Compatible Evil
Chapter Six: There and Back Again
"Miss Granger, pay attention!"
Hermione Granger looked up suddenly into the scowling face of Professor Snape, and froze with her hand poised above the medical cauldron.
"You were about to add the root-wort!"
"Yes sir?"
"You have not stirred the mandrake in properly!"
Hermione looked down at the large leaves that had been pulverised into the paste sitting in the mortar she was holding and then at the violet potion. Professor Snape rolled his eyes in irritation, and across the deserted classroom, Draco Malfoy sniggered.
"Sorry sir," Hermione replied absently, trying to ignore the blonde's laughter, "it won't happen again sir."
"It had better not!" Snape bellowed in her ear, enraged at her apathy, "Or I will not be signing this letter of recommendation for St Mungo's Hospital!"
Hermione made no reply only stirred the potion with a glass rod. Professor Snape retreated away from her desk slightly, eyes watching the three members of his extra classes.
"Everyone in this room will focus at all times, is that understood?" he asked silkily.
Hermione Granger nodded reverently in his direction as she added the root-wort slowly. Draco Malfoy, sitting across the aisle was already bottling his potion, and Blaise Zabini was adding her mandrake roots. Under Snape's close supervision Hermione bottled her potion and began to clear up her benches. Clutching the small glass vial she scurried up to the front desk behind Malfoy.
"May I go to lunch now, sir?" Malfoy asked their Professor, handing him the vial.
"Of course, of course. What is for lunch?"
Professor Snape often asked Malfoy what was for lunch, so as to avoid the short walk up to the great hall when nothing he liked was on the menu. His NEWT level class; Hermione, Draco and Blaise, were fully acquainted with his likes and dislikes and on occasion had been known to collaborate with Dumbeldore to get the recluse up to the hall for important announcements.
"Baked potatoes, sir," Malfoy began, glancing at Hermione out of the corner of his eye, "and jelly."
Professor Snape turned violet almost immediately, eyes flickering to Hermione swiftly. Hermione felt her cheeks burn an ugly shade of fuchsia and her ears burn at the memory of last Friday.
"My potion sir," she said smoothly, only the colour of her normally even face telling of her embarrassment, "finished and bottled."
"Good. Both of you go to lunch. Hurry up Zabini!"
They left the classroom in synchronicity, Hermione still pink. Malfoy's stride was lengthened once he left the relative safety of the potion's classroom, and Hermione had to trot to keep up with him.
"What did you go and say that for?" she yelled at him, voice echoing off the dungeon walls, "You arse!"
"Don't call me an arse, Granger; it was you who did the deed!"
"I was three years old!"
"Even at three years old I knew better than to crawl over my godfather's lap!"
"You didn't have to bring it up again!"
"It's amusing," he laughed as they neared the main entrance hall, "to see you and him go so red!"
"I'll see you bruised in a moment, Malfoy!"
Hermione leapt on the young man who was a few paces ahead of her, arms reaching round his neck in a strangle hold. He choked immediately, his upper body bending back under the unexpected weight, and then staggered upwards again so that he was almost giving her a piggy back because her legs were wrapped around his waist. Prying at her fingers, he clawed one from his throat as he tottered onto the main entrance hall, and realised his mistake as soon as she began twisting his ears ferociously.
"Get off Granger!" he yelped, drawing the attention of the seventh years returning from the lakeside after a quick swim, "You beast!"
"Me? I'm not the one who enjoys humiliating people!"
"You bitch!"
"You bastard!"
"I hate you!"
And then suddenly, without any flash of light or sound, without any trapping or announcement, they began to shrink. Draco screamed as he went down, and Hermione began to cry fruitlessly, which soon turned to wails of anguish. Before Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley could run across the entrance hall to catch Hermione, the pair of them had hit the floor rather painfully.
Sitting in the middle of a pair of giant uniforms sat two toddlers, both red in the face and screaming. They were pummelling each other angrily, Draco pulling the large tie around Hermione's neck against her supple skin, Hermione beating the little boy with her fists on the crown of his blonde head.
"What on earth is this racquet?"
Professor Snape swept out the dungeons and almost trod on Draco.
"Not again!" he yelped, and the seventh years scattered into the Great Hall, eager not to be singled out for baby sitting duty, "What did you two do?"
Seizing each child by the ruff of their necks, he swung them apart hurridly. They swayed under his arms dangerously, still trying to attack each other. Finally they gave up as he stalked into the Great Hall, but continued crying gibberish out at each other furiously.
"Silence!" Snape shouted suddenly, and they stopped, cowering under his arms, "Can't you two avoid each other?"
"His fault," Hermione supplied, tears streaming over her snotty nose, "he was mean to Hermione."
"I don't care," Snape retaliated, slamming them into a pair of seats at the Head Table as Dumbeldore watched in disapproval, "I detest you two like this. Dobby!"
Dobby appeared eagerly behind the table, ears visibly drooping at the sight of the two children scowling at each other.
"His honourable Master Draco is back then," he said sadly, "and the good Professor wishes Dobby to look after Master Draco and Miss Hermione?"
"Yes," Snape barked, and caught sight of the prawn cocktail on his plate, "disgusting. I am returning to my laboratory. Good afternoon" and he swept off out of the hall.
"Now Mr Malfoy," Headmaster Dumbeldore leant across the table, fixing his twinkling eyes on the little boy as Hermione grinned in anticipation, "I think your mother ought to be informed, don't you?"
Draco's face paled through the sticky mass of tears and phlegm, and he shook his head violently.
"Now, that's interesting," Dumbeldore surveyed the pair of them, "because I think your mother ought to know what a lot of unpleasant things are going on with the pair of you."
"Ha," was Hermione contribution as Dobby ladled prawns into her open mouth.
"Maybe she could look after the pair of you," Dumbeldore mused, and Hermione froze too, "she was remarking last week how awfully lonely she is now that Draco is back at school and Lucius in Azkaban."
Hermione and Draco looked at each other, still in their over sized uniforms, and let out a yell of disagreement. Dumbeldore looked at them very seriously over his spectacles, and they hushed hurridly. Dobby, sighing, fed Draco as Hermione absorbed the prawn cocktail she had been fed, washing it down with tiny bits of bread she was picking off a roll. Draco looked less than happy at the prospect of his mother seeing his as a three year old again.
"Mummy?" he asked through his lunch, "Please, no mummy."
"Then it is settled," Dumbeldore beamed jovially, "I shall owl Narcissa this instant."
Hermione and Draco stared after the headmaster in shock as he hopped from the podium and out of the Great Hall, turning left towards the owlery. Dobby shook his head in dismay.
"Master Draco had done it now," he advised, "Mistress Malfoy will not be happy to see Master Draco and Miss Hermione back as little babies. Dobby is not pleased as well."
"Your fault!" Hermione suddenly shouted defiantly, "your fault, stupid blooper!"
"Draco did not do naughty things!" Draco shouted back, "Draco was good!"
"Draco said about jelly!"
The little boy chuckled defiantly as Dobby mopped his mouth, and Hermione turned purple.
"I hope your mummy smacks you!" she bellowed.
"At least Draco has mummy!"
"Nasty mummy! Draco's mummy smells! Hermione's mummy was nice!" Hermione cried suddenly.
"Dobby is going now," Dobby said, dropping the napkin.
"I hate you!" Draco screamed, unsympathetic.
"I hate you more!"
"I hate you more!"
"I hate you more!
"I hate you round the world and back!"
"I hate you up to the moon!"
"I hate you even more!"
"I hate you more than you hate me!"
"Yes," Dobby said, ears dropping, "Dobby is going now-"
"More!"
"Me more!
"Me more!"
"Dobby is going to shut his ears in a door and then cook Dobby. Have a nice day Miss Hermione, Master Draco."
"I hate you more than you can hate me!"
"Dobby wants wonderful Master Harry to have his socks."
"I hate you!" both children screamed at precisely the same time, and Dobby vanished.
…
Thanks to:
Lrnd;(2) Snape doll is going to pop up again soon, but the giraffe is definitely dead, poor thing.
DracoHasAHOTBum; I'm glad you think it's so funny, and I like your name!
Foxeran; I would not be so quick to think they're back to normal – something triggers them being babies, something that is going to happen less and less. However, they won't stay as babies as long.
Merciful Sky; I think that's my favourite line too.
Dreamaker13; no, it won't be finished for a while
Merscilla; Snape and Hermione are great – a Hogwarts' Laurel and Hardy!
Zoey; they'll keep changing for a while; from 'romance' to humour, although not too much romance this chapter!
Sunflower18; you're very good at guessing what I'm going to inflict on them. Thankyou for you wonderfully long review; I'm going to put up a sign on my author page that will say 'Owner of the Longest Review By Sunflower18 Ever'. It made my afternoon!
Prin69; the aftermath is getting very devastating – Dobby is committing suicide! And it will get worse… it's like a horror movie.
DrAcO'sblackrose; they're not going to 'fuck' in this story – I only have an M rating! Besides, they can't really go from being happy three year olds to copulating like rabbits, it needs to be more gradual, but there will be lots of squishy romance soon, don't worry!
KitKat; No it isn't over; you have to work that out before I tell you; NO the blast-ended skrewt will not be biting my beloved Snape in the bottom, but it will pop up again, have no fear!