The blood drained from my face as I stared at the still figure of my twenty-three year old best friend lying on a hospital bed, her life balancing between life and death. A wave of nausea shot through my system as the room echoed and hummed with the soft beeps of the monitors near her bed. Numerous wires that connected to the monitor trailed over her body. Slowly, numbly I approached her bedside, staring down at her fragile body.
Golden, strands of hair lay sprawled out across her pillow, her chest rising and falling with every breath. Gently, I reached down, lightly touching her pale face. I shivered at the feeling of her cold and clammy skin. Thin red scars marred her once flawless complextion. Dry blood crusted the skin near her eyes, cuts from flying glass shards. Helplessly my eyes swept the bandages covering her body.
I had caused this.
If only I hadn't taken my eyes off the road…Why? My bleeding heart cried out with unseen pain. Why did this have to happen?
Collapsing into a nearby chair, I leaned forward, gripping my hair. Above, the ceiling echoed with the patter of rain. In the distance, thunder rumbled and lightning flashed. Currents of rain poured outside the windows, blurring nearby buildings. Breaths of cold air hissed through a crack in the window. Chilled, I pulled my sweater tighter.
"Jeremy, look out!" Lily's scream mixed in with the screech of tires against the asphalt haunted my sub consciousness, daily reminding me of what I had done to her.
A hand grasped my shoulder.
Startled, I lifted my head and found myself staring into my other best friend's eyes, swimming with sympathy. Without speaking, Mike gave my shoulder a brief pat, his gaze unwillingly resting on Lily, as a far away and regretful look crossing his face. I cringed, an uncomfortable air washing over us. Lily had been Mike's girlfriend in high school, but the relationship had ended shortly after graduation. Afterwards Mike had gone his separate way while Lily and I ended up attending the same college. Several years later, we returned to our hometown and became roommates with two other friends. We rarely saw Mike anymore and although their friendship had been strained, he and Lily managed to remain cordial to each other.
"I'm so sorry, Jeremy," Mike's voice broke the silence surrounding us.
I blinked, awaken from my thoughts, as I watched him kneeling beside his ex-girlfriend, tenderly stroking her hair. Although Lily had it clear to him in no uncertain terms that she only saw him as a friend, he still harbored feelings towards her. Then why did they break up?
Shortly after Mike had moved away, severing our once unbreakable three-way bond, Lily and I had grown closer. Unintentionally the crush I had had on her since our childhood had deepened, making it difficult for me to hide my feelings. But she would never see me that way. I had to keep telling myself that. In her eyes I was only her best friend, someone she ran to when she needed comfort or a sympathetic ear. Absently I closed my eyes as my mind drifted back to the night of our senior ball when she had sought me out and asked why I hadn't asked any of the girls out.
"So how come you don't have a date, Jeremy?" Lily asked, her voice startling me back to reality, as she dropped into the seat across from me.
Even in the dimly lit room, as I turned towards her, my breath caught in my throat. Slowly my eyes traveled further down her body, staring at her light green, off the shoulder dress. Tiny beads of silver were intertwined within the chest threads of her gown. Up close I noticed half of her hair had been pulled back and flowed down her back in a waterfall of elegant, blonde curls. Small, emerald earrings dangled from her ears, matching the necklace she wore around her neck.
"Jeremy? Are you all right?" she asked, laying a hand on my arm, when I didn't answer.
I blinked, shaking myself from my thoughts and forced a weak smile onto my lips. "Yes, I'm fine."
Her eyes flashed with unbelief, but thankfully she didn't press me.
"Where's Mike?" I asked, noticing his absence for the first that evening. When we had arrived, both of them had deserted me, heading for the dance floor. For the better half of the evening, I was left alone with my thoughts, isolated from the merry making going on around me.
"Over there, by the punch bowl," she explained, jerking her thumb over her shoulder. "He's talking to some of his other friends."
I frowned at the underlining frustration in her words while struggling to see Mike, but I only caught brief glimpses of him in the dark and crowded room.
"Why aren't you with him?" I asked, raising my voice so it could be heard over the blaring DJ and chattering couples whirling around on the dance floor.
"I needed a break and you looked like you could use some company," she smiled. Uneasily I glanced back at her, arching my eyebrow. She had been watching me? For how long, I wondered. "So, how come you don't have a date?" she asked, repeating her previous question.
I shrugged, knowing I couldn't keep ignoring the question. "I don't really consider most of the girls in our graduating class as anything more than friends. I don't see any of them in a romantic way." Besides, Mike has already gotten the best girl, I thought to myself, bitterly as I recalled my best friend announcing he had asked the girl I had secretly been pinning over to the senior ball and she had accepted!
"There must be someone you like," Lily argued, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, her eyes never leaving mine.
I shook my head, a small-amused smile tugging at my lips. For years she and Mike had been trying to figure out whom I liked, but I had never told them. If either of them found out…if she ever discovered my feelings for her ran deeper than friendship, it would ruin our relationship.
My thoughts were cut off as the faint melody of the band beginning a new song drifted through the air. Silvery figures, reflections from the swirling disco ball hanging overhead, shimmered around the couples as they slowly congregated towards the dance floor. I glanced at Lily, expecting her to be looking for Mike, only to find her staring at me, waiting. What can it hurt, I thought pushing myself to my feet as I walked over to her seat and held my hand out.
"May I have this dance?
Some sort of liquid twinkled in her eyes as she silently slipped her fingers into mine. Gripping her hand, I pulled her onto the dance floor. Turning towards her, I gripped her hand in mine while placing my other hand on her waist. Moving closer, she rested her free hand on my shoulder and stared up at me, her eyes glowing with something I couldn't recognize. As we stared to move to the music, I tore my gaze away, fearful she would be able to read the truth burning in my eyes.
Sighing contentedly, Lily closed her eyes, shifted the hand she had on my shoulder over to the crook of my neck, and laid her head on my other shoulder. I stiffened, her tender action cutting into my already wounded heart. Why was she torturing me like this? Did she really care about me that way? I shook my head, slapping the impossible thought away. No. She didn't. In her eyes, we were just friends. She had no idea that the years of friendship had deepened and grown into something more for me. Besides, a small voice whispered in the back of my mind, she belongs to Mike.
My heart withered.
Mike, my best friend: Mike.
She belonged to Mike.
What was I thinking?
This was my best friend's girlfriend. Who did I think I was harboring feelings for her?
With a sigh, I transferred Lily's other hand that I held onto my shoulder and wrapped my free hand around her waist. My breath hitched in my throat as both of her hands tightened around my neck and she stepped closer. What if…Hastily I shoved the thought away. I had to stop feeling this way. If she wanted me, then she wouldn't be with Mike. No, I had to put a stop to these wishful thoughts and become what she saw me as: a friend.
As the song ended, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Without turning I knew whom it belonged to.
"May I cut in?" Mike said gruffly. Without waiting for a response, he seized Lily's hand and pulling her away from me.
Fighting the sudden urge to push him away and tell her everything, I slowly made my way towards the tables. If only I had found some way to tell Lily how I felt, maybe things could have turned out differently, but now it was too late.
Dropping into the seat I had recently vacated to dance with Lily, I wearily rubbed my temples. Feeling a pair of eyes staring at me, I glanced up and found Lily watching me. I managed a weak smile in return and then quickly diverted my gaze. I couldn't look at her anymore; it hurt too much to know she would never be mine. As I tried unsuccefully to block the images of Mike holding her in his arms, they flooded my mind, taunting me. Shoving back my chair, I pushed my way through the crowd of numerous people and slipped away unnoticed. Would these feelings ever end?
"Will she be all right?"
At the sound of Mike's voice, I blinked and shook my head, locking the memory away. It was impossible, even now, I told myself. There was no way Lily could even remotely feel anything towards me. Turning my gaze back towards Mike, I glanced down at my hands, sighing.
"The doctor doesn't think she'll survive," I rasped, my voice choked as I pushed myself to my feet and began pacing. "Why did I take my eyes off the road? Why didn't I pay attention?"
Mike's eyes widened as he froze and stared at me, but he couldn't answer my questions. Roughly, I shoved a hand through my thick and unruly hair, gripping the blonde strands. If only I hadn't hesitated maybe…maybe I could have prevented this from happening. Absently I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall. The screeching of tires and the blaring horn, mixed in with Lily screams of terror and the crash followed by a deafening silence haunted my memory.
Because Lily's car had been in the shop, I had offered to give her a lift to work. Since I had been driving, I shouldn't have taken my eyes off the road. I had had the responsibility as the one driver to protect my passenger. But I hadn't. Instead I had failed to see the tire of the truck ahead of me blowout or it spin out of control. It wasn't until Lily screamed that I had become aware of the danger. But by then I didn't have enough time to react and had plowed right into the truck, which resulted in my car tumbling over several times. The impact had caused the window shield and windows to shatter, showering us with broken shards of glass.
Then a deafening silence had followed. Slowly I became aware of the aching pain surging through my body, my bleeding fingers, the honking of horns, people screaming, and sirens blaring in the distance, but all I could think about was Lily. Was she all right? A flash of blonde had caught my eye. As I turned the cold hand of fear had grasped my heart at the sight of her body sprawled out on the ground, a pool of blood surrounding her. My throat had tightened as a strangled cry erupted from my chest.
She was dead.
I had just killed my best friend.
Unable to stay awake, I had succumbed to the awaiting darkness, tortured by the thoughts of stealing my best friend's life. When I had awakened, I found myself surrounded by the relieved faces of my family, who told me Lily was in a comma. After several weeks, I was released from the hospital, but I had refused to leave. Lily still hadn't woken up and I wasn't about to leave her side until she did.
"Accidents happen, Jeremy," Mike softly informed me, his voice shattering my trouble thoughts.
I jumped, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye. Even though he wore a neutral expression, I noticed a slight horrified glaze lingering in his eyes as I told him everything that had transpired that night.
"I could've saved her," I found myself saying aloud, not meeting my best friend's startled gaze. After a moment, he shook his head.
"There wasn't anything you could've done."
"Yes, there was!" I exclaimed, slamming my fist against the wall. "I was driving. I should have done something, but I just sat there and let it happen."
His eyes filled with sympathy as he moved to stand beside me, again shaking his head. "These things happen," he told me gently.
I sighed and stared at him through tormented eyes, my lips pinched in a firm line. Was him saying all this supposed to make me feel better? A thin rim of silver encircled my eyes as I clenched and unclenched my fists. This action didn't go unnoticed by Mike.
"You really care about her, don't you?" he asked with a small, amused smile.
Startled by his voice, my head snapped towards him. How could he…? How did he know? Without returning the gesture, I stared at him, my face expressionless.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I told him, struggling to keep my voice steady.
He didn't look convinced. "It's all right," he explained, "all I ever felt for Lily was a small crush. I don't think we would have worked out in the end. Besides, I think she's in love with someone else."
My heart slammed against my chest at his words. Lily was in love with someone else? Swallowing hard, I forced myself to meet his scrutinizing gaze.
"Um… w-who?" I asked nervously.
He closed his eyes, chuckling. "Jeremy, I think we both know the answer to that."
"Uh…I don't know what you're talking about," I muttered, my gaze dropping to the ground as I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. How could he know? How could he have found out? What had I done to show my feelings? Numerous unanswerable thoughts tumbled through my mind. "I don't know who it is either."
"Well then, I think I'll let you figure this one out on your own."
Could it be true? Was it possible that Lily felt something for me too? As quickly as my excitement rose, it shattered. After nearly killing her, she would never speak to me again. Vaguely I heard Mike saying something about going to get some coffee, but his words sounded far away, mottled and confusing.
As if in a trance, I walked towards her bed and silently sank down onto the edge, the mattress shifted downwards under my weight. Reaching out, I brushed a few loose strands of hair out of her eyes, before clasping her cold fingers within both of mine. Lily couldn't care about me like that, I told myself firmly. However, the memory of a stolen kiss shared between us unexpectedly flashed through my mind.
As I crept closer, I couldn't quite see what or who was making the quiet almost inaudible sniffling sounds. Who could it be, I wondered. Earlier when I couldn't sleep because of the unbearable summer heat, I had come here, hoping the cool air would calm my nerves. However, I had soon discovered that I wasn't alone.
Because of the darkness, I could barely make out the small figure—a girl—curled up at the base of a tree. Only Lily and I knew of this small alcove and we never told anyone. Who else could have found it? As I got closer, I froze in mid-step. Familiar blonde hair spilled over her shoulders, which shook slightly due to the soft whimpers erupting from her throat as she clutched her knees tightly against her chest.
"Lily?" I whispered, disbelieving as I knelt in front of her.
She gasped, her head immediately snapping up. I frowned at the sight of the silvery tear tracks staining her cheeks. Did Mike say something to her, I wondered to myself, my fists clenching and unclenching at my sides.
"Wh-what are you doing here, Jeremy?" she croaked, her voice breaking as she scooted back into the shadows, as if to hide her already visible tears.
"Why are you crying?" I asked, side-stepping her question. Because it had been really hot at our house, I had slipped out and come here, hoping to clear my head.
Her eyes widened as if suddenly aware of her tears. Quickly she jumped to her feet, turning her back to me; hastily she swiped her sleeve across her face, mopping up most of her tears.
"N-nothing's wrong, Jeremy. I-I'm fine."
As she turned to leave, I placed a restraining hand on her shoulder, bringing her around to face me. She stiffened, stubbornly keeping her gaze locked on the ground.
"What's wrong?"
Hearing her sniffling, I moved closer and wrapped my arms around her shaking form. Willingly, she buried her face against my chest, clutching the folds of my T-shirt. Holding her in my arms, I gently lowered myself to ground and leaned back against the base of a tree, reassuringly rubbing her back. As she snuggled closer, I rested my cheek on top of her head, my fingers absently stroking the sensitive area of skin on her arm just below the sleeve of her shirt. Just then I felt something cold, like a tear, seeping through my shirt.
"Please tell me what's wrong," I whispered against her hair.
"I-I-I can't tell you…you won't understand…"
"What wouldn't I understand?" I asked angrily. We were best friends. Have been for the last ten years. Ten years filled with friendship, heartache, happiness, sadness, joy, laughter, tears, and loyalty. After everything that had happened…after everything we'd been through…what couldn't she tell me? "Lily," I continued, my tone softening, "I can't help you if you don't tell me what the problem is."
"You wouldn't be able to help me even if you knew," she replied, laughing humorlessly as she pulled herself out of my arms, took a few steps away, and wrapped her arms around her middle, trembling.
With a frustrated sigh, I stood up and slowly approached her. Grasping her shoulders, I brought her around to face me and stepped closer, tilting my face to the side, silently observing her. Her glazed and red-rimmed eyes stared up me, pleading for help. Gently I brushed away the residing dampness from her cheeks with my thumb. Suddenly, she threw her arms around my neck. Caught off guard, I stumbled backwards.
"Lily, what—"
Her lips crashed against mine, cutting off any further words. Shocked, I automatically wrapped one hand around her waist while my other hand impulsively reached out and began lightly caressing her hair. She stepped closer, deepening the kiss. A passion, unlike any I had ever known, broke out between us as I slid my tongue along the bottom of her lip, pleading for entry. She relaxed her jaw and my tongue slipped in, massaging the back of hers. Inhaling sharply, she dug her nails into my back. I couldn't think logically, too caught up in the feel of her lips brushing against mine. Maybe she really did feel something for me, I thought to myself. Then why—
Her lips broke away from mine as an anguished cry erupted from her throat. My eyes snapped open as reality slapped me in the face. I had just kissed my best friend's girlfriend! Breathing heavily, I hesitantly took a step back, both of us staring at each other wildly. What had just happened?
"Lily—"
She wouldn't even look at me. "I'm sorry, Jeremy. I'm so sorry," she kept repeating over and over. An awkward silence hung over us.
Uncertainly I moved towards her, raising a hand on her shoulder. She stiffened and backed away, her hand pressed against her mouth. Before I could say anything, she turned and fled, her footstep echoing in the darkness. What have I done? The sudden thought tore through my mind as I collapsed against the trunk of a tree, gripping my head in my hands. What have I done?
Now seven years later that forbidden kiss still haunted me. I've tried, goodness knows how I've tried, but I just can't wrap my mind around what had passed between us that night. Through an unspoken agreement, neither of us mentioned it, but that didn't stop me from thinking about it. Why did you kiss me, Lily? I thought to myself, gripping her cold and lifeless fingers, hoping, praying, pleading for some kind of sign, some trace of the life that I knew was still inside her. Come back to me, Lily. Don't leave me. Don't you dare leave me.
"I love you…" I whispered brokenly.
Tilting my face to the side, I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. Instantly I pulled back, my eyes snapping open. Maybe it had been a mistake, but…a slight twitch from her fingers caught my attention as her pasty, pale face regained its rosy glow. Slowly her eyes fluttered open, like waking up from a long night's rest. My mouth dropped, but I could only stand there, unable to form a coherent thought. A soft moan escaped her lips, snapping me out of my thoughts.
She was awake!
She was alive!
As I sprinted down the hospital corridor, avoiding collision with scurrying nurses and orderlies scrambling out of the way, an unexplainable burst of joy gathered in my heart. Lily was alive! She had pulled through! She was going to be all right.
"Doctor! Doctor!" I shouted, breathlessly. "Lily…come quick…"
The doctor, a middle-aged man, perhaps in his late thirties, abruptly stopped talking with Lily's parents and turned towards me as did her parents. Like me they hadn't slept much during the weeks that their daughter had been here as I saw the faint beginnings of dark circles under their eyes. Gasping for breath, I pointed behind me and the minute Lily escaped my lips, both the doctor and her parents bolted out of the room. A minute later I followed.
However, as I got closer to Lily's room, I heard a soft whimpering from inside, which grew louder the closer I got. As I skittered to a stop, Mike stumbled out of her room his eyes wet from unshed tears, muttering incoherent words. Inhaling sharply, my gaze snapped towards her room. The monitor was no longer beeping. Oh, please, Lord, not that! From where I stood, I could see her parents hovering over her bed, tears streaming down their faces. The feeling of foreboding welling in the pit of my stomach intensified when I heard the doctor say,
"There isn't anything else we can do for her…"
Stumbling backwards, my heart leapt into my throat as the room blurred. The doctor's words echoed in my mind. No, no, not that! She can't be dead. She just can't be! Suddenly I found myself blindly tearing down the corridors. Briefly I thought I heard Mike calling my name, but I didn't wait. I had to get away from here.
Lily was dead…because of me.
Restlessly I wandered around the small alcove, my eyelids heavy with want of sleep, yet torrents of thoughts tumbled through my mind. Maybe what I had seen several nights ago before I ran to get the doctor had only been a dream, wishful thinking. Drawing in a shaky breath, I shoved a hand through my hair, squeezing my eyes shut, but the memories of previous events and their consequences terrorized me.
I had been the cause of her death.
A gentle breeze swept through the cove, surrounded by pine trees. Not too far away, a lake gleamed in the moonlight, the water lapping gently across the sandy beach. As the wind whistled through, the leaves quivered, causing a few flowers to drift down from the branches and float upon the water. As I sat down, my feet dangled above the waters. Emerald green vines surrounded me.
Lily was dead.
Just like my parents.
A drunk driver running a red light had killed my parents instantly upon impact. I had been asleep in the back seat and apparently it's a miracle I had survived. I swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in my throat. A stray tear lingered in the corner of my eye. I was just a baby! A twelve-month-old infant suddenly robbed of my parents all because someone decided to drink and then drive. Because of that driver, I never got to know my birth parents, loving parents who had given me life.
For the next five years of my life I was bounced from foster home to foster home. However, when I was six, the Olivers adopted me into their family, raising and supporting me like their own son. Although I had grown to love my adopted parents, a brief pang of grief still tore through my heart each time I saw other children with their birth parents.
Shortly after I was adopted, we moved from New York to a neighborhood in California, which is where I met Lily. When school started and since I was new, she had volunteered to show me around the campus. An instant bond had formed between us. A few years later Mike moved into our neighborhood and our duo became a trio, but Lily was my first best friend.
She was the only one who saw me for who I really was, cared for me, and maybe even loved me as a friend. Countless times, she has been there for me. Over the years, I've come to realize that she means more to me than I could ever admit. Now, because of my failure to protect her, she had lost her life.
Every thing happens for a purpose, a phrase my adopted mother used to say flashed unexpectedly through my mind. It isn't easy, fast, or painless, but nothing happens that isn't supposed to.
"So Lily was supposed to die? Is that it?" I asked, tilting my head up towards the heavens, silently praying for an answer, but only the whispering winds answered.
Sighing, I pushed myself to my feet and stood gazing unseeingly at the water. A twig snapped. Stiffening, I turned and out of the corner of my eye I caught a flash of familiar, blonde hair. Blinking, I shook my head, but as I reopened my eyes, I knew it wasn't a trick of the light. Silently I stared at the lone silhouette of a young girl dressed in faded jeans and a blue T-shirt with blonde hair flowing down her back, who had just wandered into the cavern, alive and healthy.
"Lily?" I called out uncertainly.
Her head snapped towards the direction of my voice and her face broke into a broad smile. "Jeremy!" she cried as she ran towards me. I met her midway, caught her in my arms, and held her close. Thank God she survived!
"Are you okay?" I asked, pulling back and staring down at her, hardly believing she was really standing there. "I-I thought…I thought you were…"
"I'm fine," she replied, smiling.
"But the doctor said there wasn't anything else that they could do—"
Lily pressed her finger against my lips. "He was talking about my miraculous recovery. Since the hospital couldn't do anything else for me, they sent me home."
A wave of relief washed over me at her words and I almost laughed out loud. My imagination had gotten the better of me, making me believe that my fear of losing her had come true.
"You weren't there when I woke up," she continued in an accusing tone. "Where have you been?"
Pulling away, I awkwardly dropped my gaze. "I needed to do some thinking," I replied sitting beside the pool. "Some things to…to straighten out in my mind."
Feeling her sit beside me, waiting, I slowly stood up and took a few steps away. I didn't deserve her comfort, not after what I had done to her.
"What is it, Jeremy?" she asked, startled. "What's wrong?"
I sighed, staring at my feet. "I'm really sorry, Lily. It was all my fault."
"What are you talking about?"
"You being in a comma for the last several weeks. It's all my fault. If I had been paying attention…"
"Jeremy, it wasn't—"
"Look, don't you get it," I snapped as I spun around, seized her shoulders, and pulled her towards me. "You almost died because of me. I was supposed to be protecting you."
"It's not—"
"You don't get it, do you?" I repeated as I stepped away from her, inwardly groaning at her confused expression. "I'm sorry Lily, but maybe it would be better for both of us, if I leave now."
"Leave?" she exclaimed, taking a few a few hesitant steps towards me. "Where are you going?"
I shrugged as I turned to face her, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. "I don't know. I've got some money saved up and I've always wanted to travel."
Her mouth opened and closed several times, but she couldn't seem to find the words she wanted. "Do you really want to leave?" she finally managed to ask a few moments later.
"I don't belong here, Lily. I never did. Besides the people I care about aren't safe around me."
Her brow wrinkled in confusion. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"How could you understand?" I asked, shaking my head helplessly. "You've never lost someone extremely important to you. A drunk driver killed my real parents in a head on collision while I was in the back seat. I was just a baby, twelve months old…" I explained, my voice cracking. Immediately I cleared my throat.
Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she moved towards me. "Jeremy, I—"
"You're not safe with me, Lily," I repeated again as if I was trying to convince her as much as myself. "If anything ever happened to you…it's better this way if I leave now. I'm nobody here."
I stood staring at her, my eyes silently pleading, hoping she didn't want me to leave. Maybe she cared more about me than a friend, enough to ask me to stay? However, when she didn't say anything, I swallowed hard.
"Good-bye, Lily."
As I turned away, I knew I would never see her again and my chest tightened. However, this was the right thing to do. I didn't belong here with her and she would be much safer without me. The pain intensified within my heart with ever step that took me farther away from the only girl I'd ever truly cared for. Lifting my eyes towards the heavens, I begged for an answer, any answer, but I only heard the leaves dancing in the wind. Oh, please God, don't let me make another mistake, I silently prayed. I've already made too many.
"I don't blame you," Lily called after me, her words thick and raspy. I stopped, but didn't turn around. Slowly I heard her take a few tentative steps towards me. "Jeremy, accidents happen. That truck flipped over in front of you, leaving you little time to react. Driving on the road isn't always easy. Sometimes it's risky. We all take chances. Sometimes we get hurt." Startled, I jumped as she reached down and entwined her fingers with mine. Uneasily, I glanced down at our joined hands before lifting my gaze to meet hers.
"Jeremy, please don't leave," she pleaded, here eyes shinning. "I don't want you to leave. I-I…I love you."
I sighed, the pain within my heart intensifying as I closed my eyes briefly. Why was she doing this to me? "I can't…" I swallowed hard and my throat tightened, cutting off my words as I pulled away.
"You can't what?" she asked gently, her slow and even steps stopping behind me as she placed her hand on my shoulder and turned me to face her. My heart leapt into my throat at the sight of her tear stained cheeks.
"I-I…I can't be with you like that!" I exclaimed, turning away from her, fearful she'd see the truth bleeding in my eyes.
Placing a hand against my cheek, she redirected my gaze to meet hers. "Do you love me?"
"Lily, please don't do this to me," I rasped, my voice hoarse.
"Do what?"
"I don't want to hurt you or put you through anymore danger."
"I don't care about the risks or dangers. I just want you."
Uncertainly I swallowed while feeling another lump rising in my throat. Hesitantly, I reached out and lifted her chin up to meet my gaze, my eyes filled with hope and doubt.
"Do I really mean that much to you?"
She nodded. "I want you to stay. Please?"
A relieved smile crossed my lips as I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer. Willingly she leaned against my body, her arms encircling my neck. She wanted me to stay. She did care about me. Mike had been right.
"Jeremy?" Lily's trembling voice broke into my thoughts as she lifted her eyes up to meet mine. Leaning down I brushed away the remaining tears.
"I'll always be here for you, Lily, for as long as you want me around," I replied, grinning as her eyes lit up. Throwing her arms around my neck, she pulled me closer.
"I love you," I whispered without hesitation in her ear, grasping her tightly around her waist.
Gasping she pulled back enough to look me in the eye, tears brimming in her eyes. "Wh-what?"
"I love you, Lily. I love you so much."
Wrapping my hand around her neck, I tilted my face to the side, leaned down, and captured her lips. Bringing my other hand up, I lightly stroked her cheek. She moved closer, pressing herself against me, her arms surrounded my waist. Slowing the kiss down to a caress, I leaned my forehead against hers, breathing heavily. Absently Lily's eyes fluttered open, a serene smile spreading across her face. Strands of her hair aimlessly floated in the wind.
"I've been wanting to do that again for quite a while," I told her, massaging her hair, images of her kissing me flashed through my mind.
She blushed at the hidden meaning behind my words. "Me too."
Taking hold of her hand, I laid down on the ground, pulling her down with me. As I curled my arm around her shoulders, tenderly cradling her body in my arms, she contently laid her head on my shoulder. A canopy of twinkling stars blanketed the midnight sky. Above, the leaves rustled as the crickets began to screech their music of the night. Absently, my fingers teased the sensitive area of skin on her arm below her sleeve. She sighed softly, and her hand, which had been lying across my chest, began rubbing small circles across my chest. Briefly I closed my eyes, enjoying the soft, soothing feeling of her fingers.
"Thank you, Jeremy." Her soft words broke the silence surrounding us. I opened my eyes and turned my head towards her, gazing at her curiously while my fingers played with the ends of her hair. "Thank you for waking me up."