Ch-2: Storyline Approved...

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A/N: God, the holidays are boring! Here's another chapter.

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Sunny-historian: Okay, here you go.

Boopsma: Like the name! Hmm...no, nothing of the sort...of course... .

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McCoy stood and stared at the garish building in front of him in slight awe. Never before had he seen such a gaudy establishment – and he'd been to tie-dye planets the galaxy over. The outside frames of the shop were pink – hot pink – and the windows were blue tinted, and the letting on these blue windows bronze. It was, in short, a nightmarish mix of every colour the dear doctor loathed. He glared at the building, hoping it felt as ashamed as he did to be standing there.

Scotty stood beside him, hands on hips. 'How did they ever allow buidin's like these, doctor?' The engineer asked, shaking his head. 'Tis not good fer yer eyes!'

Spock agreed. 'Most extravagant and curious. How do the people of the twenty-first century cope with edifices such as these?' His question was answered a few seconds later when a girl with shocking pink hair calmly rode past wearing a bright yellow anorak and not much else. 'This place is most illogical.'

'I thought you said it was "fascinating"?' McCoy argued.

'I shall not disagree with you, doctor. It is a most fascinating and yet illogical place.'

'Ye two not arguin'? I wish the Captain was here to see this.' And Scotty's wish was granted a few seconds later from a sudden commotion from inside the shop. Two tall blonde Amazonian women emerged from the door, dragging a grinning Kirk between them. The shoved him forwards into the water fountain, simultaneously brushed their hands together and turned (rather daintily) on their heels to go back into the parlour.

Kirk clambered awkwardly out of the fountain and joined his fellow shipmates, chuckling. 'I like these twenty-first-century women!' He declared, waving his hands in the air and spraying everyone with water. 'So feisty! So loud! So angry!'

McCoy held up his arms in defence. 'Glad you like them, Jim, but they're not what we're here for.'

Kirk stopped. 'They're not? What are we here for?'

McCoy stamped his foot. 'Dammit Jim, this isn't "The Deadly Years"! Your memory is perfectly fine! We're here for the Star Trek DVDs!'

'Ahhhhhh!' Kirk nodded understandingly. 'Of course we are! Why else would we be here? To get the extra special deleted scenes from our lives! The outtakes that never made it! The interviews with the valued cast members! A look at the Enterprise's polystyrene!'

Spock looked at Scotty. 'What is the Captain babbling about, Mister Scott?'

'I dunno lad. But whatever it is, it must have some meaning. We all listened to his balmy orders in "Turnabout Intruder".'

'What is this, an episode guide?' McCoy stamped his foot. 'We're here to buy DVDs! And the sooner we buy these...things, we can get out of here!'

'Hurrah for getting out of here!' The girl in the yellow anorak screamed, zooming past them, and then past the girl still stuck to the magnet-shop window.

'Most fascinatingly illogical.' Muttered Spock. Kirk, meanwhile, was frantically patting all of his pockets.

'My wallet's gone!' He cried despairingly. 'I must have left it in the parlour!'

'Well, you can't go and get it. They'll throw you out again.' McCoy pointed out. The three men stood looking despondently at the garish establishment. Then Scotty got an idea.

'Hey! One of us can go and get it!' He said.

'What have I told you about having ideas?' Kirk asked sternly.

Scotty sighed. 'I know, I know. None of the senior officers are allowed good ideas unless we are half way through an episode, fan fiction, parody or similar.'

Kirk nodded. 'That's right. Now, my wallet is gone and we have no money. So what are we going to do for money?'

'I could go and get your wallet, Jim.' Said McCoy, obviously.

'Dammit Bones, I'm not looking for answers, I'm looking for suggestions! There will be no storyline at all in this fan fiction if I just let you saunter back in there and ask for the wallet!'

'Ixnay on the fan-fictionsnay!' Whispered a voice in Spock's ear. He frowned (slightly).

'Who said that?'

'Said what?' Asked Scotty.

Spock frowned a fraction more but did not admit his mistaken hearing of something that he definitely head. (A/N: Okay, there's some screwed up logic for you!).

McCoy snapped his fingers. 'I got it!' He cried. 'I noticed as we went past the...moving stairs thing that there's an autograph place!'

Kirk looked nonplussed. 'So?'

'Well, you're always telling us how popular James T. Kirk is to the Female Fan-Fiction Writer's Guild...if such a thing exists...so why don't you go up to the autograph shop and do some autographs on commission?'

'Then we sell them on Ebay!' Added Scotty. He drew three blank stares and so shut up.

'That sounds great!' Kirk's eyes were sparkling. 'Think of the ego...I mean, stamina required to sign lots of photos of me!'

'I believe you mean, "Stomach", Captain.' Spock corrected.

There was a short pause, then McCoy started laughing. 'Spock! You made a joke!'

'No, I made an observation.'

'No, that was a joke.'

'Observation.'

'Joke.'

'Mister Spock,' Broke in Scotty, awed. 'First you make a joke, then you start an argument! Are you feeling alright?'

'Of course. And I did not start the argument...it was Bones.'

'Hah! I knew I could get you to call me that someday!' McCoy started dancing around in circles.

Kirk frowned. 'Say, Author, what's going on here?' He demanded.

The big, booming voice from the sky interjected. 'Sorry. Going between three MSN conversations, reading a fan fiction and writing a review. Simple argument simple storyline. Ehem. GENTLEMEN! TO THE STORYLINE!'

McCoy and Spock stopped their argument at once and stood to attention. Kirk nodded his approval.

'That's better.' He said, gesturing at them.

'Hey, since when have you had the authority to ask for help from the Higher Being?' Demanded McCoy.

'Since...shut up.' Kirk turned around and surveyed the upper balcony of the Brunnel Centre. 'Okay, Bones, where's this autograph place?'

'Up there, next to Marks and Spencers.' The doctor pointed, then sharply withdrew his finger. 'Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor, not a tour guide!'

'Too late!' Kirk was already off at a running pace towards the "moving stairs", otherwise known as escalators.

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Author: Well, there you go! What do you think?

Chekov: It sucked. We weren't in it.

Author: Quiet, you. You get a whole chapter to yourself.

Chekov: Really?

Author: Nope. But you're in it.

Chekov: Dang.

R&R...

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