Starting Today
Neville Longbottom
Through the dust, which was swirling about in the mid-afternoon sunbeams that were shining through the windows of the library, Neville could make out every faint freckle that was sprinkled across the bridge of her nose, her beautiful, small nose. Neville shook his head slightly to clear his mind and tried to refocus his thoughts on his Intermediate Transfiguration textbook, which was lying cracked open in front of him. He was supposed to be studying but the harder he tried not to think of her; the more he thought about her and wanted to look at her. The shake of his head had seemed to catch Hermione's attention. She was sitting on his left and had most likely caught the movement in her peripheral vision. Neville blushed when he looked up and caught her looking at him. He felt himself begin to fidget nervously and words began to form on the tip of his tongue but his anxiety level was so high that he could already feel himself stuttering before the words even left his mouth.
"Do you understand what I said about the Vanishing spell?" Hermione whispered in that soft tone of voice she spoke to Neville in. It was quite different from the one she used with her friends and in class. When she spoke to him, only him, he felt almost blessed in a way because he got something from her that no one else got and it made him feel special although it also made him feel as if he were about to have a heart attack.
"Er… yeah." Neville mumbled as he looked back down at his Transfiguration textbook.
"Don't forget what it says about the wand movement. That's very important." Hermione said as she too looked down at Neville's textbook. She suddenly moved her left arm and her slender index finger landed on a sentence on the right page. "You may want to highlight that line in particular. It will help you." She added. Neville reached over his book to pick up his wand, which lay on top of a stack of books they had gotten off from the shelves and felt the heel of his right hand brush over the back of her hand. He could see his hand trembling as he swallowed his gasp.
"Sorry." Neville said quietly as he retrieved his wand and wrapped his fingers around the handle.
"That's all right." Hermione said softly as Neville tried to remember exactly how he was supposed to highlight a passage in a book. All he could think about, however, was how pleasant Hermione seemed to always smell and the little spot of black ink on the side of her left wrist that reminded him of a bird. Hermione was as delicate as a bird, he thought to himself as he closed his eyes. She had small shoulders and she was so slender… so small… like a bird. "Neville?" Hermione's voice interrupted his thoughts as he remembered what he was supposed to be doing. He felt himself blushing again as Hermione picked her wand up from in between their two textbooks and aimed the tip at the sentence she had pointed out to him earlier. A second later, a pale shade of blue had dyed the white background of the page around the sentence.
"Sorry." Neville said for the tenth time that hour. He felt as if he were wasting her time and that was one of the last things that he wanted to do because then she would become so exasperated with him that she would want to have nothing to do with him.
"You don't need to apologise for not remembering how to highlight. It's tricky. If you can't do it properly you could accidentally colour the entire page permanently." Hermione said reassuringly. Neville nodded his head in understanding but dropped his gaze to his lap where his hands had fallen; the fingers of his right hand still wrapped round the handle of his wand. He should never have agreed to being tutored. He spent all of his time daydreaming about Hermione, instead of actually doing any studying.
"I'm sorry. I'm wasting your time." Neville said dejectedly as he reached up and set his wand in the open spine of his book.
"No, you're not. We've already -" Hermione started but Neville was having trouble listening to her because he had just looked up at her and seen her pink lips glistening in the sunlight. Before he was even the slightest bit aware of what he was doing, and before he could even comprehend the words that were forming on the tip of his tongue, ready to fall off, he sat up in his seat and looked directly at her. It felt like one of his daydreams as he looked deeply into her eyes and opened his mouth to speak.
"Hermione, I… I want t-to k-kiss you." Neville barely managed to get out before he leant in and pressed his lips firmly but gently against hers. His heart was hammering in chest so hard that he could feel his entire body vibrating and his hands were shaking and his thoughts were spinning and he was blushing so hard that he was certain it could not have been possible for blood to be anywhere else in his body. He was aware through the rushing of blood he could hear in his ears that Hermione was not kissing him back or even moving. Neville finally managed to pull himself away just as he was beginning to register that Hermione smelt like sandalwood oil. He was so embarrassed by what he had done that he could not even look at her. He knew his face was an unattractive shade of bright red and that he had just made an utter fool of himself but he had done the one thing that he had wanted to do ever since third year. The only problem was that he had actually done it. It had not been a daydream or a fantasy or a delusion. He had actually kissed her and now he had to face the consequences of his actions.
"Neville, why did you do that?" Hermione asked quietly. Neville was slightly relieved that she did not sound angry but he could not manage to make himself feel as if everything was all right between the two of them. He could not even form words. It felt as if his tongue had swelled up and was just barely fitting inside his mouth. He did not say anything for a couple minutes because he honestly did not believe he could speak but he also did not know how to explain how much he liked her without making himself look like a greater idiot than he had already made himself out to be. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think of what Seamus or Ron would say. They would probably claim it was a joke but he could not do that because it was not a joke and he could never lie to her about something as important as a kiss, however unwanted it had been.
"I… I like you." Neville said lamely as he covered his face with his hands and wished that he had never even said anything to begin with, let alone kiss her. He just wanted to be somewhere else, anywhere else, somewhere where Hermione was not staring at him with what he imagined was a disgusted look on her beautiful, pale face.
"You like me?" Hermione asked in a tone of voice that suggested she did not quite believe what he had said. Neville suppressed a groan and nodded his head awkwardly, his hands still covering his face. "I had no idea. I suppose I should've known last year when you asked me to the Yule Ball but I never expected…" Her voice trailed off and Neville waited for her to pick up where she left off but she never finished what she was saying. Instead, he felt a hand on his left shoulder and he involuntarily gasped through his hands, which were still covering his face. He had no intention of ever removing them but apparently Hermione had other plans because before he knew what was happening, she was peeling them back and gently setting them in his lap. He dared a glance up into her eyes and discovered that she was gazing upon him with tenderness.
"I know you c-could n-never like me and I've made a r-right mess of things as always so I'll just go to Professor McGonagall and ask her if she can g-get me a n-new tutor. I'll t-try to stay out of your w-way. I'm s-sorry about the k-kiss and... and what I-I said. I won't bother you again." Neville said hurriedly as he got to his feet and began grabbing his books and stuffing them into his schoolbag. He could feel Hermione's eyes on his back and he was already so close to tears that he could feel the familiar stinging in his eyes. Why had he kissed her? What was the matter with him? Now she thought he was nothing but a creep and he would never even get a chance to at least be her friend.
"Neville, please don't go. I think we should talk about this." Hermione said as he felt her lay a hand on his left arm. He stopped in mid-motion, two heavy hardcover books in his left hand and his wand and a quill in his right.
"Don't w-worry. I w-won't say anything to Ron." Neville said, getting more anxious by the second to get out of the library and go up to his dormitory where he could be alone and silently chastise himself for being such a dolt.
"Ron? What does he have to do with this?" Hermione asked, curiosity evident in her voice although Neville had no idea why she would be curious about Ron's place in the mess Neville had just created.
"You two like each other. I c-can see it in your eyes w-when you look at him and -" Neville said, more desperate to leave before he did something else he would regret.
"I don't like Ron!" Hermione said suddenly and Neville could tell that she was honestly surprised by what he had said. Neville turned to look at her but glanced away again, down at his wand and quill, because it hurt too much to look her in the eyes.
"But then -" Neville mumbled before he was once again interrupted by Hermione's voice.
"I used to like Ron in fourth year and I thought he liked me too but he never did anything about it so I gave up on him. I don't like him anymore, Neville." Hermione said earnestly as she pulled on Neville's elbow so that he would sit back down. For the first time, Neville noticed that the few students in the library were watching them with interest. Neville felt his red face would never go back to normal due to all of the embarrassment he was causing himself.
"Oh." Neville said feebly as he stared at the table in front of him, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone, least of all Hermione. Several minutes passed in complete silence between Neville and Hermione before Hermione spoke up again.
"I really wish you had told me earlier, Neville. I know that you're shy but there's no need to be that way around me. I'm not like Harry and Ron. I'll listen to you if you have something to say." Hermione said, her hand still on his arm. He was beginning to really like the feel of her holding onto him so tightly and he hoped that she would not remove it, at least for a few more minutes. He wanted to try to memorise how good it felt.
"I thought you would make fun of me." Neville said timidly.
"Neville, I would never ever make fun of you. Have I ever given you reason to think that I would?" Hermione said in disbelief. Neville thought about it and realised that she was right. That was one of the things that he liked about her, she was never intentionally mean to anyone and she rarely said a bad thing about anyone, even the people who deserved it. Even when Malfoy called her names, she refused to try and get even by insulting him.
"No." Neville said with a slight shake of his head as he finally looked up and met her gaze. She smiled and he felt himself smile too because he loved the way her eyes softened whenever she smiled or laughed. His smile faltered though when he realised that no matter what they said to one another, he could never take back that kiss. He felt himself growing depressed and Hermione seemed to realise this because she squeezed his arm gently.
"Neville, I want to keep tutoring you, if you'll let me. It'll give us a chance to get to know one another better and maybe I'll be able to figure out a way to give Harry and Ron the slip so I can spend the next Hogsmeade trip with you." Hermione said hesitantly, a small encouraging smile playing at her lips.
"Okay." Neville said with a quick nod as he looked away and stared at the table again. What happened next was completely unexpected. He had never been kissed by anyone in his entire life, Hermione had not even kissed him back when he had so stupidly kissed her, but it was happening in the sweetest way he had ever imagined. Hermione had leant over and kissed him on the cheek. He blushed again and could not help the shy smile that formed on his lips.
"I would really like for you to be more comfortable with me because when you're relaxed you don't stutter and you have a really nice voice." Hermione said as she sat back in her chair and removed her hand. "I suppose we should head down to dinner now, it's getting late and we've done enough studying for one day." She added as she closed her textbook. Neville did not say anything because he was still wallowing in the sensations that her kiss had given him. He resisted the urge to reach up and touch the area her lips had touched but it was not easy. He found himself stunned once again by her kindness and warmth.
Au Revoir