Lost It All

A/N: There is little and/or no fandom for Mirage of Blaze, of this Videl is very much aware. Unfortunately, the severe lack of Yuzuru/Takaya broke her heart, so she began to write. Which is always scary, since the third person can only lead to no good. It takes place after episode thirteen, and Videl is actually rather pleased with it.

Disclaimer: Inspired by (get this): Record of Lodoss War. Which Videl doesn't own. Neither does she own Mirage of Blaze. There goes your law suit.

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Lost It All

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Naoe hadn't bothered to make his feelings secretive. The only question left behind by his presence was not a 'why;' it was both a 'when' and a where.' For when he had left the reincarnated Lord Kagetora behind, he had said only where he was going---and nothing else.

And he, Takaya, had not asked for more.

Lost in his own thoughts, all alone on the dock, the lord had wrapped himself in his own arms and in unanswerable questions. He did not know why, or for how long, his mind was overrun with thought about Naoe, his ideas, actions, and just the man in general. Why---how---had the older man affected him so, and why had he been left to deal with those feelings alone? It just... didn't make sense.

The wind off the water soon chilled him to the bone. Takaya found himself so unbearably cold that as his quaking arms tightened around his shivering torso, he very nearly dropped to his knees. At least then he'd have been able to tuck his legs up to his chest for that extra bit of warmth and attempt to fight the cold.

Just before his knees could buckle, he heard footsteps on the wooden planks. The dark-haired teen tried to look back at the person advancing on him, managing his goal slowly---almost tortuously so. It took him a second or so to place the kindly face of the male who now was placing both hands on his trembling shoulders, but nevertheless, he managed to so.

"Y-Y---" he stuttered. His friend only smiled.

"Come on, Takaya," he murmured. "You should still be resting. You only woke up this morning, after all."

Silently, the teen stared, completely dumbfounded. It was only when Yuzuru had to physically turn him to face the road that the reincarnate again found his voice.

"Yu...zuru?" Takaya mumbled. He could not understand why his best friend was acting so calmly, especially after the ordeals that he had been forced to go through.

He could not ask that of Yuzuru, nor could he stop shaking, either. The cold wind had permeated more than he had realized; he was still weak from the battles not long passed, and he was ashamed that he had forgotten such a thing.

He stumbled along slowly but steadily, half held up by his fair-haired friend. He scarcely noticed the gentle way Yuzuru's hand stayed flush on his waist, for even the sweet smile on the other male's face was distracting to Takaya at that point.

But he did not argue as Yuzuru led him inside. As much as that must have shocked Chiaki and Kakizaki, Takaya never did care. He was brought to the spare bedroom and tucked under the covers by his smiling friend, almost too gingerly for his own tastes.

"Just relax, okay Takaya? Getting sick won't help anyone."

Yuzuru's words were kind and thoughtful. Takaya watched with weary eyes as his friend wrapped him securely in the blankets. As he began to drift into sleep, he could almost see Naoe's face hovering over him protectively---so when the hesitant, feather-like kiss met his forehead, Takaya gave it no thought. It was comforting, at present, and led him back into the peaceful, silent world of slumber.

°°°

The young man awoke with a start. One hand shot to the thin material of his shirt just over his heart while he panted, breathless, his mind racing.

It had all caught up to him now; the fights, the ragged soldiers, and then Naoe...

Takaya's fingers splayed over his heart. Yes, now he could remember; Naoe had made both his leave and his proclamation all at once. That, to Takaya, hardly seemed fair at all. Here he lay, a mess of assorted thoughts and mixed feelings, and Naoe's lack of presence was only pushing him further into the confusion.

He lay one hand to his head and groaned. It was all too much for now.

The door, then, clicked open. Takaya spun to look quickly, half-hoping to see the face of the now familiar monk peering down at him.

He was met by a surprised, kind face instead, one with pale hair and brilliant eyes. A person who, now frozen in the doorway, held clean linens and what appeared to be a small basket.

A person who was most definitely not Naoe.

"Oh, Takaya!" Yuzuru grinned, kicking the door closed behind him. "Good, you're finally awake!"

The dark-haired teen tilted his head to one side. "Yuzuru?"

Yuzuru nodded, sitting down on the floor near his friend. He placed his belongings nearby, still smiling at Takaya as he moved the basket between them.

"I wasn't too sure if you'd be awake or not yet, but I brought some tea and soup for you just in case," he admitted. "Are you all right with miso, Takaya?"

"Oh... yeah," he replied dumbly. Takaya sat still as the soup bowl was pressed into his hands, and a decent serving as well. The teacup poured for him clinked on the hardwood floor as Yuzuru set it down, and for a little while, it was very silent between them.

Takaya drank silently, staring at his reflection in the cup. His eyebrows knit as he saw the tea leaves swirl about in the hot liquid. What did it all mean? He wasn't sure if he'd ever know now.

"Yuzuru?" he asked quietly. The fair-haired boy looked up to his friend quizzically as he swallowed a particularly large bite of his salmon riceball. "Yeah, Takaya?"

The other teen shirked slightly, the thin cloth on his shoulders sliding down as he began to tremble once more. The tea spilled out onto his fingers and lap, but Takaya failed to notice it.

"N-Naoe---when he left---did he say---and why're you here, anyway? Shouldn't you be in school?"

Yuzuru's smile faded just a touch as Takaya's dark eyes, so full of sadness, turned to meet his. He cleared his throat and smiled, blushing fervently, as he tried to answer the questions for the reincarnated lord and avoid his eyes all at the same time.

"W-Well, Takaya," Yuzuru began with a stutter. He stopped, shook his head, and tried again. "I couldn't leave you alone, and you weren't well enough to travel." By now, as Takaya had noticed, Yuzuru had gone completely red. "Since you've always been there for me, it just seemed like the perfect time to finally pay you back..."

Coughing, the teen looked away quickly. Takaya stared in wonderment as the beet-red Yuzuru crammed another bit of riceball into his mouth. Instinctively the darker-haired male shook his head and lifted his tea---only to wince as finally he noticed that he had spilled all over himself.

"Oh, Takaya!" The dark-haired teen looked up to see Yuzuru scurrying about. Just as he opened his mouth to ask, Yuzuru revealed a damp washcloth---one that he'd apparently been using to cool his own forehead, if Takaya was any guess---and promptly plopped it into the lord's lap to clear up the spill.

Now Takaya went red. Yuzuru hadn't even seemed to notice---but when he moved again to pat his friend's hands clean, Takaya could see that Yuzuru was smiling, just as always.

"You really should be careful not to burn yourself," he chided gently. "At least the tea wasn't hot enough to hurt you i too /i badly..."

"Uh, yeah." Takaya nodded slowly and looked down at his cleansed, dampened hands and the still tea leaves in his cup. What it all meant, he still had no idea---but the answer wasn't any clearer. "Right. Thanks." In fact, things were looking far more grim---

Even if Yuzuru's bright smile said just the opposite.

°°°

"Ougi---Narita---there you are!"

Scowling, Takaya turned to face the angry mug of a rather short girl with light hair and a girl with both a dark braid and an apologetic expression on her face. Saori and Yuiko, fresh on some pointless, after school adventure, he swore to himself. Just as always.

"Lay off, Saori," he snarled, but she wasn't about to leave things at that---not if she had her way, at least.

"Where have you been! Do you have any idea how much school you've missed! Ugh! Ougi, you're so irresponsible!" She planted her hands firmly on her hips and 'hmph'ed. "You're even dragging Narita-kun down with you!" she wailed, and Takaya growled low in his throat. He, as he was certain, had done nothing of the sort. It was the other way around if anything.

Not only that, but there was the small matter of his bike having been put in the shop and him having to walk home, which wasn't pleasant by any stretch of the imagination. He was already more than a little peeved at the world, and Saori certainly wasn't helping his time bomb of a temper. If she was going to start blaming him for being bedridden...

He valued her friendship, honestly he did. It was just that she could always find new ways to piss him off, and now just wasn't a good day for any of that.

"First off, Saori," he barked---then, surprisingly, he was cut off. Not by the girl, either---Yuzuru was the one who placed his hand on Takayas shoulder, smiled, and turned to speak. Takaya himself was so takan aback that he---like the duo of girls---found himself staring.

"I've been helping Ougi out, you see. There was a death in the family, so it was hard on everyone involved." He cast a careful look to his friend and smiled timidly. "Isn't that right, Takaya?"

"...Yeah." Takaya muttered, looking to the ground and shuffling his feet. Saori's eyes narrowed as she looked to him again, but she didn't say anything. Yuiko already gave her condolences by the time Saori seemed satisfied that this news was, indeed, the truth. She made a quick, pointed apology, but it was one that Takaya did not hear. He was thinking now of how Yuzuru was smiling as he had said all of that---and how it was true that his brother, or the reincarnation thereof, had died---a death four hundred years in the making, really---but for Yuzuru to be so casual about something that gradiose, well...

Takaya wasn't sure of what to say.

Not that he had to say anything. Yuiko had to leave for home---or so she said---and Saori wasn't about to let her go off alone. Even as Yuzuru waved goodbye to the pair, chipper as per usual, Takaya found himself far more mixed up in thought than before.

"What the hell was that about?" he asked---demanded, actually. Yuzuru turned to face him, scrunching up his face.

"What do you mean, Takaya?"

Dark eyes narrowed. "That whole thing you said to Saori and Yuiko, Yuzuru."

"Oh," the blond blinked, "that!" He laughed a little, eventually scratching one side of his hand with his free hand---the other he jammed into his pants pocket. "I didn't think you'd want to involve them anymore, that's all. Was I wrong?"

He stared at Takaya, who found himself at another loss for words.

"No, no---just..." He cocked his head in the direction that the two female high schoolers had gone. "Why... didn't you say anything about...?"

Yuzuru flushed at that. "Oh, that. I, ah---it's personal, isn't it? So, I really don't have any right to talk about it. Of course," he added, tapping his chin with his index finger, "I guess I overstepped a lot of boundaries there... Sorry, Takaya..."

Naoe had that same unfortunate habit.

Takaya shook his head quickly. No, he had to remember that it wasn't fair to compare his best friend with Naoe, no matter what the circumstances were or might become.

As he was becoming increasingly aware of the fact that Yuzuru was staring, he looked to the side in a hurry. "Don't worry about it, all right?" he replied in a hurry. "It's fine."

Yuzuru agreed brightly. "All right! Come on, we can hit up that Beef Bowl over there---my treat, okay?"

Takaya nodded and followed behind his jovial friend, barely even listening. All he could see as he looked to his friend was another male with pale hair, this one taller and broad-shouldered, a man who had the odd habit of wearing only dark-coloured business suits.

If only he knew where Naoe stood... maybe then he could be at peace.

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For one whole week, Yuzuru had been faithfully at his side. Takaya stood in his own bedroom doorway, his friend soon to join him from whichever corner of the house he was off to at present. Takaya didn't know; he merely stumbled to bed and, without waiting, lay down. He wanted only to think of the person who was constantly dominating his mind, as he always did at night.

With closed eyes, he exhaled loudly. Someone---Yuzuru---had come in then, and laid down near him.

"Goodnight, Takaya," he heard said to him. The dark-haired teen waited for anything else to be added, but nothing audible resounded. He cracked one bleary eye open, and saw the reddening face of that other male only centimeters from his own.

Takaya sighed softly and closed his eye. "Goodnight, Naoe," he murmured. He could not see the look that passed over Yuzuru's face, but he did feel the tender kiss that was placed to the side of his mouth. Takaya rolled over, greeting Yuzuru with his back while meeting his dreams. Yuzuru only sat beside him, eyes dull, sad, and very nearly tearless.

°°°

When he awoke, Takaya was alone. Yuzuru had left behind a brief but clear note saying that he had to run home for something, but that he would meet up with the darker-haired male in front of school before their first class started.

Personally, Takaua didn't care. He only wished that Yuzuru had bothered to say it to him rather than just drop a 'pointless' little piece of paper on the floor.

Not that it mattered. He forced himself up and out the door, just as he was supposed to, to continue on with yet another dismal day.

School was the same as any other day, no more memorable than any other day he could remember. Granted, Saori let him have it for 'making Narita-kun walk all that long way alone,' but even that was normal enough for her. The only slightly unusual occurance had to have been the pile of detention slips handed to him for having missed several weeks' worth of classes---and Takaya, of course, refused to stay for any of them.

He headed for home alone, too. Yuzuru had said very politely that he was going to be late---Saori had later yelled that it was because of Takaya that he had to stay for detentions of his own---but Takaya knew that it was all Yuzuru's choice in the end. Besides, he'd promised to drop by the next day to see how things were going, so that was all right.

Being as thickheaded as he was, Takaya hadn't even noticed how terse the day had been between himself and his best friend. Not only was the male that he had sworn to protect so far from sight (and mind), but he had been distancing himself all day, without the other ever even realizing it.

As he saw his home appear before him ont he walk home, he froze. Certainly he could not be seeing things---certainly that car in the driveway had to be real---! And it couldn't be anyone else's but---

Takaya ran. His shoes hit the pavement at an erratic beat and he very nearly collided with the door before he had the chance to throw it open.

There he stood in the middle of the room, talking politely with Takaya's beloved younger sister. He turned slowly, his eyes giving away more emotion than his body language could ever reveal.

Maybe his sister said hello, too---Takaya couldn't recall. He knew that his mouth was dry and that words were failing him. Had the girl asked if something was wrong? He didn't know. He was simply standing in his own doorway, wide-eyed and breathless as he stared at the almost mocking face of he who haunted his mind:

"Naoe..."

At that, the monk had to smile. "Ah, so you're finally home." No emotion, no name, no anything. "You were beginning to worry her."

It clicked then that the young girl, so full of worry, was right beside him. Takaya turned to her to apologize, but he could not---rather, would not---remove his gaze from Naoe.

It became awkward, the silence that followed. Upon seeing the intense look that Takaya was giving their guest, his sister excused herself from the room. Now that she had drawn his attention, she smiled apologetically to her dear brother and told him, kindly, "I promised to stay over at a friend's tonight, remember? Yuzuru-kun said he would remind you after class."

Oh, was that what Yuzuru had said? Takaya nodded dumbly, not surprised when Naoe smirked. Once the door had clicked shut and she pressed a good-bye kiss to her brother's cheek ("Be careful out there---I mean it!"), Naoe stood and applauded the pair slowly. Takaya scowled darkly at the action. What right did he have to judge her, anyway?

"I take it things have been working out well for you, my Lord."

Takaya's eyes narrowed. "Come off it, Naoe. What did you learn out there?"

The monk turned and thought for a moment, angering the dark-haired teen further. Why Naoe had to act that way---all the time---was beyond him, but if he thought he could drag Miyu into anything...

"All activity in the north has returned to normal. Following the Hojo defeat, few plans have been made by any other clan to press forward at this time." Naoe turned around, questioning. "And what of you, Lord Kagetora? How have you passed this time?"

"Shut up." Takaya was soon at his feet, quickly moving to close the distance between them that was the living room floor. "The hell was I supposed to feel, huh? After you left me there!" He stepped once to the rear, and one hand came to rest over his heart in backlash of his own words. "You left me... without reason! Care! Anything!"

Naoe said nothing, but watched with a quiet attentiveness as the youth bubbled over.

"You bastard. I'll bet you're enjoying this!" Takaya hissed, and the hand on his chest clenched into a fist. "You---Naoe, you---bastard!"

He was absolutely quaking with rage. He might even have been tempted to take a swing at the monk had the older man not sighed loudly at that moment and, with a dull expression, asked; "Are you finished now?"

Takaya stepped back, confused. "W-What did you say...?"

Naoe smiled. "I apologize for making you feel that way, my Lord. But, just remember how I have felt for the past four hundred years."

At first, the teenaged boy could only shake his head in defiance. Naoe still pressed forward, and Takaya stopped trying to back away. Even as the older man pinned his arms to the wall above his head---a move Takaya sorely remembered---the reincarnation of the Uesugi warlord could not do or say anything in his own stead. He merely allowed his eyes to close and his lips to part seconds before Naoe closed his own admiring eyes.

Their mouths met, lips feverish, but it wasn't until Naoe began to undo his shirt that Takaya opened his eyes. He had wanted this so badly, and now, he would have it.

Takaya surely felt so, too.

°°°

When, the next morning, he opened his eyes, he could see the naked body of Naoe curled flush against his own. The more he thought about it and remembered, the more the young man's face grew somber and his mindset dim. He felt worse than ever before, for when he looked at the man beside him, Takaya found himself imagining another male with light hair, this one with a bright smile and the taste of both tears and hot tea on his lips.

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FIN

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A/N: Mmm, Takaya/Yuzuru. Self, I love you.

---Gangsta Videl