Disclaimer: I don't own the turtles, I just play with them. Austin is mine. Mine mine mine mine mine.
Before the fic Author's Notes: Isis-Lament is 'da bomb. She was my wonderfully fantastic beta reader for this chapter, and if it sucks… um… blame her. I had nothing to do with it. Hehehehe. (offers chocolate and hugs and a couple Raphaels to Isis for her help) Seriously, I'm so ashamed at what my chapters must have been like before I had a second pair of eyes looking over them.
And sorry for taking such an awful long time to get this out. This chapter just didn't want to cooperate with me. But I busted my ass to get it done, and y'all better appreciate it. Yes, that means YOU. All you readers who don't leave reviews! (RANT) Yah, I looked at the stats. Over 50 reads on the last chapter of Misadventures, and how many reviews did I get? HOW MANY? 11. Eleven. That's how many. Dammit, I better get the same amount of reviews as I get hits this chapter or else I'll um…. Um… I'll… be sad. Very very sad. And I might not write a sequel. So there. …ok, so that's an empty threat. But still. I guess I should just appreciate that I have that many readers. (.(I'm not really mad, I actually find it highly amusing. Probably half of those hits are me going back and double checking the chapter for typos, and reference for the chapter in progress. Hehehe.).)
FunFact:No FunFact today, because… um…. That's your punishment. Yah, it's your fault, all you people who don't review. You're the reason I'm withholding this chapter's FunFact. Don't you feel bad now? Good. You should.
Misadventures of the Mentally Unstable
Chapter 17
Italics are private thought, or emphasis on a word
Susan's office was located on the highest floor of the tallest building that I'd ever set foot in. It certainly wasn't the tallest in New York City, but it was by no means just a plain ol' ordinary high-rise. Sculptures and paintings littered the walls of Carmine Fashions Inc., and all of them screamed 'I'm expensive; don't touch me'. …I touched a few of them, just to be a brat. If that little restaurant had made me feel out of place, then this building gave the impression that anyone who wasn't born into a million-dollar family was nothing more than gutter trash. Every single one of those pieces of artwork was probably worth enough money to feed a third world country for a year or more. Thankfully, I didn't look too out of place this time.
Hidden back in the deep, dark recesses of my closet, I'd discovered something I'd hoped to keep buried. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. Myself, more than others, but if there was one thing I hadn't wanted Raphael, or anyone else, to know about, it was what I was wearing right now. I'd cringed as I'd pulled it out and then cursed myself for not doing my laundry in almost two week. All that I had left to wear were some casual shorts, and the horrendous sundress that had been safely out of sight on a hanger, ignored for most of its sad life.
As far as sundresses go, I suppose it wasn't so bad. But the fact that it was a modestly cut sundress that was more suited for middle-aged moms strolling through parks with their kids in tow, than for young 20-something single girls… well… let's just say I was seriously considering going naked.
But eventually I'd pulled on the dress and stared in horror at the sight that greeted me in the mirror. I don't wear dresses. I own a few skirts that are sleek and sexy, and rather cute, but as far as dresses go this is the only one I own. It was mostly white, with little pink and green flowers, and dark pink spaghetti straps. There was a faux sash around my waist that matched the shade of the straps and, thankfully, did not have a bow in the back. It flared slightly, and the hem hung down to just above my knees. Cringing, I'd looked at myself and wanted to cry at how much pink I was wearing.
On someone else, it might have been a cute dress. On me however, it seemed awkward and silly. I looked like a little girl playing dress-up. All that was missing was a band aid on my knee and a ponytail on the side of my head with a huge pink ribbon. Thankfully though, the swelling and redness around the stitches on my forehead were finally subsiding and I'd wondered how long it would be until Donnie could take them out.
I'd finally brushed my unruly hair into submission and braided it again, little wisps sticking out here and there. When it came to shoes, I'd managed to find a nice pair of sandals that weren't too uncomfortable.
Raphael had been reclining on my bed, watching me get dressed with an amused expression on his face. Before pulling the sundress out, I had warned him, "No comments from the peanut gallery". When I'd finally presented him with the finished product, the look he gave me made me want to smack him. A lot of things he did made me want to smack him, actually.
I must have looked as uncomfortable as I felt, because the only critique he made was "It doesn't quite suit you." And that had been quickly followed by an offer to help take it off again. And it had been a tempting proposal, but I was bound and determined not to be late this time. In fact, I'd been planning on getting there early.
Which is why I'd made it to the Carmine building with almost a half hour to spare. A large part of me was wondering if she'd skip out on our meeting again. The rest of me wasn't sure that I didn't want her to do that. When I'd approached the large desk in the lobby, a young woman in a light pink blouse had taken my name and called up to what was presumably the same secretary I'd had the immense pleasure of talking to only a couple days ago. I couldn't remember her name, and honestly, didn't really care. The pink blouse lady told me to go on up to the 34th floor and pointed me to the elevators. I had the vague suspicion that the cameras were following my every movement, but that might have just been good old-fashioned paranoia.
By the time I'd reached the top floor, my legs had practically turned to jelly. Not just because of nerves, but from a combination of them and the height. I'd never liked heights. The third floor of my building was as high as I ever wanted to be. Human beings were meant for the ground, and close to the ground they should stay.
But yet there I was, standing in the high-rise office lobby of the woman who'd pushed me from her loins and then abandoned me at the first possible convenience. The thought sent a wave of guilt through me. She'd been sixteen. Sixteen, alone, and trying to care for a 3 month-old baby. She'd seen a way to offer me a better life and taken it. I could deal with that. It was the ignoring me, and pretending I didn't exist that pissed me off. The not caring if I was alive or dead. That I couldn't forgive without good reason. Maybe I'd get that reason today, maybe I wouldn't. I'd find out soon.
The plush seats in the 34th floor lobby were a dark green, and I found myself running a finger over them and thinking of Raph as I sat down. Despite all that had happened between us, I was still hesitant about him whenever he wasn't with me. It was like he flicked a switch in me whenever he was around that made me want to always be with him… And then when I was alone again… I started having doubts. It hadn't quite sunk in yet, and I didn't know if it ever would. He was different from all the other guys. …In more than just the whole not being human aspect. But then again… maybe that was it. He wasn't human; he wasn't normal. Neither was Jer or Lucas. The three guys I'd had stronger feelings for in my life were technically a separate race than I was. Jer was a telepath, Lucas a FireMagi… and Raph was… well… Raph was a turtle. But there was still something supernatural about him… something almost magical. The thought made me giggle to myself as I pictured Raph dancing around in a little tutu and a magic wand; faerie wings attached to his shell. He'd kill me if I ever voiced that little fantasy.
"Ms. Bridger?" The voice shattered my moment of levity and I scowled up at Evan Powell.
"Yah?" Not the wittiest remark, but it served its purpose.
If I thought I was unhappy to see him again, he looked downright disgusted at the prospect of dealing with me. I probably defied all his laws of polite business procedures. Every step into my mother's world, I realized how very far apart we were. I'd never let a man like this on my staff. Although… I suppose it was better to have a backstabbing venomous lawyer playing for your side rather than against. To be fair though, I really hadn't given him a chance. All he'd done so far was what my mother had told him to do. Which meant he was a pansy. Either way, I didn't like him.
"You're early, Ms. Bridger."
"Yah." His lips tightened in disapproval and I smiled politely. "I can wait; its okay."
"Unfortunately, you don't have to. Mrs. Carmine is ready to see you now."
"Oh." That, I hadn't expected. I was sure she'd keep me waiting at least ten or fifteen minutes after our scheduled time.
"If you would follow me…"
I shrugged as if I couldn't care less, when in reality I don't know how I was able to stand up without falling over. Every nerve in my body was on edge, and I just didn't know what to expect. It was worse than in the restaurant yesterday. …God, had it really only been yesterday? This had been the longest week of my life.
I followed Powell down a hallway, glass windows opening up to offices and meeting rooms on each side. We turned left at the end, and came upon a richly carved mahogany door. There were no windows opening up to this office, though. It had to be Susan's. Powell rapped sharply on the door, and then pushed it open. I didn't hesitate to follow him. If I hesitated, I knew I'd end up turning around and bolting for the lobby, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.
Susan was standing with her back to us, looking out the full-length window that made up the back wall of her office. She turned slowly, the light catching every blond highlight in her long straight, impeccably groomed hair. She was tall, slim, and very… tidy. Her light cream business jacket and matching skirt practically screamed 'I'm perfect'. I felt a twinge of jealousy shoot through me as I looked at her. She was everything I would never be. Okay, I'm not ashamed to admit I have a few minor self-esteem issues.
The eyes that looked so much like mine finally came to rest on me, and I felt like a clumsy adolescent under her gaze. Oh god, why did I wear this crappy dress? The expression on her face was calm, composed. The expression on my own must have been some strange mix of awe, envy, disgust, and painful longing for something I knew she couldn't give me. I saw something close to unease cross her features as she looked at the four inch string of stitches that decorated my forehead. Etiquette must not have allowed her to ask about them though.
"Austin…" Her voice was soft and deep; an authoritative yet melodic voice. I had no clue what to say. All the ranting and raving and insults that I'd been storing up seemed to disappear from memory, and all I could do was nod. Susan gave me a small, very professional smile and gestured toward a chair that sat in front of a large executive desk. I numbly walked closer to her, and sat down in the chair. I couldn't read anything from her whatsoever. Hell, I could read Raph better than I could read her.
The thought of Raphael, oddly enough, seemed to jolt me back towards reality. I tore my eyes from my mother and blinked a couple times. The fog seemed to dissipate, and when I looked back to her, the trance that I'd felt when I first saw her had cleared.
"You left me…" I said quietly. It wasn't meant as an accusation, and I don't think it came out as one. It was a simple fact that seemed to hang in the air between us.
She swallowed back a reply and then looked to Powell who was still standing in the office. I don't know what was being said silently between them, but she gave him a quick nod, and he hesitantly turned and left the room. There was a soft click as the door closed behind me, and I was alone with her. The moment I'd been waiting for, for five years, had finally come.
Susan stepped slowly to the high-backed chair behind the desk, and sat down with a grace that she could only have been born with. One more thing I hadn't inherited from her. "You look… good, Austin." She ignored the echo of my words that still seemed to be lingering throughout the office.
I tightened my jaw slightly and tried to keep a steady voice. "I'm glad I meet your approval, Mother." The barest of a flinch passed over her features and I wondered if it was at the word 'mother', or the dry, sarcastic tone of my speech.
"Austin, please… you don't need to be like that."
"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow. "How should I be? Tell me, because I really want to know." I couldn't help the mocking quality that was slipping into my voice. The look on her face when I'd walked in… it was still in my head. I would have given anything to see emotion there… anger, joy, nervousness, anything. But her calm, cool demeanor had told me everything I'd been hoping I wouldn't see. She really didn't care about me. The small voice in the back of my head (that I usually refused to listen to), told me that I'd thought that about Raph too. Oooooh boy, had I ever been mistaken about him... I wanted to believe that maybe Susan was hiding her true feelings too… but after the way I'd been treated yesterday, I just couldn't bring myself to hold any more hope.
Susan leaned forward and rested her hands lightly on the desk. "Austin, there are things you don't understand."
"What don't I understand? You left me. You made a better life for yourself, and then you forgot about me." All those things I'd forgotten I'd wanted to say were quickly coming back to mind. "I understand enough to know you don't give a shit about me."
A hurt and somewhat shocked look came across her face. "I never forgot about you, Austin." She said softly, giving me a quizzical expression. "Didn't you read my letters?"
Slam. Brick wall. The bitter retort died on my tongue and my mouth went dry. "What letters…?"
Susan's jaw tightened and we stared at each other in surprise for almost a full minute, before she finally spoke again. "Terri… my mother… she didn't give them to you?"
"I… haven't spoken to her in years." I thought of the last time I saw her. The day I'd shown up on her doorstep and demanded my birth certificate. I tried not to picture the heartbroken look on her face when I'd turned away and left her alone on the porch. It probably hadn't been fair to her, but at the time I'd been upset and angry over so many different things.
"I sent you one every year… oh god… you didn't get them, did you?" The horrified look on her face as realization finally dawned sent a surge of guilt through me. Maybe I'd been too quick to judge her…
"You sent me letters…?" My mind was still having a hard time grasping the idea. Susan had no reason to lie to me, and the look she'd given me had been so honest, I didn't see any reason to doubt her. "But…"
My mind raced back in time. I couldn't remember any letters, ever. I wanted to be mad that Terri had lied to me like that… but… had she? I'd only been four when Devon took me away, and before that I didn't remember much of anything… and I'd been so distant when I was returned a few years later… And then I'd only seen Terri once since I was 9 years old… When would she have had the chance to tell me about any letters? Or even that I wasn't her own daughter? She had no idea where I was even now…
"Austin, god… honey, I'm sorry… if I'd have known you hadn't gotten them…" Susan sighed heavily and rubbed her forehead, light strands of hair falling delicately in front of her face as she looked down at the desk.
I slumped back in my chair and let out a sigh. "Doesn't really matter now, I guess."
She pulled her head up and gazed at me with sad eyes. "Of course it does…"
"Not really, no…" I met her eyes once more. "Let's say you did send letters; you still left me there. You could have come back for me, but you didn't."
"I couldn't, Austin. I told you, there are things you don't understand." The flicker of emotions that had come forward got buried once more, and I thought perhaps, I was more like her than I wanted to admit. She was damn good at pushing away the people she cared about… if she did indeed care about me.
"Then tell me, Susan. What don't I understand?"
She bit her lip and stared at a spot on her desk for a few moments. I idly thought about taking a trick from Raph's book and plopping my feet down on the desk, but decided against it. The desk was higher than a coffee table, and I was wearing a dress. It wouldn't be very ladylike.
"This… this whole situation. It wasn't just for me, Austin. I had to think of you. There are things in my past I'm not especially proud of. Things that are better left unsaid."
Join the club, I thought bitterly to myself, but said nothing.
"I wanted to avoid this meeting…" She sighed and looked up finally. "Not because I don't care about you. God, please don't ever think that, Austin. But… it would have been better if you'd just stayed away from me. In my letters I said… well… I guess you're right, it doesn't matter now. It's too late…"
I had no idea what the hell she was trying to tell me, but I didn't want to interrupt. I had the feeling I was about to find out something important. Call it a gut instinct, but the tone of her voice just seemed to imply that she had some big secret that was about to alter my life. …Of course, I also used to think the same thing every time Jeremy said 'We have a problem…' which was quickly followed by a guilty look and an explanation that the toilet was plugged… again. My sense of judgment isn't always the greatest.
"I cut off almost all of the ties with my family when I left you… you have no idea how much that hurt me, Austin. I wanted to come back for you; honestly, I did. But you weren't safe with me." She swallowed hard and I saw a sad look pass through her eyes. "I was putting you in danger just by sending you those letters, but I couldn't bring myself to abandon you completely."
Being safe wasn't my lot in life, apparently. No matter where I'd go, or where I'd been, my destiny was to always be in danger. This little piece of information didn't surprise me as much as it should have. Danger was my middle name, apparently. …Okay, actually it was Clover, and I had Susan to thank for that little embarrassment as well.
"What about my father?" I asked when she didn't seem ready to continue. "Why didn't you leave me with him? Didn't he want me?" A very dark look was my response and I almost recoiled at the combination of hatred and fear in her face. It took me a moment to realize that it wasn't directed at me, but at my father. "That's why, isn't it?" I asked before she had time to form a verbal response. "He's the one I wasn't safe from… why?"
She shook her head as if she didn't want to answer, but the words came out anyway. "He's a dangerous man, Austin... he wouldn't have let me go if…" Her voice trailed off and my mind filled in the pieces.
"He didn't know, did he? He didn't know you were pregnant."
Nodding slowly, she picked up a pen from the desk and began to nervously play with it. "I was fifteen when I got pregnant with you, Austin. I was young and stupid, and I got mixed up with people I shouldn't have… we weren't supposed to…" She shuddered and closed her eyes briefly before continuing. "It was a mistake, Austin. A very bad, very stupid mistake. Knowing what I know now… god… I'm sorry Austin, but I wish you'd never been born."
My mouth dropped open in astonishment. Of all the things she could have said out loud, I hadn't expected that to be one of them. I wasn't sure how to react. It felt like a dead weight had been dropped in my stomach and I gripped the handles of the chair so I wouldn't fall out. I was in shock from the statement, but before I could recover Susan hastily continued.
"Please don't get me wrong, Austin. I loved you; you were my baby, my daughter. But you were born into a world you shouldn't have been, and if your father had been anyone else…" She shuddered again but continued. "You were destined to a life of hell from the moment you were born... I left him before he knew I was pregnant, thank god… but if he ever came looking for me and found you… I couldn't let that happen, Austin. I couldn't let him find you and take you."
The weight had eased up a bit, but my mind was still reeling from her words. There was something she wasn't telling me. A lot, actually. It didn't make sense. Why was my father so dangerous? What scared her so badly that she didn't want anyone to find out?
"Who was he?" I managed weakly. It was all I could think to ask. When she didn't answer, I did instead. "You won't tell me, will you?" I could see the answer in her eyes.
"Austin… when Evan came back to me yesterday, the last thing I thought you'd ask for was your father's name. I got scared… not for me. Not about the publicity. I could care less about that, Austin. If I thought I could protect you, I'd shout it out to the whole world that I have another daughter. But I can't…"
I bit my lip and stared down at the sandals on my feet. She couldn't protect me. With all her money and political power, she couldn't protect me. Ok, now I was starting to get freaked. I'd thought that Adair was the worst of my problems. What the hell was Fate trying to throw at me now? "Why is he dangerous, Susan…? Why does he want me so bad?"
She took a deep breathe and tried to compose herself. "If you don't know already… its better that you don't find out."
My mind flew back to the little blue recipe card and I blinked as things started to fall into place. This had nothing to do with an abusive or possessive boyfriend.
"It's because I'm a Sifter, isn't it?"
Susan's head shot up from where it had been examining the spot again. "Where did you hear that?" Her face had paled slightly, but her eyes were bright and searching.
"It's true, then? I am?"
"I… no. I don't know." She looked confused, and I could tell it wasn't feigned. "I've never heard that term…"
"Well, what term have you heard? What the hell is going on, Susan. What the fuck am I?" There was a desperate tone to my voice, and I wondered what I'd do if she didn't tell me. She knew something, but I couldn't force it out of her. And I couldn't threaten anymore to go public, because whatever it was she was hiding was hidden for good reason.
"Austin, please… I can't tell you anymore than that. I don't understand it all myself, and I don't want you to go looking for trouble. Please… I've stayed away from you to keep you safe. I'll give you anything you want, Austin… just please… no more questions."
"But…" I wanted to ask more, but something was stopping me from speaking. That something happened to be a shimmering form floating to the right of my mother. Devon. Devon, oh thank god, Devon. A rush of confidence and relief swept through me that I hadn't even realized was gone. Devon was back. I wanted to jump for joy. I wanted to laugh and call him names and tell him never to frighten me like that again. Years of habits didn't die very easily though, and I instinctively looked away from him, back to Susan and nodded my head slowly, but the corner of my mouth twitched in a smile.
"Austin…" She said softly, not noticing my sudden mood shift. "Tell me what I can do for you."
I didn't respond right away, and Devon took the chance.
"We need to talk, Austin…" His voice was soft and kind, and nothing like the last time I'd heard him. I chanced a glance at his face, but he was closely guarding his emotions. From what I could tell though, he seemed rather… gentle… subdued, almost. "I'll come back when you're alone… but please hurry… I have things I need to tell you."
The tone of his voice gave me pause, and I wondered if he'd come back to deliver more bad news. If so, he could go to hell, because I was just about at my limit for the week. …I wouldn't tell him that though, because dammit, I'd missed him.
I finally looked back to Susan and nodded slowly. My mind was racing with questions, but I didn't know where to start, and I wasn't sure I wanted the answers anyway. She was right. I was probably better off not knowing; besides, I had a feeling that any answers she could give me would only confuse me further. Now that I knew what Devon hadn't wanted me to find out from Susan, maybe he'd fill me in on what she hadn't said. He probably knew a hell of a lot more than Susan anyway. And if he was ready to tell me things…
"Okay…" I said softly. "Okay, no more questions." She breathed a sigh of relief and I stood slowly. "I don't want anything else from you, Susan. If you want me to sign the damn papers, I will, but I think you know that I'm not going to tell anyone about us."
"I… I don't think that will be necessary…" She looked tired and worn; she looked a hell of a lot older than her 39 years. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you?"
I started to shake my head, then stopped. Was there anything I wanted from her? True, she'd abandoned me for my own good… but I still felt cheated somehow. It felt superficial to ask her for anything… but… maybe there was something…
I sat back down in the chair and thought for a moment, then nodded. "Well… there's one thing you might do for me…"
I'd left her office in a daze, and it hadn't worn off by the time I reached the park. I couldn't go home yet; I had to find a nice quiet place to talk to Devon, and oddly enough I found myself drawn to the same spot I'd been only a couple nights ago. I had difficulty, but I finally managed to climb the tree with only a few scrapes on my knees. I also managed to flash a jogger as he ran along the path near the tree, but that was my own damn fault. Sundresses really aren't the best for climbing trees, especially when you're only wearing a white thong underneath.
I settled myself into the little crook in the tree and smiled at the memory it brought back. Okay, so the evening hadn't ended in the greatest way possible, but it had still been a good date.
"Devon?" I asked quietly. There was a soft shimmer in front of me, and he appeared, sitting down cross-legged on a branch a few feet away. The sight was actually a little unnerving. In all the years he'd been appearing, I'd never quite gotten used to the way he floated around. If he'd had a physical body, he'd either fall out of the tree from trying to sit like that, or end up straddling the branches in an uncomfortable way.
"Hey, Austin…"
I smiled at him in the dimming light of the early evening. "Long time, no see."
"Yah…" Devon absently rubbed the back of his neck in a guilty gesture and returned my soft smile. "Sorry about that… but I needed time to think…"
"Look, Devon… what I said before. I didn-"
He cut me off with a wave of his hand. "No, you meant it. Don't try to smooth it over Austin, I know you too well. I deserved it though. You were right."
"No!" I protested a bit too quickly.
"Austin… if there's anything we've learned in the past few days, it's that you don't need me." I stared at him in surprise, shaking my head slightly, but he continued as if he hadn't seen me. "I was wrong, Austin." He sighed deeply and seemed to think a bit before going on. "There are things I need to tell you… before…"
I tried to think of something to say, but couldn't. He'd come back to tell me goodbye… that was why he was here. After sixteen years, he was leaving me for good… I didn't want to believe it, but I could see it written all over his face, and in what he hadn't said.
"Fate is a funny thing, Austin… every person can shape their own destiny… you should have been free to choose. I took that away from you, and you can't even imagine how sorry I am for that…"
"Devon…"
"Please, just listen… I have so much I need to explain. I wanted you to be happy Austin. It tore me up to watch you in all that pain when you were brought back home… I wanted to make it easier on you… I had to. So I broke the rules, and I changed Fate. I didn't want you to deal with the grief of losing me in such a traumatic way… so I appeared to you, to prove that your brother was still alive spiritually. I thought it would make your life easier, Austin. I didn't know it would fuck things up so bad…"
He sighed and paused, looking down at a little caterpillar crawling on one of the tree leaves. "Sometimes They allow us glimpses of how things would have been different. When I saw what would have happened to you… I hated myself…"
"What…?" I couldn't bring myself to ask, but I knew he'd understand what I wanted to know.
"You would have been in hell, Austin… for a while. It would have taken you a long time, but you would have gotten better… the pain would have faded, and you would have gone on with your life… When you turned 14, you would have run away from home, and made your way back to California… Jason would have taken you in again, and right now you'd be happily married to little Jimmy Tenner." He smiled softly. "You'd be expecting your first child in December…"
It was weird, having him tell me how my life could have gone. I could see flashes of it in my mind, and I wondered if it was my imagination, or if destiny was allowing me to glimpse what might have been. Devon's smile faded quickly though, and he continued speaking. "That's what should have happened… and I took it all away from you. I'm so sorry, Austin… I had no idea. I thought I was saving you pain, but I only caused more. If I could go back in time and change it all… I'd do it in a heartbeat."
"I wouldn't want that." I said softly. He looked up at me with surprise in his eyes, and I shook my head. "Nobody can change the past Devon… what happened, happened… and I like where I'm at now… Yah, my life is going to hell at the moment… but…"
"But you're happy." He finished for me.
I nodded. "Yah… I'm happy."
He stared at me for a few moments then slowly smiled. "Raph is a good guy… You two are well matched."
"Even though he's not human?" I asked cheekily.
"Because he's not human."
I grinned back at him, and we let the silence sit between us for awhile. It was starting to get late, and I'd need to get home soon, but that meant Devon would leave, and I wanted to delay it as long as possible. It was strange… it didn't feel like goodbye, even though I knew it was.
"Will I ever see you again?" I finally asked quietly.
He bit his lip and looked at me for a long while before answering. "I'll always be around, Austin... I'll be watching over you from time to time. But… I don't think it's a good idea if I do this…" he gestured to himself. "…anymore. I might pop in from time to time to say hi… but… you don't need me anymore. You haven't needed me for a long time."
I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and tell him that I'd always need him… but I knew I couldn't. Not just for lack of physical presence, but because I knew he was right. As long as I knew he'd be watching over me… that was enough for me.
"You said… you said They give you glimpses…" I started slowly, but he shook his head.
"It doesn't work like that, Austin, so please don't ask. I don't know what's in store for you, and even if I did… I can't interfere anymore." He gave me a wry smile. "I overstepped my boundaries, and They're watching me closely now…"
"What about the prophecy… did you see that?"
I could see the anxiety cross his face, and I knew he'd been hoping I wouldn't ask. "I can't really-"
"Please, Devon… tell me as much as you can. What the hell is a Sifter? I know you know."
He shook his head again, but opened his mouth to speak. "I pray to god you never find out what a Sifter is. I do know, and I'm not going to tell you. Please, Austin, trust me in this."
"Dev-"
"No." The sudden stubbornness in his voice was something I was familiar with, and I knew I shouldn't push my limits. I hesitated, and he took the opportunity to continue speaking. "Don't go looking for answers, Austin. The search for those answers will lead you to the last place you should ever go."
"My father…?"
He nodded solemnly. "Susan was right. He's dangerous, and you need to stay as far away from him as possible."
"But if I knew what a Sifter was…"
"It wouldn't change anything. Or it would change everything." He sighed and looked at me with such compassion, I almost felt bad for wanting to know. "I've tried to teach you to be a decent person, Austin. Your heart is good, and I don't think anything could ever change that… but… you know the saying. Power corrupts… And I fear what would become of you if the powers of the Sifter were awakened."
I wanted to ask more, to pry into his mind and make him tell me everything he knew. But there was a warning in his tone that frightened me.
"I'm going to give you a sound piece of advice, Austin. Don't tell anyone you're a Sifter. If anyone asks, you tell them you don't know what a Sifter is. If they call you something else, go along with it. There are people who would kill you simply because you exist."
"I don't understand…"
"I know, and I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you more, but it would only make you more curious. I know how your mind works, Austin, and that's why it scares me. Promise me… promise me you won't go looking for answers."
"I can-"
"Promise me, Austin."
"…I promise…"
He let out a sigh of relief and leaned back. "One more thing before I go, Austin. The prophesy. There's something you need to know."
I sat up a bit straighter. Maybe he'd tell me something helpful after all.
"David is a very powerful prophet, but his prophecies are flawed, just as are all prophecies. There are two kinds of prophecies, Austin. Those that come from what some would call demons, and those that come from angels. 'Demons' and 'Angels' are just two terms for creatures that come from realms beyond your understanding. The line between good and bad isn't nearly so straight as some would like to think. Not all demons are bad, and not all angels are good, do you understand?"
I nodded, thinking I was following along pretty well. "Kind of like yin-yang theory, or whatever it is?"
He nodded, smiling. "Yes. Now… these other realms have their own language, and only those who live in our world, but have the blood of the other realm in their veins know how to speak it. And it's only in those languages that prophecies are given… and that's where the problem arises."
Devon paused and thought for a moment. "Think of these prophecies as sort of like the Bible."
"…The Bible?" I asked in disbelief. "I've never read the Bible."
"That doesn't matter. What I mean is... think about how many different translations of the Bible there are. Hundreds, right? Maybe more. And the variations between them range from a simple spelling difference, to an entirely different verse structure, to a completely different meaning, depending on who wrote them. Understand? But they all came from one source, written in foreign language. That's how the prophecy works. Ten prophets could have been given the same words David was given, and they all would have come up with ten different interpretations."
"So…" I started slowly. "What you're saying… is that instead of a Sifter… I could be a Blender. Or maybe a KitchenAid."
He glared at me. "This is serious, Austin."
"Sorry."
"Are you finished?" I bit my lip and nodded, holding back a smile. "Good. Now… where was I?"
"Ten little prophets."
That earned me another glare, but he continued anyway. "My point is, I know you're not going to get rid of that little piece of paper, but you shouldn't dwell on it, because it might not be accurate."
"Do you know what the actual prophecy was?" I asked, not expecting him to actually know.
He paused and I could see the truth pass through his eyes.
"…you know. You dick! You know, and you're not going to tell me!"
"I can't interfe-"
"Oh, that's not fair! C'mon, Devon! You have to tell me!"
"Austin, please… I can't."
"Wait… how do you know? You're not a demon or an angel."
"Austin, drop it. Please. I've said too much already."
I grumbled to myself and sat back against the trunk of the tree glaring at him. "You're a pain in my ass."
"I was. That's Raph's job now." I flipped him off, but he just laughed it away. "Speaking of which, shouldn't you be getting home? That boy's stamina impresses even me."
"You were watching!"
"…well, yah! How often do you see a girl and a turtle going at it?"
"You perv, I'm your sister!"
"Niece, technically. And it's not like I'm all that interested in what you look like. Gay, remember?"
"You're still a perv."
He gave me a grin, knowing I wasn't really mad at him. "Hey, Austin… you take care of yourself, ok? I'll be checking in on you from time to time."
The amused expression fell from my face, and I shook my head. "Do you really have to go?"
"Yah… I'm sorry, Austin… really, I am." I knew he was referring to more than just leaving.
"I guess you're forgiven." I said softly and gave him a small smile. "Hey, Devon?"
"Yah?"
"I love you."
The shimmering form of my dead brother started to fade from view, but I could see the smile on his face. "Love you too, Munchie." His words seemed to echo in the evening air, and I realized with a shiver that it was already getting dark. It had to be close to 8:00pm by now, and Raph was probably getting pissed…again.
I took a last long look at where Devon had been, and slowly climbed down from the tree, dropping unceremoniously onto the thick grass beneath me. I had thought I would feel empty, but I didn't. Yes, there was something missing… but it wasn't painful. It was like a bittersweet memory that I'd always carry with me. Devon wasn't gone, not really. He'd always be around, whether I could see him or not. That thought gave me comfort.
It only took me a few minutes to find a payphone, and not having any change I made a collect call to my apartment. I hoped Raphael wouldn't let the machine pick up. Of course… I hoped he was still in the apartment, and not out on some mad search to find me. He probably thought I'd had another breakdown or something since I hadn't called earlier.
"Austin!" His voice finally answered and I smiled at how angry he sounded. "Where the hell are you!"
"I'm ok, Raph. I just needed some time to myself. I'm in the park"
"What happened? How the hell did you get to the park?"
"I'll explain what I can later… you wanna come pick me up?" I wrapped my bare arms around myself and cradled the phone to my ear, wishing I'd thought to bring a jacket.
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes, which phone you at?"
"You can find me under the tree."
"Which-… from the other night?"
"Yes. I'll be waiting for you."
"Austin… are you alright?"
Was I alright? My mind raced over the last week. I'd fallen down a manhole, had a small breakdown in the sewers, played strip poker with a mutant turtle who was already naked, gotten in a life-altering fight with my dead brother, contacted the mother who abandoned me as a child, gone on a date with said mutant turtle, learned that the man who imprisoned me as a child is taking up old habits, ended up sleeping with the turtle, learned of the cryptic prophecy that possibly foretells the taking of my life, had a large breakdown in my apartment, learned that my father is a powerfully dangerous man who would probably kill me if he knew what I was, and also that there is some hidden power inside of me that causes fear in the hearts of those that have already died… and to top it all off, I'd fallen in love. …Was I alright?
I smiled into the phone. "I think I'm going to be just fine, Raph. Now come pick me up."
After the fic Author's Notes: Again, I apologize for taking so long. The dialogue was incredibly hard to hammer out in this chapter, but I think I finally got it. Hopefully. (crosses fingers). Yes, there are a lot of unanswered questions in this fic. …Yes, they all have answers. No, I will not tell them to you now. I was hoping to end this chapter with the readers just as confused as poor Austin, and I think it worked… I know I confused myself a couple times and had to go back and re-write a few paragraphs.
And now I will give you the warning you probably didn't want to hear. Character Deat-… oh wait. Sorry, wrong warning. (ahem) The fic will be ending soon. …as in like… 1 or 2 chapters. Unless something comes up that I realize I just HAVE to address before the end… then yah. Ending soon. Some of you may not be happy with the ending. Some of you may love it. And that's all I'll say about that.
Notes to my Reviewers:
Buslady Of SoCal : Yes, Raph is rather protective, isn't he? Gotta love a guy like that… I'd like to think that at some point he'd feel secure enough to admit he's fallen for her, but I just don't see it happening anytime soon. Yah, he may know it, and she may know it, and the entire world may know it… but admitting it is a completely different thing… we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?
Isis-Lament: I am in love with the TMNT fandom fans. They are just so awesome. I've never felt more welcome in a fandom than I have here! I love it! (grins)
The little teabag scene was something that I've caught myself doing as well. Usually I find myself losing the argument with inanimate objects… pathetic, really. Heheh.
So…. Do you think I kept Austin out of enough trouble in this chapter? (winkwink). Looks to me like she's going to be heading into more trouble in the sequel, doesn't it? Poor girl. I think I'm going to try to keep at least two or three chapters ahead during the next one, so I can go back and change things if I need to before posting. I've caught myself doing that in this fic, wishing I'd written something differently from a previous chapter, but unable to go back and change it now…. Oh well. :)
Reinbeauchaser: I'm still not sure whether or not Austin will reveal the sexually abused part of her past to Raph. I quite honestly, am not sure how he'd react at this stage in their relationship. Later on, I think he'd be able to take it better, but it's not something she likes to talk about or remember, so perhaps it will stay buried for a while. In spite of her best efforts, she knows she's fallen for him now, and she's trying to accept it. I don't think everything will be wine and roses from here on out, but at least she's willing to give it a shot.
RainySunshine: Yah… I feel sort of bad for torturing Austin so much.. but.. it's only because I really love her… (snuggles Austin) Okay, so it's a funny way of showing love…
And as for that guy… well… there were many actually, hence the 'faceless' part. To Austin, it didn't matter what they looked like. They were all the same, and it merged into one image for her. They were guards, though, and most of them are dead in the current timeline of the story.
Reluctant Dragon: Good guess, but unfortunately Bill isn't Austin's father. (Although I had considered it at one point, but my brainstorming ultimately took me down another path.)
As for the faceless man, he represented a few different guards that took part in the abuse/rape.
(grins) Thanks again for the amusing review! I love reading your mishmash of comments. :) They make me happy.
Echo Hunter: You're forgiven. ;) I'm just happy knowing that you're still enjoying the story. And I think I understand you when it comes to being single. (sigh) Real men just don't stand a chance. You should see my long sad history of fandom crushes. 80 percent of them haven't been human…
kaya lizzie: Yay! I was aiming for a creepy/spooky feeling on the dream sequence, and I think it worked out nicely. And actually, Adair wasn't the one raping Austin, although what he did was worse, in my opinion. He knew it was going on and didn't do anything to stop it, because he thought it might 'jolt' her supernatural powers into overdrive or some crazy shit like that. The acts themselves were committed by guards who were supposed to be watching the Level B inhabitants. Either way, he's still an evil bastard that needs to die a horrible, painful death. (stabs Adair and screams in a really bad accent. "I keel you wit' my mind! …or uh… this knife. Whatever.")
FairDrea: (giggles and offers to make you a new sandwich). And congrats on the softball game. ;)
Ack. I don't know where to start responding to your review, so I'm just gonna say "THANKS!" and do some squee-ing of my own and grin like an idiot. Your words are much appreciated! Thankyou thankyou thankyou!
…The Xander thing didn't work, by the way. (Snatches Raph back). Mine! …or.. actually… Austin's! …and I don't think she'll be willing to share. Hehehe.
danceingfae: Hahaha! And now you know what happened to Devon! Sort of. He's back! …and gone again. But he still has a large part to play in the whole Misadventures series, if I ever manage to get it all written…. Which may take me years at the pace I'm going. I mean… hell… this story only covers a week in Austin's life, and it's taken me a couple months to write. Can you believe that when I started out, it was only going to be a small 4 or 5 chapter story? … yah, neither can I.
The REAL Cheese Monkey: Yah, I think last chapter was one of my favorites, although this one is quickly catching up. But honestly, I think that's because I know what's going on behind the scenes, so it was actually a lot of fun to write, despite all my complaining. Hehehe. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter!
Trillian4210: Heh. It's very funny to hear someone refer to Misadventures as.. well… art. Writing is more of a pastime for me. I don't think I'll ever take it too seriously. :)
As for your guess on the prophecy…. Well, the term 'Sifter' is actually correct, but you were right about the translation issue. (grins) I practically jumped out of my chair and squee'd when I saw your theory, because you were certainly on the right track. 10 points for you! Hehehe.