Part 3
My mom is standing in the kitchen watching us, not saying anything. She looks scared. She was 7 months pregnant with my third sister Nora, and she also looked exhausted.
"So, one of the deputies told me they saw Kerry and Gretchen walking by themselves, home from school." He is glaring at me.
Kerry runs out of the room, and Gretchen slinks towards Mom to hide near her. Mom wraps her arm around Gretchen's small shoulders. We all know what is probably going to be coming. I don't even have to guess as I see him take off his belt.
"IS THAT TRUE? DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO PROTECT YOUR SISTERS?" He is coming towards me.
I swallow a lump in my throat. "Yes..." I stammer, looking down at the floor.
"Maybe instead of punishing you, I should punish your sisters, and maybe that will teach you TO DO WHAT I SAY!" He says, beginning to walk towards them.
On instinct, I jump in front of mom, and Gretchen. "No, it's my fault. I'm sorry." He grabs me, picking me up easily, and throwing me over his shoulder fireman style. I see tears forming in Gretchen's eyes, as my father cart me out the door into the yard. I don't even struggle to get down, because though he carries me in one hand, he carries the belt still in the other, and if I escape it is just going to be worse.
He slams me into the giant oak, as we get outside. My back is beginning to ache from the impact of the tree, but I get to my feet quickly. I am not sure what he wants from me. Before I can find out he punches me hard in the face. I feel blood seeping from my nose, and my lip. I swallow some of the blood, feeling this fear grow in the pit of my stomach.
"What is wrong with you, you stupid boy, you are not supposed to bring disgrace to the family? What if something had happened to your sisters? It would be your fault!" He slams me in the stomach with his fist, and I double over, as I feel the wind escape me.
My reaction causes him to grab my neck, and shove me against the tree again, as he chokes me.
"Stop it John, please!" I hear my mom call, as she runs out of the house.
"Stay out of this woman!" To counter her running out of the house, he throws me hard against the birdbath. I feel it break beneath me, and feel new flows of blood on my body. I try to get up, but gravity decides to not let me, and I fall back, hearing a loud crack.
He walks towards her as if he is going to hit her, and I pull every ounce of strength I have and jump onto his back. "This is our feud, don't bring her into this." I say, tearing the words from my mouth, as pain racks through my body.
"Get back inside, woman!" He calls, as he moves backwards slamming me into the tree again. My weak grip fails, and I slide to the ground. I close my eyes, and the world slips away.
---
I woke up in the ICU. It was scary there, because now I was sure I was going to be in bigger trouble than I was before. I found out later, that he had told them that I decided I was going to fly, and had jumped off the roof on my bike. They believed him for some reason. I had watched Hurricane Kevin from my window. It hadn't been as exciting as I thought it would. I think that was one of the first times, I wanted an out to life though.
I had six broken ribs, and a broken leg, and was in a large body cast. The nurses and the doctors all seemed to believe my dad, and didn't even ask me what had happened. I was in a lot of pain, and I was drugged up most of the time. I remember drifts of people coming in and out.
I sigh, softly. It was after that I had learned that I had to do everything humanly possible, to try to do what my father wanted me to. And for some reason after that it seemed my father never beat any of us. He just became better at the verbal abuse. He said later on in a sober moment that I had almost died, and if I hadn't jumped on his back, he feared he would have done something to my mother. He told me he had always been taught not to hit women, and that he feared that if I hadn't jumped on his back, he would have done something to mom, to cause Nora to die.
I look into the mirror sometimes now, and I don't know who I am. I am this poster boy for what he wants to be. His anger is still there, and at times I fear it is my anger. Fucking hell, I drew a gun on Pacey again, what the hell was I thinking. Pacey probably thinks I am crazy, or bitter, or something.
I turn and walk off the dock, and start my way to the childhood house I hate. It is my own fault. Pacey, Gretchen, Nora, and Kerry will be able to forge their own ways in life. Especially since dad has decided that he wouldn't ever take his anger out on his family. For 17 years, he hasn't taken it out on any of us, just on the perps we arrest. Sometimes I feel bad, because I would trade 17 years of being my own self, for the non abuse. But I guess then, I wouldn't be here right now. So, I guess in the end I will always lose, and dad will always win, since this is my punishment to be boxed in to something that I hate.