**Disclaimer**
I don't own Nothing. Nada. Bupkis. Squat. Diddley.
Do you realize it's been so long since I've updated that I've forgotten how to write a disclaimer? Yeesh!
Sorry it's been so long. The health crises have seemed to resolve themselves for the moment, which is good. This makes me very happy. I have finished another original work that I'm shopping around for publication. This makes me very happy, but not as happy as I would be if it actually gets sold. Cross your fingers for me on that one.
And while I usually don't respond to reviewers individually, I do have to ask someone why they had to read 18 chapters of this fic to decide they didn't like it. I mean, I can usually tell in the first chapter or so…. But that's just me.
Pale winter sun weakly shone through the heavy glass windows. Legolas sat in the window seat, head thrown back and eyes closed as if drinking in that small amount of radiance. The flaws in the glass caused small ripples of light and shadow making it seem as if the Elf were underwater, Disa thought. That and the utter stillness of the slender body lent an air of melancholy that was tangible in the small room.
She shook her head, her dark, heavy hair falling around her shoulders. Of course there would be an air of melancholy. How could there not be?
She watched silently from her refuge on the soft mattress. The heavy bed curtains had been tied back to allow her to view the entire room while she'd played with Luthiél on the deep featherbed. The baby now slept next to her, sweet mouth turned up into a slight smile, her limbs still in place from where they'd fallen when she'd suddenly succumbed to sleep in mid-squeal.
Disa lay on her stomach, rested her chin on her fists and considered the Elf in the window.
Her face drew itself up an expression of deepest concentration as she squinted and tried to picture the being before her as male. Her eyes flickered across the form, her thoughts almost readable on her face. There -- the shoulders would be broader and the frame taller. And there -- the hips more narrow. And there -- the chin wouldn't be so delicately sculpted nor the cheekbones so gracefully carved. And surely the lips would be thinner, not drawn up into a cupid's bow.
Her eyes narrowed even further as she continued. There would be less at the rear and more in the upper arms. And the hands – the hands most of all. They wouldn't be so small and delicate looking, but larger and more capable looking. They would look like her eldest brother's hands, with blunt fingers and hard calluses built from years of training with knife or sword or bow.
For a moment, she had a vision set in her mind of a noble Elf lord taking his rest in a shaft of wan sunlight, dust motes dancing as if in worship before his vitality, the very air around him reflecting his feline strength and masculinity.
And then Legolas opened his eyes and broke the spell, snapping back to the way that Disa had always seen him: delicate and breathtakingly beautiful. The dust motes still danced, oblivious to the change in the creature they praised.
Disa blinked again, trying to recapture the picture she had held in her mind's eye for such a fleeting moment, but her concentration was broken when Legolas met her eyes and then looked to the sitting room door.
She lifted herself up onto her elbows, careful not to jostle the baby overmuch and turned to look at the door as well. Legolas' senses were much sharper than her own and could hear someone approaching from what seemed furlongs away.
She turned back to see the Elf adjust his clothing in preparation for the visitor. Leggings clung to slender legs in a way that Disa had first thought scandalous, but had eventually gotten used to. The fitted tunic was longer than a man's – covering almost to the knees – but side slits allowed horseback riding or baby dandling with equal ease. Embroidery danced across the bodice and sleeves, Clotild's work adding a bright look to the otherwise plain clothing.
Truly, Disa had been appalled when she'd first seen the outfit. She had been even more nonplussed when she'd begun to see other members of the court and nobility wearing similar clothing and intricate braids. Now, while she certainly would never wear leggings herself, she had grown accustomed enough to the fashion to not snipe.
The soft knock at the door was not a surprise, nor was Aragorn's face peering into the room. He had made a habit of daily visits for a while now, presumably to see his child. Disa knew better, however. She'd seen this same dance countless times between her sisters and their suitors and even her mother and father.
Legolas put a slender finger to his lips and then pointed at the sleeping child on the bed. The man carefully shut the door behind him and walked across the room, cradling something in his arms. A hand caressed the baby's hair with a touch as light as air as he walked by, and a wink was thrown in Disa's direction. The girl studiously ignored him, choosing instead to focus on a dropped thread in the coverlet.
Aragorn stood for a long moment before the window, apparently drinking in the sight of the Elf in the sun. He blinked and then cleared his throat. "You look like nothing more than a hothouse flower up there, Legolas. You bloom and give color to even the most blighted winter while you yearn for the sun and spring."
He didn't see Disa bury her face in the bed to muffle her snort of derision.
Legolas raised both eyebrows. "You compare me to a…" He paused as if trying to wrap his brain around the concept, "…to a flower? I don't much care for that comparison, I think. I am neither delicate nor especially beautiful." The Elf then raised the left eyebrow higher. "I am no flower, Aragorn. If I were, I would have gutted you with my thorns long ago."
Laughing quietly, Aragorn nodded. "Yes, you would have. But is it not well known that the most beautiful wild blooms have the sharpest thorns? I think their beauty is enhanced by the danger." He continued after a quiet chuckle at the thought. "What would you prefer, then? I can wax poetic when I try." Aragorn smiled ingratiatingly and bowed, holding the small bundle behind him.
"I'd prefer nothing at all, actually." The elf stretched and swung his legs down to the floor in a single catlike motion that had Disa remembering her vision of the Elf Lord with even more clarity than before. "As you can see, Luthiél is sleeping. If you like I can send a messenger to get you after she wakes and eats."
With barely a glance at the sleeping baby and the young woman glaring at him from the bed, Aragorn smiled. "I brought you a gift, Legolas."
Disa raised her head a little higher, trying to see what he held in his hand. He had brought gifts before; that was becoming commonplace. Legolas tried to refuse gracefully, but the gifts were often small, thoughtful items that the king drew upon his memories of his friend and swordmate to make them meaningful to just them. She expected nothing more this time.
It was for that reason that she felt her eyes grow round when Aragorn drew out a wooden casket and opened it to show the contents to the Elf.
Blue fire sparkled against the red velvet lining as he tilted the contents of the box to catch the light in different ways. "It's a custom here. Luthiél has lived and thrived for a season. She's old enough now to be presented to the court and…" He paused and swallowed hard. "…and custom dictates that I show you my gratitude for giving me such a beautiful daughter." The man kept his eyes fixed on the contents of the box, not daring to look up at the Elf.
Disa then looked to Legolas. She knew that the Elf cared little for jewels or riches, but the workmanship of the items in the casket was exquisite. She could tell from across the room.
A small hand reached into the box and brought forth a thick bracelet set with sapphires of a rich blue, each stone cut to the same size and set in a cage of gold wire, surrounded by gold in a knotwork motif. "This is beautiful, Aragorn." The elf examined the bracelet, noticing the painstaking detail that made it so lovely. "My father would have been envious of such a thing." To Legolas' mind, that was a high compliment for something he knew or cared little about, and jewelry was one of those things.
The man smiled and reached into the box and drew out a pair of earrings that made Disa gasp with awe. They matched the bracelet that in turn matched the collar and the stone that nestled at the Elf's throat.
"These are beautiful, Aragorn. Truly they are. But you know that I have little fondness for jewelry. Why do you give me such things?" Legolas asked the obvious question that floated in his mind even as he frowned at the metal post on the earrings that were supposed to go through his earlobes.
"I told you. Luthiél is old enough to be presented to the court as my daughter. While she cannot be confirmed as my heir, she must be recognized as my child and receive oaths from my nobles."
Blinking in surprise, Legolas dropped the bracelet back into the box with a heavy thump. "Surely you jest. She's just an infant."
The man rubbed his beard and sighed. "No jesting. The custom is to protect her as well as show her to the people. While most nobles will think nothing of killing a child that stands in their way, most of them will think twice before breaking a solemn oath." He shrugged and half smiled. "Such is the morality of the mighty."
Legolas turned back towards the window. "I will never understand humans. Never."
"You will understand us as much as we understood Elf-kind, dear friend. I think we are both equally inscrutable to each other."
"Indeed." Legolas turned back from his view of ice covered trees and bleak walls. "And what else would you have of me for this occasion? Obviously there is something more."
The man shrugged and placed the casket on the table. "I would have from you the same as I would have at any other court – be my glittering Elf Queen." He gestured towards the jewels. "I would have you glitter a little more than usual, of course. This is a special occasion."
"I see." There was a look in the Elf's eyes that Disa hadn't seen before, a hardness or even a flash of fury that was so quickly hidden that she questioned if she had ever seen it.
Aragorn merely nodded, and then sighed. "I know this pains you, Legolas, but it must be done. And we must furthermore convince those who watch that there will be more children. Observations have already been made about that amongst the staff. They know that we live separately." He made as if to touch the Elf on the cheek and then lowered his hand. "Of course we live separately. We have too much pain between us." His voice was low and sad.
"Yes." Legolas echoed the tone. "Too much pain." His expression turned distant as he looked at the jewelry in the casket. "Is this mine, then? Mine alone, and not Gondor's?"
"Of course." Aragorn nodded. "You deserve them and more. They are little enough repayment for all you have suffered at my hands."
Legolas nodded. "Yes, they are far from enough, but I accept them." There was a strange finality to the words, Disa thought.
There was a long, awkward silence between the two before Aragorn climbed to the window seat to look out upon the frozen landscape. "Spring will be here soon, and the garden will thaw and come back to life." He gestured, and Legolas came to stand next to him. "Do you think you will thaw and live again with the new season? You are as glacial as that pond outside." He shook his head. "That came out wrong. You are distant and frigid to everyone. I would expect that to me, but not to Valda or Clotild or Lanelese or little Disa over there. Something weighs heavily on your mind. If you were to tell me of it, perhaps I could do something."
"Can you take me back to the way that I was?" The Elf waited as the man lowered his eyes to callused hands. After a long moment, Legolas sighed. "I apologize. I am cruel in my sadness. I will make an effort to not be. Forgive me."
Aragorn brightened, reached over and grasped a slender hand. "There is no need for forgiveness. All here love you and would do anything for you." He rubbed the fingers with the ball of his thumb. "I would do anything for you." Disa turned away from the two of them at the look in his eyes. This was far too intimate for her to witness.
She heard Legolas' soft voice answer, "I know you would. And if I could bring myself to stomach such a thing, I would let you. But I cannot." She heard a hard swallow, but didn't know if it was from the King or her lady. "I am sorry." The soft voice dripped with pain beyond telling.
She kept her eyes on the far door for a long time as the heavy silence filled the room. When she finally turned her eyes back to the window, the king had taken Legolas' chin in his hand. The normally pale face was flushed and the eyes glittered with something she would have called a cross between hate and need. The pair were frozen in a strange tableau, every muscle tense, every hair on end. Even the dusts motes were unmoving, seeming to wait for them to breathe.
Turning her eyes back towards the baby, Disa did the only thing she could think to break the tension. She pinched Luthiél on her leg, causing the baby to wake and scream at the top of her lungs.
The two in the window jumped and then looked back towards the bed. Aragorn leapt down from the window and reached for his daughter, sweeping her up into his arms and instantly calming her screams into small sobs that subsided into sleepy yawns and then back into slumber. Cradling the child gently, he spoke. "The court will be in a fortnight, Legolas. I've already instructed Valda about what needs to be done."
Legolas, still in the window, wrapped his arms around his chest, hugging against the cold that he didn't feel. "Valda needs her rest, Aragorn. The child drains her."
The king nodded and rocked the slumbering child in his arms, a tender expression filling his eyes. "Yes. We'll let her rest after this. I promise."
Disa swung herself off the bed, curtseyed precisely to the king, and then held her arms up for Luthiél. The king smiled down at her and placed the child -- heavy with sleep and smelling of good things like milk and soap -- in her arms. He patted Disa on the head and spoke again, not looking at the window, but directing his words towards the figure there. "We all play our roles here, Legolas. I pretend to be the all knowing, all powerful king, even though I question myself more harshly than any of my rivals could. Arnlaug plays his role of all knowing, wise councilor to the hilt. Even Disa here plays her role of being the obedient servant, even though she's seething at me behind those pretty eyes of hers."
"I take your point, Aragorn. I will play my part in this little farce we have. I already play my part far better than you realize at times. Does that make you happy?" Legolas spoke, never tearing his eyes from the garden outside.
"Ecstatic." The king bowed towards the figure in the window. "Be sure to wear the jewels. I must show the nobles how likely we are to produce further children, even if we will never be more than distant acquaintances that hurl insults at each other across the room. I want my throne secure."
He did not wait for a response but left the room, leaving Disa feeling as though she had missed a silent argument that was crueler than what she had heard. "Lady?" She spoke quietly, guilt filling her for hurting the baby.
Legolas climbed back up to the window seat and picked up the hand mirror that had been concealed in the cushions there. It was of polished bronze, the only thing that Aragorn would allow him. He studied himself in the reflection there, the golden light that it reflected giving the pale face an almost human color.
Disa cleared her throat and shifted the baby onto her shoulder, waiting to be noticed.
If she had asked Legolas what he saw, he would have answered honestly. He would have told her that he saw a blurred vision of the woman inside, her eyes sad and pained. He would have told her that she wasn't there in the mirror at all but on his own face, looking out through his eyes and waiting for the time when she would be free.
But Disa didn't ask. She stood and waited, and heard him mutter to himself, "It's not big enough or clear enough. It's not enough. She is still here."
"Lady", she asked, her voice barely audible except to his ears.
This time Legolas started, put down the mirror and looked at her. "Yes?"
Disa stepped closer, looking straight into the clear blue eyes. She licked her lips and checked the empty room for any invisible listeners. "You're leaving, aren't you? You're going away. You're doing what he wants so he won't suspect, aren't you?"
Legolas stiffened, but said nothing.
Disa continued, the words falling from her mouth faster than she could control them. "You're going away, and you're going to take Luthiél with you. Why?"
Clearing his throat, Legolas spoke. "Among my people there are those who might be able to help me break the spell that binds me to this body." He sighed and looked in the mirror again. "I'm slowly forgetting who I was in favor of what Davyn made of me. I can't let that happen, Disa."
"Do you really think they can free you? Really?"
Lowering the mirror, Legolas looked back at her. "I don't know, but I have to try. Elrond and Galadriel are both strong and wise." He looked down at himself and grimaced. "If nothing else, I think that Galadriel and I are of a size now. She always did have the most beautiful gowns. Surely she can share."
The girl ignored the small attempt at humor and leaned forward. "Take me with you." Her voice was so soft that Legolas could barely hear her.
"What?" His jaw dropped in shock.
"Take me with you." She was a little louder this time. "If you leave, I'm either dead or stuck in some horrible marriage to someone my father chooses. I don't want one, and I can't accept the other."
Leaning forward, Legolas put his hand on her shoulder. "I can't take you with me. There is no place for mortals in our world." He paused and furrowed his brow. "And what of Royd?"
Disa smiled grimly. "Father would aim much higher than a son of a common born councilor if you were gone. He would forbid it, and keep me available for a much higher match. It doesn't matter that I might not wish it."
Legolas nodded. "Well, I'm here now. Perhaps I can drop a suggestion in Aragorn's ear. He listens to me for some reason. If we can get things done before I leave, the better for all of us."
Rocking the baby slightly, Disa spoke again. "I would go with you. I would leave everything behind for you. I have come to have great affection for you." She blushed and continued whispering, this time sounding almost confused. "I think if I were to see you as you really are, I would love you even more."
Closing his eyes, Legolas sighed heavily. "I have affection for you too, but not of that kind. I don't think I can ever have that kind of affection for anyone again, Disa." He shook his head. "I am ruined forever."
Brown eyes brimming with tears, Disa nodded. "I understand." She turned her head away so that he could not see her weep. "Please talk to him about Royd, then. I think I could be happy with him."
"I will", Legolas promised her back as she left the room, trailing sadness behind her like the wake of a ship on the sea that he longed to cross. Raising the mirror again, his gaze was caught by that of the woman. She mocked him with her sad eyes.
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The blue fabric of the dress was as dark as the night sky in summer, and the diamonds that Lanelese had sewn on the skirt and bodice twinkled as though Elbereth had set them there herself. The fabric was thick but soft, almost iridescent in the way that it shifted from dark to darker to lighter in the light.
Valda twitched the skirt first this way, then that, seeking the perfect arrangement of fabric and light. She then turned her attention back to the hidden laces on the front of the bodice, making sure that they were truly invisible. The hands were light, brushing unseen specks of lint from the dark fabric. They danced across the smooth skin of the breasts that swelled above the bodice and then paused before passing over the golden collar at his throat. They danced again over his hair, checking each braid, each jeweled hairclasp. They lightly touched the earrings that burned in his lobes, gently straightening them as he hissed in pain under his breath.
She drew back her hands, her face etched with concern over top of the fatigue that she carried all the time now. Dark circles under her eyes made them seem deeper and more expressive, but all they spoke of was her exhaustion. Legolas had started to protest her piercing his ears until he looked into her eyes and saw how utterly tired she was. A slight sting and a small hole that would heal quickly were worth not vexing her any more than she needed at this time in her pregnancy.
Lanelese walked into the room carrying Luthiél. The baby wore a dress almost exactly like her mothers, down to the diamonds that sparkled on the skirt. Each and every stone had been pulled and tugged on by every woman in the room repeatedly to be sure that they would not come loose. Princesses should not eat diamonds, no matter how royal she was.
Luthiél had been nursed and cajoled and rocked. Then she had been nursed again and again until she was so satiated that there was no way she could possibly be hungry for hours. She was sweet and fragrant from a quick bath. Blond hair curled around her temples and she was full of smiles. Legolas prayed that her good mood would last through the court.
He accepted the heavy bundle, smiled down at the baby and was rewarded by a squeal and smile that would have melted even the most frozen heart. Happy in the nest of her mother's arms, Luthiél returned to her life's mission of trying to shove her entire fist into her mouth. Perhaps one day she would figure out to close her hand before trying.
Valda smiled and sat down in one of the chairs, exhaustion etched in every move. "She grows more beautiful every day, Legolas. I can only hope that our child is as healthy and beautiful."
Swaying slightly to rock the child, Legolas smiled down at her. "I'm sure he will be. How could he not with two such loving and concerned parents?"
Patting her rounded stomach, Valda laughed. "Well, if it is a he, surely we have a warrior on our hands the way he pummels me inside." She paused and smiled, "And if it's a girl, why not a warrior that way as well?"
Clotild walked over to them both and wiped Luthiél's face dry with a small cloth. She turned her attention to Valda after a nod to Legolas. "Would you like some help getting dressed, Lady? You are going to attend the court?"
Valda sighed and leaned back. "Yes, I wouldn't miss it for the world, but I am so tired. Perhaps I can just sit behind the thrones and watch?" She looked beseechingly at Legolas who smiled and laughed.
"Of course. I'll have a chair put beside me for you. Lanelese, Clotild and Disa are more than capable of taking care of both of us, Valda. You need to rest." He shook his head at the next thought in his mind. "I remember what it felt like." ::How odd that I can stand here and commiserate with a pregnant woman. I would have never thought such a thing before.::
He rocked Luthiél in his arms and smelled her hair as he watched the others help Valda into a gown and dress her hair. Humming tunelessly under his breath, he noted how strong and healthy the baby was. She would be able to travel soon.
The scurrying and activity of the women around him resolved itself into a pattern, with himself at the center. Some of them sang as they worked, others gossiped gaily. There was no sadness in the room, only anticipation of an important day and a grand feast and party.
The lesser maids spoke of certain squires and men-at-arms that they would like to know better while Lanelese told Clotild of the wonderful outfit she had made for Bryn that matched her own gown of rose. "Well, he said he'd rather die than wear it, so I started crying and sobbing. That didn't work but when I made to shave my head he gave right in." The pretty maid dimpled and Legolas made a mental note to try not to laugh at the sight of poor rose-colored Bryn. He suspected it would be a challenge almost as great as Glorfindel's fight with the Balrog.
Clotild laughed, her green eyes twinkling. They matched the color of her gown exactly, as did the emerald pendant that she wore around her neck, a gift from Councilor Regin. That was another match that was blooming before his eyes.
Disa lingered in the corner, listening to Lanelese with a smile on her lips. She had chosen burgundy again as her color, the intensity of the color bringing out the rich darkness of her hair and eyes. She was lovely and would surely catch Royd's eye tonight. A few judicious words had been placed to both Aragorn and Arnlaug about the two and with luck a match could be made there as well.
He smiled. This would be a good day, surrounded by happy people and good wishes. This would be the thing he missed the most when he left, the feeling of easy affection between the women in this room. He could almost bring himself to feel guilty about the pain he would cause when he left.
The feeling of guilt was erased when Aragorn walked in the room. He bowed deeply to all the ladies in the room, even the lesser maids. They all tittered and curtseyed back except Legolas. He stood where he was, nodding his head in greeting.
The king wore a rich dark blue overtunic. Picked out in silver threads on the cuffs and hem were rows of small white trees, each done in painstaking detail. He wore on his breast a silver pin matching the motif, and a silver buckle on his belt. The undertunic was a dark burgundy with gold embroidered bands, and the leggings were a dark charcoal. Even Legolas privately had to admit he cut a striking figure.
Aragorn walked forward to stand in front of Legolas. "And here are the two most important ladies in my life." He bowed even deeper as Legolas silently seethed at the way he was addressed. Grey eyes glinted up at him from the depth of the bow as the king acknowledged his stab had been purposeful.
Straightening up, he opened his arms. Legolas hesitated for a heartbeat and then passed Luthiél to him. The baby cooed to her father and grasped at his hair and face. Aragorn's face softened and he kissed his daughter on the forehead before cradling her in his arm. "Are we ready, Ladies? The court awaits the guest of honor." He smiled radiantly and offered his other elbow to the Elf who silently stood by.
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Luthiél greeted her first Lord from the security of Legolas' lap with wide blue eyes and a look of such intense concern that the Baron chuckled during his oath of fealty to Aragorn and his family. The next four or five were met with equal scrutiny, as if they were strange and frightening animals to be studied at a great distance. After them, she began to accept their homage as her due, smiling and flirting with each one as they came up and then thurping wet raspberries through their words.
It didn't matter, though. Even Legolas could see that the people were charmed with their princess. Her smiles and coos were remarked upon and greeted with smiles in return. Aragorn paid constant attention to his daughter, at times perching her in his own lap until she began to fuss for her mother.
Legolas had spotted poor rose-colored Bryn hiding in the back of the hall when Lanelese hissed her displeasure at his wearing a dark cloak over his colorful finery. It was obvious that there would be hell to pay as soon as the court was over. Legolas found himself pitying poor Bryn even more than he thought possible as he lost his battle not to laugh at the squire's plight.
He had lost count of the people, lost count of the number of gifts presented to the baby, lost count of the number of times Aragorn had leaned over to caress his hand or cheek in another overtly public display of affection. It was as if time had started to flow even slower than honey dripping out of a comb.
Luthiél became restive and began to cry hungrily as she sucked on her fists, kicking and thrashing when all other attempts to calm her failed. A small curtained alcove had been prepared outside the far end of the great hall, and Legolas retired there to nurse the exhausted baby.
The room was small, but richly appointed with heavy hangings to block the noise, and a brazier in the corner to provide warmth and light. An upholstered couch provided a place for Valda to relax and put up her swollen feet while Legolas sat on the floor, piles of cushions arranged to make him more comfortable.
It was during this time of quiet that Legolas realized he no longer considered nursing as the child taking from him as him freely giving to her. Perhaps it was simply his own feeling of attachment to Luthiél that made him feel this way, or maybe it was a part of the woman inside running loose in his mind. It seemed to him that perhaps that was the worst she could do after all this time, and that was really not such a bad thing.
He smiled down at the baby in his arms. Her bright eyes were opening and closing, starting to roll back in her head in a familiar fight with sleep. A smile traced his lips as he watched her finally succumb to a deep slumber. Today had been a good day. The food smelled delicious, he had spotted Synan in the back of the hall, and he was surrounded by people he trusted. The feeling of contentment was surprising but not unwelcome. It was a good day.
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Legolas drank deeply of the honeyed wine, enjoying the light, sweet taste on his tongue. It was not in his nature to overindulge, but tonight he felt as though the good feeling he had through the day deserved a small amount of levity and celebration. He turned back to the trader Synan on his left, and smiled. The man was regaling him with trader's tales, each one more nonsensical than the last.
"And so you say there is a land of people who have the heads of dogs?" Legolas shook his head. "I do not believe it." He shook his head again. "Inconceivable."
The dark man smiled, his white teeth gleaming in the torchlight. "Ah, perhaps inconceivable to you, but not to the traders who saw them. They tell me that they not only have the heads of dogs, but tails as well that wag whenever they negotiate. You can always tell when you've hit a good deal by how much the tail wags as you dicker."
Laughter bubbled past the Elf's lips as he visualized delicate negotiations marred by the wagging of tails and lolling of tongues. "Inconceivable", he repeated.
Synan merely smiled more and then leaned forward. "I sent one of my sons north and he told me of a great forest that he traveled through. He said the trees were as tall as the sky with leaves of beaten gold. The forest itself was silent and deserted but still filled with great power. They did not linger under those boughs."
Legolas nodded. "Yes. Lothlorian. My kinfolk used to live there." He shook his head sadly. "They've gone west now along with most of my people."
The man cocked his head. "Why do you linger, Lady? I would hesitate to guess that it is not for love that you remain." He narrowed his eyes at Aragorn and then back to the Elf. "I am not a smart man, but I can see what is before my eyes."
Hand brushing the blue stone at his throat, Legolas winced. "I am bound." The words came out as the barest whisper and he glanced to see if he had been heard. Aragorn talked on, and absently reached over to pat a silk covered arm as if he knew the way the discussion had turned.
Synan nodded as if there was no further explanation needed. "There are many strange things in the world, are there not? Forests made of beaten gold and cursed Elf queens. Why do you find dog headed people so hard to accept?" He steepled his fingers and looked across them as if there were discussing the most important of contracts.
"Because dog headed people do not exist. And that is that." Legolas drank again, amused despite himself by the conversation.
"But there are people to the north who say that Elves do not exist, but here I sit speaking of impossibilities and improbabilities and things that are inconceivable with someone who fits every sense of those words." The man jabbed a finger at Legolas as he made his point. The heavy fabric of his robes shifted colors in the torchlight and lit the embroidery telling the story of his life with strange shadows. It almost seemed as if the figures were dancing.
Legolas opened and closed his mouth, thinking of a response. "You yourself have seen an Elf now, but you yourself have never seen a dog headed person. While you have evidence of my existence, you have none of theirs except another trader's word." He leaned forward and poked the man in the arm. "How can you give credit to that which you have never seen?"
Synan opened his hands and held them palms up. "The word of a trader is inviolate. He would never lie to me about such things, especially never to make the goods he sold me more rare and valuable. If he says that he had to sail across a sea of poisonous serpents and fight thirty dragons to reach the land of the dog headed people, then I believe him without question." The man's lips twitched at the ridiculousness of his own words.
Raising his goblet in salute, Legolas spoke, "Well then, how can I dispute such overwhelming evidence? I bow in the face of your logic, Synan. I will admit to the possibility of such things as dog headed people because of your compelling argument."
The man threw back his head and laughed uproariously, drawing the attention of many in the room. There was good natured laughter at the dark stranger who made the queen smile so.
The man leaned over and spoke softly now. "If I were a braver man, or a younger man, or even a man who did not need to have treaties with such powerful countries as this, I would send my sons here to steal you away in the middle of the night and carry you away with one of my caravans far into the desert. There I would house you in a tent of gleaming white silk like the moon come to rest above the dunes." He paused and drank his wine. "And when I had you there, I would put you on a white stallion with gold bells and red tassels on his bridle and gold laid into his saddle. And then I would set you free, because no wild thing such as you should be bound."
Legolas stared, mouth open in shock, as the man shook his head and continued. "But I am not a brave man, or a young man, or even man who can live without treaties. I merely am what I am, and all I can do is bring you gifts and make you laugh. It is little enough, I suppose."
"It is more than I could ever ask for, Synan. Truly, I could not ask for more from anyone." Legolas stared into the bottom of his goblet. It was time for a refill.
Synan leaned back and signaled to one of his servants who passed him a small box and a flask. "In fact, I almost forgot to give you these." He opened the box to reveal honeyed dates. "I remember how you craved these when you were with child and have brought you something to fill any need you have for a little bit of sweet." He grinned as Legolas popped a date into his mouth and rolled his eyes back in pleasure. "These are special because they are soaked in this," he said as he opened the flask and poured a thick golden fluid into a blown glass goblet that seemed to magically appear in his other hand.
"What is it?" Delicately sniffing the contents, Legolas took a small sip. It tasted like warm sunshine mixed with honey and spice as it rolled across his tongue. He took a bigger sip and breathed in the fumes as they tickled his nose from the inside of his mouth.
"It's a very special, very potent cordial from a small country on the other side of the world, or so I'm told. It's made with the honey from a flower that blooms only during the dark of the moon and spices so costly that they are worth more than twice their weight in gold. I understand only the royal family drinks it."
"And let me guess, it's also guarded by dog headed men and is only obtainable at great peril to life and limb? Possibly even a dragon or two?" Legolas laughed as he took another drink.
"Very likely, or perhaps something even deadlier." Synan nodded, his expression completely serious.
It was such a pleasant feeling to laugh. Legolas tilted his head back and felt as though he could laugh all night. He hadn't felt that way in months. "I'm not buying it from you, so you don't have to talk it up to me, Synan."
"I'm hurt. You sound as though I would say anything less than the truth." The trader clutched his heart as if he had been mortally wounded and Legolas laughed again.
He tasted the cordial again and finished the glass. "This is wonderful, whatever it is. I could drink it all night." Synan's servant filled the glass again and Legolas held it up to toast the trader. "A wonderful gift and I thank you for it. It will help warm me through the cold nights."
An arm wrapped around his waist from behind and Aragorn spoke. "Synan, you old goat… Are you taking over my job? Is it not my duty to warm my beautiful queen when the nights grow chilly?"
Legolas felt a prickle of annoyance climb up his spine. Putting on a show was all well and good, but this was not to his liking. "Luckily, I don't feel the cold." The arm around him stiffened and then returned to its owner.
Synan gave forth a nervous laugh, stood and bowed. "Majesties, I have just noticed the lateness of the hour. I fear I must retire from your glorious presences as we depart before dawn." He bowed again and looked up at the Elf for a brief moment before looking to the king. "I remain your faithful servant. Call upon me if you have need."
Giving the barest nod, Legolas raised his goblet to the trader. "I wish you an easy and profitable journey, Synan. My best to your wife and sons." Aragorn nodded and waved before turning to someone else who wanted his attention.
The trader bowed and was gone, leaving the scent of sandalwood and spices in his wake. The lights in the hall seemed a little less bright and the mood a little less cheery. He leaned forward and selected a plump date from the box in front of him and delicately ate it, licking the sweet cordial off his fingers before turning back to Aragorn and the lord on his other side and listened a man with watery blue eyes and dull brown hair speak.
"My son would be a fine match for your daughter, my liege. He is a fine lad of four years this spring and my heir. I am willing to foster your daughter at the age of two and have them married as soon as she comes of age. Think of the alliance we would build with such a match, my lord."
Legolas stiffened and leaned forward to respond, but Aragorn laid a heavy hand on his arm, quashing the outburst. "Lord Byrum, you make an attractive offer, but you must remember that Luthiél is my only child. I am not willing to be parted from her or make a marriage for her just yet. She is still an infant."
The man nodded and then looked sideways at Legolas. "Yes, she is your only child now, but she will not always be. Your wife is young and healthy and looks to be able to bear you many sons." Legolas stiffened more and was rewarded with a tighter grip on his arm. The man dithered on unaware of how much danger he was in. "I merely wish to consolidate my alliance with your family, and I can think of no better way than the union of our children."
Aragorn noticed out of the corner of his eye how completely and utterly still Legolas was. Not a muscle moved, not even a twitch of eyelash. It came to his mind how familiar that stillness was, and how comforting it had been when they had faced untold peril together. A smile traced his lips at the thought of the Elf turning that concentration and the focused outburst of violence that it foretold on the extremely dim lord before him. The man yammered on, his words blending together as Aragorn cherished the memory of times and a comrade long gone. "…and even your lady must agree with me, so rapt is she at the prospect."
The words suddenly became clear in Aragorn's mind and he threw back his head and laughed. "My lady is not so much rapt at the prospect of our daughter leaving us as much as the prospect of personally putting your head on a platter, Lord Byrum."
The man gasped and then glanced over to Legolas. Unable to meet the bright, unblinking eyes, he turned back to the king. "Surely you jest. She has said not a word of protest over anything I've said. She seems to be everything a proper woman should be, quiet and obedient. You are blessed with someone so beautiful and gentle." If he had been a smarter man, he might have seen his life passing in front of his eyes at that moment. But he was not.
Aragorn leaned forward and smiled. His tone was light, but his eyes were serious. "I would not take the lady so lightly if I were you. Just because she appears fair and lissome doesn't mean she's not capable of feeding you your own spleen. Discount her at your own risk." His face clouded as he listened to his own words. "I suggest that we revisit this discussion in a few years, Byrum. I will make no matches for Luthiél until she is much older."
Byrum stammered and then bowed, beating a quick retreat from the great hall. Legolas' bright eyes followed him until the man had left. An eyebrow lifted as he cocked his head towards Aragorn. A particularly fat date was devoured and then the question asked. "His spleen?"
Aragorn shrugged. "I was unrehearsed. It was the best I could come up with on a moment's notice."
Legolas thought as he ate another date and then nodded. "It was effective enough, I suppose. I would have gone for one of the major organs like the heart or liver, though. The spleen is so obscure."
"I just liked the way the word sounded. Spleen. Sp-l-een." The king wrapped his tongue around the word and admired the way that Legolas could eat a date and laugh at the same time. It was so easy to fall into the old banter. Painfully easy. "I would speak with you privately, Legolas. May we retire?"
Legolas nodded and made to stand up, swaying a little as he did. The Elf blinked hard, trying to make the room stop spinning. . ::Too much wine. Too much of that honey stuff of Synans. Too many of his near flammable dates. I need to lie down.::
Aragorn offered his arm and for once Legolas was glad to accept the aid. They left the hall together, Aragorn keeping the light footed Elf from staggering the entire time.
-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-
Legolas had never been in Aragorn's room before. The room was large, but sparsely furnished. The chairs in front of the fireplace were rough, as if the king had hewn them from a block of wood to amuse himself one day. The table was simple dark wood. Legolas knew the only reason that the bed was made and clothing not heaped on the floor was because someone cleaned the room for him.
The man's bow and old sword hung on the wall, but there was not a speck of dust on them. It was obvious that the man still cared for them all personally. That spoke more to Legolas more than any other thing in the room.
Aragorn threw another log on the fire, and then turned to put more charcoal in the brazier on the far side of the room. The room began to grow warm.
Legolas eyed the door to his own chamber as he leaned against the wall. The stone was cold through the fabric of his gown and helped to keep him alert. The room threatened to start spinning again at any moment, and he wanted to avoid that at all costs.
"Will you sit?" Aragorn gestured towards one of the heavy chairs.
Brow furrowed in concentration, Legolas shook his head. To his eyes, the walk to the chair would take at least a day or so. "I'll stand."
The king sighed and came to lean on the wall next to the Elf. Together they watched the fire. A deep warmth filled Legolas' stomach slowly spreading through his chest and limbs. ::I'm never going to touch those dates again. Never.:: The silence was so long and companionable that when Aragorn finally spoke, Legolas started, as if from a light slumber.
"I need to say something to you that I should have said long, long ago. I ask that you listen to all I would say before you answer me. Can you agree to that?" The man's eyes never left the fire.
"I will listen."
A deep sigh came from the man's lips and Legolas watched the broad shoulders sag and deflate. "I need to apologize for all I have done. I know that I have before, but I realize now that I have wronged you in more ways that I realized."
The man licked his lips and went on. "You hurt. That much is plain. I thought that if I encouraged you to accept what has happened and forget what you once were perhaps your pain would be lessened. I am not a cruel man and I do not want someone that I love to be in pain."
Legolas raised his eyebrows but said nothing. The heat spread up his neck and into his cheeks.
"I was wrong. I know it shouldn't matter to me what body you wear or what you look like to my eyes when I think of who you are. But it does. My eyes tell me one thing and I act like a fool until my gut reminds me what an ass I am." The man shook his head. "I should have told you this from the beginning, but I will say it now. You and I fit well together, even before this happened. You were beautiful to my eyes before, even if not in the same way you are now. You were dear to my heart even before this happened. You were my swordmate and fighting partner even before this happened. You were my trusted advisor even before this happened. Nothing has changed except the way that you look and all that entails."
There was a long pause. "You were my best friend and I betrayed you. I failed you. You hurt because of me, and there is nothing I can do to change that. All I can do is try to earn the forgiveness I will never deserve." The man swallowed hard. "I would have you stay not only for Luthiél's sake, but for my own. I would never be able to gain absolution if you left."
Still the man spoke on. "We have always worked well together. Is there a reason why we can not work together now? I can think of no one better suited to help me bring this kingdom to the glory that it deserves than you. I would be proud to have you stand by my side –no matter what your form— and have you as my equal partner. Truth be told, you know more of running a kingdom than I do." The man turned wearily and watched Legolas watch the fire. "And perhaps someday you will forgive me and feel some form of affection for me again."
Legolas pursed his lips and bowed his head. ::Why didn't you say this months ago? Why couldn't you? Why do you say it now, when I have already made up my mind to this place and you far behind.:: The room was warm and close now and the heat from his stomach spread to the top of his head, making the roots of his hair tingle.
"What say you?" Aragorn turned back to the fire and waited.
There were so many things to say but they all died on Legolas' lips. The room seemed almost too hot to endure. Silence stretched out before him as he tried to bring his muddled thoughts into some form of order. Of its own will his hand reached over and touched Aragorn on the shoulder.
Aragorn reached up and squeezed the hand. Legolas watched with detached fascination as his hand turned and laced fingers with the man's hand. Pale fingers wove with dark, their contrast even stronger in the firelight.
The man leaned his head onto their joined hands and Legolas felt whiskers prickle the back of sensitive fingers. He thought to pull his hand away, but it stayed where it was as if it had decided on it's own to remain.
It was with growing anxiety that he watched his other hand rise up and brush the man's other cheek gently and then caress down the strong neck to the broad shoulder and rest there. Alarmed, he tried to pull his hands back, but they would not obey him. The remained stubbornly where they were, disobeying his commands. The warmth that had spread through his entire body before suddenly intensified, striking like a coiled snake and Legolas realized his greatest fear had come to pass. She had gained control.
He railed inside as he watched his hand travel back up Aragorn's neck, fingers trailing through dark hair. Every sensation was still his to feel, from the rough stubble on his fingertips to the soft hair tickling the webs of his fingers. He could feel her glee running through him as she watched his hands do her bidding.
Gray eyes met his with surprise. Gently, Aragorn caught the hand that traced his cheek and brought it to his lips, placing a tender kiss on the sensitive palm. His eyes never wavered from Legolas'.
Legolas' body stepped forward and kissed the man wantonly, lips meeting lips and then opening to taste further. Aragorn froze, his hands held out and above the Elf, afraid to respond. Finally he pulled back and looked down into the eyes that should have been bright blue but were now smoky violet. "Do you want this?" He was amazed at how hoarse his voice was. "Tell me if you want this. I swear if you tell me no, I will not touch you. I would never hurt you, but you must tell me if you want this."
::No!::, Legolas screamed inside. ::I do not want this. Don't listen to her.:: He could not speak, she would not allow him. He felt her trying to respond and fought her for control of his voice. Neither could speak to answer. Instead he felt her move his lips up into a sweet smile and his eyes into a knowing look as she pulled the man back into the kiss.
Aragorn tasted of pipeweed and fine wine, Legolas thought. He tasted of strength and vitality. He tasted male. Inside, Legolas willed himself to bite the tongue that was invading his mouth, but all his mouth would do was welcome the trespasser and greet it with vigor.
The cold wall hit Legolas' back as he was turned, the man now leaning against him and deepening the kiss even more. Strong hands explored his back, gripped his buttock, fondled his side. The mouth moved away from his lips, leaving the Elf winded and gasping. Hot kisses rained themselves on his cheeks and moved down to nuzzle the juncture of his shoulder and neck. The lips moved back up and a tongue toyed with the earring still in his lobe, and then the mouth moved up to suck on the side and tip of his ear. Tingles of pleasure shot through his entire body, unwelcome in their intensity.
A hoarse voice whispered in his ear, "Do you really want this?"
Legolas felt a moment of joy when he saw his hand rise up as if to push the man away. Perhaps he had regained control? Then the hand moved down to Aragorn's belt, deftly undoing it and causing it to fall to the floor with a clunk. The hand then was joined by its mate, both of them working to pull the tunics up and off the man's body.
Aragorn stepped back and pulled the tunics off, tossing them into the corner of the room. His chest was broad and muscled, covered with a dark pelt. Legolas watched his hands stroke the torso, pale fingers tracing muscles and then running through the hair, causing the man to shiver in pleasure. ::No!:: He raged inside at Aragorn. ::Can you not see that this is not me? Can you not tell that I do not want this?::
Dark hands caught his and held them still against the furry chest. "Are you sure that you want this? I promise you nothing but pleasure in my arms, but I will not force you."
Legolas felt her pull his mouth into a smile again as she guided the man's hands to the hidden bodice laces, and pressed his open hands against the breasts that swelled beneath. Aragorn's hands shook as his fingers worked the laces, pulling them out of their holes with small pops, loosening the blue dress until it fell loose around the Elf's shoulders. Legolas shivered, but not from cold even though he was clad now in the thinnest of chemises. ::No. Please hear me. This is not me.::.
Reverently, Aragorn pushed the dress down the thin arms and watched as it fell and pooled around the small feet. His hands strayed across the firm breasts and then around the small waist. There was no effort involved in picking up the small body or carrying it gently across the room to lay the shining creature in his arms on the bed. "Do you really want this? I keep asking but you never answer."
The woman inside Legolas made him smile again and pull Aragorn down for another kiss. The man's tongue worked against the inside of the Elf's mouth and then worked down the chin and neck again. This time the man pulled the neck of the chemise down and laved the breasts he found there with his tongue. Legolas gasped as a hot mouth found a nipple and began to suck and tease it. The feeling was beyond erotic as the man nursed with almost as much vigor as Luthiél. ::GET OFF!! GET OFF!!:: Legolas tried to scream, but the woman would only allow a small groan.
"So sweet." Aragorn's voice was even hoarser as he spoke. "I have no doubt why Luthiél would have none but you. You taste of sunshine and honey and all things good in the world." He lifted the hem of the chemise and worked it up over slender hips, exposing the flat abdomen. "I would never think that you had borne a child to look at you. You are so beautiful to behold, it hurts." He lowered his mouth and began to kiss his way down the stomach, nipping and teasing the flesh into goose pimples as he went.
As he reached the thighs, he raised himself to look into the darkened eyes of the Elf. "Are you sure?"
::No! Do not touch me. I'll kill you with my bare hands if I have to. No!:: Legolas screamed inside, but the woman simply nodded her head and smiled again. The man smiled back and lowered his mouth and began to kiss and nuzzle the sensitive area.
Each contact shot pleasure through his body and Legolas wanted to weep from the shame but the woman arched his back and made him groan instead. He felt her use his hands to grasp the hair on the back of Aragorn's head and urge the man to further efforts.
Legolas could feel her gloating inside of him, ecstatic in her victory as she pulled the man up and helped him remove his leggings. He could feel her joy increasing as she positioned the man between his thighs and wrapped his legs around the strong hips. And when he felt Aragorn's hard penis pressing into him, he despaired. She raised his chin and arched his back as he wailed his defeat inside.
"You see" Aragorn rasped into his ear, "Surrender is not always such a bad thing. Sometimes there is much to be said about giving up the hopeless fight." He looked down into the smoky eyes that suddenly cleared to bright blue.
Every muscle in Legolas' body went stiff with rage. "I. Do. Not. Surrender." He gritted the words out from between clenched teeth and discovered he could move his body as he chose again. He arched his back and pushed as hard as he could. "GET OFF ME!"
Aragorn rolled off and covered himself with a cushion from the head of the bed. "What? What is it? What do you want? Would you rather if I bent you over like a man? Would you rather if you were on top? What will it take?"
Shivering, Legolas moved off the bed and stood in the center of the room. "I do not want this."
"What? I asked you. I kept asking you and you said nothing. If you didn't want this, why did you do what you did?"
"It wasn't me." Legolas shook his head. "You wouldn't understand, but it wasn't me."
"You gave yourself to me, Legolas." The man's voice was eerily calm. "Stop this nonsense and come back to bed. I promise I won't hurt you."
Legolas went cold with fury. "I gave myself to you? You have taken everything from me, everything that I am. Everything that you did not take, I gave up to you so that I could help you. I have nothing left to give." He heard his voice get shrill. "What else can I give that you haven't already taken?"
Time stood still and finally Aragorn spoke. "A son."
The anger in Legolas' veins evaporated and fear ran in to take its place. He felt as if all the air had been sucked from his lungs and replaced with ice as he struggled to breathe. His feet felt as though they had been nailed to the floor and then suddenly released as he ran to the door to his rooms at top speed.
The door slammed behind him with a not nearly solid enough thump, and he shot the bolt with hands that would not stop shaking. The taste of panic filled his mouth and his thoughts centered on one thing and one thing only. ::Time to go. Time to go now. Must leave now. I am the one I can't trust, not him.::
Aragorn leaned back in the bed and beat his head slowly on the wall. With a disgusted sigh, he rolled off the bed and picked up his leggings. As he was pulling them on, a soft knock came from the door.
Disa waited there in the hallway, her dark hair falling across her face. She took in the sight of him half dressed and shook her head. "You are a fool. I am dead, and you are a fool. She will run, and she will take the baby. You are a fool, and I am as good as dead."