Cross Dressing, Alcoholic, Special K Bars! (Yeah, It's The Best I Could Come Up With!)

I have my first challenge fic! So totally cool! Here it is:

RULES- Must mention Voldemort and pink pants…Seto in a tutu…Jou as a pixie…Special K bars, 16 times…caffeine…Teá living…PG13…Yami in a skirt…Mai fully clothed.

CHALLENGED BY- DreamCherry66 (DC66). Or as I know her, Chantelle. She my editor/yami!

DISCLAIMER- I don't own YGO, Special K bars or anything else in this fic. So don't ask.

WARNING- Teá will not die in this fic…unlike my last few…more weird shit, more swearing… which this time will not be edited in the slightest form or way, more Yaoi, maybe some Yumi, fire, caffeine, sugar and normal randomness that you have come to expect from DC666 and DC66.

COUPLES- Prideshipping, Thiefshipping. Maybe others.

Also…seeing so she didn't specify anything about it…I'm afraid that the hikaris (Ryou, Marik and Yugi) will not be mentioned in this fic…imagine that they're on vacation, dead or the yamis don't have their own bodies yet, it's up to you. Or you could simply say that they are in the loony bin with the others! And I'm going to torture Teá as much as (in-) humanly possible.

"Seven Special K bars on the wall, seven Special K bars. If one falls down and hits the ground, there'll be six Special K bars on the wall." Malik sang. He was either drunk or stoned. We couldn't tell which.

"Six Special K bars on the wall, six Special K bars. If one falls down and hits the ground, there'll be five Special K bars on the wall." Bakura joined in. Apparently, whatever Malik was on was being shared around. Or maybe Bakura started it all…?

"Five Special K bars…" Ishizu keeled over in a drunken sleep. Defiantly Malik…

"Special K bars…right…sure…" Mai seemed not to give a damn that the boys were drunk, singing about Special K bars, that Ishizu was passed out on the floor and that, for once, she, herself, was fully clothed. And by 'fully clothed' I of course mean that she was wearing jeans, a purple 'leather' top, white jacket and shiny black boots.

"Guys, why Special K bars? Why not beer bottles?" Yami asked. He looked damn hot in his new short black leather skirt, not to mention the matching new black leather high-heeled boots, silver satin boob-tube, earrings and tattoos. He grinned as Seto spun around to show off his new white tutu, the one that Yami had got him for their anniversary.

"The empty are bottles beer." Bakura hiccuped. He swayed gently and passed out.

"I'll take that as 'The beer bottles are empty.' shall I?" Yami stared as a figure that looked strangely like Voldemort from the Harry Potter books walked in. He was wearing hot pink, synthetic leather pants. Yami glared, Seto was enjoying this show…and still wearing the white tutu.

"We drank all the -hic- beer. And all the -hic- vodka, -hic- whiskey, bailies, -hic- Tia Maria, tequila, wine, chardonnay, -hic- champagne, crème de menthe and -hic- peppermint essence. And now we're all -hic- shit faced!" Malik giggled as he tried to lift Bakura from the floor and failed miserably.

Voldemort walked up to Yami and said the worst thing possible…"Hey dude, what gives with the hair?" Everyone clamped their eyes shut as Yami's face turned purple. Seto clenched his fists.

"It is a genetic complication. Thank you for asking…NOW GET LOST!" Yami said through his firmly gritted teeth. He was not happy and neither was his koi.

"YES SIR!" Voldemort saluted and went to leave. Then he paused and turned around. "I'm already lost…can you direct me to a Harry Potter fic where everyone is cross-dressing?"

"Sure. Go back to the story 'Family Fun for Everyone!', take a left, then at 'Do You Believe In Monsters?' take a right, go straight until you reach 'Family Ties equals Messy Lives' then take another left. If you see 'Authors Who Let Me Torture Them Using The FF Peeps' you'll know you've gone too far. D'ya get all that?" Mai was the one giving the directions. Although it seems strange, seeing so the only directions she seems to give are ones that tell you to go jump off a tall building and land on your head or where you can stick your Millennium Items…she was also still fully clothed…

Voldemort looked up from his scribbled-on piece of paper with an evil grin. "Yes, thank you. And now, if you don't mind, I must leave to kill a certain little prick with glasses and a funky scar…" With that, he walked out cackling like the madman he is…was…WHATEVER!

"I know how he feels…I'd like to kill a certain bitch, myself…" Yami grumbled.

At that moment, Teá entered and hugged Seto. "FRIENDSHIP!" She squealed.

"Don't…touch…my…Seto!" Yami seethed. "MIND CRUSH!" Unfortunately, he was too late, for Malik had sent the evil woman to the Shadow Realm a split second before the attack was launched.

"No, what we do is leave her there for a few minutes and when we bring her back…we can ship her off to the loony bin…alongside Duke, Tristan, Jou, Serenity, Pegasus, Noah, Solomon, Odeon, Rebecca, Weevil, Rex, Maiko, Noah, Mokuba, Seth and all the other people that we sent to the Shadow Realm, you used Mind Crush on, I used Mind Control on or Bakura did his weird thing on." Malik grinned.

"Yes, and if that doesn't work…I'll just use Mind Crush on her again. But this time, you will not disturb me while I am enjoying myself." Yami growled.

"Alright, alright. It's about time we brought her back anyway." Malik smiled at his friend then at his lover, who was still passed out on the floor.

Suddenly, Teá was sitting on the ground, curled up in a ball, crying and hugging her knees. She seemed to be in severe mental anguish. "Monsters…not safe…help…" She whispered.

"I'm waiting to see if she is at all disturbed…" Yami sighed.

"…friendship…" Teá whispered gently as she pawed at the sleeping Bakura's hair. Malik frowned.

"DIE!" Yami screamed and spear-tackled her. He sat on her stomach and dangled the Millennium Puzzle over her head. "MIND CRUSH!" He pulled her to her feet so he could push her over again.

The teenage girl screamed in pain and held her head as her mind deteriorated into nothing. She crumpled to the ground near the semiconscious Bakura and lay there.

Bakura sat up and looked at the unconscious girl next to him. "Is it dead?" He asked with a hint of amusement in his voice. He poked her with a stick that magically appeared in his hand.

Yami frowned as she moaned. "No, not dead. I just used Mind Crush on her. That's all…can I poke her?" He grinned as another stick appeared out of thin air, this one, however, was much pointier and landed in his hair. "OW! It's tangled! Seto, help me!"

Seto rushed over and proceeded to detangle the stick from his lover's hair. As soon as it was freed, Seto decided he also wanted to poke the evil whore. In a split second, there was another stick in his hand… uh, actually in his hand…Seto screamed in pain. Having a stake driven through your hand hurts…a lot.

Everyone ignored him long enough for everyone to poke Teá with an incredibly sharp stick. In the end they decided to let him have a poke and then take him (still wearing the white tutu), Teá and the intoxicated Ishizu to the hospital.

At the hospital, while they waited for Seto to return, Ishizu to have her stomach pumped and Teá to be placed in a straightjacket and well, for everything else that is inevitable to happen to them…there was a breakout from the high-security cells in the mental care wing. The escapee was none other than world renowned, third-rate duellist Jounouchi Katsuya! Whom had recently had his mind destroyed by former friend/opponent, Yami Moto.

It was much to the shock of our 'heroes' (if you could call them that…), when good old Jou ran through wearing a pixie outfit and screaming about how Special K bars were taking over the world…again…

"Special K bars? Hey! Ishizu passed out before we could finish the song!" Malik smirked.

"Five Special K bars on the wall, five Special K bars. If one falls down and hits the ground, there'll be four Special K bars on the wall." Bakura and Malik sang happily. Suddenly, Mai hit them both on the forehead with the plastic heel of her boots. Apart from the shoes…she was still fully clothed!

"Enough with the Special K bars! I've had it up to here with those goddamned Special K bars!" She screeched at the two males who were now whimpering in fear at her feet.

Although he seemed rather amused by all this commotion, Yami stood up and yawned. "I don't know about anyone else, and personally I don't care, but I need caffeine! If I am to worry about my dear Seto, I need to be awake to do it!" With that he stomped off to find a coffee machine…or maybe a café, he needed strong caffeine, like a cappuccino, not that piss-weak crap that the machines make. Although a nice chocolate bar would do too…

THE END! (…finally…)

There! I hope she's happy! It took all of my restraint not to kill Teá. I am so sorry that I didn't follow one rule properly, I had Mai remove her shoes so that she could hit Malik and Bakura…or maybe she had them off before she hit them…wearing heels for a few hours does end up hurting.

Special K bars were mentioned twenty-odd times up to here, including A/N's at either end of the story! And if you want to know why I said twenty-odd, it's because I can't count past…two…it's a sad fact…it's part of being blonde…

Yami wore his new skirt! Seto wore his tutu! Mai wore CLOTHES! Voldemort wore pink pants (although, I find it quite gross that she made me mention a man, who is well into his sixties, wearing pink pants…since we are frequently discussing that males shouldn't wear pink! Never, full stop)! Jou wore his pixie outfit! YAY!

I should have just made it as one big orgy! Every time someone 'came' they could have yelled out 'Special K bars', the outfits could have been a turn-on for some people…and uh…they could have all had caffeine before-hand…and Mai could have filmed it!

…and just so you know…I may actually do that! And Teá can die due to someone's kinky fantasy…or just to someone's fantasy, not necessarily a kinky one…

Be grateful, I finished this at midnight! It took me a week and a half! (I had four fics going at once, okay?) Not bad for a 'Just Do It So She'll Shut Up' bit…but anyway, it was fun while it lasted…I'll be back soon with my next one shot fic! (Song/YGO fic: 'So This Is Goodbye?' Coming to a computer screen near you!)

HEY! Sorry, I was playing YGO Worldwide Edition on my Visual Boy Advance (Game Boy for your computer) and I think Seto has been borrowing Pegasus' deck! He just revealed two Gemini Elves and a Dark Rabbit! That is so a Pegasus move! And he BEAT ME! The love of my life BEAT ME in a duel! And when I was duelling Joey he said that it'll take him eleven turns to beat me…he did it in eight…I think I'll go do a 'Kura…(for info go to the fic: Family Fun For Everyone! It's in Chapter 6. How do I know? I'm the authoress!)

Now I think it's over to DC66 to tell you what she thought of it! Otherwise I'm gonna go on about more random crap that doesn't mean anything to anyone! Until next time, feel free to dream of Prideshipping, Puppyshipping, Tendershipping, Bronzeshipping, Psychoshipping, Puzzleshipping, Thiefshipping and all other forms of shipping!

Y DC666!

.:To DC66:. Please don't punish me, yami no tenshi…I tried…I swear, I tried my hardest…

DC66- Hm, well, I haven't edited this because I want everyone to read it as it was written. Yeesums, she was challenged to do this by me, and in return I was challenged to one by her. Mine will be up in a few days because my USB has all of my fics on it and I accidentally left it at DC666's house. For the record, DC666 and I found out that we have a rather weird friendship. One of our friends pointed out to us that we have a relationship similar to that of a yami/hikari as friends one. Me being the yami, because I'm always getting her to do weird shit and piss people off, and her as the hikari because she's a chicken-shit. XD I like my friends' logic.