Discovering Memories

Rating: PG-13 for language

Disclaimer: I own crap. They wouldn't even give me the bloody Lost poster at Disney, and that ruined my day. FOX owns all OC characters and OC related thingys… and ABC owns sobs all Lost related things… even my Charlie…

Summary: It's almost been two years since the rescue, and everything seems so different to Seth Cohen. Everything is great, except for Aerin and the fact that he can't remember what happened before. How far is he willing to go to get both of them back?

A/n: I'm sorry it took so long to update, everything came on at once. xD

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Hate"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I let go of Eliza and my eyes met with Aerin's. Yes, it was most definitely Aerin. I should have known that she was going to be there, but I didn't want to believe it. She had left. She had given up hope.

She left Donnie. When thing got hard, she just up and ran. Just like I had. I never realized how many similarities the two of us had, and now I was once again fighting the urge to run away. I knew the hotel we were staying at. I could find out what room we were going to be in. I lived in Sydney for 2 months. I knew my way around pretty well.

I could easily run. But I didn't. I slowly walked over to her. "Long time no see," I said, forcing a smile on my face.

She smiled that smile that haunted my dreams on the island, and even back home some times. "Yeah."

Oh, this wasn't going to be awkward, no way.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

That was the most I said to Aerin until after Steve had been buried. I didn't think I could handle it, but I actually handled things quite well. Being on the island had changed me. Desensitized me one could say. But not a tear fell, not a lip quivered. It scared me a little bit.

Was this what it was like? When everyone had given up hope? They had 'buried' me, and that was just a little creepy that they would lose hope so quickly. What was it like for everyone? Mom, dad, Ryan, Summer, Aerin… Anna… what was it like for them to have to say goodbye, and then for me to just appear back, as if nothing had happened.

It must have been hard.

As hard as it was for Eliza, and Aerin and Mercedes to go through losing Steve. If I would have cried, it would have been for them. But I didn't. I couldn't. I had only met the man once, but we had clicked immediately, and if it weren't for the plane crash, I probably would have gotten to know him better.

He probably would have been my father-in-law or soon-to-be-father-in-law… but fate stepped in.

Yes, that was what it was. It had to be. Fate. It works in the oddest ways. You never knew why it did stuff, but it always worked out for the better.

It was now that I found myself sitting at Fish 'N' Fry. It was really weird. It seemed like not that long ago that I was sitting here, in this same booth, waiting for Aerin to get off of work. But it was long ago. Two years, more than that. A long time.

Funny how being someplace, experience similar things made you remember things that you didn't really want to remember.

"Is this booth taken?" someone asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked up at Aerin. She had to have followed me.

"No," I said almost silently, my eyes following her as she sat down. This was so weird. I was finally getting over the fact that I was never going to see her again, and here she was. She wasn't exactly the same Aerin I remembered, but it was her.

I wanted to reach across the table and hug her. I should have at the airport. I should have at the viewing. I should have at the funeral… the burial, but something inside me told me not to. So I didn't.

The two of us sat in silence for a while, just staring at each other. The silence was unnerving. I hated it.

"Donnie got big…" Aerin finally commented. She had to bring up Donnie. Why?

"Yeah," I answered, not knowing what else to say. I didn't want to get angry. She had left Donnie because she didn't feel that she could handle it.

She couldn't handle it. Hah.

More silence. It was really weird. Fish 'N' Fry was busy, as it always was, but everything seemed silent, even though I knew it wasn't. But for once, it was just me and Aerin. Seth Cohen and Aerin Jenkins. This hadn't happened since that fateful morning on August 15th, 2005… all those years ago.

It made me so uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry Seth…" Aerin said, choking back a sob. Wait where did that come from?

"Excuse me?" I asked.

She just stared at me. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes. "I shouldn't have left. But… but…"

I wanted so badly to interrupt her to tell her it was okay. But it wasn't. It wasn't okay.

"I couldn't handle it."

Unfortunately, I snapped. "You couldn't handle it? You couldn't handle it?" I said, getting angrier and more upset with each word. "Don't tell me that you couldn't handle it. For over a year my life was hell! HELL! I was on some God-forsaken spit of land for over a year… with this stinging feeling that I was never going to see anyone I cared about ever again!" I should have stopped there, but I didn't. I just kept going.

"I just had this feeling that I was never going to see YOU, I was never going to see my family. I wanted so badly to just die! I dreamt every night about you, or about Ryan, or Summer, or everyone! And I almost went crazy. Ask Charlie, ask Claire. Ask anyone else who survived that damn plane crash! I couldn't handle it!"

I wanted to just stand up and leave. But I didn't. I just stood there, looking at her face. I had loved her once. But that was a long time ago. Tears fell freely down her face. I felt bad, but deep down, I knew that she deserved it. I know her father just died, and that I was being way too hard on her. But that wasn't the point.

"I-I-I'm sorry Seth," she stuttered slightly. I just kept my eye contact with her, trying to get rid of the burning feeling that had grown in my chest. But I couldn't. How could I have allowed myself to get so angry was beyond me.

"How long? How long did it take after the crash for you to give up all hope that I was even alive? How long Aerin?"

She choked back a sob. "Never. I never gave up hope Seth. Everyone else did, but I didn't. All I had to do was look at Donnie and I saw you. I looked at your parents, your family and I saw memories of you…"

"Then why did you run away? Did you hate me? Did you run because you didn't want to be reminded of me?"

"Why did I run? Why? Because Seth! Because everyone was telling me how idiotic I was to think you were still alive! I was trying. I couldn't move on because I just knew that you were still alive, but I had to. Everyone was saying it, and I had to make myself believe. I had to make myself forget about you…"

"Yeah, well you did a pretty good job of it… I tried to find you, God knows I took so much to try and find you, and you obviously didn't want to be found! Didn't you watch the news? It was all over it. The survivors of the infamous crash of Oceanic Flight 815 found…"

Aerin was silent. I was being such an asshole, wasn't I? I felt so bad. But I wasn't showing that. I was only showing the anger that seemed to have welled up inside of me. She took a deep breath. "You weren't there Seth. I was there! You weren't. I thought… I thought you were dead."

"Yeah well, I might as well be…" I snapped before getting up to leave. I couldn't handle this anymore. We were leaving tomorrow, and then I'd never have to see Aerin again, I'd never have to think of her again.

I stormed out of the Fish 'N' Fry in an angry rage. It was only when I was in the rental car that I finally broke down. All the hate, all the anger, all the fear that had been stored up inside of me since we got to Sydney finally let itself out.

I cried. I sobbed. I cried for Steve. I cried for Aerin. I cried for Eliza and Mercedes. Everything that had come crashing down on me had finally broken me. I hated this feeling. The feeling of being useless, hopeless, a person no one liked and everyone hated. That was how I felt. Hated.

Hated by Aerin, hated by everyone.

Hated by myself. Why had I done this to myself? Why couldn't I have just stayed cool and calm and relaxed in there instead of making the poor girl feel even worse.

I was such an idiotic… moronic… asshole. I'd never forgive myself for this. Ever. I felt like beating the shit out of the car, just taking out all my hatred and anger out on it. But I reminded myself… it was a rental car. It was a rental car.

I shouted loudly, trying to vent my frustration. I couldn't believe that I was here, in Australia, with Aerin. Everything was going to be perfect again. Like the crash never happened. Like I never got news that Ryan had 'died.'

I was supposed to be happy! Coming back here. But I wasn't. I was lonely, cold and miserable. And I hated that! I hated it so much! I wanted to make the bad feeling go away. I wanted to go in there beg Aerin to forgive me. It was a temporary lapse of insanity. I couldn't help it!

But it was too late for that. I had already majorly fucked things up. And there was nothing I could do to fix it.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

A knock at the car window brought me out of my anger-filled break down. Slowly, I took a few deep breaths and hit the button for the automatic lock.

The door slowly opened and I saw Aerin. Her face stained with the lines of dried tears. But I saw a smile forming on her face when she looked at me. Why was she smiling? Why?

"How did I know you were going to come out here and do this?" she said with a forced giggle. I felt a small smile forming on my face. Damn it.

"I don't know, how?" I asked in return.

She giggled, but this time, it wasn't forced. "Move over Seth, I'll drive you back to the hotel…"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The drive was an awkward one. I had just lashed out that the poor girl, and now she was driving me home? What had I ever done to her to make her 'love' me? I never deserved her. Ever. In a million years.

If I would have done that to Summer, gee, I would have been killed, not been driven home. Aerin was a special girl. That was for sure.

"I'm sorry," I said finally, breaking the silence that had filled nearly the entire way there. Yes, we were almost at the hotel. And I was feeling so bad about things. Everything.

"Don't worry about it," Aerin said, keeping her eyes on the road, not even turning to look at me. I was pathetic, wasn't I? Here I was, Seth Cohen, curled up in the passenger seat of a car after a break down after flipping out at the girl who was now driving me home. That was weird. Very weird.

"No… I shouldn't have flipped out on you. It was wrong, and mean, and I really shouldn't have done that. I guess I was just angry at a lot of things, and I just totally ripped you apart."

A deep breath made me stop the words from flowing out of my mouth. "Yeah, I guess you shouldn't have…"

"No. It's just… I come home from being rescued and everything is different. I find out I have a son, that I didn't even want… no offense… my brother married my ex-girlfriend… my parents were still together… heck my brother was alive. But you weren't there. You weren't anywhere. It was hard…"

"I know Seth… I know…" she said quietly as we pulled into the parking lot at the hotel. She turned the car off and turned to look over at me. She was so beautiful. Even if she had dyed her hair, she was still the same Aerin. Beautiful, understanding… perfect.

But I didn't deserve her. No, never in a million years.

We just looked at each other in silence. I blinked a few times. I still didn't want to believe that this was Aerin. I had seen her face so many times in my dreams, and now we were in the car. Alone.

"I guess this is goodbye then," I said quietly.

"Yeah. I guess." She responded, just as quietly. I felt a small spark. Like the first time I had met her. But it was small. It wasn't anything anymore. But I listened to that instinct and leaned in. She did too.

We met in the middle. At first it was just a simple kiss, but it escalated to more than that. Aerin pushed me away. "No Seth. It's over between us, okay… I just don't think I could take the fact that I had tried to forget about you. So let's just leave it at friends, okay?" she said.

I nodded a hard nod and slowly opened the car door. "Take the car back to Fish 'N' Fry, we'll pick it up in the morning," I said, actually sounding quite upset.

"Okay," Aerin said with a nod.

Once again, we just stared at each other for the longest time. "I guess this is really goodbye," Aerin said.

"Yeah," I responded. Wow, we were turning into a broken record. "Bye…"

"Bye…"

Although my mind told me not to, I closed the car door. Aerin rolled down the window as I began to walk into the hotel. "And don't get stuck on another island, okay?" she said with a smile.

"Will do," I said a genuine smile forming on my face as I gave her a thumbs up.

It was goodbye. I'd never see Aerin again, and I knew it. She no longer wanted to be a part of my life. And I had already cut her out of mine.

Home was calling. And Aerin wasn't there.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

A/n: I got a book on philosophy… I like it… teeheehee… Sorry if that was a little weird. It was a little weird to write…

Harper's Pixie - It wasn't as hard on Seth as it was on Aerin. Teeheehee… stupid puta!

IY-ROX - School being out means… free time! So I don't use writing stories as a procrastination tool. Which is why the updates aren't as often. It does make sense…

Draconius Harold Weasley - trying to combine everything there? xD. Glad you like it!

Swede85 - Haha… that would be really creepy!

emogeek1 - Haha. I hate Aerin… and I almost created her… haha! Aerin was actually Ali, but I gave her the name… haha… and Aerin was pretty much mainly written by Ali too… haha!