Buffy flopped down on her bed. After the Riley incident she had been confused, and really pissed off. She'd staked nine vamps after he left her in the cemetery. What should I do? she wondered petulantly. He guessed the truth...I can't go and tell him that the truth isn't true, can I? It wasn't as if he had issued her an ultimatum: love me or else. He was just a sweet guy who wanted to know where he stood. Her heart broke for him. Her thoughts raced on, A good relationship isn't built on lies. Riley's a good, normal boyfriend. Exactly what I want. But did she? Riley was what she should want. What Angel wanted her to want. What her friends approved of. Was he really what Buffy herself wanted?

Furious, she pushed the thought out of her head. Of course he was. Riley was sweet, strong, cute…a gentleman. Riley was the perfect boyfriend. Buffy, however, had often felt that perfection lay within imperfection. A perfect kill wasn't about hitting the bulls-eye: poof, dust. It was in the adrenaline rush she got when a vamp got a good hit. When she wasn't absolutely certain she was going to come out on top. There was the fear, the uncertainty, and with that came exhileration. Passion. Perfection.

Unbidden images of fighting a leather clad bleached blonde came to mind. Him throwing her to the ground parent teacher night, fighting her in broad daylight when he had the Gem of Amarra, kissing her breathless when they were engaged during Willow's spell...

No! Anyone but Spike. He's a monster. And yet the feelings she associated with passion and perfection were ones she always felt in theself-assuredvampire's presence. She shook off the confusion this brought on and rationalized, I'm only thinking of Spike because I know Riley hates him and it would make him jealous…

Yeah, like that's the reason, another voice in her head scoffed. Face it, Buffy, you want Spike. Stop denying it.

I never have to lie to Spike like I do with Riley...it's like he sees right through me. Like he knows me. Hey! she thought, suddenly filled with great urgency. I still haven't given Spike his shirt. Seeing as he always wears black, he'll probably need it. I'd better go take it to him. Smiling slightly, she jumped off the bed, grabbed the shirt, and headed out the door.

Spike was lying on his couch drinking a packet of blood. As usual, he couldn't keep his mind off of the Slayer. He closed his eyes and imagined her hair beneath his fingers. Like silk, he thought. Golden silk. True, he'd never really touched her hair. At least, not the way he wanted to; the only time he'd felt it was when they were fighting, and that hardly counted. Not that fighting wasn't good. Hell, fighting her was like foreplay. Nonetheless. he wanted to do more than fight when it came to her. He imagined kissing her neck, running his hands over her…

"Buffy," he groaned. He noticed that he was already hard, just thinking of her. And they hadn't even been sex thoughts. At least, not really. Just then, the Slayer burst through his door, as if summoned by his very thoughts. He groaned again and sat up, hoping she wouldn't notice the bulge in his pants.

"What do you want, Slayer?"

"I only came to return your shirt. You don't have to be so grumpy," she pouted. Why am I trying to be cute? Cute equals vulnerable. Stop. Right. Now.

"Grumpy? What, you break down my door and I'm supposed to be happy about it?"

"Oh. Sorry." She dropped the flirty demeanor at once. "Old habit."

"Right, well, let's have the shirt, then."

She noticed his eyes wandering over her body as he said this. Self-consciously, she walked over and handed it to him. Their fingers touched and she felt her face heat up. Strange, the way his cool touch could set her ablaze. She looked up from their hands into his icy blue eyes and turned away, embarrassed. Spike got up from the couch and came around to put his hands on her shoulders. Startled, Buffy turned around and looked up at him. She jerked away.

"What?" he asked.

"N-nothing. I'd better go." His presence was affecting her in ways it shouldn't and she knew she had to leave before she complicated things further. Even if she had feelings for Spike, there was no way he'd want her, and she'd only wind up humiliating herself. She strode quickly to the door.

"Wait."

She kept walking out of the crypt and into the night, noticing that it was cold again. She started out of the cemetery when she felt a hand on her arm. Surprised, she spun around and saw Spike looking at her.

"I told you to wait," he said, taking a step forward and looking down at her.

Buffy could see the anger in his eyes and actually felt a twinge of fear. She wondered how it was that Spike could tower over her and make her feel intimidated and yet eager at the same time. She knew he couldn't hurt her. Riley, who was so much taller, never made her feel this way. Who gives a damn about Riley? she thought absently. She felt her heart speed up as she stared into his cold, fiery gaze. She stepped forward, closing the already small distance between them. The anger left his eyes, and instead they filled with something else. He leaned down. Buffy closed her eyes, but caught herself and pushed away from him. "Stop! What are you doing!"

"You know what I'm doing, Slayer. You know you want it. I know you want it." He stepped closer again, smirking and taking a lock of her hair between his fingers. "Just...give in."

"Give in to what, Spike? You? I don't want you. I could never want you. I have Riley."

"Really? Doesn't seem that way from what I saw earlier."

She blanched. "You were spying on me? You have no right to be-"

Spike grabbed her shoulders and pulled her against him, silencing her by crashing his mouth against hers in a kiss that was rough yet shockingly gentle at the same time. He moved one hand down to her waist and held her to him in an iron grip. Shocked, Buffy let him and even wrapped her arms around his neck. As his mouth continued to explore hers, sheslowlybegan to kiss him backand pressed against him even more intimately. She could feel his arousal, which only made her want him so much more. She knew she should stop him, but she couldn't tear herself away from the powerful intensity of his embrace.

His lips moved away from hers and he began kissing her jaw and throat. He was so cold, but his touch was so hot; and everywhere his lips touched left trails of cold fire. Fire and ice, Buffy thought blissfully. She threw her head back and gasped, watching the stars as they themselves seemed to melt from the passion of Spike's touch.Unaware of anything but his lips, Buffy realized that she'd never wanted anything— anyone— this much. Her eyes fluttered closed.

Suddenly, they snapped open asthe full reality ofwhat she was doing hit her. Horrified, she pushed him away from her. She looked at him: he was breathing hard, his eyes dark with lust and passion. He was so perfect...no! So evil.

"Don't. Touch. Me," she said, gasping between each word. "Just…stay away."

"Well," he said, straightening up. "Judging from the way you're breathing, you were obviously enjoying it." He smiled, stepping closer. "And that was just kissing," he whispered. "Imagine- "

"Shut up, Spike! Just get away from me."

"Right, then." He scowled. "Well, in case you haven't noticed, I live here. So you can just be off then."

Fuming, she left the cemetery, still flushed from Spike's touch. How could he make her feel this way? They'd just been kissing and she felt more than she ever felt when she and Riley made love. It wasn't right. Spike was evil. She had to stay away from him. But why could she always talk to him about things? Stuff she couldn't tell Riley, or her friends...it didn't make sense.

When she got home, Dawn was sitting on the stairs. Buffy brushed past her without saying anything. "Hey, Buffy, where were you?"

"Nowhere." She went into her room and slammed the door, throwing herself upon her bed. And this time, she stayed there.

Hey, everybody. Sorry it took so long to update. But just to let you know, the more reviews I get, the sooner the next chap will be up. When I know people want more I work faster. So review!