Red vs Blue:War is Hell

Dont own Halo nor RVB, wish I did though

Chapter 2

Blue base...

"Church!" Church was on top of their base alseep but jumped up when he heard Tucker yell his name. He looked around and then down through the hole in the roof.

"What?" Church groaned.

"We just got a shipment from Blue Command. Ammo and fuel." Tucker said happily.

"Thank God." Church sighed and walked down the ramp and went over to Shiela. Caboose was filling her up with gas and Tucker came out of the base holding a box of bullets. He laid them on the ground and opened the box but all was in there was rockets for a rocket launcher. "What the hell?" Church muttered.

"Rockets?" Tucker asked. "I mean what the hell? We don't have a damn rocket launcher!"

"All done filling Shiela up." Caboose walked over to the two. "She is a happy tank."

"Crapcrap crap!" Church shouted.

Red base...

"Okay Colorado, are you ready to go?" Sarge asked.

"We're lucky that Red Command dropped off some machine gun ammo." Simmons said.

"I still don't see why I have to stay with Donut to guard the base." Grif sighed.

"Well, we didn't want to give you any ammo." Simmons said. "And Donut is very annoying."

"This will be fun." Donut cheered. "Just me and Grif at the base. Me and Grif. Grif and me."

"Please just shut up!" Grif yelled.

"Alright, Colorado, I'll go get the Warthog." Sarge said and ran to the other side of the base.

"What's the Warthog?" Colorado asked freaked out by the name.

"It's this stupid puma like jeep." Grif said.

"For the last time!" Simmons yelled. "It looks nothing like a puma! Looks more like your dick than a puma."

"Go to hell, Simmons." Grif said to the maroon guy. At that time, Sarge pulled the Warthog jeep around and Simmons jumped into the gunner's position. Colorado studied it then sat in the passenger's seat. They drove off as Grif and Donut watched.

The two went to the top of the bunker and began their lookout job. Donut began humming the Three's Company song and Grif turned and glared at him.

"Sorry." Donut said stopping the humming. "So, Grif, want to braid each other's hair?"

Blue base...

"Uh oh." Caboose said. He was standing on top of the blue base, holding the sniper rifle watching the Warthog coming towards the base. "Oh crap. Oh crap." Caboose then put the rifle away and stepped to the edge of the base where Church was cursing at the rockets in the box and Tucker was watching. "Um, Tucker! Church!"

"What?" Tucker asked looking up to him.

"Um, the, uh, jeep, thing, is, um-"

"Dammit, Caboose!" Church shouted looking up to him. "Out with it!" But before Caboose could answer him, the Warthog ran Church over and he flew up landing on the roof of the bunker.

"Son of a bitch!" Tucker shouted running up the ramp.

"Son of a bitch." Church moaned getting up standing next to Caboose. "Caboose, why didn't you say anything?" he asked. Caboose turned and stared at Church.

The Warthog stopped and Simmons began firing at the bunker roof. "Stop your shooting." Colorado said loading his machine gun. "I'll handle this myself." Colorado jumped out of the passenger's seat and ran around to the other side of the bunker.

Simmons just aimed the machine gun at the bunker and Sarge fiddled with his fingers. Simmons sighed and said, "Sir, just in case we don't survive this, well, I've really enjoyed serving you in this war."

Church, Tucker, and Caboose were all ducked behind a random crate that was apperantly bullet proof.

"Where the hell did this random bullet proof crate come from?" Tucker asked. Church and Caboose just shrugged.

"Hey, they stopped shooting." Church said. "Let's go for it."

"Go for what?" Tucker whispered. "Go for the jeep? Last time we did that, the fucking thing blew up and then Caboose shot you with the tank!"

"Oh yeah." Church nodded. "Maybe it'll be different this time. Look, they've stopped shooting!"

"But I can still see them." Tucker said peeking over the crate. "Two of'em are sitting in it. Hey wait. Where's the other guy?"

Church grabbed the sniper rifle and zoomed it in towards the red base and saw Grif and Donut standing on it. "Holy crap, Tucker! two of the reds are at the base."

"Which means..." Caboose said, "...they can teleport without a teleporter. No wait, maybe they are imps."

"Imps?" Church asked. "What the hell is an imp?"

"You know." Tucker said. "An imp. It's a little greenish paleish animal with a horn."

"You two are morons." Church shook his head. "There is no such thing as an imp."

Colorado snuck around to the other ramp on the other side of the base that leads up to the roof. He stopped at it and loaded his pistol, machine gun, and shotgun. "Fucking reds." he muttered to himself. "Don't know what the hell they're talking about. Warthog? What kind of name is that? Or puma? That's even worse. Whatever. I just want my money." Colorado then ran up the ramp and pointed his machine gun at the three blues.

"What the hell?" Church looked up. "Ah crap."

"Get up." Colorado ordered. The three blues stood up and gulped as Sarge and Simmons came up to the top of the base and held their guns to the blues.

Meanwhile, back at red...

Grif had the sniper rifle watching the activity at the blue base. He was speechless when he saw that the blues had actually been captured. "Holy friggin' crap." Grif said putting the rifle away.

"What?" Donut asked turning from his magazine with the words, "It's Okay To Be Pink", on the cover.

"Unbelievable." Grif shook his head. "You'll never believe this, Donut. They captured them!"

"Oh my God!" Donut yelled. "Sarge and the others have been captured! Ahhh! I'll save them!"

"No moron!" Grif shouted. "Sarge and the others captured the blues."

"Really?" Donut asked.

Back at the blues...

"Sir, I'm about to cry." Simmons said turning his head away from the others. "We did it."

"I know, Simmons. I know." Sarge nodded. "I can't believe it either. I just wish Grif was here. To rub it in his face."

"You do know Grif is on your side, right?" Colorado asked.

"We know." Simmons nodded. "But he said we'd never conquer them."

"You bastards." Church said. "We'll get out of this. You guys seem to suck at keeping hostages."

"That is true." Simmons nodded.

"Are you imps?" Caboose asked. Everyone stared at him.

"What in sam hell is an imp, son?" Sarge asked.

"Don't ask him. Please." Church said.

"Anyway," Colorado said, "I'll just kill these cock fights, collect my debt, and be on my way."

"Sounds good." Simmons said.

Colorado chuckled and aimed his machine gun at Tucker's head. Right before he pulled the trigger, a bullet went through his head as blood splattered over all of the red and blue men. Colorado's dead body fell on Tucker.

"Ah!" Tucker yelled throwing the body off. They all looked and saw another figure standing on the ridge on the canyon in the distance. The figure was holding a sniper rifle and had black armor.

"Holy shit." Church groaned. "You guys know who that is?"

"Vic?" Sarge asked.

"Wyoming?" Tucker asked.

"Joe Pesci?" Simmons asked.

"The King of Spades?" Caboose asked.

Church stared at them all and sighed. "Noooo." he shook his head. "It's-" Church was interupted by a bullet going through his stomach. He fell over next to Tucker.

Tucker sighed and muttered, "Shit."