An Epilogue for Remus

A fresh blanket of powdery white snow lay undisturbed on the ground, blessing all that it touched with an essence of purity, of innocence.Accompanying it was a bitter, yet gentle November wind that whipped through the snow-capped trees, soft flakes falling from the heavy load the leaves held. Far away in the distance, a faint laughter could be heard. There had been constant celebrations these past couple of weeks as Wizards the world over breathed a sigh of relief. The world was happy; the world was safe, all thanks to The Boy Who Lived.

Somewhere along the way, those who did not live were almost forgotten. Not that they could be eliminated from memory entirely; their contribution to events had left them little more than heroes. The unfortunate truth in the matter was that even though there had been casualties, those were not the main focus of anybody's attention. Anybody, save one.

A young man stood silently atop the hill on which stood a graveyard. He had been standing there for a very long time, seemingly collecting his thoughts. His breathing was slow and steady as the quickly fading light of the cold November sun sent shadows across his young, yet aged face. He had the look of a person who was not well taken care of. Tiny scars littered his face and shades of grey sprouted through his soft brown hair. His teeth chattered slightly and he rubbed his hands together vigorously, blowing on them occasionally. Otherwise, he was immovable, his glance fixed directly ahead of him. Where he looked, the earth was unsettled, large bunches of white lilies, yellow roses and pink carnations covered the freshly tilled soil beneath a thin layer of snow.

Remus Lupin came to pay his respects. After a particularly gruesome werewolf transformation this past Halloween night, he had been in no condition to leave his humble home. Remus winced as he thought of the nasty bite he had acquired on his chest that had resulted in him losing a large quantity of blood. All to be seen now was just a large bruised area. He had initially been outraged with his friends when they didn't arrive as usual on the night of the full moon, but when he heard about all that had happened, his outrage was quickly replaced by another range of emotions - grief, sadness, misery, and loneliness. Furthermore, when he was ordered to stay in St Mungo's these past two weeks, his heartache deepened. Not only had he not been around to aid his friends in their hour of need, he was in no able position to attend their funeral. He had, of course, attempted to leave the hospital but in doing so only worsened his condition, delaying his release until that very day.

Remus took a steadying breath that shook in his chest as he lifted his eyes from the spray of flowers to the headstone seated firmly above them. His eyes stung as they read the inscription emblazoned on its cool stone surface:

Here lies James Harold Potter,
June 13th 1960 - October 31st 1981
And his beloved wife, Lily Beth (Evans)Potter,
August 9th 1960 - October 31st 1981
Sadly Missed by their son, Harry James, family and friends.
'Rid of the world's injustice, and their pain,
they rest at last beneath God's veil of blue:
Taken from life when life and love were new'

Seeing their names etched in stone made the untimely demise of Lily and James true. Remus had refused to believe it until he saw it with his own eyes, however blurry his vision was. He rubbed his eyes roughly with his freezing hands. He came here to make his peace and he would not break down until he had done so.

"Oh, my friends," he began, "I don't want to think that any of this is real. It's all so unfair. I had known there was a spy in our midst but never in a million years did I believe it to be Sirius."

He stopped talking here when he noticed he had hissed Sirius's name through gritted teeth and his hands were instinctively balled into fists.

"You should be glad to know he will never leave Azkaban prison. He will rot there for what he did to you both. He will never harm Harry, not so long as I am around, at any rate."

Harry - poor, innocent child, so many had spent the preceding weeks in his adulation, though few had realized he was the greatest victim in this most tragic event. He may have survived the attack with little more than a scratch on his forehead, but he had lost considerably more. He lost his loving family, his home where he was doted on by all who knew him and was happy. Where he lived now, he was unwanted and unloved. He had lost a great deal. Remus could relate to that sense of loss - he had lost all of his friends in a heartbeat. Peter, Lily and James were all killed at the hands of Sirius. Voldemort may have held the wand, but Sirius was responsible.

Remus pushed his bitterness aside for the time being and continued to speak as though this were a normal visit.

"Harry is living with your sister, Lily. I begged Dumbledore to relinquish him into my care but he wouldn't. I suspect it has more than a little to do with my 'condition,' although Dumbledore insists he has his reasons. Well, Harry may not be in my care but I assure you I check on him frequently. Not that anyone knows; I just make it my business to pass by the house repeatedly. I think that fat lump of a muggle is on to me, but he doesn't seem like one of keen intellect."

Remus stood silently a while, listening to the shuffle of leaves as the wind picked up. He kept his eyes low not only because of the glare of the sun on the snow blinding him, but he feared the ever-welling tears' repeated attempts to overflow would be victorious. What was he doing here, chatting to a mound of earth as if everything was perfect in the world?

"Lily, I miss you so much. You were the truest friend I ever had the honour of having. You were the only one who didn't see a monster in me, the only one who tried effortlessly to separate the real me from that beast I become once a month. Who am I to find now to help as you did?" Remus cursed himself for his selfishness, but his newfound loneliness overrode his guilt as he continued, "I cannot imagine having to live without your support. You were always at hand to nurse me better after my transformations. No one has ever cared for me as you did. You know, you were the first person to discover my condition? Could never get anything past you, even as a first year! I thought I would have had at least three years peace before people started to figure it out. Your reaction was nothing like the others; there was no fear, no revulsion, just patience, understanding and empathy. You were beyond doubt the most wonderful of my friends. I always thought you were too good for this place. An angel like you.," Remus choked on the words, "I suppose you are where you belong now, with the other angels."

Remus lifted his hands to his eyes in an effort to stem the steady flow of hot tears trickling steadily onto his cold cheeks. He sniffed and gasped for breath as emotion took him over.

"I will always love you, Lily, not as James did, obviously, but as the single most beautiful person to ever endure my company and for seeing me for who I am and not what I am. For that I thank you, but I will never forgive you for leaving me here alone."

His gaze rested on the headstone before him once more, reading with obscured vision, 'Taken from life when life and love were new.'

"Why, in the name of all things sacred, did you two of all people have to endure such a fate? Your life together was only just beginning," he wailed, "You promised that I would be the godfather of your next child, remember? I was so jealous of Sirius but at the time it seemed you had both made the right choice. Who would have thought."

"You didn't deserve this fate. None of us did. Peter received an posthumous Order of Merlin, little thanks for what happened to him. Cornelius Fudge came to deliver the news to me while I was recovering. He told me all they found of him was a finger. Sirius obliterated him! I always knew he had a mean streak from those pranks he pulled in school but never would I have thought he would be capable of such a gruesome act. Peter was distraught; he was only trying to honour you both. He should never have gone after Sirius, but Lord knows I would have done the same thing. Any of the Marauders would."

Remus raised a shaking hand and ran it through his hair as he remembered the effort James had gone through to make sure Remus felt as normal as possible in school. It was James's idea to learn to be Animagi and he campaigned tirelessly with Sirius and Peter to do the extra work for him. Sirius agreed almost instantly, of course, but he wouldn't have come up with the idea without James. James was always the brains of the operation.

"Don't think you are getting away without a mention, you sly dog," he whispered quietly, his voice hoarse and scratchy, "Lily may have been my best friend, but you were my Marauder, my stronghold. I don't think I could have endured all those transformations in school on my own. It was a very brave and foolish thing you did, risking your neck once a month just so I wasn't lonely. Foolish it may have been, but all the same I couldn't be more grateful. You helped me keep some mind of my own and someone to joke about it with. You really lightened a grim situation. You always had a way of making a person feel that everything's not lost when hope is naught but a distant glimmer."

Remus reminisced the times he felt down and out and James came along with a grin and a twinkle in his eye and proved him wrong. "You made me feel that I could do almost anything. I thought my life was pointless, that I would never get anywhere and that no one would ever want anything to do with me but you showed me how to be strong. You gave me hope. I made plans because of you, James."

Remus sighed a heavy sigh at the thought of all he had wished to do, all hopeless now. He was without friends and in a moment of unscheduled self-pity, he wondered what on earth he did to deserve such torture.

"I remember you were the first person to ever speak to me in Hogwarts. You took me under your wing from day one and never let me out of your sight. I can't believe how gullible you were, my pathetic excuses for absence actually convinced you," he laughed a short, hollow laugh, "I'm a bit old to be making new friends, Prongs. I didn't plan on you going anywhere. You were always around."

His grief got its way at last and Remus succumbed to the ever-growing sadness that renewed itself with every slow beat of his heart. He fell to his knees, the damp snow crunching beneath him and soaking through his jeans. Angry, heartfelt sobs choked their way through and worsened when Remus remembered there was no one around to comfort him.

The sun had set now and left an icy coldness in its twilight. The new moon ambled across the sky and the royal blue sky was punctuated with tiny glistening lights shining from eons ago. The twittering of sparrows was replaced by the hooting of owls, a gentle wind breezed passed Remus, causing him to pull his tattered robes closer around him. A single fresh snowflake danced on the breeze and landed itself onto Remus' hand. His breathing slowed as he calmed himself and slowly lifted his gaze to the fathomless sky to see a faint scattering of snow falling slowly to the earth below. He sighed a quavering heart-wrenching breath as he reached inside his robes and took from it a single star gazer lily, Lily's favourite flower. He placed it gently on the base of the headstone, his fingers stopping to trace their names. A lone tear escaped as he said goodbye, promising to visit often. He stood slowly, his weary body reluctant to move quickly. He hitched up the collar of his robes around his neck, shoved his hands into his pockets and walked slowly away from the final resting place of the best friends he ever knew.

It's beginning to snow again. The flakes, silver and dark are falling obliquely against the lamplight. It's probably snowing all over the island - on the central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly on the graveyards, on the crosses and headstones, upon all the living... and the dead.