Hermione the Vampire Slayer:

Welcome To The Hogmouth

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any part of Harry Potter or Buffy The Vampire Slayer and I have nothing to do with the production of either.

NOTES: As promised, here is the revised new Hermione the Vampire Slayer. Mistake free. Hopfuly. Hermione the Vampire Slayer 2 will follow soon, hopefully, and once Nine Lives is all planned out, work will begin on that too!

And yes, you do have to review again.

ENJOY!

CRASH!

In the deserted potions lab of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a window exploded into fragments of glass as a rebellious teenager thrust his elbow against it at force.

'I don't think this is such a good idea, Jack,' Draco protested weakly, 'What if we get caught?'

'We won't get caught babe, I promise.'

Apparently almost instantly reassured, Draco allowed Jack to lean in for a passionate kiss which would have had caused many metals react if this were an ordinary school lab, but of course it wasn't. This was Hogwarts.

'Come on, I wanna show you the view from the North Tower. It's breath taking.' Jack said as he led the way out into the corridor, Draco following a little reluctantly behind, his hand in Jack's.

'What was that?' Draco whirled around, obviously seeing or hearing something either invisible or whatever the sound equivalent of invisible is to Jack.

'It was nothing babe, just a sound, I mean we are in a four hundred year old castle, don't forget.'

'Ok...' Sounding anything but reassured, Draco, turned back around to Jack to reveal something that hadn't come up on his personal ad - Draco was a vampire.

Stunned, Jack was paralysed, but death came quickly enough as Draco sunk his teeth into Jack's neck, which was quite impressive seeing as Jack was almost a foot taller than him. Jack felt his knees buckle and his body become limp as Draco began to suck his blood. The other love bites felt a lot nicer, Jack thought. A thought, which proved to be his last.

A corpse fell to the fall.

Draco shook his peroxide mane in the moonlight and managed to fiendishly lock away Jack's corpse before exiting the building as swiftly as a shadow...

In a house situated in the quiet streets of London, in a bedroom littered with boxes of personal belongings, Hermione Granger slept a restless sleep. Her dreams were filled with the horrors of her past; vampires, demons, shoulder pads (what was she thinking?) and of course her school; Durmstrang.

You see, Hermione was special. Born as both a witch and a vampire slayer, she found being 'twice blessed' was both a difficult life and cruel one. So many times she found herself on the outside of society; when she patrolled graveyards and forests whilst her friends attended disco's and parties; when she battled demons and vampires instead of shopping and lusting over boys; or when she was denied membership to 'Witches Who Aren't Vampire Slayers' club. Hermione spent her time saving the world and the lives of people who could never understand the world of vampires and demons enough to know what was happening to them, let alone help her in her destiny.

You see, witches and wizards have a horrible habit of thinking that because they are part of a secret world of magic that there are no more secrets in the world, that there are no more secrets above the heads of witches and wizards, that there are no other secret worlds or societies out there. That was what Hermione hated the most. She believed she was very open minded and felt certain that there were more hidden societies above her head, maybe one of gods or really tall people.

Whatever the world be full of, Hermione was certain it existed.

As her nightmare continued, Hermione tossed and turned, her beautifully long dark hair managing to stay out of her immaculate face which already featured eye shadow, eye liner and foundation she found she could not take off even when she slept, which she found slightly unnerving.

Suddenly, a voice cut through her subconscious world of horrors, waking her with a start,

'HERMIONE, DEAR! If you don't get up now, you'll be late for your first day!'

'Oh bugger,' she muttered.

After Hermione was expelled from her previous school for magically blowing up several of the classrooms which contained trapped vampires, her and her mother had decided to make a fresh start in their home country so Hermione could attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

So here Hermione was, a few hours later, riding alone the Hogwarts Express in February on her way to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. As far as she knew, Hermione was the first student to be accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry after the school year had started. She sat in silence allowing the excitement of starting her first day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to truly bubble over inside her. She protectively hugged her bag containing quills, parchment, stakes, holy water, several crosses and a lipstick; which surprisingly, had proved lethal on more than one occasion.

'Wow,' she breathed silently, 'I can't believe I'm really going to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! This is so exciting! I wonder what it'll be like at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? I hope there is a local bar at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.' She mused to herself. (Hermione was currently trying to kick an alcohol problem (obviously badly) which had taken hold after she became depressed after her expulsion from Durmstrang.)

As the train trundled along to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Hermione was completely oblivious to the dark forces collecting around her. She was completely unaware of what her first day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would bring. She was completely unaware of the horrors that lay in the shadows. One blonde horror in particular who presently was crouched over a computer screen looking through page after page of personal ads.

'Hey guys! Wait up!' Josso bounded up the stairs of one of the many Hogwarts corridors to meet up with Ron and Harry. Ron, Harry and Josso had been friends since any of them could remember. 'You hear?' Josso panted.

'Bout the new girl? Yup. I'm thinking she's a Russian model, maybe Swedish; I'm willing to haggle.' Typical girl crazy teen, Ron was pretty tall and ginger, which automatically meant he was a social outcast. The fact that he had never had a proper girlfriend in his life, or been good at any sports didn't help either. But Ron was pretty content with who he was, although he never gave up the opportunity to bond with the 'in' crowd.

'Ergh,' Harry scoffed, twiddling her long brown hair, 'Didn't you guys ever think that maybe she's NORMAL?' Harry trotted along in front to show her disgust. Harry had always been a social outcast like Ron, mainly due to the fact that she was incredibly intelligent and helped by the fact, she still wore outfits chosen by her mother. Harry also had an unfortunate lightning shaped scar on her forehead from a freak fishing accident. As Ron and Josso caught her up, Josso pointed out:

'Harry, look around you.' Harry did so, like an obedient, timid dog. She saw people in the corridors, her classmates, practising spells and incantations and curses on each other and the unimportant items in the hallway. 'You wanna redefine your definition of normal?'

'Fine, point taken, but do you really think this new girl is gonna be something special? I mean we're pretty much all the same, all witches or wizards, we all know the secret which is pulled over the eyes of the muggles in the world. I mean; what are you expecting, a super hero?'

'No, just your average gorgeous blonde model with a passionate affection for yours truly.' Josso coolly replied.

'With, you know, the riches on the side and perhaps a Firebolt broomstick...' Ron added. Harry left them to fantasise about the new girl and walked into her Transfiguration lesson.

'GRYFFINDOR!' Shouted the ancient sorting hat from atop of Hermione's head.

'Look, Professor Dumbledore, I know my school record is a little... colourful, but I really am looking to change. That's why my mom sent me here.'

'Hermione, here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, we give everyone the support and attention they need to help them become a key member in our society. And those who we view as unworthy, you might say, of our help, well, you've been expelled before haven't you?' Professor Dumbledore looked down his nose at Hermione, through his glasses. Hermione looked back at the short, chubby, balding man and knew what his look meant. She'd seen it before and would see it again. It was a look that said, 'You blew up your school.'

'I get you. I must be late for class or something, so I guess I better get a move on. Don't want to waste any support or help or attention. Thank you, Professor Dumbledore.'

Hermione was sat in an old classroom where a ghost was teaching History of Magic. She was the most interested looking one there. A ghost. Teaching. Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was sure full of surprises.

Hermione looked around at her fellow pupils and many were looking back, and Hermione could understand why. She was new. She was interesting. Every school Hermione had started at, she got the same look.

'...Now, if you'll turn to page two-hundred and forty nine of your textbooks, you'll see a diagram...' Professor Binns instructed.

Hermione looked around. Textbooks? I don't have a text book, she thought worriedly. Oh God, I'm gonna make a fool of myself, I just know it.

As if reading her mind, a spoilt looking girl leaned across, offering her textbook, 'Here, share mine,' she insisted.

'Thanks.' Hermione replied gratefully.

'I'm Lavender, you're the new girl, right?'

'Yeah, although funnily enough that isn't my real name.'

The girl laughed at the joke, although a little too late, leaving Hermione to believe she hadn't even understood it in the first place.

As the bell went, Hermione and Lavender exited the room together, 'So you're from Durmstrang?'

'Yeah.'

'What's it like there?'

'Well, you know, the usual,' Hermione replied trying to sound as casual as possible without sounding like this was the last thing she wanted to talk about, which it was.

'Is it true what people say?' Lavender continued off Hermione's confused look, 'Is there really a huge Top Witch store in the town?'

'Oh, yeah, its true.' Hermione was starting to realise that a pencil sharpener could give this girl a run for her money at a game of 'Who has the higher IQ?'

'You're so lucky, I'd just kill to go there! That close to that many shoes!'

As they turned a corner of the corridor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, they came across, a quiet little girl drinking from the water fountain, who reminded Hermione of a timid little mouse who still wore outfits her mom picked out for her.

'Hey Harry! I just love that outfit!' Lavender said with such falsity a cabbage could have told that she wasn't being sincere.

'Um... Well.. M-My mom picked it out.' Harry replied. Hermione then noticed the strange lightning shaped scar on her forehead.

'Are you done?' Lavender asked sharply and bluntly.

'Oh... I...' Harry managed to splutter before she left.

'Ha! Take my advise. If you want to fit in here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, steer well clear of Harry Potter.' Lavender warned with such

seriousness and venom, Hermione became quite afraid of her for a minute. 'Unless, of course, you need someone to do your homework for you.' She added with a smile.

After escaping the horrifyingly intense stupidity and shallowness of Lavender Brown, Hermione escaped and managed to find her way through the identical gothic old hallways of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. After seeing she had Charms first thing tomorrow, Hermione decided to seek out Professor Flitwick to inquire as to whether there were any additional textbooks she would need for tomorrows lesson.

'Er... Excuse me? Professor Flitwick?' She called out timidly. 'Professor Flitwick are you here? Professor - ARGH!'

A figured walked out of the shadows and stood before Hermione. At first Hermione thought that an enchanted garden gnome had approached her but on further inspection it turned out to be an actual living person.

'Ah. You must be Hermione Granger. I've heard all about you. Nice to meet you.' The ridiculously small man reached out a hand above his head which Hermione nervously shook.

'Professor, I was just wondering if I'd need anything additional for -' She began before she was cut off.

'Don't worry, I know exactly what your looking for.'

Professor Flitwick hurried back into the shadows from where he had appeared and returned once again which a heavy looking and very ancient book. The writing on the front read out 'VAMPYR', no, sorry, that's 'VAMPIRE'. Hermione's quick between-lessons shot of vodka was taking its affect.

'That's not what I'm looking for,' She slurred.

'Are you sure? Oh, I must have made a mistake.'

As Flitwick bent down and put the book away, Hermione hurriedly exited, banging into various tables and chairs before finally falling to the floor with a thud.

'Are you alright?' The big purple garden gnome hurried towards Hermione with concern before going into slow motion. That was some vodka, Hermione thought before jumping to her feet and leaving the classroom, only to find herself on her ass again after walking straight into Ron Weasley on the other side of the door.

Stupid cow.

'Oh God, I'm so sorry.' Hermione muttered.

'Hey! You're the new chick!' Ron exclaimed with just a little too much excitement in his voice. 'Here, let me help you. I'm Ron.' Said Ron as he bent down to help bring to new chick to her feet.

'I'm Hermione Granger. Nice to meet you.' Said Hermione Granger as she was pulled to her feet, dropping her bag and spilling the contents in the process. 'God, I'm such a clutz.' Hermione said almost in despair.

'Yeah well, then you'll fit right in.' Ron said as he bent down to help the new chick gather her bearings and possessions.

'Thanks a lot, Ron.'

'No problem. So I guess maybe I'll see you around. Maybe at school. Seeing as we both go there. And live there. And are there now.' Luckily for Ron, Hermione was so pissed at this stage that that what he was saying made perfect sense to her.

'Well I got to get to class,' Hermione managed to say, getting to her feet. 'Rye Bon.'

Bon also rose and watched Hermione stumble down the corridor, bumping into students and pupils and walls before finally falling down the stairs and out of sight.

Bon looked down, 'HEY! YOU FORGOT YOUR... stake.'