Prologue: This chapter is dedicated to er…uh…(thinks quickly…teddy bear, toothbrush, dental floss, the academy? Um...um…no, that's not it!) Ok. Ok. I've got it! I dedicate it to Erik for President, even though the review was kinda…um…succinct (quote: "woohoo"). I'm not sure if it was because of my story or because someone put a crawdad in your shorts but either way…thanks and here's to you! (tips Champaign glass)

Chapter Three: The Cemetery…oooh! Scary!

I have decided to approach the construct of this chapter in a slightly different manner than I have in the past. I will make this more screen-play oriented, since the narrator in my previous chapters has been quite…lets just say distracted.

Narrator (quoting Giry in chapt. Two): Hey, I am not dead you know! I have a sex drive too…and that Erik is a bleeping sexy beast!

Yes, yes, we are all well aware of his sexy-beast qualities. But really, you are a narrator, you are not a mere phangirl. So, in light of this development, I shall have to demote you to setting coordinator.

Narrator: well, what does that mean?

Well, basically, you stand around and describe the scene as it occurs, detailing the expressions on the character's faces, their actions and the various changing backgrounds. I am sorry but you really have left me with little choice.

Narrator: Do I get to describe all of the character's emotions?

I see where this is going…yes, you will have every opportunity to describe (quite at length I am sure) Erik's physique, his facial expressions, his mannerisms, etc… All I ask is that you try to keep this as family-oriented as possible. This is, after all, a K rated fanfic.

Narrator: Why of course! When shall I begin this new occupation of mine.

Whenever you see fit. The scene will begin shortly, and it will be your job to describe the graveyard, Christine's clothing, well, you know the rest. I trust you have seen the movie.

Narrator: Yes, I have.

Of Course. But have you seen the movie. Meaning things other than Gerard Butler's behind?

Narrator: (hesitating) Yes. (pause) Of course.

Great! I see you have already begun to describe the passage of time. You are truly adept, my friend. Now, Being the author of this fanfiction, I am trusting you with my reputation. In other words, no smut! Nothing above PG13, and most importantly…no gawking at the male cast members! I am not hiring you to feast your eyes. I hired you to perform a much needed task. Now, get ready, the show is about to begin. Take your place…here is the microphone. You begin when the title of the chapter comes into view.

Chapter 3: The Cemetery…ooh! Scary!

Setting: Yay! I'm back! Ooh..sorry, I got it. So Christine is walking past a large, snowy white cemetery, passing many beautiful and haunting statues of angels and saints. She wears a very low cut black ensemble, with flowing black hood draped over her thin shoulders. I'm very good, no?

Christine: (singing, well she is! Nothing else to say!) Passing bells and sculpted angels, Cold and monumental, seem for you the wrong companions, you were warm and gentle…

Setting: Christine, could you hurry it up a bit, honey, I want to get to the next part. Do you mind?

Would you stop hurrying the characters! You can't do that! The story must go as Mr. Schumacher designed it! Do you want me to fire you, because that, my friend, can be easily arranged!

Setting: Fine, fine! You don't have to get all crabby!

And watch the slang! This is, after all, 19th century France.

Setting: Can I at least let out a frustrated groan?

No, that is only for the characters, you are not an actual part of the cast, you merely detail their movements for the audience.

Setting: Why?

Because they cannot see the characters! Why am I wasting time with you? Just do as I ask!

Setting: My goodness! And I thought the Phantom had control issues!

(glares)

Setting: Ok, ok…so Christine is singing, what a surprise…yawn…

No written indication of movement for you! You are just the setting!

Setting: Fine then!

Christine: (oblivious to the scandal that just took place)

I did NOT give a scandal! I am the author for Heaven's sake! I just want to be in charge of my own story!

Setting: Whatever.

Christine: (sings…blah blah)

Oh, I give up! Do what you want…I have a thesis to prepare…

Setting: (beams) Really?

Yeah, go ahead, I'm leaving. It is your story now.

Setting: (smiles broadly, wickedly) And…and they will do what I tell them to?

(obviously annoyed at ending a question with a preposition) Yes…I know I will regret this later, but I suppose I have no other choice. You are going to turn my story into trash anyway so I might as well let you take the blame.

Setting: (still smiling, though slightly less because of the insult) Er..ok…

Just promise me that you will behave (rolling eyes at the futility of the request) and keep this PG13. And for all that is good and right with the world…leave that poor man alone!

Setting: Tee-hee…I make no such promise.

Of course not.

Setting: Isn't that a line from the movie?

I'm surprised you noticed, considering that the Phantom wasn't even in that scene.

Setting: (annoyed) Weren't you going to work on a thesis or something…

Yes, yes, I am leaving. Good-bye…(mumbles) Heaven help us all!

Setting: Good-bye, Dragima. (turns around suddenly, evil chuckle broadens into full maniacal laughter) MWAHAHAHAZ! They are MINE! Proceed, my PUPPETS!

Chrisine: (puzzled expression) Is someone laughing? (shrugs nonchalantly) No matter. Where was I? Oh, yes. (clears throat) Wishing you were somehow here again, wishing you were somehow near! Sometimes it seemed, if I just dreamed…somehow you would be heeere!

Setting: Ok, girlie, enough of this crap. In comes the phantom. Dun, dun, dun!

Phantom: Wait? I'm up? Already (lays down sandwich on the mausoleum coffee table and clears throat hurriedly) Wandering child, so lost, so helpless. Yearning for my…guidance!

Christine: (decides to shut up and says nothing) What? That isn't in the script! (takes out script and starts to read)

Phantom: (continues with his song, all the while wearing an alluring set of bun-hugging black trousers and practically see-through white lawn shirt, all under a dashing black cloak) Wait a minute, what in the world is going on here?

Setting: Hush! Read the directions! You are supposed to be singing!

Phantom: (puzzled) Who are you? What…why are you…well this is not…

Setting: (impatiently) Dear…sweet…sexy beast. Please. Don't fight my whims, you cannot. I am in control now. I control the horizontal, the vertical…Wait…no, that's the outer limits…never mind. Just do as I say!

Phantom: (beginning to question the disembodied voice's sanity, worries) Um…ok…but this is a duet between Christine and me, I cannot continue by myself.

Setting: No problem (materializes as a petite young woman in early twenties with light brown hair and green eyes) I am officially your new Christine. I am better because as I have already describe, "in her early twenties" I am legal.

Phantom: (really freaked out by now) Akk! What the bloody blazes just happened!

Setting: Hm…you are taller than I thought, I'll have to materialize myself a new pair of heels for out final kiss…(puckers lips)

Phantom: (scared, flushes red, draws back as if the very devil were in front of him)

Setting: What the hell? Who wrote that? I didn't write that! Get back here, Erik!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! It is I! The Almighty Dragima! I wrote that! I am the new setting! Since you materialized yourself as a character…that leaves a void to be filled…my ME!

Setting: Eep…

That is sooo true.

Phantom: (very, very, very scared and confused) Um…where did Christine go?

Setting & Dragima: What?

Phantom: Well, she hasn't been mentioned since, well, several lines ago, and um…(twiddling fingers, hesitates fearfully) I kind of need her to finish this scene. That and well, I'm in love with her and you two just made her vanish into thin air.

I am sorry, Erik my dear, I shall bring her back to you. But first…I shall have to make proper arrangements for you, Miss Oh-I'll-just-wait-for-Dragima-to-leave-and-then-take-over-a-character's-part-so-I-can-snog-with-the-leading-man! You are in deep trouble!

Setting: (worriedly) Um…what are you going to do to me?

(devious laugh) MwAhAHA! You, my friend…will be in my story…yes…I can see it now.

Poof!

Setting (now as a character) transforms into…Raoul's hairdresser!

Setting: NOOOOOOOO! THE FFFFFFFOOOOOOPPPPPPPP!

I figured this is a good way to end it…that way you guys have to review in order to see what happens to Frankie, the setting, and poor, poor Christine (who has yet to materialize). Oh yes, and, of course, there is always Erik…and here's a hint. In this story -since I have already butchered Schumacher's original masterpiece, and am already on the elevator to Hell because of it- the traditional ending is not exactly…applicable. So I have made my own. And you shall read it…because DRAGIMA IS THE NEW SETTING, and THE SETTING IS OMNIPOTENT! MWAHAHAHAZ!