The men followed me out of the room and made their way to the pub were drinking and womanizing was sure to go on. Galahad and Gawain instantly went to their favorite past time of throwing knives at the dartboard, while the rest made their ways to table and began to get drunk. I watched for a moment while Galahad hit the top of the target with the dagger. Gawain hit directly in the center. The two friends broke into and fit of drunken laughter before another dagger flew out of nowhere. It landed directly in the center of Gawain's knife's hilt. It was Tristan.
"Tristan," Gawain gasped. "How do you do that?" Galahad was staring wide eyed at the daggers, not able to believe what his eyes were showing him.
"I aim for the middle," said Tristan, pointing at the knives. I chuckled to myself, and then headed off to the stables. I knew something was going on, and it was bothering me. I always went to the stables when I needed to think. The wide-open area and the wonderful smell of horses soothed me, and my beloved horse, Brego was there. He was the perfect one to talk to if Tristan was busy. I had raised him since he was a foal, a present from my brother for my 7th birthday.
"Brego," I called softly. I heard a whinnying and made my way over to his stall. I pulled open the door and let him walk out on his own.
"You are lucky to have such horse that you can trust like this."
I looked in the corner, where I saw Dagonet for the first time.
"And he trusts me,' I replied as I stroked the horses neck. "What are you doing in here?"
"Thinking."
"Me too."
"Then, I shall leave you in peace. Besides, I think Bors will need some help with all of those bastard children of his."
I smiled as Dag left. I quietly whispered to Brego, but soon heard voices outside. Something was happening, it was in my nature to be curious. I did respect my brother, but I hated being left out of things. I stayed at the far end of the stable, where I could still hear him talking, but where I was was hard to see, hidden in shadows.. He was preparing for something. Suddenly, he threw his saddle to the ground in frustration, and kneeled.
"O merciful God, I have such need of Your mercy now. Not for myself, but for my knights, for this is truly their hour of need. Deliver them from their trials ahead and I will pay You a thousand fold with any sacrifice You ask of me. And if in Your wisdom, You should determine that sacrifice must be my life for theirs; so that they can once again taste the freedom that is so long been denied to them, I will gladly make that covenant. My death will have a purpose. I ask no more than that."
As he was making his speech, Lancelot had come in and stood beside me. We both stared at the man we cared for so much and wished there was something we could do to help him. Lancelot put a hand on my shoulder and then moved toward my brother.
"Why do you always talk to this God and not me?" he asked as he came up to Arthur, who still did not realize my presence. "Pray," said Lancelot, motioning for Arthur to continue. "Pray to whomever it is you pray to that we don't cross the Saxons."
'So it is true,' I thought. 'They are going on another mission.'
"My faith protects me Lancelot. "Why do you not accept this?" replied Arthur.
"I don't like anything that puts a man on his knees."
"No man fears to kneel before the God he trusts. Without faith, without belief in something, what are we?"
I could tell Lancelot did not want to get into this religion discussion with my brother, so he changed the subject.
"To try and get past the Woads in the north is insanity!" He was right.
"Them, we've fought before." Replied Arthur, trying to convince himself as much as Lancelot.
"Not north of the Wall! How many Saxons? Hmm? How many?" Lancelot was pacing and I knew things were about to get heated. Arthur would not have liked me listening in on things, so I whispered to Brego.
"Come, go back to stall. We have lingered to long." But my stubborn horse refused to move, and whinnied. I cringed and looked across the room. Neither of the knights made a move. After all, it was a stable and horses were neighing all the time. I sighed and glared at my horse. Lancelot continued.
"Tell me," he sighed. "Do you believe in this mission?"
Arthur gave him a hard look. "These people need out help. It is our duty-" Lancelot interrupted him.
"I don't care about your charge. And I don't give a damn about Romans, Britain, or this island. If you desire to spend eternity in this place, Arthur, then so be it. But suicide cannot be chosen for another!" he spat angrily. I knew I needed to get out of there.
"And yet you choose death for this family!" shouted Arthur. I rarely heard my brother yell with anger. My want to leave grew greater and I tried to push Brego into his stall, but he stood fast. I pushed harder as the fight went on.
"No, I choose life! And freedom!" yelled Lancelot back as he slammed his fist on a table. "For myself and the men!" he gave a sigh, and I knew the battle was over. But they may be some aftershocks. Brego grew more restless.
"How many times in battle have we snatched victory from the jaws of defeat? Outnumbered, outflanked, but still we triumph? With you at my side, we can do so again." Arthur was calm now. "Lancelot, we are knights. What other purpose do we serve if not for such a cause?" Brego gave a loud neigh and Arthur started to look over, but Lancelot grabbed his attention.
"Arthur, you fight for a world that will never exist. Never. There will always be a battlefield."
I grabbed Brego's reins and pulled with all of my might, but the horse pulled back and would not let me put him back.. I looked over at the knights. Lancelot was about to say something else, but he had already glanced over at me.
"Is that horse giving you trouble Lily?" he asked smiling. Arthur's head spun around to look at me, but the sight must have been fairly funny, because a smile crept onto his face.
"And Arthur," said Lancelot. "You wouldn't want to leave Lily all alone here again would you?"
I frowned. If they were riding north of The Wall, it would be at least a month before they returned. I dreaded this, and I could feel the tears start to form in my eyes.
"No, I don't want to do that." Said Arthur. But my eyes cleared and I saw something in his face. Lancelot knew what he was doing. And I loved him for it.
"She will come with us." Said Arthur, and I let go of Brego and ran to my brother. I hugged him tightly as tears of joy streamed down my face.
"You better get prepared," said Arthur, holding me away from him. We leave at first light."
"Of course," I said. Then I turned to Lancelot. "Thank you," I whispered as I hugged him."
"Let me just put Brego away," I said. But when I turned, I saw my horse was already in his stall. Sometimes that beast works in mysterious ways.
That night, I lay in my bed, unable to find sleep. I stared out my window to see the bright moonlight the meadows outside the castle, and in the far distance, I could see the outline of Hadrian's Wall. To the north of that was Woad territory, and where we would be heading in the morning. I took this time to reflect on my knights, knowing this may be the last time I got to have these thoughts while they were alive, or while I was alive. I knew fully well the risk we were taking, and I also knew I would be devastated if we returned to the castle with any less than we had left with.