Note: I do not own Love Hina or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!
WARNING: These bits of fan fiction are completely strewn with random and mindless humor. Read at your own risk.
GYRAX Presents…
Love Hina: BakaFictions to Go
Chapter 6: Gimme Some Sugar Baby!
It was past 9:00 PM at the Hinata Sou.
Keitaro was busy studying in his oh-so-lavish manager's room. He just couldn't get this one problem. "DAMMIT! This sucks! Maybe if I… no, forget that. Perhaps… nah, that wouldn't work. Or maybe… hah! If I put that down, I'd burn in Hell!"
Keitaro angrily stands up. "GOD-(bleep)-DAMMIT! I'm calling Naru!" Before he was going to open the door, he paused. Then he sat back down in front of his books. "No, I can't! I have to solve this problem on my own!"
The three-time ronin sat in the middle in the room, surrounded by full bottles of Bawls (you know, the world-renowned highly-caffeinated energy drink that helped keep gamers awake for ninety-six consecutive hours at QuakeCon.), all neatly encircling him.
Enter the cheerful as usual Su. She carefully made her way across the bottles of liquid caffeine, making sure she didn't knock over any of them.
She made it over to the landlord and looked over his shoulders. "Hiya, Keitaro!"
The three-time ronin replied, "No, Su. I'm not in the mood for being tortured in unimaginable levels in the name of your sub-human experiments. I'm studying."
"I was just going to ask you what all these bottles were for." Su replied.
"They're my Bawls. I need them."
"Can I have your Bawls?"
"No, you can't have any Bawls. You don't need any. I do." Keitaro answered, irritated.
"Why do you need Bawls?" Su asked.
"So I can stay up. I want to make sure I'm awake enough to study for the exams. With all these Bawls around me, I could stay awake for three years, maybe (not that I need all of them, I just wanted to look like I planned ahead.)."
"Can I have some, please?"
"No."
"Pretty please, with two eggs and a slice of bacon?"
"No."
"Please?"
"Do you like rectal thermometers?"
"Are they edible?" Su replied.
"JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM! I need to study!" The landlord said in a pissed off tone.
Su leaves, but not without taking a bottle of the caffeinated drink with her. Keitaro was too focused on studying to notice.
Minutes later, Keitaro decided to take a break, but when he went to grab another bottle, he knew something was amiss. He saw a wet ring on the floor where a bottle was supposed to be. Needless to say, he was pissed, again. "Where the hell is Bottle #24!" His dense self took ten seconds to realize what he should have in an instant. "SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
He made a mad dash upstairs to Su's room, but when he made it, it was too late; Su had already drunk most of the contents of the stolen bottle. In that instant, the three-time ronin experienced a whole new dimension of fear he had never been through before. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The caffeine instantly kicked in Su's already hyperactive body. She began to feel strange, like a koala-bear crapped a rainbow in her brain. Then, Su's eyes shimmered and she looked at Keitaro. "Meep-meep!" She ran out of her room so fast, all you could see was a trail of fire.
She came back three seconds later with an array of different kinds of ray guns and dropped them all on the floor. "UNLEASH!" She produced a remote and pressed a big red button.
At that moment, the Hinata Sou glowed so brightly, that you could see the light from outer f—king space!
The next morning, Su woke up (who knows how she slept) and walked downstairs in hope of having more of that kick-ass cooking, courtesy of Shinobu. Before she went to the lobby, however, she saw a shocked Kitsune frozen in her place. She went to see what was going on and saw what could be considered a wee-bit out of character.
Keitaro Urashima was pimpin' in a red 1967 Dodge Charger. Usher featuring Lil' John was blaring from its stereo system. He looked at what used to be Naru Narusegawa, but now is a giant sports drink bottle with a picture of her face on the label. He was talking to it! "Hey! Hey! Yo soy El Grand-o Smokio. And make it quick, too, uncle f--ka!"
Something escaped Kitsune's mouth. "What… the… HELL!"
Su went up to the giant sports drink bottle that was Naru with concern on her face. "Oh the poor thing. Now she's Mango flavored."
"What happened here!" Kitsune asked.
"Well," Su hestitated. "Last night, I had too much caffeine and I activated a lot of my inventions at once. I went completely out of control. I had no idea this would happen."
"Well, you should be lucky that at least this place ain't blown to pieces! I hope everyone else is all right."
They both rush out of the lobby. When they reached the hot springs, they saw Motoko at the corner, dressed like a hippie and surrounded by incense burners.
The former samurai now turned flower child looked at them with a cool look in her eyes. "I looked into my past life and found out that I used to be a gay Chinese Warlord." She saw concern in both their eyes. "Don't be so tense. Calm down and sit next to me. We'll all smell of cheap candles and sing Aimee Mann songs. It'll be great."
They quickly dashed to the dining room and saw Shinobu. The junior high student looked normal and acted normal. Hell, she walked normal. They both breathed a sigh of relief.
Su approached Shinobu. "Hi, Shinomu!"
"joH'a' 'oH wIj DevwI' jIH DIchDaq Hutlh pagh"
"Holy crizzap! Shinobu was speaking Klingon!" Kitsune replied with a surprised look on her face.
"It sounded like she was preparing for war!" Su added. A thought came to her head that said that she might have finally crossed the line. Oh no! What have I done! This whole place has gone to hell! I have to do something!
"One thing was bothering me." Kitsune said. "Why is it that we're normal?"
"Because," Su responded. "I was the one that caused this, and you were drunk; you didn't remember what happened last night."
"That makes sense… sort of. All right! Su, you find a way to reverse this. I'm going to run around the house and panic." With that in mind, Kitsune went upstairs, screaming her head off.
Su thought for a second until she remembered an old cliché. "I GOT IT!" She went back to her room (You could hear Kitsune still screaming in the background.). She found that same remote and pressed the red button.
At that moment, the Hinata Sou glowed so brightly, that you could see the light from outer f—king space!
A few minutes and a lot of confusion-induced extra chaos later, all the residents gathered at the dining room table, with Su standing at the end of the room. She slowly approached the table. You could hear Kitsune still screaming in the background.
"Is everyone all right?" Su asked.
There was a long moment of silence. Everyone was staring at Su, thrown off a little by her state of concern. Naru Narusegawa, Ranked #1 in the Tokyo University mock exams opened her mouth and said…
"1 plus 1 equals… Greg Maddox."
"…"
End Chapter 6
Nothing like random humor to cheer someone up, eh? (Hell, here I come.)
Now review and I will put up Chapter 7.
The $$60 000 000 000 Teahouse Owner