Chapter 4: Lily

Lily's heart shattered into a million tiny pieces as her husband's death cry reverberated through Godric's Hollow. Painful shivers crept through Lily's body, hairs standing on end. She screamed in agony as the splintered remains of her heart pierced her soul. James was gone and he took a piece of her with him, the part that willed her to live. Her heartbeat became irregular and sent numbing pains throughout her body. Her head throbbed from her continuous racking sobs and her aching soul tingled. Sobbing inconsolably in the nursery, Lily cursed herself for time wasted.

She remembered the first time she saw James Potter. He had always been arrogant - not helped by his friendship with Sirius. Every time he asked her out she thought it was some sort of joke. As if popular, cool, handsome, coveted James Potter would ever give plain Lily Evans a second look. His persistence in the matter only lead her to believe that she had made herself 'hard to get,' and that was the only reason for his interest. How pig-headed teenagers can be, not to see a good thing when it is right before them. If she had only taken a moment to realise the hurt and disappointment in his eyes when she turned him down.

Of course, that had been when they were quite young - as the years raced by, Lily's beauty flourished and was rivaled by none. And with her growing beauty, James had newfound interest and determination to win her over. It amazed everyone the effort he put in to impress her, and finally in their sixth year, he realised this could not be done through pranks and Quidditch tactics, but through diligence and humility.

She had been a little more than surprised when he was appointed Head Boy to her Head Girl instead of Remus Lupin, but she grew fond of his company and felt herself melt under his adoring gaze. His confidence had been bruised through her constant rejection, so it was up to Lily to rebuild bridges.

She got her chance, when Severus Snape attempted to hex her for no other reason than the purity of her blood, and James leapt in front of her, taking the full whack of the curse. His nose hairs had grown so rapidly that he was choking on them, and as unattractive as he looked, Lily was smitten by his protection of her, and once he had recovered in the Hospital Wing she professed her love to him and they had been inseparable ever since.

Memories of their time together slipped through her memory like grains of sand, and Lily found herself clutching to them in order to maintain some level of sanity. She couldn't imagine living without James. They had only been married a few short years, but it seemed impossible to picture any situation without him by her side.

She remembered their wedding day. Lily had heard such horror stories from other brides about the feelings of dread and nerves that overwhelmed them. One man for the rest of your life? No more first kisses, no more first dates, that feeling of excitement in the pit of your stomach gone, forever. What made Lily laugh was that she felt none of these things. She was ecstatic - she was marrying James Potter, the man of her dreams, and was excited to live life with him - to have children, to have a home, to make his dinners and share his bed, to watch their children grow up and have children of their own, to grow old together. And what was even better, James wanted all of these things too. He was a lot more nervous than she was, he had always been so worried that she would turn around and say 'April Fool, as if I would ever marry you!'

Shuddering breaths shook Lily as she pressed her eyes closed and tried to see James. Her memories were sifting too quickly through her memory and it horrified her that she couldn't remember what he looked like. A scream caught in her throat as she clasped a hand over her mouth. Her heart dropped to her stomach as the realisation dawned on her - she would never see him again. And now she couldn't even see him in her mind's eye. Tears saturated her face as she tried desperately to remember his features; his broad shoulders, his strong hands, his perfect physique, his soul-searching eyes, his full tempting lips, his chiseled jaw. These random thoughts slithered away and still she couldn't remember. Harry yawned quietly in her arms, she looked at him and the ghost of a smile appeared on her face. That's what he looks like. How could she ever have held it against James? She had been so jealous that Harry looked nothing like her. Except her eyes. Her eyes did look good on him. Oh how she would regret not being around to see him grow up. She wished for a world without Voldemort, where they all could have lived a normal life. Harry didn't deserve to be an orphan. It was just too horrible for thought. He was such a pleasure of a baby: rarely cried, slept well, laughed and smiled the entire time. 'I suppose you won't remember me at all, or your father. I do hope you will be happy with Sirius,' she thought as she wiped one of her tears from his head. They had planned on trying for a little sister for Harry, one with all of Lily's features, but James's eyes. They were going to call her Beth.

Renewed cries sent a tremor through Lily's being as she caught a glance of their wedding portrait on the wall in Harry's nursery. There he stood, never taking his eyes off her while Sirius danced around in the background, drunk as a coot. James had looked so stunning that day he had taken her breath away. She knew he felt the same way as she did from the way he blushed crimson when she slipped her hand in his, that all too familiar electrifying feeling connecting them on some deeper level.

Seconds seemed to stretch to eternity for Lily, now that James had left them. Sitting in the darkness tainted by the eerie green glow streaming through the window, Lily wanted to do nothing more than forget what was approaching, to sit her with her baby in her arms gurgling quietly to himself. Unfortunately, the world did not stop turning; time would wait no longer. She knew what had to be done. She hugged Harry tight as she climbed gingerly to her feet. Lily sniffed and let out an angry sigh. All of their plans were ruined. She would not let this go lightly.

James' voice resounded over and over again in her head - with his final breath he had attempted to warn her of what was coming. She had only a matter of minutes to administer the Charm to Harry, for she was certain of her own doom, if nothing else. One thing was for sure: she was going to go down fighting.

"Colloportus," she whispered, pointing her wand at Harry's nursery door, which instantly sealed itself with an odd squelching noise. Soon after, she activated an anti-apparition charm on the room in order to give herself as much time as possible. She knew such simple charms were of no great obstacle to the Dark Lord, but she wasn't about to give him an open invitation to her death. She placed Harry in his crib after one last lingering hug and final kiss on his forehead before rounding her wand on him.

"I love you, Harry darling, I hope you will know how much some day. I am so sorry I cannot stay with you. Be strong," she whispered, her voice thick with tears. Her heart leapt to her throat as she heard a solid 'thunk,' of foot on wood - Voldemort was mounting the stairs. Lily tried to block him out as she administered the Protection Charm that she had been memorising since James had sent them away. Her voice shaking with grief, she recited as the Dark Lord drew nearer:

"Syawlau oyt cetorpl liw,"

Thunk

"Irever ofuo yevoli,"

Thunk

"Sruoyma idnaen imera uoysa,"

Thunk

"Gnolsa snievru oynis wolft,"

Thunk

"Iu oyt cet orpl liw evoly,"

Thunk

"Muoyl laf ebl lahs mra hons,"

Thunk

"Ruoy evasot efily mevigi."

"Ostium Aperio," Voldemort bellowed. As Lily spoke the final words of the Charm, the Nursery door exploded open in a blast of blinding green light, and standing in its doorway was Voldemort, smiling a very satisfied grin. Before he could speak a word, Lily pointed her wand at him and roared "Diffindo," slashing a fresh cut across his chest not far from where James had opened him only minutes earlier. Voldemort showed no signs of pain, but his face did show fury.

"Now, now Lily, that's not very lady-like of you at all," he spat, "though I would expect no less from a dirty Mudblood like you."

Lily had no time to be offended by his insults as it was enough of an insult to her that he waltz into her home and attempt to murder her son. She knew to protect him, for the charm to work, that she would have to die, but she was not ready to go yet. She hated this contemptible man who murdered with no signs of remorse. She drew her wand again, angry tears drenching her face as she cursed him over and over again with anything she could think of. Most of these bounced off him like water from a duck's back, but her words cut further than any dagger ever would.

"You disgusting wretched evil excuse for a Wizard," she screamed between curses. Lily was an impressive Witch when riled; power emanated from her very core and she was very much in control of the Dark Magic she could muster from the depths of her soul. Her pupil's dilated until her iris was almost completely engulfed by darkness.

Electricity flickered at her fingertips and she channeled all the pain she felt from her husband's death and the attempt on her son's life into her magic. Voldemort wasn't easily fazed but Lily sensed a flicker of fear when she searched those callous cold eyes.

Lily lifted her hand where the electricity flickered menacingly from them and aimed at Voldemort. His body glowed blue for the briefest of seconds as she sent electrifying shocks through him. Again he showed no signs of being hurt, though his energy was depleting. It was obvious that he underestimated the Potters - had he enlisted his Death Eaters, this job would long since be over.

"Petrificus Totalus! You know Lily, it doesn't have to be this way," he panted to Lily's frozen form, "I could use a Witch of your power on my side. Why don't you just stand aside? Your son is a threat; once eliminated, I can offer you anything. We could even resuscitate your darling husband downstairs. You two really oughtn't fight against me. Your power and sacrifice could earn you a place next to me when I rule all."

Lily, though her body was non-responsive, her mind was racing. How could she have left her guard down! She prayed for the opportunity to duel with Voldemort, surely he wouldn't attempt to kill Harry while she lay there?

"What do you say, Lily," Voldemort asked of her, "It isn't too much of a sacrifice, I daresay. Look at him; he doesn't even mourn his father. I doubt very much whether he would mourn you, too. You should be glad I want to kill this selfish child. He doesn't even acknowledge the great lengths you have gone to, to protect him. Should he be given the chance to grow up, he still won't appreciate you. He won't even thank you!"

Voldemort walked over to where Lily lay and knelt beside her. He stroked her face with one bony finger and smiled sickeningly at her. Had she been physically able to, Lily was sure she would have vomited upon his touch. All she could do was scream internally as she waited for the curse to be lifted.

"Pity you are a Mudblood, Lily," he crooned, his eyes taking in her form, "What sane minded Wizard would say no? And a widow, no less. Fair game. If nothing else, I admire young James's taste. I expect even he knew that you are too good for him. You deserve someone of power, wealth and status."

He licked his lips and twiddled a lock of her soft red hair in his fingers before continuing.

"You would look delectable dripping in diamonds. With a body like yours, you should be wearing the finest fabrics, cut in all the right places," he traced her lips with the tip of his finger. Lily was suffering; everywhere he touched felt as though it had been set on fire. Bile was creeping up her throat and her brain screamed with his every word.

Lily knew from her training with the Order that to lift any curse she would have to clear her mind and concentrate on the procedure. Lily was one of few Witches who could use magic without the aid of a wand and so this practice came easily to her. She focused all her Magical energy on one thought only - Harry. She imagined him growing up healthy and happy, she pictured him in Gryffindor robes, playing on the House Quidditch Team. 'His father's son, truly,' she thought to herself, all the while channeling all her feelings for her son into her magic, willing the curse to be lifted. Slowly, she felt a rush of electricity shoot through her body. Her leg jerked and before Voldemort had time to react she was on her feet, hexing him with such force that he was thrown into the wall.

Lily took advantage of Voldemort's trip through the wall to rush to Harry's crib. He sat there playing with a soft-toy, a stag to be precise. She ran her fingers through his soft black hair and he lifted his gaze to meet hers. He made some strange gurgling noise while lifting his stag and looking at his mother dolefully. Lily felt her eyes well up with tears as she cupped his chin in her hand softly, lifting his face slightly so she could kiss him. She felt herself drain of energy as she succumbed to her fate - in order for her son to live, she was going to have to die. And she realised she had better do that before Voldemort sneaks his way in to kill Harry first. The creaking of floorboards prompted Lily to whip her head around and face her doom.

"That was completely uncalled for, Lily," Voldemort exclaimed, "But an impressive display of your powers all the same. Lifting a curse yourself? Almost unheard of. It would seem I underestimated you, Lily. Never mind, I enjoy a challenge. I expect James would have been very proud of you. But no bad deed goes unpunished, young lady, and for your insolence you will have to be disciplined. Crucio."

Lily fell to her knees and screamed in agony. She felt as though all her joints dislocated themselves in one foul swoop, her skin prickled as though burning. Her teeth clenched hard and gritted together, she tasted blood in her mouth before the curse was lifted.

Breathing hard on all fours, she found it nearly impossible to lift her gaze from the carpet to meet Voldemort's cruel eyes. She could hear his high-pitched cackle from what seemed miles away before she snapped back to reality. She rose slowly and carefully to her feet, resisting the urge to vomit in front of him. She steadied herself by placing her hands on Harry's crib and finally lifted her eyes to his.

"Resilient as well, are we?" he asked, the shadow of a smile stretching across his sickly pale skin, "Just like James. It really is disgusting how alike you two are. He too rose valiantly to his feet after torture. Let's see how you react after another bout. Crucio!"

The intensity of this torture had been surpassed by the last, and Lily still hadn't fully recovered from that. Her hands instantly clapped onto her head as she felt her mind was about to explode. She bit down on her lip to keep from screaming, drawing blood. Her fingers dug into her scalp but she could not tear them away. Her stomach bubbled and boiled and she could no longer restrain herself from retching. When the curse was lifted this time, Lily was weeping in pain, but amazingly remained upright.

Voldemort surveyed her for several long moments before speaking again.

"I will only offer you salvation one more time, Lily," he spoke in barely a whisper, "Join me or die. What will it be? Crucio!"

Unable to stand the agony any longer, Lily fell sideways and hit her head with great force against the edge of Harry's crib. She thought her eardrums were going to burst from the pressure encompassing her head. Her hands bent backwards and she dropped her wand instantly without even noticing. Voldemort lifted the curse much quicker this time than he had done previously.

"Accio wand," he muttered while Lily fumbled about, searching for her wand. She let out an exhausted sigh when she realised he had gotten there before her. The victim of multiple tortures, she would never be able to summon the energy to defend herself with wandless magic. Once more, she rose to her feet, balancing herself against Harry's cot.
Voldemort waited until Lily fearlessly stared into his eyes again before lifting her wand at arms length and snapping it in half. "I'm a real rotter, aren't I?" he murmured, running his tongue across his teeth and baring them in a grimace, "Made up your mind?"

"Never," she growled, much to his dismay. Lily was swaying where she stood latching onto Harry's crib. She could hear Harry talking away to himself, blissfully unaware of the events that were unfolding before him. Lily wiped a trickle of blood that traveled from her temple to her chin on her sleeve. It was time. With what little energy she had left, she closed off her thoughts using Occlumency. If she was going to fool Voldemort, she would have to hide any thoughts about her hidden agenda.

"Tom," she muttered, her voice thick with blood. She noted his disgusted expression at being referred to by his birth name, but continued nonetheless. Time was of the essence. "I am imploring your better nature. I beg of you, do not kill my son. Kill me instead. He is only a baby, how could he possibly be of any threat to you, a fully-grown Wizard. He can't even talk yet, let alone utter an incantation," Lily choked on her own words on the realisation that she would never hear Harry's first word, or any of his words for that matter, "Please, don't kill him. Kill me."

Voldemort studied Lily for a while. He admired her fighting skills, her magical ability that even he did not possess. And now, he admired her selflessness. She was willing to sacrifice her own life to spare another. Quite the noble cause. But not for one moment would he consider letting this boy live, as he would eventually be his downfall, years from now. He moved closer towards Lily, a wicked grin etching his sinister face as he watched her struggle to breath. Even if she was left to survive, she would not last long.

"How very just of you to give your life to save another," he drawled enjoying drawing her out, "but you are in no position to bargain. It is a pity you would not join me, your righteousness will be your downfall."

A single tear escaped from Lily's eye as she thought of everything she was leaving behind. An entire life was being stripped from her; a husband, home and family. Harry shuffled around in the crib behind her and she let out a shuddering sigh as she realised he was going to be all alone. At least she had done all she could to protect him before she died.

"Avada Kedavra," Voldemort yelled with great disdain in his voice.

"Harry!" Lily screamed as she fell to a crumpled heap on the floor. Voldemort laughed as he surveyed her limp form and rounded on Harry. There was nothing standing in his way now - Lily Potter was dead.