Red vs Blue:War is Hell

Chapter 5

"Doo doo doo." Donut hummed as he looked around Blood Gulch with his sniper rifle. "Doo dum doo." He stopped when he saw Sarge peek his head out from the cave and look around. "Sarge?" he asked himself. The Sarge then went back into the cave.

Blue base...

"You shot Grif!" Simmons yelled.

"You told me to." Tex shrugged.

"You know." Simmons said turning his head from the others. "I never realized how much I liked him until he died. I guess in all reality, he was my friend. My best friend."

"Really?" Tucker asked.

"Hell no." Simmons said turning back to the blue troopers. "Anyway, that makes two destroyed vehicles."

"Okay, Church, ready?" Tex asked.

"No." Church shook his head. "Because I'm not going to do it."

"This is going to happen whether you want it or not." Tex sighed. "So, head? Or heart?"

"How 'bout this?" Church said. "Let me shoot you. Cause I'd like nothing better than it. Then, I'll get one of these morons to kill me."

"No can do, Churchy boy." Tex shook her head. "I'll just make it in the head."

"No wait!" Church yelled but she shot him in the face just like Grif. His body also fell off the base landing in the blue base doorway with his blood splattering all in it.

"Here." Tex handed the pistol to Caboose. "Kill me."

"Okay." Caboose nodded. He aimed the gun at Tex and pulled the trigger. But, oddly, Simmons flew back with blood flying out of a hole in his head. "Wait a minute."

"Huh?" Tex looked at the gun pointed at her, then Simmons's body. "Is that possible?"

"I'll shoot you now." Caboose said.

"No wait." Tex stopped him. "That's three people. That's too much. Us three will now have to tell Church, Grif, and Simmons what to do. Rather, I'll tell them."

"Okay." Tucker nodded.

"Sounds very very...very good." Caboose nodded.

"I just wish they'd hurry up and return from the spirit world so we can get on with this." Tex sighed.

"Teeeexxxxx!" they all heard Church say Tex in his ghost voice. "Tex! Tucker! Caboose!"

"Hey, it's Church." Caboose said.

"Yeah, it's me." Church rolled his eyes from behind his cobalt helmet. "Hey wait. Tex, you're not a ghost. Shit."

"Yeah, it's just you and the two reds." Tex sighed. "Now listen, I need all three of you to possess Sarge and find Montross. Then kill him."

Just then, Grif and Simmons appeared as ghosts. "Cool." Grif said looking at himself. "I can see through me."

"Shut up." Simmons groaned. "How the hell did this happen? He was aiming at her!"

"Untelling." Tex said. "Anyway, guys, go find Sarge and possess him. Kill the AI!"

"Alright." Church nodded. "Let's go." Church said to the two reds and they all three faded away.

"Well, at least all the radios are turned off so Montross has no where to run." Tucker said.

"Everybody dance now!" Donut sang along to the song playing on his radio headset in his helmet. "Oh I love that song." he said turning the music off. "I think I'll call Vic." Donut then contacted the command, Vic.

"Hello dude." Vic said. "What's up? That you, Private Pink?"

"Yeah." Donut nodded. "Hey Vic, what's up?"

"Um, Private Pink, dude, is there anything, dude, that you, like, need me for?" Vic asked.

"Ummm, no." Donut shook his head cheerfully. "Just chatting. Hey, have you ever had one of those days-"

"Um, Donut."

"-where nothing goes right? And-"

"I'm gonna hang up now."

"-everyone disses you. You-"

"Okay, bye."

"-know what I'm saying, Vic? But sometimes-"

"Seriously, dude."

"-I hum a song to myself or-"

"Really."

"-stroke my hand. It's easier when-"

"Donut."

"-someone else does it but if-"

"Dude."

"-no one is around, it's just as good when I do it to myself."

"Really, I'm leaving, dude."

"Ya know what else is fun to do by myself?"

"No, dude. And I don't wanna know. Later, dude." Vic then hung up.

"Hm." Donut muttered almost hurt. "Well, I guess he had more things to do."

Church, Simmons, and Grif appeared in the cave and saw Sarge staring at a wall. Simmons looked at Church and shrugged and Church shrugged back. They then heard him snoring.

"He's asleep?" Grif whispered.

"Yeah," Simmons replied, "Sarge sleeps standing up to fool our enemies."

"Huh?" Sarge suddenly woke up with his real voice. "Who's there?" All three ghosts then disappeared and Sarge began looking around the cave. "Montross, what are you planning?"

"Ooh, I can't tell you that." Montross giggled.

"Well, if you're using my body, I think I have a right to know what it's being used for." Sarge shrugged.

"Hmm. That's true." Montross said. "Fine, I'll tell you. I'm going to-"

At that time, Grif reappeared right in front of Montross. "Uh oh." he groaned.

"What the fook?" he jumped back and began shooting Grif with his pistol but every bullet just went through him. Grif sighed and disappeared. "What the fook was that?"

"What does fook mean?" Sarge asked.

"I do not enjoy using the curse words so I have come up with words to replace them with." Montross said.

"Anyway, Montross, tell me your plan." Sarge smiled behind his helmet.

"Not with some ghost spies around." Montross grumbled. Montross then ran out of the cave.

The three ghosts appeared inside the cave again. "Nice job, Grif." Simmons snapped.

"Yeah, he was about to blurt out his plan." Church sighed.

"Not my fault." Grif said.

"Of course it was your fault." Simmons said.

"No, I'm not familiar with the spirit world." Grif said. "I accidently appeared. It's very hard to control these weird ghost powers."

"Guys, shut up." Church said looking down the path exiting the cave.

"Why don't you try to-" Grif was interupted by Church.

"Shut the fuck up, guys!" Church shouted. "Hurry, disappear." They all three faded away again as Sarge/Montross ran back in.

"I swore I heard-gertreyurkker!"