Update: July 10th, 2005

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. The story belongs to Fred et George (186521). And the translation belongs to me :)

Werewolfing

2- Dark thoughts

Throughout the night, as Hogwarts was turning his back to the outside world to sink in its dreams, a young boy was staring at his window, his eyes faraway. From time to time, a tear was flowing down his cheek. However, he was too concentrated on his thoughts to bother about that. And, anyway, nobody was there to see it. Curled up on the window ledge, Remus Lupin was silently praying. If he had tried, he wouldn't have been able to remember which was the last moment he had been really glad and free. He had never had friends; children were too scared of him. And those who weren't had their parental ban; they couldn't talk to him, nor approach him at less than two meters if it was absolutely necessary. He had always been put aside, nobody wanting to be near him. Before he entered Hogwarts, he could only rely on his parents' presence that did everything for him. They had moved to another country so he could go at school – Dumbledore being the only director to accept him. The teachers were the only ones to know what he was. Nobody knew. No parent, no children. Here, nobody was running away from him screaming, nobody was pointing him, nobody was insulting him. In Hogwarts, he had finally managed to come near from what could be real happiness.

He had never been naïve enough to think it would last forever. He knew everything would come back as before. But he would have memories to accompany him or help him holding on during difficult moments, when those who trusted him would turn their back on him. However, he didn't know how would react Dumbledore when the news would spread out. He didn't know if he would be expelled or authorized to stay here. He didn't have much hope. No parent would let his child near someone like him. And he didn't know if he wanted to live through people who would be afraid of him. He didn't know what would happen with him, but he knew his hatred for Professor Spite would never fade.

The young boy had only thin hopes with what had done the Defence against the Darks Arts teacher. He thought for a moment that he could maybe ask Dumbledore to cancel his friends' detention. But he knew the director couldn't do that and it would be too weird to stay unknown. He forgot the idea. He also thought that, maybe, neither James, nor Sirius, nor Lily would find his secret. Or perhaps they wouldn't tell anybody ? He could thus stay at school and fake to be normal.

At the middle of the night, Remus Lupin prayed the silence so his life wouldn't be completely destroyed.

"Remus ?"

He turned around swiftly to see James Potter at his side. He looked sleepy and was blinking continuously. He hadn't put his glasses, giving him a vulnerable look. Remus, with the moonlight, could say James Potter' hair had again chosen to take the opposite direction their genes had given them.

"Why are you still up, Remus ?" James whispered.

"Nothing… I can't sleep," he answered, turning back toward the window.

"What's wrong ?"

"Nothing, it's okay. I..."

"Remus..."

James had approached him and put his hand on his shoulder. Remus had a start and turned around. James looked at him in the eyes for a moment and then, raised his hand so he could take away the tear that was flowing down his cheek. After, he put back his hand on his shoulder. Remus opened wide his eyes, horrified that James had seen him cry.

"Do you think I never noticed you were often up through the nights ?" James asked softly.

Remus didn't say a word. He just stared, wondering if he should be grateful for his obvious worry, or angry to be caught up.

"Will you finally tell me what's wrong ?"

This time, Remus didn't even try to say he was all right. He was listening to his little voices. One was telling him to say the truth to James, the other one to shut up. Both friends stared at each other for a long moment. Finally, Remus looked away.

"I… I'm sorry. I would like to… Really… But I can't," he said hoarsely.

James closed his eyes and sighed.

"Okay. But I'll always be there if you need to talk to someone."

Remus forces himself to believe his friend's words. He turned around and smiled weakly. James grinned back and pressed his shoulder. Then he looked at the window.

"The moon is beautiful tonight," James stated vaguely.

"Yeah…"

"It's almost full."

"I know…"

Remus looked at him from the corner of his eyes. Did he know ? Maybe James had understood. Maybe he was from those who could understand. Maybe… He gave it a try.

"It'll be full in three days."

James turned around and smiled.

"If the night is as clear as today, it will be an excellent moment for a walk under the moonlight !" James answered.

Remus turned away. No, James didn't know. Remus had opened the door so he could show he knew, but he had closed it. Remus forced himself into his game.

"I wonder whom you would like to invite…" he said mischievously.

"Mmmmh… I wonder too !" James answered with the same voice.

He pressed another time Remus' shoulder and returned in his bed. Remus did the same.

"Goodnight Remus."

"'night James."

Long after his friend's breathing had lowered, Remus was still thinking about James' words and everything he had seen in his eyes. And he finally fell asleep, his heart hurt because he hadn't told him the truth.

Contrary to his habit, James Potter was dressed, completely awoken and ready to start his day to the same hour when he usually was trying to kill his alarm clock. When he finally had decided to put aside his pillow (to protect himself from the more– enthusiastic sun rays he would have wished) he had thought again about the events of the night. He had sit up in his bed and looked around himself, blinking. At last, he groped for his glasses with a grumble. Remus wasn't in the room. He was now searching him.

He went in the Gryffindor' common room without any sound, hoping he would find his friend. At first sight, it seemed empty. The fire that was usually giving some warmth to the autumn cold nights was extinguished and a perfect silence was on the room. James walked quietly between the seats, looking in all the corners. He finally noticed a hand peacefully put on an armchair, in the back near a window. Even from that far, it was easy to know which hand it was. Pale and sickly, thin but strong. The hand James had seen could only be Remus Lupin' one. He just wished his body would also be in the seat and walked there silently. When he was at his side, he saw Remus' face and noticed he was asleep, an empty glazed paper on his knees. James took the other seat placed in front of his and watched him sleep. For an odd reason, Remus always seemed younger and happier when he was asleep. His face usually gloomy and tired was becoming childish. Remus seemed to be one of those children that had lived something hard and grew up to fast. Even when he was glad, a veil covered his eyes yet too mature for a twelve years old child. So, James watched him sleep peacefully, wondering about what was happening in his head to make him smile like that. After a long moment, the sound of an enthusiastic person walking down the stairs could be heard. James identified the person as a happy Sirius Black and Remus woke up with a start. The glazed paper fell off his knees and slipped under his seat while the boy stood up to find from where came that sound. He finally saw James in front of him and gave him a perplex look. James grinned and opened his mouth to talk, but as he was right, Sirius Black came in the room faster than a flash, saw James et rushed on him as an eagle toward its prey.

"Hi Jamesie ! What are you doing up ? Where is Remus ? How are you doing this morning ? Ready for tomorrow match ? Oh, hi Rémi ! How are you ?" Sirius asked with his usual happy voice.

James and Remus looked at each other, smiled and turned around. They watched as Sirius was taking another seat between his two friends, grinning madly.

"Everything's all right thanks, and you ?" James answered.

"Me ? I'm in perfect shape !" he answered. "What were you both doing ? Plotting things behind my back ?"

Remus seemed embarrassed. Obviously, he didn't want James to tell what had happened last night or that he had fallen asleep in the common room.

"Hey Sirius, we would never dare ! The sun waked me up and I came down here. Remus was here yet and we were precisely thinking about you being an excellent mascot for the Gryffindor team when you arrived," James stated with casualness.

"Ha ha ! So funny, Potter ! So, as we're all up, we should go eat !" Sirius said.

"And Peter ?" Remus asked, opening his mouth for the first time.

Sirius answered by a machiavellian grin and jumped down in seat. He ran toward the boys' dormitory. James looked at Remus, smiling.

"Violent awakening in view ! Poor Peter," James said.

Remus didn't answer. He was staring at James with his most serious look. Both friends gazed at each other for a few seconds.

"Remus ?"

"It's been a long time since you've been watching me sleep ?"

"Oh, I don't know ! I didn't check on my watch. Why ?" James asked.

"Don't mind… thank you," he added suddenly.

"Why so ?"

"Nothing. Thank you, that's all."

James was too stunned to answer, so he only stared at Remus who was searching something. After a moment, when Remus had stood up to search even more, James remembered the glazed paper. He leaned toward the armchair to take it.

"Is it what you're…"

James didn't finish his sentence, surprised by what he was seeing. He had thought the glazed paper was empty, but now he noticed it was a picture. Dressed as a Hawaiian dancer, a flower in his hair, Sirius Black was doing quite well an exotic dance with Cathy White who was laughing too much to dance properly. Sat on the ground, bursting in laughter, Peter was clapping his hands at the rhythm of the music. Lily was kneeling down behind James and Remus, her arms around their neck. The three of them where roaring with laughter. The picture had been taken during the summer vacations, at Remus' house. James stared at it for a moment. Then, he looked up at Remus who was avoiding his eyes again. James frowned, wondering why on earth Remus had fallen asleep with this picture in his hand. He tried to remember what had been so outstanding during this week, but except the fact that it had been one of the most amusing of his life, he couldn't point what had been so special. He was about to ask him when an infernal sound came from the stairs again. James quickly gave back the picture to Remus while Peter, half dressed and still sleeping, entered in the common room, followed closely by Sirius who was pushing him.

"We're going to eat mates !" Sirius announced, still pushing Peter toward the door.

When James looked again at Remus, he noticed the picture had already disappeared, probably in his pocket, and that he was watching at his friends with a small smile. He finally gave a grateful look at James and followed Sirius and Peter who was trying to put his tie properly, wear his robes, while slipping on his shoes.

Even with all his will, James Potter wouldn't have been able to concentrate on his friend's problems. The first Quidditch match fever was too strong on this Friday morning. And since he would also play his first match as a chaser, James was hit by the collective hysteria. Even Remus seemed to feel better during the breakfast. We also need to say that when Sirius Black is so happy, it's hard to stay depressed.

"What's the class this morning ?" Peter asked between two jokes from Sirius.

"Peter ! It's Friday ! And what do we have the happiness and the joy to have each Friday ? Double drink with the Slimmerins !" Sirius announced cheerfully.

Sirius' sentence had fallen in one of those times where everyone seemed to have decided to stop talking at the same moment. Consequently, the whole hall heard him. Silence deepened even more.

"Oops…"

James saw Sirius blushed when he felt that everyone was watching him with eyes wide opened. James knew it didn't bother Sirius to insult the Slytherins. However, he knew his friend liked his potions teacher and that he was hoping he hadn't made him angry. Evidently, all the students were saying they were going in drink and not in potions with Jacques Daniel, but nobody had ever said it before him. Since, even if the French man was a well-known alcoholic, his lessons were funny and instructive. It was obviously for that reason that he had kept his place at the school. Even drunk, he was mastering his program. Sirius, as well as many of his mates, liked the professor Daniel very much. James finally dared to glance toward the staff table in order to judge the damages. He didn't know if he was astonished or relieved when he saw Daniel – his head against his arm, shaking from what seemed to be an enormous guffaw. Every face was on him when he broke down in laughter, both hands on his prominent belly.

"Drink class ! That's the best joke ever !" Daniel hardly succeeded to say, taking back his breath.

At this moment, a chain reaction was unlatched and most of the staff and students accompanied Jacques Daniel. Roar of laughter were heard and Sirius received some slaps on his back.

"That's what I call chance," cried out Cathy. "Sirius, you really are lucky !"

"That's only my charm," answered Sirius, still laughing.

Cathy gave him a punch on his shoulder and started laughing too.

"You have a cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute charm, my dear !" she replied.

James exchanged a glance with Remus. It was obvious for everybody that Cathy had a crush on Black' cute charm. However, this one didn't seem to notice it. James asked himself another time about the reason of this strange thing and he then remembered something Remus had already told him. When we're attracted to someone, we're always the last one to realise it's mutual. For an unexplainable reason, James was convinced Remus hadn't only talked about Sirius and Cathy that time. He mentally noted to ask Remus what were his intentions that day and took his back so he could go to his "drink" class. He was followed by most of the students. As his friends and him were sitting at the end of the room, he stopped for a moment so there would be less people crowding the place.

"I think Sirius' cuuuuuuuute charm didn't reach everybody," a voice murmured into James' ear.

James turned over and found himself face to face with Remus. This one made a sign toward a group of Slytherins. Ninety nine point nine percent of the Slytherins hadn't laughed at all at Sirius' joke. They only looked at Black with pure hatred. The winner of the most malefic look was certainly Severus Snape. His disgusted grimace announced to James that if Sirius wouldn't have any problem with Jacques Daniel, he would have some with Snape.

He glanced again at Remus who shrugged and took the direction of the exit.

"We can build the bridge when the river will be coming," Remus said without looking behind him.

On the opposite of his common behaviour, Sirius had done everything he could so he wouldn't be noticed during the potion class. Even if Daniel had smile to him – followed by the usual alcohol scent - when he had entered the room, Sirius didn't want his chance to turn its back on him. Sitting by his side, James was sometimes looking at him with a smile. To see Sirius Black with a serious look during a so long time was as frequent as to see Spite grin. James turned his head toward Remus and immediately saw that his friend was thinking the same thing as him. They turned at the same time toward Sirius who rolled his eyes and looked at them with the most angelic face we could ever imagine. James and Remus softly laughed.

"You're exceptionally calm Monsieur Black. Something's bothering you ?" suddenly asked Professor Daniel.

Without quitting his angelic face, Sirius turned his head toward him.

"Oh no Monsieur Daniel. I simply find your lesson really interesting," Sirius answered.

Some laughs could be heard through the Gryffindors.

"Well. That's obvious Monsieur Black !" Daniel retorted, amused. "I suppose that an essay about the proprieties of the Monkshood has nothing to do with your apparent calm ?"

It appeared that Daniel had heard about the four rolls of parchment Spite had given them. As James was breaking in laughter, he felt Remus freeze. He turned his head toward him and saw the boy looking at Professor Daniel with despair. This one seemed to notice since his smile became less natural.

"Oh, that would be charming as it would be in the same area as what we already received," answered playfully Sirius. "The Monkshood is the same as the Wolfbane, isn't it ?"

"Indeed ! You didn't forget ? That's marvellous ! Five points for Gryffindor ! Now, go back to your lesson Mister Black," concluded Daniel.

While Sirius was grinning madly, James saw the professor exchange a strange glance with Remus. He really seemed sorry. Perplex, he looked around to see if someone had caught this exchange but he forgot when he saw the horrified glance Snape darted to Sirius. James felt a head between Remus and him.

"Vulture coming on the war path. Take out cannons and harquebus, murmured Cathy White.

She was sitting behind them with Peter. She had claimed her warning loud enough so Sirius and Lily would catch it. At the same time, they looked up toward Severus. The boys laughed while Cathy and Lily exchanged a glance of complicity. Daniel looked at them as a warning, so they all went back to work. James noted to remember to ask Cathy about what could be cannons and harquebus, and then concentrated on squashing his spiders. From time to time, he sensed some movement between Cathy and Lily. He smiled, thinking Lily was probably bombarded by little messages from Cathy about guys in particular and in general. He finally leaned forward to look at Lily. Frowning, she was answering to Cathy. She must have felt James' eyes on her since she turned around and smiled. James grinned and then looked up to the sky in order to signify his complete boredom as for Cathy's messages. However, Lily – who was usually answering in the same way – only smiled mysteriously and winked. Then, she returned to her work. James looked intensively toward her, hoping she would give him an explanation. However, Lily conscientiously kept her eyes far from his, her strange smile always on her lips. James thought about how she was beautiful when she was smiling this way before going back to his spiders. He found them a lot more disgusting than some seconds before. He had forgotten the messages exchange since several minutes when he heard Peter scream. Everyone looked at him. An abnormal smoke was coming out from his cauldron. The Professor Daniel ran to him as fast as his unsteady legs could.

"But, Mister Pettigrow ! What did you do again ?" Daniel scowled.

"Nothing ! I don't understand, Professor !" Peter moaned.

"You mixed-up your ingredients again ! It's still a simple recipe ! You should stay more attentive to..."

The teacher stopped when he heard a second shout coming from the Slytherins. He swiftly turned his head and saw many enormous tarantulas in Severus Snape' hair. Gryffindors fell down laughing as Peter' potion miraculously ceased smoking. With a fast move from Daniel, the spiders disappeared and then he faced the Gryffindors. His eyes were shining from anger.

"Well, well. I know it came from your side. An excellent diversion plus someone talented with charms and everything's done. I don't have any proof so I can't take off points to your house, but I KNOW who did that. I recommend you to not do it again !"

As he was talking, he was looking from Cathy – who was well placed for the distraction – to Lily who was the best in charms. Both girls pretended very well surprise and innocence. They also nod at the same time as the others. James didn't look at them. On the other hand, he saw that Severus Snape had also understood who had done the trick and that it wouldn't stay unpunished. James mentally noted to watch over Lily and Cathy during the next days. He exchanged a glance with Sirius and Remus and then went back to work. Professor Daniel wasn't the one who was staying frustrated more than three minutes and a half, so the atmosphere soon came back to normal. The students, though, knew that if they brought him back to anger, they wouldn't forget it. It was quite hard to infuriate Daniel, but when it happened, it was surprising how his friendly face could change. The class ended in a perfect silence.

Nobody talked about the incident during the morning. However, it wasn't the case anymore at noon.

"Why did you do that ?" Remus asked, admiring but still anxious.

"I don't like when people throw murderer looks to my little sweetie sugar Siriusipooh," Cathy answered.

They all laughed. The friendly flirt between Sirius and Cathy was always entertaining. Curiously, they were constantly telling sweet nothings to each other's, but none of them had understood they were sincere.

"Okay. That's nice, Cathy love. And you Lily, what's your explanation ?" Sirius asked. "Is it for the day he walked over the glasses of our dear Jamesie ?"

Lily raised proudly her chin. She wouldn't admit that she wanted to avenge James Potter in front of James Potter. On the other hand, she couldn't help but blush a little bit. Though, games didn't notice it because he was busy looking daggers at Sirius.

"No. I'm only the best in charms and Cathy needed help from me to protect her sweetie sugar Siriusipooh," she answered.

"Exactly ! So I did a diversion with Paul's potion..."

"Oh thanks, that's nice ! And my name is Peter !"

"Oh ? Yes, that's true. Anyway, we needed a realist distraction and, to be honest, your potions always have a tendency to strangely smoke," Cathy said.

Peter opened his mouth to protest and then closed it. It was true he wasn't really good in potions. Neither in the other classes. He only folded his arms and sulked. Cathy shrugged; Peter Pettigrow' humors were her last care.

"And Lily threw her charm of... of... of what ?" Cathy asked.

"I won't tell you, I don't want you to use it against me ! I hate spiders," Lily answered, shivering.

They all laughed. Nobody notice that Severus Snape had heard the entire conversation and was now going away with a horrible smile.

After a lot of time, a new chapter ! Sorry again for every mistake that surely are in this chapter, but oh well, I'm doing this to improve my English and because I REALLY (Yes, F&G your fic deserves caps lol) like this story ! Hope you liked it also :)

Pickledishkiller; Thank you so much ! I really appreciated your review. That is so nice :)