Compatible Evil
Chapter Five: Spoontastic
"Draco, eat properly."
Draco Malfoy looked up at his godfather incredulously, bread half chewed inside his mouth on display. Snape rolled his eyes impatiently, and forced the little chin up with a long finger.
"Don't want to!" the small boy protested, opening his mouth widely again.
He was sitting on a yellow cushion on the Hogwarts' Lake beach, leaning against a large rock. In one hand he was holding a piece of bread and butter, in the other was a spoon dripping with jam that he was waving above his head. Strawberries had already dripped down his shoulders and through his blonde hair, and his chubby hands were sticky and covered in the damp sand they were sitting on.
"Put that spoon down," Severus Snape sighed, "you are covering yourself in jam."
"No!"
"It is most unbecoming for a Malfoy to be covered in fruit and sugar."
Draco made a face, and whirled the spoon faster.
"Put the spoon down!"
"No!"
"Now!"
"No!"
"Stop being an idiot Draco Malfoy! Do you want detention?"
"No!"
"Was that no to the detention, or no to the spoon?"
"Both," the boy said stubbornly, "Uncle Se'w'us, don't give Draco detention."
"Then put the spoon down. And stop calling me Uncle Severus – you haven't done that since you were eleven and started school."
"Draco's three," Hermione informed him.
Hermione Granger was sitting on a second yellow cushion on the other side of Severus, leaning across his folded legs to wave at her comrade. Her white spoon was digging enthusiastically into a pot of green jelly which was dripping onto her Professor's legs. Snape had tied her hair back into two awkward bunches to keep it out of the jam she had finished eating, which gave her the look of a small startled animal. Jelly dripped down her chin as she pointed out the little boy's age.
"I am aware of that, Miss Granger," Snape sighed, "now get out of my lap. It is most inappropriate."
Hermione gave him a very surprised look, and did not move. The jelly dripped down Snape's leg, inching towards his knees. Draco dropped the spoon into the sand.
"Whoops," he said innocently, and picked it up.
"Oh no!" Snape lunged for the spoon but Hermione's weight upset his calculations and Draco dropped the sandy spoon back into the jam pot before he could grasp the boy, "Stupid boy."
"Draco?" Draco asked, "Draco is stupid?"
"Yes. Draco is stupid," Hermione chimed, grinning broadly.
"Oh," Draco paused for a second, and seemed to mentally shrug, "can Draco have some jelly too?"
"Once you have eaten your bread, you may have some jelly," Snape said firmly.
Draco looked at the bread in his hand with the butter oozing from between his knuckles, and stuck his tongue out. Snape, tired of Hermione's warm little body on his knees and the jelly sitting on his sock, picked her up firmly under her armpits and sat her on the cushion again.
"No," Hermione instructed him, and lay back across his legs, "this is good."
"It is not, Miss Granger, it is not allowed. Students are not meant to touch their teachers inappropriately, you know that."
"Pah," Hermione replied, and as he picked her up again, she threw her spoon at him.
The spoon hit Severus on the nose, leaving green jelly in a delightful trail down his right cheek and onto his chin. The spoon itself dropped into his cloak while the little girl giggled.
"Thirty points from Gryffindor," Snape snapped.
"Not fair," Draco chimed immediately, his darkening blue eyes brightening suddenly, "you can't hold us responsible for things we do when we're children."
"Good grief," Snape turned to the boy, "have you got adult mentalities then?"
"Marshmallows?"
The man sighed and picked Hermione up once again, dropping her on the cushion next to Draco in a vain attempt to make her cuddle the blonde and not him. Hermione looked less than impressed, and dropped the half empty container of food onto Draco's head. Draco, absorbed in his own jelly, barely noticed.
"Sweeties?" she questioned the Professor.
"I am beginning to miss my first years," Snape muttered under his breath and he opened a packet of chocolate covered raisons and handed them to Hermione.
Hermione immediately emptied the packet out onto the damp sand, and began to sort the raisons according to size; big, medium and small. Draco looked up from his jelly with a calculating look in his eyes, and reached out a tiny hand to seize a huge raison. Without stopping her sorting, Hermione slapped his hand away impatiently, and he returned to his jelly with a pout on his face.
"Here, have these," Snape decided to head the argument off before it began, and gave his godson a packet of magical jelly babies.
The boy abandoned his jelly upside down in the sand and opened the packet. Even as he struggled to find a green jelly baby, they fled the packet on tiny jelly legs, squeaking gently.
"Ha!" Hermione shouted, dropping her packet of sweets and squashing a yellow baby into Snape's leg, "Dead!"
"Yes, very dead," Snape ground out, picking jelly off his knee as Hermione began to smash every jelly baby she could reach, "you certainly will be."
"Huh?" Hermione asked, looking up at him with wide brown eyes.
"Professor! Professor!"
Snape leapt to his feet, sending Hermione reeling backwards onto her cushion at the desperate shouts. On the other side of the lake four third years were backing away from Hagrid's hut, screaming. A blast-ended-skrewt was following them, breathing fire and propelling itself towards them. Fang was barking desperately at the creature, but it kept advancing on the two boys and the girl. Snape looked down at the children, perfectly satisfied with their snacks, and up at the students.
Drawing out his ivory wand he waved it and flicked. A small version of himself, about the same size of the children, dropped to his feet. It was built entirely of thick wool, even the sneer was knitted, and his eyebrows and hair had been purled most attractively. It got to stiff feet, attracting the attention of the children, whose eyes lit up.
"Stay here!" he snapped at them, and set off at a run around the lake.
Draco and Hermione reached for the woollen Snape eagerly. It took a step backwards and growled at them as they got to their feet rather awkwardly.
"Toy!" Draco chimed, and leapt for the enchanted Snape model.
It backed up hastily, but Hermione was waiting for it, and seized it around the chest in a classic tackle. They fell to the ground with Hermione on top of the little Snape, and Draco jumped on them enthusiastically, seizing its ears.
"Weeeee!" the boy shouted enthusiastically.
Hermione had got her teeth into the prominent nose, and was chewing desperately. With the children distracted, the jelly babies made a mass exodus for the relative safety of the lake and leapt into the tiny ripples. Snape was screaming hoarsely by now, with Hermione chewing his face and Draco tickling his feet mercilessly.
"What on earth? Severus, dear boy, have you shrunk?"
Professor Dumbeldore had stopped by the lake to see his favourite students and Professor. He studied the group earnestly and then laughed, glasses threatening to fall off his nose. Hermione and Draco stopped attacking their new toy, and looked up at the headmaster curiously.
"Well, well. Where has Professor Snape gone?"
"Gone walk," Draco supplied helpfully.
"Oh, well," Dumbeldore nodded serenely, "perhaps you two would like to come and play with Fawques for a while, eh?"
"Yes! Yes!" they clambered, getting to their feet.
Dumbeldore took Hermione's hand in his right hand and Draco in his left, while the boy dragged the toy Snape along in the mud behind them. He left the rubbish alone for the squid to eat as supper and the three of them began their walk up to the castle, chattering about toys and jelly babies. The students who were straggling up from their lessons gave them curious looks.
"My, my," Dumbeldore said at last, "I think you two are growing."
Although the two had originally made him bend over doubled to hold their hands, he was now walking upright, and his hand was being tugged upwards by Draco's, who suddenly dropped it. On the other side, Hermione dropped his other hand.
"Well, how nice to see you two back to normal."
Hermione peered round the Headmaster to see Draco Malfoy standing there with a dolly in his hand. His blonde hair, covered in strawberry jam, had grown so that it hung loosely around his lower shoulders, and he had broadened. Somehow their clothes had also grown, so they were both standing in matching dungarees. Draco was wearing a pale green t-shirt covered in mess, and there was a suspicious bulge in his pocket that was probably the bread he had hidden while Snape was pre-occupied with sorting Hermione out.
Draco too was staring at Hermione. Her brown hair had grown into loose curls and she looked utterly ridiculous with her dungarees and yellow shirt. Jelly was still dripping down her chin. The two seventh years gazed at each other, blinked and then gasped. Hermione fled first, tears streaming down her face, towards the school and the two friends who were so awkward around babies they had ignored her.
"I sat in his lap!" she was wailing.
Draco glanced at the Headmaster, and strolled towards the school as well, a blush staining his cheeks. He didn't notice that he was still clasping the Snape doll. He was ignoring all the students who were sniggering at him, pretending they were not in front of him, except when he glared at them. His hair was in his eyes from the wind, and jelly was dripping down his thigh. Granger had dropped it on his head! He growled and a first year bolted away in terror.
"How lovely," Dumbeldore mused happily, "our seventh years back again. Now, I wonder if Mr Zabini has finished his outstanding work yet, I really must check on him."
…
SmearedBlackInk – glad it makes you smile! It makes me smile as well!
Dynastydragons02 – well, I hope you manage to avoid any heart attacks with all this heart leaping. Thanks!
Foxerna – I like Draco being naughty, he's cute!
Sunflower 18 – I think you names may be longer than your reviews, thanks!
Prin 69 – thanks for your review!
Zoey – thanks for your review!
Merciful Sky – I'm going to have the RSPCA on me for my mistreatment of stuffed animals soon. The poor abused stuffed Snape as well…
DrAcO's Blackrose – well, they're back now, so the romance can begin.
Gyrlfrend – I would have called it messy rather than beautiful, but… thanks for your review!
URsoDOOrk3y – (loving your name) to answer your questions: Blaise still has work because he hasn't been working all year and now his teachers are exacting his revenge by making him catch up on the essays and things he has missed. Secondly, Harry and Ron are having a weird moment at breakfast – they're trying to cover up that Hermione is a baby, and they've also partially forgotten it. It will be more fully explained next chapter! Thanks for the heads up with prince!
Thank you for your reviews, please carry on!