I am Jhonen Vasquez and I created Invader Zim. Last night I was Napoleon and I invaded Russia.
To those who do follow my stuff, I would like to apologize taking so long to post anything new. I hope putting up two fics will help make up for the wait.
This one consists of a few drabbles. I don't promise they'll all be funny, but they will be a good deal lighter than my usual stuff to keep us from overdosing on all the angst. You'll know I'm finished when we get to Dib.
Chapter One: Zim
Standing in the men's room doorway of his base, Zim looked up at the sky, as he had so often seen the Dib human doing. Whatever the Dib kept seeing up there, ZIM must see it too! The Dib must not greedily pig the sky all to his greedy hog self!
All Irkens had been programmed to know that Irk was at the very center of the universe, that the entire universe revolved around Irk. As a smeet, Zim would stare in wonder at all the ships of the mighty Irken armada, from the light, deft Spittle Runners all the way up to the huge Viral Tanks, watching them embark on thrilling voyages of discovery to besiege and raid the entire universe!
While waiting for these ships to return, splattered with blood and laden with slaves, Zim would watch each worthless little planet follow its aimless little orbit around each insignificant little star and dream of the day he would singlehandedly conquer every single last one of these pathetic little planets as the rest of the Irken fleet stayed home, put up its boots and took a breather. All these inferior races would then bow at the feet of ZI-II-IIIM!
Scanning the vast expanse of the sky, Zim frowned. Curse the inferior boring sky of this inferior stupid planet! Completely lacking the Irken Armada and the Massive itself looming far above them all, it inspired no such glorious visions of interplanetary conquest Zim enjoyed while on Irk, the glorious home planet of ZI-II-IIIM!
The only image the sky of this pitiful planet offered to Zim was the smirking, sneering face of that insolent rebellious dirt monkey Dib... DIB... the only thing remaining between Zim and the total and complete annihilation of these insignificant earthlings and the worship and honor that was so rightfully HIS!
Zim turned until he was facing Irk's quadrant, supremely confident that his planet was constantly and obsessively monitoring his every move. Amazing though he was already, once he finally brought this filthy planet to its knees everybody on Irk would positively faint with awe at the wonder and glory that was ZI-II-IIIM!
Zim compared the star patterns to what he had noticed the previous night, and the night before that, and the night before that. Something was wrong and it could not possibly be Zim! Zim was never wrong... the universe must be wrong! The other insignificant stars and their worthless little planets were, in fact, not following the paths which they would be if they were revolving around Irk, as Zim had so long known they did! Tilting his head, Zim squashed an eye in puzzlement as he considered this.
Even here, on this filthy worthless ball of DIRRRT so far from Irk, the stars and planets continued in the same orbits Zim was accustomed to seeing; they all still followed all the very same curved paths they had followed on Zim's home planet...
Well of course!
No matter where Zim was, the universe continued to revolve around him... for was he not ZIM? Zim made the world, nay, the universe, go around!