to be seme. He really didn't want to be uke. "Then where's Shuichii?"
"I dunno..." Youko shrugged.
"You sure are no redheded Kurama..."
"Yeah...and that's why you were disappointed..." Youko smirked.
"Turn back!" Hiei yelled.
"Why should I?"
"I DO NOT plan to be uke!"
"Why? Jeeze you are SO stubborn!" Youko argued.
"You rip through me! I HATE it!"
"I won't, okay? I promise." Youko grinned. "I'll be nice and easy..."
"Words are cheap..." Hiei growled. "Especially coming from you!" Hiei sighed, "If you're not going to turn back than let's at least find Shuichii...before you get my redhead introuble with Shori!"
"Sorry babe...I have a party to host that should be starting about now..."
"Then, you have to turn back into Kurama?" Hiei asked hopefully.
"I suppose..." Youko smirked. "But are you going to let Kurama know that you let me lose Shuichii?"
Hiei turned pale, "No...I'll find the munchkin..."
"Good...now, meet me at Shori's house later with the kid...I'll tell her that you decided to finish watching him for me..." Youko smirked, "But don't worry, I'll turn back to Youko before tonight...just for you, baby."
Hiei growled, "Please don't bother..." he began to walk off, "I'll see you later, I have to go find the kid you lost!"
"I love you too!" Youko waved a piece of cloth in farewell.
Hiei snorted a remark as he flited into the trees, I'll go back and find the idiot and the detective and make them help me. The ningen girl and the ferry girl won't let them refuse. Hiei thought to himself.
Meanwhile, Kuwabara was up at a house getting candy, Keiko was with him, trying to convince the mother at the door that Kuwabara was either a really big kid or mentally challenged and still a kid in the head. Yusuke was still trying to get the truth out of Botan when Hiei landed infront of them looking extremely pissed. Botan about passed out, she hoped that he wasn't here due to her.
"YOU!" Hiei pointed to Botan as she screamed and covered her head. "YOU will make the two buffoons help find Kurama's ningen brother before I kill them!"
Botan started crying, all she heard was 'you'...'Kurama'...'kill' "I sware that I didn't say anything!"
"yeah, you'd better not! Now, hit Yusuke and Kuwabara with your bat or something and make them help me find munchkin Shuichii..."
Botan actually heard it all this time, and let out a big sigh. "Okay..."
"I'll help...but why isn't Kurama helping to find his own stinking brother?" Yusuke snorted.
"Because Youko took over and-"
"-Youko doesn't give a damn." Yusuke finished his sentence. "Right..."
"And he said that he'd tell Kurama that I let him lose Shuichii! If that isn't a load of-"
"Shit, yeah." Yusuke finished again.
Botan heard Hiei and Yusuke mentioning Kurama back and fouth and decided that she couldn't take it! She just plugged her ears and sat on the ground whining. Hiei looked down and rolled his eyes. "Get up, ferrygirl...It's okay."
Botan stood up, "I think I'll search for Shuichii-chan with you...NOT Yusuke and Kuwabara!" She hid behind Hiei as Kuwabara and Keiko walked up.
"What's up?" Kuwabara asked.
"We're helping look for Kurama's little brother, Youko lost him on purpose." Yusuke explained. "Botan is going to look with Hiei, so that leaves us three to look together."
"Actually, I think I'll go with Hiei too." Keiko smiled innocently.
"WHAT?" Kuwabara and Yusuke yelled simultaneously.
"Maybe you should go with Yusuke and Kuwabara, they need more help and-" Hiei started.
"NO! I'm going with you and Botan!" Keiko yelled back in retortion.
Everyone else sweatdropped. Hiei shurgged, "Whatever...but, if you're coming, lets go." he walked off, as Botan mounted her oar. Keiko ran after Hiei.
"WAIT! Wait for me!" Keiko yelled after him. He didn't. She continued to run after him.
When they were out of site, Kuwabara and Yusuke looked at each other in worry. "Since when did Hiei become so popular with women!" Yusuke retorted.
"I dunno...maybe women like sensitive men who have crushes or something..."
"Hiei is NOT sensitive! He's the exact opposite!" Yusuke said back.
Kuwabara shrugged. "Who knows? Lets just look for the little one. Maybe if we find him first and bribe him with candy, he'll tell the girls how sensitive and caring we are or something..."
"I never thought I'd say this, but, that's a GREAT idea Kuwabara! Lets go!"
Hiei had eventually slowed down for Keiko, and Botan flew slowly and hovered over the two. They had actually slowed down to a walk by the time he reached the park. Hiei was reluctant to speak about the incident with Keiko around, but Botan was just as chattery as ever.
"Hiei, about eariler..." Botan began. "I really am sorry for reading your thoughts...It wasn't very nice of me to butt into your life like that."
"Another time, Botan." Hiei grumbled through gritted teeth, scared that Keiko would catch on.
"And I really didn't mean to do it! But don't worry, I don't think your relationship is gross or nothing...But that was a little much, don't you think?" Botan giggled.
Hiei was about ready to strangle her because he knew she would accedently spill the beans if this kept up. But suddenly, Keiko spoke up. "I think it's wonderful that you and Kurama are together to be perfectly honest..."
Hiei felt like he was going to faint, "YOU TOLD HER?" Hiei screamed at Botan, his face losing all color.
"No, silly, she already knew. I did too." Botan smiled.
"h-how? W-where? when? who? and I-" Hiei stammered.
"Me, Botan, Shizuru, and Genkai know." Keiko smiled, "You two are SO easy to read!" Keiko got all starry-eyed, "The way you two look at each other from across the room and slightly smile, so connected with one another...so romantic! I can tell that you think he's beautiful. And he thinks you're the only thing that matters in this whole wide world. And when you two slightly touch in public and blush, it's soooooo sweet!"
"And, when you call him 'fox', it's so deep with so much feeling! And when I come to work in a bad mood, I get so happy when I see you two enjoying each other's company, I just want to throw you a big wedding!" Botan smiled brightly, "And not to mention all the torn clothes that I find in the Makai from you two. And when you come into work and can't walk or Kurama comes in with a 'bruise' on his neck..." Botan giggled.
Hiei's eye was twitching, and his face was as red as his eyes. How could they think that his and Kurama's relationship was romantic? Usually people shun it...and all those signs! He and Kurama had thought that they had done a damn good job of hiding it...
"It's a woman thing, Hiei. Don't worry about the guys...they couldn't guess in a million years." Keiko said cheerily
Hiei collasped on a park bench, laying on his back and covering his face with his arms. "well, at least the morons don't know..." he sighed. "I can't beleive this shit..."
"Oh, don't worry about it..." Botan smiled.
"You guys haven't seen us, uh...doing stuff? have you?" Hiei asked nervously.
Keiko and Botan looked at each other and blushed, "Uh, well...I went to Kurama's house and looked in the window to see if he was home once...and well, he was and so were you..." Keiko blushed harder at her explaination.
"And I, um, was heading to the Makai forest below Koormie to tell you that there was a mission...and well, I hadn't sensed Kurama until it was too late..." Botan bit her lip, "So I let you guys skip the mission and made an excuse to Koenma for you."
"Oh, god..." Hiei buried his face in his arms, mortified. "So you've known all this time?"
Botan and Keiko nodded. Keiko sat down and comforted Hiei by playing with the spikes on his hair. "It's okay, Hiei."
Botan got off her oar and unbuttoned Hiei's cloak. "Maybe if you took this thing off and calmed down..." Botan continued to unbutton it while humming a sweet tune, "It'll all be okay..."
"Why do I have to be a fag?" Hiei sniffled into his sleeves.
"Hun, you're not." Botan and Keiko said. "You're just inlove." Keiko smiled, "Nothing wrong with that."
"I wish I could beleive you..."
Keiko sighed, seeing Botan was having a hard time with the buttons. She had Hiei uncover his arms from his face. Hiei's face was red, and he had slight tears forming in his eyes, and sweat dripping from his face. Keiko took off her cotton vest and wiped Hiei's face with it. "I'm going to help Botan with your cloak, it's getting warm out, ne?" Hiei just nodded. "Damn buttons, huh?" Keiko baby talked Hiei.
Hiei looked the other way, "You don't have to-"
"It's okay, I know you feel like shit. I couldn't imagine if someone caught me and Yusuke...doing that." Keiko comforted him.
Hiei sighed, let them do whatever. He didn't care. He wiped his eyes to make damn sure he didn't cry.
Suddenly, Kuwabara and Yusuke walked into the park area that they were in and spotted the three at the bench. You could imagine how this looked, the two girls working to unbutton his cloak, Keiko's vest already laying on the ground and Hiei on his back with his face red...
They ran over, grabbed Botan and Keiko by the shoulders and pulled them to their feet and away from Hiei. "WHAT IN THE HELL?" Yusuke and Kuwabara screamed at the same time. Hiei got up, and looked over in confusion of why they were acting that way.
Keiko jerked away from Yusuke, "Why'd you do that!"
"You-and Botan-and Hiei-and 69-and-" Yusuke stammered.
Kuwabara looked like he was going to pass out as Botan jerked from his grasp. "Get off!" Botan yelled "That was rude!"
"B-but-but-but-" Kuwabara struggled.
"But nothing!" Keiko yelled at the two. "What's your problem!"
"Yeah, why are you here?" Hiei growled, standing up and turning the other way as he wiped the tears completly from his eyes.
"No, why are you stealing Keiko and Botan! What ever happened to 'looking for Kurama's brother'?" Yusuke yelled.
"I wasn't stealing them! You think I planned this!" Hiei retorted.
"I'm sick of your face!" Yusuke yelled angrily as he threw a punch and hit Hiei in the face.
Hiei flew back slightly but stopped himself and drew his sword, "Well, if it's a fight you wanted, you should have just said something." Hiei muttered hatefully. "I'll mutalate you." Suddenly, his sword was ripped from his hands, he looked up to see his beautiful redhead, looking down at Hiei in worry.
"Hiei! Are you okay?"
"I'd be better if you gave me my damn sword back!" Hiei snapped back.
"There is no reason to fight," Kurama looked at Kuwabara and Yusuke, "The girls will explain the misunderstanding to you." Kurama smiled innocently and winked down at Hiei. "Come on, Hiei. We're going back to my house.." He picked Hiei up, knowing that he wouldn't come on his own, and disappeared into the forest.
"Lemme down, Kurama! Their explaination will expose us! It will-"
Kurama stopped, and silenced him with a kiss. "It's okay, Hiei. I was there for most of the time. I sent a very believeable explanation through telepacy to the girls that they can tell them. They won't find out about us." Kurama smiled.
Hiei felt like he was going to cry in joy; he was in his love's arms, away from the world, and he didn't have a worry in the world. His fox really did take care of everything. "Thank you so much Kurama!" Hiei sighed as he reached up and gave Kurama a sweet return kiss. "But, you knew the girls-"
"Yes. I had a feeling that they knew. I didn't want to tell you because I know you'd worry yourself sick. But they are good at keeping secrets. Don't worry about it." Kurama finished.
"But what about Shu-chan!" Hiei felt like he was going to faint again.
"Youko was bluffing, babe. I'm sorry he worried you. Shuichii was in the haunted house a block away at the time Youko talked to you." Kurama sounded like he was bitter at no one in particular. "But something was true. I do have a party at mother's place. It starts in three hours."
Hiei frowned. "But I had plans for me and you..."
"I know, koi. I'm sorry. Want to have dinner before the party starts? I know it's not sexual...but we'll be spending time together..." Kurama asked hopefully.
Hiei smiled slightly, "Okay. You're on, fox."
Owari
Hiei: YOU MADE ME LOOK LIKE SUCH A BABY!
Kitsumi: I thought you were sweet, and expresive of your emotins.
Kurama: Basicly, Hiei, you're hott.
Hiei/Kitsumi/Reader: (Sweatdrops)
Hiei: I don't think that's what she meant...
Kitsumi: No, that's pretty much it.
Kurama/Kitsumi: (Smile)
Hiei/Reader: (Sweatdrops again)
Hiei: Whatever. On to next chapter.
Kurama: Which will be provided for you automaticly on posting.
Hiei: Because she was feeling generous. (Looks over the script again) Wait, this is bullshit! You're not generous to us!
Kitsumi: That's because you don't like to cooperate. Sometimes, you even do the exact opposite of what I tell you!
Hiei: Nuh-uh!
Kitsumi: Watch...Kurama, DON'T have sex with Hiei right now until he can't move.
Kurama: IEEEEEEEE! (Picks up Hiei and carries him off)
Hiei: Damn you Kitsumi! Kurama! Don't you dare be rough!
Kurama: (Drools) Think we should use your sword in foreplay?
Hiei: KURAMA? DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU'D BETTER BE GENTLE!
Kurama: Surrrrre...(Smirks evilly)