REVIEWERRESPONSE
Haunt-san Shanks, my fellow hyper authoress! This chapter was already written, so sorry that I couldn't use your ideas. ( But don't worry! There's ALWAYS room for a Kikyo-torture/death SOMEWHERE! I'll be sure to fit it in in a future chapter to come. ;D
Sui-san The BEST fic you ever read?? Geez, thanks so much!! DDDDD Hope this chapter is as good as the rest. 3Pupp-san MAN! ANOTHER GOOD IDEA!! I'm starting to wish I hadn't done that plot twist so soon. . . . Oh wells. Thanks for the review! )
Jose-san Err, is that a good "0.0" or a bad "0.0"?? XD
THANKSFORREVIEWIN'YA'LL
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!-ONIGIRI-!-NOTES-!
Konnichi wa!! 333 Here's to a special birthday edition of Whose Line With the Hackers!! Yep, that's right, it's muh birfday!!!!! . . .Well, ACTUALLY it was Sunday, but it's still the same week, so it's all the same. . . I do not own Project dot Hack, Whose Line is it Anyway, Toboe, the words kyewl and sweetle (they are copyright by White Phantom and my friend Heidi. I'm just borrowing them 'cause it sounds like something Mimiru would say), Teletubbies (thank god), Mary-Sues (THANK GOD!!), the Twilight Blade, Brittany Spears (shudders), Ronald McDonald or even McDonald's itself. Now let's GeT StArTeD! D
WhosE LinE With thE HackErs --- SPEACIAL YoUrs TruLy's BirthDay EDITION!!
Chapter FOUR --- Battle of the Sues
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Standing in the audience, Toboe smiles. "Hey, everyone! It's Whose Line! We've got a great show for you tonight, but first. . . . It's a ludicrous world after all, it's Tsukasa!"
"o.0"
"She's got a really big ass- uh I mean AXE, it's Subaru!" The redhead sweatdrops and Subaru's eyes become wide in shock.
"Eheheh. . ." Toboe swallows nervously. "Uh, he just got back from the "bathroom" with Elk, it's Kite!"
Kite's eyes become wide as well, his face turning bright red.
"Hey I'm just readin' what the cards say. . . And uh. . .it's. . .Elk."
". . .?"
"Elkie-kun's so kawaii, I could never make fun of him!" Onigiri exclaims and huggles the said wave master.
"33 Yay!" Elk cheers.
"Yeeaaahhhh. . ." Toboe sits down at his desk. "Anywho, welcome to Whose Line where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points don't matter. Just like whether or not a reported story is really an MST! FF .Net deletes it anyway!"
Random Voices From Nowhere suddenly boomed out, "Oooooh. That was cowwwwwld."
Toboe's eyes widened. "o.0 Where'd those voices come from??"
"I'm sorry!!" Onigiri apologized. "I just had to say that because FanFiction .Net is really making me mad right now!!"She waved her hands frantically in front of her face and disappeared.
"o.0 Um. . .I still want to know where those voices came from, so I can stop making this face. . ." Toboe spoke up.
Tsukasa explained to the other "actors", "Onigiri-sama's just so pissed off 'cause it's her time of the month."
"Woah," Kite said. "WAYYY too much information there, little wave master. . . . "
"Wait," Subaru suddenly cut in. "Since when do you call her Onigiri-sama?"
"Since she beat me. ;.;"
The other three's eyes grew wide.
"Why won't anyone listen to me. . .? ;.;" Toboe whined.
"And who are you. . .exactly?" Tsukasa asked.
The redhead grinned. "I be your guest-host! D The name's Toboe from Wolf's Rain, but the authoress wouldn't just say that in the beginning 'cause she's a lazy, old hag! P"
"You're new here, aren't you. . .?" Kite asked their new host slowly.
"Yeah. . . Why??"
"You shouldn't say things like that about the authoress. . ." Elk explained.
"Now something bad will happen. . ." Subaru added grimly.
"-.- Whatever," Toboe said. "I just want someone to tell me where those damn voices came from!"
(GASP!) Suabru's eyes suddenly widened. "You cussed!"
"Uhhh. . . !?"
"The host is never allowed to cuss. It's against "her" rules," Kite explained.
"Uh- Uh- Well I'm a GUEST-host, so it's different, right!?" Toboe exclaimed, starting to freak out.
". . ." The "actors" were silent.
"RIGHT!?"
". . . . ."
"B-But YOU cussed when you were host!!" the redhead yelled, pointing at Kite accusingly.
The Twin Blade's eyes widened: O.O!! "Great job, genius!" he yelled back. "Why'd you go 'n say that!? Now she's gonna-"He suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"U-U-Uh let's just start the show," Toboe stuttered nervously. "The first game is-"
"But we can't start any game unless we have four actors and an audience!" Subaru interrupted.
"Oh, uh, well Mimiru's backstage, right?"
The three "actors" nodded.
"Then, uh g-get her out here to take K-Kite's place."
At that moment, the said Heavy Blade suddenly comes bouncing onto the stage. "Hiya, peoples! )" She then sits down and notices Toboe. "Hey, who's that sweaty dude over there??"
Toboe sweatdrops.
"That's Toboe. He's our guest-host!" Subaru said.
"Oh. Hiya, To-san!! D" Mimiru waves frantically.
"H-Hi. . ."
"So, uh, aren't we gonna start the show?"
"We still need an audience. . . . " Elk muttered.
"Oh!" Mimiru exclaimed. "What a quinkyquinkyquinkyquinkyquinkyquinkyquinkyquinkyquinkyquinkyquinkyquinkyquinkyquinkyquinky. . ."
.::.::THREE YEARS LATER::.::.
Toboe, Tsukasa, Subaru, and Elk stared at the girl wait a "T.T" face.
"Is Onigiri running out of ideas for the fic or what?" At that comment, Elk disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Suabru lowered her head. "We knew him well. . ."
". . .quinkydink!" Mimiru finished. "I just met these kyewl people backstage that would make a sweetle audience!"
"T.T Well that's great," Toboe said. "But now we need another person to replace Elk."
"Wheeeeeeeeeeee! XD" Sora suddenly jumps down from outta nowhere and lands perfectly in Elk's chair.
"Okayyy, well, let's bring out that audience, then."
Thousands of slender girls with silky, golden hair cascading perfectly down their shoulders and reaching to the middle of their backs and eyes the most wondrous shade of blue gracefully walk out from backstage and softly sit down on the bleachers, crossing their long, neatly-shaved legs. Their smooth skin is a beautiful milky white and there is not one zit, bruise, or even freckle to be found anywhere. Toboe and the "actors" are about to gag.
"There's something about those girls. . ." Toboe murmured to himself. "Uh, let's begin! The first game is. . .Let's Make a Date! Now, here's how we play. Tsukasa will be a bachelor on a dating game show and Subaru, Mimiru, and Sora will be the three bachlorettes with. . .UNIQUE personality quirks."
The audience quietly laughs with a voice so sweet it sounds like a thousand violins (one for every girl P).
"o.0 Yeah. . ." Toboe continues. "And then Tsukasa must figure out what each bachelorette is. So come get your envelopes, take a seat, and we'll start the game! )"
The "actors" do so and Toboe then presses the buzzer to begin the game.
"So, Bachelorette Number One," Tsukasa began. "What do YOU think is your best quality?"
Subaru flips her hair over her shoulder, crosses her legs, and says, "Why, everything about me is just absolutely perfect, I find it quite hard to pick just one thing. My nails are perfectly manicured, my skin is flawless, the list goes on and on. . . Even my name is the best of them all!"
The audience twitches.
"Hmph, this one's gonna be easy. . ." Tsukasa mumbles. "Uh, Bachelorette Number Two. What do you usually do on a Friday night?"
"WHEEEEEEEEEE!!" Mimiru spins around in her chair. "I-I-I-I'd e-eat some-so-so-so-some-some. . . . .SWEET SUGARRRRR!!" She then bounces off the chair, holds her arms out as if she's flying, and runs about the room. "WANNNNN!! WANNNNN!! WANNNNNNNNNN!! (- that's supposed to be airplane sounds just so you know P) WHOOOOOOOOOO!!" She spins around really fast then falls onto the ground. ". Yeah-Yeah-Yeaaaahhhhhh. . ."
"o.0 Uhhh. . . Bachelorette Number Three," Toboe cotinued. "What type of sports do you enjoy?"
With a big, goofy smile, Sora said, "Well that'd be any sports YOU like, sweetie, 'cause I lurrrve to see you smile. D"
"??.??"
"Okay, Tsukasa, it's time to guess who each bachelorette is!" Toboe exclaimed. "Let's start with Sora."
"Uhhhhh, a teletubby??"
"Awww, I'm sorry, Tsukasa, but he was really Ronald McDonald." Toboe pretends to sympathize. "1,000 points fer Sora."
"Wheee! D"
"Can you guess who Mimiru is??" Toboe asked.
"Hahaha! I know this one for SURE!" Tsukasa laughed. "She's a TELETUBBY!! Hahaha, so easy. . ."
"Uhh, no, I'm sorry, that's still wrong. -.-"
"o.0???"
"1,000 points teh Mimiru!" the redhead exclaimed.
Tsukasa sniffled. ";.; She wasn't a teletubby. . .?"
"Nope! I was SORA!!" the brunetter shouted. "Hehehehehehehehehe. 333"
"She scares me. . ." Tsukasa muttered.
"O.O!!?" Sora suddenly jumps to his feet. "WHAT THE censored!!? I do NOT cesoreding act like that, you censored censored!! censored censored the censored and censored censored censored censored-"
WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY WILL BE TAKEN OFF THE AIR MOMENTARILY.
WHILE YOU WAIT, PLEASE ENJOY THESE G-RATED, KID-FRIENDLY COMMERCIALS.
THANK YOU. :)
It's LESBIANS ON TAPE!! UN-CUT, UN-CENSORED, AND TOTALLY WILD!! Buy it for only $20.49 in the next ten minutes and you'll also get this exclusive Moans and Groans Compact Disc absolutely FREE!! Don't miss this once-in-a-life-time-chance to see hot, sexy girls making-out, taking it off, and getting DOWN AND DIR-
UH, WE HAVE JUST DECIDED THAT IT WOULD PROBABLY BE A LOT SAFER TO WATCH WHOSE LINE INSTEAD!
SO ENJOY!
Scarred for life by the commercial, Toboe, Tsukasa, Subaru, and Mimiru sat silently with wide eyes. "O.O . . ."
"Awww," Sora whined. "I wanted to see the lesbians. . . ;.;"
The four's eyes grew even wider.
Toboe then sweatdropped. "Uhh, heheh, let's just continue where we left off. . . So far Sora and Mimiru both have 1,000 points and Subaru and Tsukasa have NOTHING!"
The audience gasped in their sweet-little-way. "What a SHAME!"
"o.0 . . .Uhh yeah," Toboe said. "So Tsukasa has one more chance to reclaim his dignity."
Tsukasa tilted his head to the side. "What's. . ."dig-ni-ty". . .?"
"So, little wave mastah, can you guess who the grotes-"
Subaru gave Toboe a death glare and held up her axe.
"Uhh, I-I mean, heheh, LOVELY Miss Subaru is??" The redhead sweatdropped.
"Of course!" Tsukasa exclaimed. "This one was sooo obvious! She's a MARY-SUE!! Hahaha! D"
The audience twitched twice.
"You are absolutely RIGHT!" Toboe yelled. "Congrats! 1,000 points to Tsukasa, making Subaru the only one with NONE!"
Subaru glared.
"Aww, dun worry, Subaru," Toboe comforted. "You did an EXCELLENT impression of a Mary-Sue. They just think they're sooo perfect, what with the nails and the skin and the name 'n' all. . . HAHAHA!!"
"Grrr." The audience suddenly became giant, fang-bearing, in-human creatures with eyes glowing red with the look of death. "YOU DARE MAKE FUN OF THE MIGHTY MARY-SUES!!? THE MOST PERFECT BEINGS ON THE FACE OF THIS PLANET!!? WE WILL HAVE YOUR HEADS!!!!!"
The Mob of Monstrous Mary-Sues came running up onto the stage, creating earthquakes with every giant step they took while destroying everything in their path in the process.
"Ahhh!! AHHH!! WHAT SHOULD WE DO!!? WHAT SHOULD WE DOOOOO!!?" Subaru shrieked like the little girl she is.
Toboe whips out the Twilight Blade (why he has this we will never know). "Mwahahahaha!! How I've waited for this day to come!! The day I could be a guest-host on Whose Line while also defeating the entire race of Mary-Sues!! I'm MULTI-TASKING!! MOOWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHOOHA!!" He starts slashing the Twilight Blade in every random direction, knocking down one support beam, three cameras, ten chairs, and one innocent cameraman who never had a chance. . . "MWEHEHEHAHAHOHAHAHEHAHOOHAHAHOOHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
With wide eyes, the "actors" slowly back away.
"Ummm. . . You're not "defeating" anything. . ." Tsukasa speaks up.
(FREEZE!!) "HUH!?" Toboe exclaims. He then sees he only knocked over stuff and did nothing to the Mary-Sues. "Oh."
"Never fear!!" Sora announces heroically. "I know the one weakness that every Mary-Sue has!! TAKE THIS!!" He suddenly whips out a giant poster of Brittany Spears who is lying on top of a bed wearing nothing, but a thong, her long (and in much need of a comb) hair covering her. . .uh. . .chest.
"AHHH!! NOOOOOOO!! OUR EYES!! OUR EYES!!!!!" The Monstrous Mob of Mary-Sues cover their burning, yet still PERFECT, eyes as they slowly shrink back to their normal, beautiful selves.
"Oh my GAWD!" Mary-Sue #1 exclaimed. "That is the most HORRIBLE thing I have EVER scene in my ENTIRE, PERFECT LIFE!!"
"Oh, I KNOW!" Mary-Sue #2 exclaimed back. "Brittany Spears is a perfect example of a Mary-Sue gone HORRIBLY WRONG!"
"She's now, like, an ANTI-Sue or something!" Mary-Sue #3 added.
Mary-Sue #4 let out a dramatic sigh. "I'm already starting to feel faint. . . Quickly! We must find another victim and regain our power!"
The Mary-Sues all look at each other. "HILARY DUFF!!" They gracefully run out of the building in search of the pretty (pathetic, that is) pop-star.
The actors stare after them. "o.0 . . .???"
"SORA IS THE WINNER BECAUSE HE SAVED MY LIFE!! EEEEE!!" Toboe screams and glomps the said Player Killer.
"O.O . . ."
Suddenly (is it just me or does this fic use this word a lot?), the phone on top of the host's desk which everyone just realized was there starts ringing.
"It's for me! )" Toboe picks up the phone. "Hello?? (. . . . .) Oh. (. . . . .) Ah. (. . . . .) You don't say? (. . . . .) I see. Well, thank you!" He then hangs up the phone.
"What was that all about??" Mimiru asked.
"Well. . ." The redhead suddenly (there it is again!!) breaks down crying. "THEY'RE TAKING AWAY THE SET!! THEY SAID WE'RE A MENACE TO SOCIETY AND LOST ALL OUR BROADCASTING PRIVILEGES!! WHY?? WHY??? WHYYYYYYYYYY??????????"
"Oh. Okay."
Toboe sniffled. "So what do we do now?"
"Wanna go to McDonald's, take all the cup lids, and push in all the buttons??" Tsukasa asked excitedly.
"YEAH!! DDDDD!!"
So the five set of to McDonald's. . .but little do they know what dangers await them at the everyday fast-food restaurant. . . OoOoOoh. . . OOooOOooOOooh. . . OOOOOOOOOO-
"What are you doing?" Onigiri asks, annoyed.
Uh- I'm-. . .making scary noises. . .
"Well, stop."
Okie. ;.;
.::.::FADE OUT::.::.
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!-ONIGIRI-!-NOTES-!
Oh, I also don't own But if I DID, ooh things would chaaaaange. Hehehe. P Well please review!! See ya next chapter! ;) D