D&D Tag Along
Chapter 13: Pure Neutral Alignment
A/N: Just a couple of quick little notes before I start. Inadvertently, I discovered a Yu-Gi-Oh card named Boneheimer. It's a weak little sea horse thing, barely any attack or defense, no effect. Imagine my disappointment. Second note. I'm nearing the end of this fic. Three or so chapters more. I plan on ending it with a bang, though.
(-)
"What?" I demanded. Had my ears deceived me or did Ehlonna just call me her son? It just didn't make any sense at all. I had my own family, all of whom Boneheimer had killed. Now, there was a goddess claiming that she was my mother. The idea of being a descendant of a god did sound appealing, though.
Soon, I found myself back in my own world. Boneheimer had taken off after Joey again and was trying to catch up to my friend. It appeared that the old saying "you run faster scared than angry" was true. Sparks was shooting streams of acid after the demonic creature, while Deanna was readying what looked like a fireball attack. Then there was me, stuck to a wall with that damn spear still pierced through me.
"Tint!" Ashley called out with joy, seeing that I was still alive. I tried to hush her, but it was too late. Boneheimer overheard Ashley's cry and stopped his hunt. Joey quickly dived for cover, glad to be safe. "How can you possibly still be alive?" Boneheimer demanded, nearly shaking in anger.
I painfully reached up and jerked the spear out of my body, falling to the ground. Nearly immediately, I was back on my feet, smiling politely at my enemy. "Guess what? I'm the son of Ehlonna! That means that a pathetic little Mindflayer/Lich like you can't even touch me! I am invincible!"
An immense fireball and Spark's acid breath slammed into the distracted Boneheimer. Boneheimer simply shrugged off the attack like it was nothing more than a mosquito. Now it was his turn to gloat. "Good for you, Tint. Too bad for you that I was created by a god that is so much stronger than your god. Vecna channeled almost all of his evil energy into me."
"That's a bad thing, isn't it?" I asked to Deanna. "Who's Vecna? I've never heard of that god." I joked. Deanna merely shook her head in disbelief. I had a feeling that I had just angered Boneheimer even more with my comment. The creature emitted a low growl as he charged towards me. I gulped nervously as I held up my katana and charged forward.
My sword came crashing down, plunging deep into Boneheimer's chest. At the same time, Boneheimer wrapped his sole arm around my face, dragging me in. I gasped for air as the tentacles tightened, threatening to suffocate me. It took every once of energy that I had to hold onto my sword and dig deeper into the undead beast.
A small opening appeared before me, offering me a fresh source of air. The entire tentacle was starting to loosen. For a second, I actually thought that I might have defeated Boneheimer. But then, when the tentacles finally gave way, I found myself staring into Boneheimer's gaping maw. This must have been the exact same scene that Gabriel had seen before meeting her fate.
What happened next was nearly beyond description. "I wish that Tint's organs rearrange themselves so that his brain switches places with his rectum." What the hell, Deanna! The inside of my body felt like it was becoming rearranged. Boneheimer noticed my discomfort and smiled, thinking that he was the cause of my squirming. The Mindflayer's remaining tentacles probed at my face, digging inside my head. With a satisfied grunt, Boneheimer attempted his mind sucking attack.
Boneheimer's grip on me suddenly became very loose, letting me slip to the ground. I almost passed out right then and there. My stomach, wherever it was, felt like it had turned inside out. Boneheimer wasn't faring much better. He was holding onto the sides of his head and was emitting a horrible scream. "What happened?" It was Wesley who asked the question that was on everyone's mind. Nobody could think of any way of explaining the situation other then it being weird.
"Get up! Kill him!" A shadowy voice echoed in my mind.
Now was definitely not the time to question how odd it was that I was going insane. I followed the voice's command, rising up to my knees. My hand was still clutched around the hilt of the katana which was wedged into Boneheimer. "This is for everyone whose life you ruined!" I screamed, slicing the sword up through Boneheimer's ribs and out the top of his skull. Boneheimer uttered one final curse as he fell over, green blood and purple smog pouring out of the massive wound.
"He did it!" Deanna cheered. She, along with the others, came running over to congratulate me. I could feel the hearty hugs squeezing my hurt body into submission. "Please." I begged, feeling my bones crack. Also, I could feel my organs returning to their original locations.
My friends released me from their grasp, but Deanna held on to me. Her forehead was pressed up against my blood stained face, the tears from her eyes washing away the ghastly mess. "You did it. You killed Boneheimer" She whispered.
I reached around her, holding her just as tightly as she was holding onto me. Her body was so soft and welcoming after the rigors that I had just been for. "It's finally over." I whispered back, gently tilting Deanna's chin upwards so that she could look into my eyes. The two of us looked deep into each other's eyes. I took advantage of the situation and kissed Deanna.
Deanna issued a surprised squeal as my lips pressed against hers. It wasn't long before Deanna slapped her hand across my face, breaking the kiss. "What the hell, Tint? This isn't the time for that!" She yelled. I could hear the others chuckling.
"I thought we were having a nice intimate moment there. Then you have to go wreck it!" I complained, holding a hand up to my injured face.
Deanna glared at me. "We're only friends! I'll be the one to decide when we become more than that!"
"Great! When's that going to be? Probably never, most likely."
"How about now?" Deanna inquired as she pulled my face back to its previous position, our lips quickly joining up again, this time with both sides willing.
"I really hate romances." A dark, whispery voice hissed from nearby. Everyone looked up and gasped at the sight of the new arrival. Standing over the body of Boneheimer was another decaying creature. This one looked like a regular human, except held the same regal disposition of a Lich. His left hand and eye were both missing. The new Lich was hovering above the ground by a foot and was surrounded by an immense aura, similar to Ehlonna's, except of a dark, evil nature.
"Vecna." Sparks shuddered. Second god that I've met in less than ten minutes.
"What are you doing here?" I demanded. This stupid Lich had just stopped me from reaching second base with Deanna. I might have even been able to hit a home run by the end of the day. But no… this guy had interrupted us. It was his turn to feel my wrath. I pushed myself up to my feet and faced the hovering Lich.
Vecna laughed at my show of aggressiveness. "You do not want to try killing me, boy. Just because you slew one of my minions does not mean that you have the skill to conquer me as well."
"Minion? You mean that you were behind Boneheimer's conquests! But why would a god be interested in ruling the world? He already has all the power that he needs." Deanna probed.
"I am afraid that that is a secret." Trust the god of secrets to have a secret agenda.
My imagination might have been going a little wild, but it felt like it was growing colder. Even with the sun shining brightly overhead, a chill was spreading over the street. Vecna seemed unbothered by either the sun or the coldness. I guess gods don't feel discomfort. The air was reeking with the smell of death lingering all around us.
"It isssssss no sssssssecret." The voice from my mind spoke again, but this time, the voice was coming from somewhere nearby. We all turned once again, this time to see a cloaked figure holding a large scythe approaching. Skeletal feet stepped forward purposeful as the figure stepped in front of Vecna. "You jusssssst want revenge on Kasssss." The figure hissed.
Vecna glared down on the cloaked being. You could feel the hatred being radiated from Vecna. The two stared at each other for a few minutes. "We should hurry up and get to the portal. This world is no longer safe." Sparks suggested.
"Why?" Joey asked. We were all already on the move, slowly inching away from the standoff.
"Because the cloaked guy is Nerull, god of death. Vecna and Nerull don't get along at the best of times and I have a feeling that Nerull did not like the overwhelming workload that Boneheimer was creating. Now, he's got a chance to exact some revenge on Vecna." Sparks explained.
"All I wad planned was having Boneheimer kill Kas. But no, Boneheimer became bloodthirsty. He wasn't satisfied with killing only one person. He killed another, then another. Soon, there was nothing I could do to stop him. Kas still lives, ruling the kingdom." Vecna explained, his right hand reaching down, pulling a dagger out of his sash.
Our tiny little group was already a couple of blocks away. The voices of the two gods echoed across the barren landscape, easily reaching us clearly. "I guess you guys are coming with us back in time." Deanna smiled.
"Wouldn't have it any other way." Wesley smiled back, replying for the three.
I was trailing behind the others, trying to overhear the argument continuing behind us. Nerull was speaking, "You upsssssset the balanccccce of life and deathhhhhh. You know the lawssssss of the godssssss."
"So what are you going to do about it? There is no way to reverse the damage that Boneheimer caused. At least your son managed to end the destruction." Vecna explained.
"My sssssson isssss none of your concccccern… But, there issssss a way to repay the pricccccce paid." Nerull raised his scythe in a threatening motion towards Vecna.
I stopped in my tracks. The others were equally stunned by Vecna's statement. "Your parents are Nerull and Ehlonna?" Deanna asked in amazement. "That would make you a full god with a pure neutral alignment!" Everyone was gazing at me in amazement.
"So… how did it feel to be kissed by a god?" I asked Deanna, trying to enlighten the situation with a smart ass reply.
"I'm not sure. I'll have to give it a second try." Deanna replied.
A cough from Sparks told us to break up the act and continue. The sound of metal clashing against metal had replaced the conversation going on behind us. The ground was rumbling and the air whined. I took another look back to see the sky filling with flying demons. The ground was opening up to release hordes of Nerull's eternal army of the dead. "Good idea, Sparks. Run faster." I instructed the others.
As our group ran through the streets we passed by other evil creatures, heading towards the battle behind us. The beings paid us no attention, either because they were more interested in a fight or scared of me, I couldn't tell. My best guess was that the creatures were the remains of Boneheimer's invasion force. This fight was a source of pride for them.
The six of us arrived at the entrance to the tunnel between realms. Joey was the first to descend into the tunnel. "I feel so much safer with a god on our team, even if he doesn't have any powers." He commented as he dropped into the tunnel below.
"Don't be so hard on him Joey. You don't have any powers and you're not a god." Ashley countered, following after Joey.
"In other words, you're completely useless Joey." Wesley added as he dropped out of sight.
Deanna, with Sparks on her shoulder was next. I watched until she touched the bottom, then I turned and began walking towards the battle. "Tint, aren't you coming?" Deanna demanded, climbing back up the ladder to check on me.
"Don't follow me, Deanna. Go ahead, I'll be fine. I have a few issues to take care of." I stated calmly.
"Tint…" Deanna whispered, trembling at the thought of losing another friend on this adventure. She blew me a kiss as the others pulled her back down into the tunnel.
There was a large quivering black mass on the horizon that signaled the location of the battle. That was where I was headed. I was thinking about the words of my friends and what they had told me. Tagorus' words were the most prominent in my mind. "Tint can be very resourceful. He's the only one I know who can screw up something easy and blow it out of proportion. But somehow, he always manages to find a way out of it." I repeated, hoping that my luck was going to continue. This was just something that I needed to do.
As I approached the battle, I had a strange feeling that I wasn't alone. While I was probably the very last person left alive in the entire world, I felt like the spirits of the world's population were all with me. Yes, it's a very corny thing to feel, but it was true. This was my time and I was not going to let everyone die in vain. The last person to step foot in this time was going to be me. There was no other possible way.
I had my katana and mirror shield held in my hands, ready to dive headfirst into the battle when I arrived there. Luckily, I found a pair of creatures fighting away from the main battle to practice on. All I did was walk between the dueling combatants to draw their attention. The tiny imp and kobold skeleton took offence to my intrusion. Gabriel's advice had been forgotten. Stupid kobolds.
The two creatures were soon defeated under the power of my still enchanted sword, much thanks to Ehlonna. I continued forwards, cutting down whatever stepped in front of me, not really caring if it was a pitiful skeleton, a raging orc, or a wicked devil. Judging from the tide of the battle, it appeared that my father's forces were winning. That was probably because of the endless sea of indestructible creatures pouring forth from the cracks in the ground.
Apparently, Nerull had ordered his minions to trust me as an ally. The undead creatures in my path chose to step back and clear a path for me rather than fight. I felt uneasy trusting these creatures not to stab me in the back as I walked past them. I could see Nerull and Vecna fighting among the forces, the air around them electric. Vecna's dagger was swinging wildly against the massive scythe of Nerull, with the god of death having a clear advantage, despite his smaller frame.
Vecna saw my approach and, figuring that the battle was turning out poorly in his favor, called out to his troops to retreat. Within seconds, the battlefield was vacant of any living creatures under Vecna's control. "Cccccceasssssse!" Nerull ordered his troops. There were only a few of Boneheimer's forces left, but they appeared willing to accept the ceasefire.
I nervously approached my father and cleared my throat. "Father."
"Sssssson." Nerull hissed. It was nearly impossible to determine any emotion that was displayed by the cloaked figure.
I had no idea of what to say. The only thing to come to mind was to offer my hand for a handshake. Nerull looked down at my extended hand and I swear that he tilted his head in intrigue. Talk about shaking hands with the devil. A bony hand released its grip on the scythe and grasped mine, shaking it firmly. Silence followed for another few moments. "Now what?" I finally asked, breaking the eternal silence.
Nerull waved a hand in the air, signaling his forces to return to the depths of hell. "Return to other realm. Defeat Kasssss. Take the throne for yourssssself. There needsssss to be balanccccce between good and evil. That issssss you." My father whispered. I nodded my head in understanding. I was about to take my leave when Nerull placed the tip of his scythe on my shoulder, stopping me. "Take what you came for."
"Thanks." I smiled. "May I ask how you and Ehlonna got around to uhm…?"
"We met to disssscusssssss what to do with an nymph that turned into a ghosssst. One night sssstand."
Nerull pointed his scythe in the direction that I needed. The god of death proceeded to vanish into the crack in the earth just before it sealed itself up. I knew that I would never be seeing him again, but it was just as well. I didn't want to be meeting up with him on a weekly basis.
I picked my way through the bodies until I found what I was looking for. Underneath of a huge pile of dead creatures was the body of Gabriel. I lifted her body up off the ground, carefully folding her wings around her body, just the way she liked them in that cape like look. I tried my hardest to maintain a solid expression as I carried the dead elf towards the portal. "A god doesn't cry," I told myself.
I found that the few survivors of Boneheimer's invasion force were following after me. The poor creatures were severely beaten and bruised, struggling to keep walking. They all looked like they were humans who had undergone some of Boneheimer's genetic alterations. There were a total of twelve of them, all seemingly accepting that I was their leader, whether I wanted to be or not. "You guys can join with me, but on one condition." I called back to the following creatures. "You all have to promise that you will give up your evil ways and behave yourselves."
"Yes, Lord Tint." Came the reply. Lord. I liked the sounds of that. One of the humans nervously approached me and asked, "Can you find a way to return us to normal, Lord Tint?"
I looked over at the man, who had a row of spikes running along his spine and arms. It was only right that they be returned to normal. They never asked to be modified. "I'll do what I can." I promised.
Me and my followers arrived at the portal entrance and quickly descended into the tunnel. One of my followers had been outfitted with a pair of dragon lungs, lighting the way with a small puff of flame. I don't know why, but for some reason I was humming the Imperial March, which was usually reserved for Darth Vader. It had always been a dream of mine to enter a room with that music starting up right as I entered. This seemed like an appropriate time as any. Before long, my followers had learned the tune and were humming along with me.
"That's Tint, I can guarantee it! You owe me twenty bucks, Joey!" I heard Wesley's voice echo down the tunnel.
"I left my wallet at home." Joey retorted.
Me and my group were close enough to light up Deanna and the others. Deanna immediately noticed Gabriel in my arms and nodded in understanding. "Tagorus needs to know and I'm sure that she would want to have a proper elven burial." I explained.
(-)
A/N: Two chapters remain after this. I hope that this chapter made sense to everyone, even though I had trouble getting making sense of it myself. I'll try to be done with this fic within the next week or two. Thanks for reading and please tell me what you thought.