Compatible Evil
Chapter One: A Baby Breakfast
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The students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry piled sleepily into the Great Hall for breakfast, hiding yawns with their hands. Ties hung crookedly, cardigans were buttoned wrongly, and knee length white socks hung around ankles for the seventh years, who had cumulatively finished their NEWT level exams yesterday. Parvati Patil was being guided by Lavender Brown as she swayed along the Gryffindor table, half asleep, her companion not much better off. First years mingled among them, carrying ridiculously large bags and chattering eagerly about Defence Against the Dark Arts.
"Lucky things," moaned Harry Potter, "they don't have exam results to wait for."
"Did you have to say that, Harry, I was trying to forget them," his best friend exclaimed, sitting down heavily on the bench, "where's Hermione?"
"Probably still in bed," Harry replied, pulling a plate of porridge towards him.
"No-o-o," yawned Parvati, "she didn't come back to our dormitory last ni-i-i-ght."
"What?" Ron questioned groggily, "Why not?"
"Maybe she went out for a walk?" Neville piped up, spearing a segment of sausage.
"What?" Harry was concerned now, "That's even worse."
"Even worse than what, mate?"
"Even worse than," he leant closely to Ron and whispered, "if she was with a boy."
"With a boy?" Parvati looked at them with interest over a bowl of cereal, "Hermione?"
"She could have been, I suppose," Seamus said doubtfully, "but that isn't really Hermione's style is it?"
"Good morning!" Dumbeldore boomed out cheerfully, and the hall looked up, "I have some rather interesting news for you this morning! First off, well done to out seventh years, who finished their NEWTs yesterday. I am sure you have all done exceedingly well," he twinkled merrily, "and will achieve the results you deserve."
"I hate it when people say that," groaned Ron.
"I am sure many of you have noticed the absence of out beloved head students. I want to reassure you that both Miss Granger and Mister Malfoy are in excellent health, but have suffered from a small transfiguration accident as a result of magical build up from the NEWT."
Whispers ran down the hall, and even Slytherin looked slightly more interested. Blaise Zabini had put down his spoon, and was gazing at Dumbeldore, dark brown eyes flickering along the table. Harry and Ron glanced at each other, and stood up, pushing the bench away, and sending Neville dropping to the floor with a yelp of surprise.
"Oh, sorry Neville," Harry apologised, and turned to Dumbeldore, "Professor, what kind of accident?"
"Well," Dumbeldore looked a little embarrassed, "suffice to say they are no longer teenagers."
Gossip and talk echoed wildly around the room, every house knitting their heads together to try and work out what had happened to Hermione and Draco. A third year Hufflepuff with a shrill voice was lamenting that they had become plants, or animals, or furniture. Almost immediately, the Ravenclaws latched onto the ideas, and began patting their benches and plates.
"Students, students!" bellowed Dumbeldore. "Really, some restraint please. Miss Granger and Mister Malfoy are not inanimate!"
There was a sudden, shrill bellow from the Head table, and a small giggle. Silence descended on the hall until a Slytherin first year suddenly screamed out;
"They've had children! They've had sex!"
"NO!" Snape suddenly stood up, lank hair brushed furiously out of his face, "They ARE children you idiots!"
"Thank you, Severus," Dumbeldore said, sinking to his chair as the ceiling in the Great Hall threatened to burst with the level of noise.
"The fools thought they had copulated!" Snape snapped irately, turning to his baby godson, "I can't bare to think about it. It's perfectly disgusting, and I shan't have it repeated. Draco would never…"
However, it was also generally assumed that Draco Malfoy would never upend a bowl of porridge over his own head, and as he was sitting with it dripping down his head, that was safely disproved. Next to McGonagall, Hermione was giggling helplessly, waving a segment of apple around. Minerva, desperately trying to catch the chubby hand, was providing the hiccupping laughter coming from Draco as she cursed out loud.
"Now, now, Minerva, no cursing in front of the children," grinned Snape dryly, "this is how it's done."
He loaded up a green dragon shaped spoon with scrambled eggs and opened his mouth a little in concentration. Draco stopped fidgeting and his only movement was to wipe the porridge away from his blonde eyebrows. Snape started wiggling the spoon around, and making vague movement noises.
"Look at the broom," he cooed, bringing the spoon closer to Draco's mouth.
The child was now gazing at the spoon with absolute terror in his big blue eyes, and his mouth had scrunched tightly shut. Snape made a vague noise of encouragement, and brought the dragon spoon ever closer.
"Bad!" Hermione shouted loudly, but Minerva shushed her with a piece of apple in her mouth, swiftly.
Severus had almost reached Draco's mouth when he was hit, remarkably accurately, in the eye with a piece of saliva covered apple. Rearing back from the surprise and pain of it, he dropped the spoon into his lap, and clawed at his face. The apple dropped from his cheek, and landed in a puddle of drool on the floor. Snape cursed loudly, feeling the damp on his eyelid.
"Bad," Hermione said in triumph.
Draco was beating his fists against the edge of his high chair in delight, chortling loudly as Severus staggered from the room, nursing his face in disgust.
"Miss Granger!" Minerva scolded fiercely, turning in some amusement to the toddler sitting beside her.
"Bad man," the little girl explained, wiping her dribble filled hand down her t-shirt, "bad man leave blooper alone. He scawes Bloopers."
Pansy Parkinson, with her chubby, squashed face, approached the Head table cautiously. The skirt which sat at mid-thigh was twirled anxiously between her fingers as she regarded Draco with an apprehensive face.
"Please, Professor McGonagall," she said, trying the sweet and innocent look, "could I borrow Draco?"
"Mister Malfoy, whatever for?" Minerva frowned, trying to get Hermione to eat a spoonful of banana puree.
Pansy hesitated, the glamour on her nose twitching about edgily as she furrowed her brow in concentration. Finally her forehead cleared, just as Hermione accepted the spoonful of mush with a greedily calculating look in her brown eyes. Minerva turned her attention to Pansy again, fixing the girl with an intimidating glare.
"It's just that, well, the quidditch team need his help."
"Miss Parkinson, he is eleven months of age. He cannot ride a broom, he can't even feed himself."
"They're completely lost without him!" she wailed loudly, "And it isn't as if Professor Snape is here to look after him."
"No, Miss Parkinson."
"Can I give him a cuddle then?" Pansy pouted unbecomingly as Draco whirled his spoon around his head.
"Fine, fine. No, Miss Granger, we eat with our mouths, not with our ears."
Hermione regarded the new spoon of banana with boredom and irritation written across her chubby cheeked face. Grumpily, Minerva waved the spoon around to entice her to eat it. Pansy Parkinson wandered around the Head table and plucked Draco out of his high chair.
"Awww, ooo's a wickle baby-waby?" she cooed happily.
Draco regarded her thoroughly, and then reached out a pale hand to grasp her blonde hair. Tugging it hard, he gave her a very surprised look as she squealed, and tugged it harder.
"Ow! Draco, get off my hair! Get off!" the child continued to pull it, chortling slightly.
Pansy was beginning to feel tears forming in her eyes when Draco finally let go, still laughing uproariously. So taken up with her hair was she, that she reached up with both hands to check the extension was still in place and intact. Draco dropped like a bag of potatoes, and hit the floor with a loud smack. Pansy shrieked loudly, but it was covered up in his monstrous wail of hurt and annoyance.
"Good grief Miss Parkinson!" bellowed Minerva, and pawned Hermione off to her, "Here, hold Miss Granger while I sort Mr Malfoy out!"
Pansy accepted the other child. The two girls sized each other up coldly; brown eyes sweeping up and down Pansy, and blue eyes studying Hermione's face and overalls.
"Awww, those are sooo cute," Pansy gushed at last, holding Hermione at arms length while she admired the yellow, sprigged dungarees and the white t-shirt, "absolutely adorable."
Hermione gave her a little look, and a positively evil look came into her eyes as she surveyed the low cut, glittery, white blouse which Pansy sported as an adjustment to her uniform. With little or no warning, she let out an innocent burp…
"Eugh, Granger, that's totally gross. Aaaaaaaaaaaah!"
Minerva McGonagall turned around fast enough at the sound of Pansy's scream to see the girl race through the hall, with baby vomit leaking through her blouse and dripping onto the floor behind her. Hermione was sitting on the Head table in a bowl of fruit, smirking.
…
Thank you to dontask00, prin69, sunflower18, foxeran, Miranda, and CherryPieKitten for their kind reviews.
Foxeran raised an issue about Draco's eyes, which are currently blue, and ought to be grey. My little brother's (I say little, but he's at least two inches taller than me now) eyes were blue until he was eight or nine, and then turned green bizarrely. I have decided that this is what happens to Draco, because he's so adorable with blue eyes. I'm glad you noticed! Full marks for paying attention, an O.