I want to thank everyone who read and reviewed. It was a boost for me to keep at this.
Having said that, I'm not crazy about this chapter but no matter how long I leave it sit the fanfiction fairy doesn't come along and magically improve it, so I guess I better just post it and move on. It's somewhat a transitional chapter, so hopefully things will get better from here.
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It was a rare slow day in the ER. Abby was assigned to an incoming but the ETA was 10 minutes, so she took the time to have a cigarette break in the ambulance bay. Carter apparently decided to take advantage of the lull as well, because he appeared beside her shortly.
"I thought you were quitting."
Abby turned her defensive reaction into a joke, "Hello to you too. And for your information, I have quit. Several times."
They exchanged smiles. Abby gestured at Carter. "How have you been? You seem better lately."
"I am. I'm good. I mean..." he amended, "everything isn't great, but in the larger scheme of things anyway, I'm ok."
"That's what really matters, I guess."
"You seem good too." Abby wasn't sure if it was a statement or a question.
"Yeah." Then after a beat, "In the larger scheme of things." She said it jokingly, but let's face it, her life was far from perfect, far from completely fulfilled. But unlike so many times in her past she was ok anyway. She understood what Carter had meant perfectly.
"...besides the likelihood of premature death from smoking, of course." Now Carter was teasing her.
Abby gave him a look, but gave up, tossing her cigarette down and grinding it forcefully with her foot. They could just begin to hear the ambulance siren in the distance.
Carter began to speak, then paused uncertainly. But he was pretty sure that the rules for talking to women were different than for men, so he continued. "You know, I've been meaning to apologize to you."
"For what?"
"I guess I've been realizing how much I tried to put the blame for the problems in our relationship on you. And it was unfair of me. There were a lot of things I was probably unfair about."
Abby waved him off dismissively. Did he really want to go there again? Did she? "Really, it's all past. Don't worry about it."
"I know, but still. I wanted to say it to you. You deserved better."
Abby laughed. "You did too" she assured him, then added, shrugging, "And here we are now."
"I'm glad we're still friends."
"Me too." Abby said it awkwardly but not without warmth and sincerity. She also saw an opportunity to change the subject. "Speaking of friends, do you talk to Luka much?"
"Some. Why?" It always came back to Luka with Abby. But this time, Carter didn't mind.
"Does he seem ok to you? He seems pretty dark and moody lately to me."
Carter chuckled. "'Dark and moody'. That's just Luka, isn't it?"
Abby didn't say anything. The sound of the siren was close. Carter's attentions turned toward preparing himself mentally for action, the subject forgotten. A year ago, Abby would have assumed Carter was insulting him, but she knew better now. She may never understand why, but something had changed them in Africa, and she knew Carter had said this without animosity. Besides, she'd made the same mistaken assumption in the past, when she'd thought she understood Luka. She remembered the shame she felt when Gordana had talked to her, recalling Luka as a 'character' and a man who was often laughing. Maybe that part of Luka was truly gone now, but Abby would be damned if she was going to limit him that way in her mind again.
But the ambulance was here and for now the immediate demands of the job crowded out her worries and took precedence.