A/N Hi all. First, this is a complete parody of King Arthur, so if you're not gifted with a BIG sense for humor and a lot of tolerance, rather don't read further. We have written this fanfic together, my sister Wintermage, and me, but we really don't own anything or anybody. We have written it just for fun, not for money. I doubt we would receive some anyway. Have fun, read and review, many thanks to those who have already done that.

Texts written with cursive are thoughts

P.S. this chapter is not suitable for Arthur fans!

2. Night in woods

Wood, a half-days ride far from Hadrian wall, destination north

The sun was coming down and Arthur decided it was time to make a camp. They found a little lake, its shore was a perfect place for a camp. Bors with Dagonet went to get some wood for fire. Galahad was preparing the ingredients for dinner, Tristan as usual spied around, while the rest was taking care of horses.

Lancelot was feeling surprisingly good, despite the events of the morning. Actually, he had a headache like never before after one hour of riding, but Galahad noticed it probably, because he came to him, took from somewhere a small bottle with some blue liquid and said: "I'm sorry for earlier. Take this, but only one small sip and wait. If the pain doesn't vanish, try it again, but no way more than two times."

Now has Lance used the opportunity and gave him the small bottle back. "It worked wonderfully, what is it?"

"A family recipe against pain. Rather don't ask what does it contain."

When the fire was burning, Galahad started to cook. Soon after dinner the tired knights went to sleep. Only Arthur stayed awake, he had the first watch and Tristan decided to control the wood around once more. It was his habit, so no one wondered. Arthur was sitting by the fire for a longer time, when he noticed a movement with corner of his eye.

Lancelot.

Arthur only smiled. He knew very well about the ongoing romance between Tristan and Lancelot. A dangerous journey was waiting for them and he was aware, that this is maybe the last opportunity for them to be together.

Lancelot was walking thru the dark wood, when someone grabbed him from behind, covered his mouth with hand and put a dagger to his neck.

"What will you give me, if I let you alive?" asked a familiar voice.

Lance's eyes sparkled in the dark and he pressed himself against his "attacker". He felt hot lips on his neck together with a pair of strong hands traveling lower and lower…

"Hope, your hawk will not occur now, I think he's getting jealous…aaa"

"No nasty words about my BIRD. I have to punish you for it, dear."

"I'm waiting…"

Meanwhile was Arthur still sitting by the fire and thinking about his friends.

Lancelot with Tristan are really lucky, that they found each other. Such practices are not widely accepted, but when death is so near, everybody is searching for someone to love. Who cares, they are both men? Me not. Pity I can't join them. How would it be? But there is another lonely knight. Dagonet. His tall muscular body, lonely eyes… I wonder if he could show me the secret of lovemaking. Wait a minute, what am I thinking about… AGAIN?

Arthur panicked. For a second he was afraid and ashamed that someone could read his mind. Not because a non-straight relationship is forbidden by his religion, but because he had never shared his bed with anyone except his right hand. Slowly he was starting to get desperate. A thought crossed his mind. When they return from their mission, he will ask Bors if he could lend him Vanora for at least one night. But then he started to hesitate if it is right.

Considering who is dominant in that pair... I should rather ask Vanora if she will lend me Bors. Yak! Rather Borse´s horse. He stinks less, looks better and probably is more intelligent.

He looked around the camp and calmed his mind down. No one was moving. He was asking himself for how long will Gawain and Galahad remain in this sleepy state. He knew about this romance as well, but he couldn't shake off the feeling there is something wrong with Galahad. His beautiful legs, perfectly shaved face, his whole figure, cooking abilities, nothing obvious (A/N for a blind person) but he just knew there was something wrong with this cute knight.

Thoughts about Galahad were occupying his mind so much that he overheard silent sounds of steps coming nearer and nearer – Borse´s snoring was helping as well – to the camp until it was too late. With a terrifying battle cry a horde of Saxons attacked them. Arthur only shouted: "SEXO-, I MEAN SAXONS! " and took out Excalibur. Years spent with fighting left signs. The four knights around the fire first jumped and grabbed the weapons, then opened the eyes.

Strange sounds from the camp disturbed the little love drama in the bushes. Tristan with Lancelot interrupted their effort, took their clothes and weapons and ran to the camp. In the middle of the way Lancelot realized he left his twin-swords by the fire and can face the Saxons only with two daggers.

"FUCK!"

He was able just to stab one Saxon and then darkness surrounded him. Cynric smiled and put down the sword that hit Lancelot's head with flat side. Saxons separated the knights from each other. Arthur, Tristan, Gawain, Bors and Dagonet were able to get together again but Galahad remained alone outnumbered by the enemies. He was fighting bravely, but countless hands took him and tied him strong. This was the last thing he noticed before he lost consciousness.