Red vs Blue:War is Hell

Chapter 4

"Son of a bitch!" Grif shouted as another shot from the tank hit the side of the red base.

"What do we do, Sarge?" Simmons asked.

"We've been in this situation before." Sarge said. "What did we do then?"

"Ooh!" Donut cheered. "An air strike!"

"Good idea, Princess Peach." Sarge nodded. He then pushed a switch on the side of his helmet and began talking to Vic. "Vic! Come in, Vic!"

"Hey, Sarge." Vic said. "How's it going, dude?"

"We're pretty fucked up!" Grif shouted.

"I hear that." Vic nodded. "But, anyway, what can I do for you, dude?"

"We need an air strike to take out that tank!" Sarge yelled into his helmet.

"Dude, I'm going to tell you one more time, dude." Vic sighed. "You gotta fill out the papers and fax them to me."

"Fine." Sarge groaned. "We luckily got a new fax machine. Simmons! Start filling out the order!"

"Sir, yes, sir!" Simmons yelled and ran into another room of the base with shots from Shiela still hitting it.

"Surely they're dead by now." Caboose said. "Shiela, stop the shooting." Shiela then stopped shooting at the base. Caboose watched it carefully. He then saw the pink private poke his head out, scream, and run back into the base. "Shiela, commence firing."

"Don't you mean continue firing?" Shiela asked.

"Um, yes, whatever." Caboose said glaring at her. "Just kill them!"

"Alright red dudes." Vic said. "Air stike is on the way."

"Thanks." Sarge said switching his radio off. "Alrighty. The tank is as good as gone."

At that time they heard jets flying over them. Caboose looked up at the jets nervously and gulped. "Um, Caboose." Shiela said. "Why don't we move?"

"Good idea." Caboose nodded but it was too late. The bombs started falling and one hit Shiela. She exploded and flipped over completey on her back. Caboose, however, flew out of the cockpit and landed in a patch of dirt near Shiela.

All four reds ran out and over to the tank. "Hey Sarge!" Grif yelled pointing to Caboose's body in the dirt. "Is that the moronic Caboose guy?" Grif asked.

Sarge ran over to Caboose and studied him. "Yep." he nodded. "I'm awful surprised he was able to cause so much chaos, though."

"Well, he was the one attacking when we ordered the first air strike." Simmons said. "Is he dead, sir?"

"Oh yeah." Sarge nodded. "He's dead alright."

Back at the blue base...

Church moaned and stood up. Tucker and Tex got up shortly after. "What happened?" Tucker asked.

"That fucktard knocked us out." Tex said.

"Why?" Church asked. "He had this deep voice, though."

"Oh shit." Tex groaned. "It must be that AI."

"And what's that joker's name?" Church asked. "Bill? Jorgio? Clarence?"

"No." Tex shook her head. "His name is Montross or something like that."

"I wish my name was Montross." Tucker sighed.

"Why?" Church turned to his companion. "That's a dorky name. Montross."

"It's better than Tucker." Tucker snapped. "In high school, my nickname was Fucker."

"Guys, we need to find Caboose and-" Tex then saw Shiela flipped over on her back in the distance. She pulled out her sniper rifle and zoomed in. She saw the four reds inspecting Shiela's turned body and Caboose's dead body. "Holy shit, guys!"

"What is it?" Church asked pulling out his own sniper rifle.

"Son of a bitch, why don't I get a sniper rifle?" Tucker asked angerily.

"Caboose is dead." Church said.

"No way." Tucker said. "Let me see!"

"No way man!" Church yelled trying to keep the rifle from Tucker.

"Give me the fucking sniper rifle!" Tucker yelled.

"No!" Church shouted hitting Tucker with it.

"Ow!" Tucker yelled holding his face where he was hit. "Damn, man."

"Oh crap, guys." Tex said still watching them. "They've got in their Warthog and are coming this way. Idiot pink guy is still at the base."

The Warthog pulled up to the blue bunker and Simmons aimed the machine gun at the two blues. Sarge got out while Grif stayed in aiming his machine gun at them.

"What do you want?" Tucker asked.

Sarge walked up the ramp to the top of the bunker. "After examining Caboose's corpse, we discovered an AI called Montross."

"Yeah, we know." Tex nodded.

"By the way," Sarge said, "Caboose is um, well, he's dead."

"Oh well." Tex shrugged.

"You kidding?" Tucker asked. "He's freakishly strong. Now we have no tough guy."

"Huh?" Tex turned to him.

"Caboose was the strong one. Church is the prick. I'm the good looking one. And you're the girl." Tucker said.

"With my team, Grif's the dumb ass, Simmons is the loyal one, Donut's the gay one, and I'm the boss." Sarge said.

"No one cares." Tucker said.

"Shut up." Sarge grunted. "Now listen carefully. I think we'd better team up again to defeat Mon-gertrekkechooug!"

"What?" Tucker asked freaked out.

"I'm not Sarge!" Sarge shouted with the voice Caboose had earlier. "I am Montross. Ha ha ha ha ha!" Sarge, or Montross, then hit both blues with his gun and threw a grenade at the Warthog. It hit the ground and slid under the jeep.

"Oh shit, Simmons." Grif groaned. An explosion came out from under it launching it up into the air and both reds landed on top of the blue base. Sarge jumped off and began running to the cave that was on the side of the canyon wall.

"Ugh." Tucker moaned standing up. Tex, Grif, and Simmons were already up.

"Sarge turned on us?" Grif asked.

"Well, I can see him turning on you, or even Donut, but me? Not me." Simmons said.

"Your Sergeant has been possesed by Montross." Tex said.

"Crap." Tucker groaned. "This is going to be just like when O'Malley attacked, isn't it?"

"Well, except that Caboose is dead." Tex shrugged.

"No, not really."Church said looking in the distance through his sniper rifle. He saw Caboose getting up and looking around. He sawhim and began waving. "Idiot."Church sighed putting the rifle away.

In just a few moments, Caboose reached the blue base. "Hey guys." he then saw Grif and Simmons. "Reds. Hm. Reds."

"Caboose," Tucker said, "We have to team with the reds to defeat the AI, Montross."

"Could we switch off out radios again?" Grif asked.

"Yeah, good idea." Tex nodded. "Everyone turn off your headsets." Everyone did so and Tex let out a sigh of relief. "Well, at least we know that Montross can't leave Sarge."

"Yeah." Church nodded then noticed Tex aiming her pistol at him again. "What are you doing?"

"How else are we gonna flush Montross out?" Tex asked.

"Hey, are you going to shoot him?" Grif asked. "Cool."

"Take Grif too." Simmons sighed.

"Okay." Tex shrugged and shot Grif in the face. Grif's body fell off the bunker and landed in the driver's seat of the Warthog. Everyone just stared as the Warthog was shifted into gear and drove off towards the canyon. It drove up the side of the canyon wall and flipped completey over landing on its back. It sat there for a minute then exploded. The tires and everything else flew away in flames.

"I was just kidding." Simmons shrugged.