Summary: Marissa thinks about no longer being a virgin.
Background: This story takes place in the second season. Ryan and Marissa have gotten back together and maybe Trey is out of jail, it doesn't really matter. Trey has NOT tried to rape Marissa, however.
A/N: I have been thinking about how sex has changed Marissa's life for a while now. Also, if I was in her shoes, I would wonder about what Ryan thought about knowing each other for that long and not having sex. So, I came up with this. This is a one-shot for I don't see where it could go. Any suggestions are welcome, though. I would like any and ALL reviews! Thanks.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with the O.C. I do, however, own the story. Do not steal and do not copy.
Virgin. That is something Marissa wishes she could be again. A virgin just waiting for the right person.
The right person wouldn't say they loved her and then cheat on her.
The right person wouldn't sleep with her mom.
Marissa wishes she could still be a virgin. Since she had learned about sex, she had always imagined herself losing her virginity in a passionate exchange.
The real deal had been in spite.
If Ryan could hook up with a woman, then she could sleep with Luke.
At least, that had been her mindset when she had said yes when Luke asked her.
Summer had asked her what she was waiting for. At the time, Marissa hadn't known. Know she knew what she had been waiting for. Or who, rather.
Marissa had dated Luke since the fifth grade, seven years. In seven years, they had slept together once. It had been okay because they were young.
In two years, Summer had slept with Seth a lot.
In two years, Marissa hadn't even come close to sleeping with Ryan.
Well, she had slept with him twice, but she had never had sex with him.
To most people her age, there would be something very wrong with that. The gossip around the school last year, back when she had been extremely popular, had been all about the sex she and Ryan had had. Who started those rumors she had no idea, because that was the farthest thing from the truth.
Marissa could only guess what it was like for Ryan, to not have sex with someone you have known for that long. They had broken up for like a week because of Oliver, and he had slept with Theresa. They were together for nine months and they hadn't.
She knew that not all stereotypes about Chino were true. Not all girls there were whores, not all guys there were in jail. Ryan, for example—a tough exterior, but a sweet inside. However, Marissa knew that the biggest stereotype was true. Ryan was experienced, really really experienced. Sex was probably second nature to him. He tried to hide it, but there had been times when he had almost slipped.
Over and over again, when they had first started dating, she was convinced that he would dump her if she didn't sleep with him soon. As she got to know him, she knew that would never happen.
Did she ever think about having sex with Ryan? All the time.
Before, when she was a virgin, she had felt stupid, young, and left out of a club. Marissa was popular, social, and clubs were a must to maintain that type of label. She was in the Virgin Club, and everyone else was in the Experienced Club.
After she had lost her virginity, she had felt stupid, young, and left out of a club. Big change… She had traded one club for the other, the Virgins for the Experienced. Which club was better though? The Virgins were understanding, yet the Experienced were cool.
Before she had slept with Luke, she had been afraid of what sex would be like and how it would affect their relationship. The outcome had not been pleasant. Sex had hurt and she had felt rejected afterwards. They had broken up terribly, and then he slept with her mom.
Sex with Ryan shouldn't be just sex. She wanted sex with Ryan to be everything she hadn't gotten with Luke. Marissa wanted to make love, as cheesy as that sounds.
It wasn't that she was afraid…okay yes. That was exactly it. She was afraid of so many things. Just about sex, not even including the millions of other things she was afraid of.
She was afraid that sex would change their relationship.
She was afraid that when they were having sex, Ryan would be so much more skilled. He would be disappointed and dump her.
Marissa knew that would never happen, but who said fears had to be rational?
She was afraid that sex would reveal a different side of Ryan, the side that had been present when he had first flirted with her. Who are you? Whoever you want me to be. A bad boy line, a line that he probably picked up from his brother. The side that had been put up when he had gone to visit Trey in jail, the side he used when fighting.
Marissa wasn't so sure how she felt about that side.
Sex was a Chino thing, a thing they did all the time, without any thought. Sex had been something Ryan had done to fit in, then had continued to do it, because, well, he was a guy. What if he got all tough, demanding sex all the time?
Marissa had no idea where these thoughts even came from. Ryan had never pressured her. The night she slept over in the pool house he hadn't tried anything at all.
Spend the night. I mean, we don't have to do anything. We could just, sleep.
And that was exactly what they had done. There had been no clothes taken off or curious hands. Just kissing and sleeping.
So why was she so afraid?
That night, she had thought about sex. Wondered if they would do it, even though they had just met. She knew that one night stands were common in Chino. Hell, probably common in Newport. But not common to her.
Basically, Marissa was scared out of her mind. Now that they were back together after such a long break, she wondered if they should take things slowly or speed up faster than before.
She wondered if Ryan ever thought about these things. Not about sex, necessarily, but about what sex with her would be like. Was he afraid of what it would do to them? To their bond and love?
Sometimes she wondered if Ryan was afraid of anything. Besides heights, of course.
Marissa had always been curious about the kind of girls Ryan had dated and slept with before she came along. She tried to imagine them, where Ryan picked them up, why he picked them up, etc. It was a little game she played with herself, a game to torture herself. Theresa solved one of the blank faces. Lindsay, though, she had no idea about. Had they had sex? No offense to Lindsay, seeing how she was related to her, but she didn't seem like the kind of girl who would have sex before marriage. Lindsay had come as quite a shock to Marissa, actually. Never had she imagined Ryan dating some goody-goody girl.
Truth be told, she kind of thought Ryan had turned into a wimp around Lindsay.
Which brought her back to the point of sex. She no longer had something to prove to Ryan. Obviously, sex wasn't that big of a deal for him. So why was she so nervous? Why was this even on her mind in the first place?
Maybe it had nothing to do with Ryan at all, although it always seemed like everything had to do with Ryan.
Maybe it was just about wanting to join the Virgin Club again.
Although, when she was with D.J, she hadn't wanted to be a part of that club. Not to say that she is now anymore experienced than she was before the summer. Because she isn't.
But D.J. had been older and had been more experienced and it had given her a certain sense of satisfaction to be able to say that she had been there and done that.
Julie had always said that the more clubs she was a part of, the better.
Although, emphasis had always been placed on being in the cool clubs.
So why did Marissa want to be a part of the Virgin Club again?